Insight for Living

Bill Meyer: Parenting doesn’t end when our kids turn 18. Far from it. We often find ourselves guiding our children well into their grown-up years. But what happens when parental influence goes terribly wrong? Today on Insight for Living, Chuck Swindoll opens the fourth chapter in his biographical series called Fascinating Stories of Forgotten Lives. In Genesis 27, we meet Esau, a son who couldn’t catch a break. His story reveals the devastating impact of favoritism, the danger of impulsive decisions, and the wounds that follow families for generations. Chuck titled today’s message, Esau: The Son Who Couldn’t Win.

Chuck Swindoll: Chapter 27 is clearly the most significant chapter in the story of the boy or the son who couldn’t win. I want to take our time through it—not too much, but enough for you to see four scenes as they unfold. Much of this is familiar, I understand, but the first scene is Isaac and Esau, the older boy.

It came about when Isaac was old and his eyes were too dim to see that he called his older son Esau and said to him, "My son." And Esau said to him, "Here am I." Isaac said, "Behold now, I am old, and I do not know the day of my death. Now then, please take your gear, your quiver and your bow, and go out to the field and hunt game for me and prepare a savory dish for me such as I love and bring it to me that I may eat so that my soul may bless you before I die."

See, the father knows nothing of the exchange of the birthright. He’s looking forward to passing the blessing on to his older son whom he favored. So he says to the boy, "Let’s eat this meal together that I might be strengthened and I might pass along the blessing." What we have in this next section, 5 through 17, Scene 2, is Rebekah and Jacob. Now you will see a conniving spirit at work.

Rebekah said to her son, "Behold, I heard your father speak to your brother Esau saying, 'Bring me some game and prepare a savory dish for me that I may eat and bless you in the presence of the Lord before my death.' Now therefore, my son, listen to me as I command you. Go now to the flock and bring me two choice kids from there—that is, two goats—that I may prepare them as a savory dish for your father such as he loves. Then you shall bring it to your father that he may eat so he may bless you before his death."

Jacob answered his mother Rebekah, "Behold, Esau my brother is a hairy man, and I am a smooth man. Perhaps my father will feel me. Then I shall be as a deceiver in his sight, and I shall bring upon myself a curse and not a blessing." Ah, she’s got that all thought through. His mother said to him, "Your curse be on me, my son. Only obey my voice. Go and get them for me."

So he went and got them and brought them to his mother, and his mother made savory food such as his father loved. Rebekah took the best garments of Esau, her elder son, which were with her in the house, and put them on Jacob, her younger son. She even dressed her boy in his twin brother’s clothing. She put the skins of the kids on his hands—can you picture that?—and on the smooth part of his neck.

What a strange plan. She put the skins of the kids on his hands and on his neck. She also gave the savory food and the bread which she had made to her son Jacob. Scene 3, verses 18 to 29: Jacob and Isaac, his father. Then he came to his father and said, "My father." And he said, "Here I am. Who are you, my son?" You see, he’s almost blind.

Jacob said to his father, "I am Esau, your firstborn." Now you see Jacob as a true deceiver. Isaac said to Jacob, "Please come close that I may feel you, my son, whether you are really my son Esau or not." Jacob came close to Isaac his father, and he felt him and said, "The voice is the voice of Jacob, but the hands are the hands of Esau."

He did not recognize him because his hands were hairy like his brother Esau’s hands. So he blessed him. And he said, "Are you really my son Esau?" He said, "I am." So he said, "Bring it to me and I will eat of my son’s game that I may bless you." And he brought it to him and he ate and brought him wine and he drank.

And his father Isaac said to him, "Please come close and kiss me, my son." So he came close and he kissed him. And when he smelled the smell of his garments, he blessed him. "See, the smell of my son is like the smell of a field which the Lord has blessed." And he gives the blessing to him in verses 27, 28, and 29.

Scene 4 begins at verse 30 and takes us through verse 40, and as you can imagine, it is Esau the elder with his father Isaac. It’s a tragic scene. All the while this deception has been going on, Esau’s been out in the field trying to find game. He has located game and he has killed it and he’s brought it back in hopes of receiving the blessing from his father.

Verse 30: It came about as soon as Isaac had finished blessing Jacob, Jacob had hardly gone out from the presence of Isaac his father that Esau his brother came in from hunting. He also made savory food and brought it to his father, and he said to his father, "Let my father arise and eat of his son’s game so that you may bless me."

And Isaac his father said to him, "Who are you?" and he said, "I am your son, your firstborn, Esau." Isaac trembled violently and said, "Who was he then that hunted game and brought it to me so that I ate of all of it before you came and blessed him? Yes, and he shall be blessed." When Esau heard the words of his father—now watch this pathetic scene—he cried out with an exceeding great and bitter cry and said to his father, "Bless me, even me also, O my father."

He’s now pleading for the blessing. And he said, "Your brother came deceitfully and has taken away your blessing." And he said, "Is he not rightly named Jacob? For he has supplanted me these two times. He took away my birthright, and now, behold, now he has taken away my blessing." And he said, "Have you not reserved a blessing for me?"

Isaac answered and said to Esau, "Behold, I have made him your master, and all his relatives I have given to him as servants. With grain and new wine, I have sustained him. Now as for you then, what can I do, my son?" And Esau said to his father, "Do you have only one blessing, my father? Bless me, even me also, O my father." So Esau lifted up his voice and wept.

Isaac’s words follow, and then Esau’s tragic response. Verse 41: Esau, naturally, bore a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing with which his father had blessed him, and Esau said to himself, "The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob." When the words of her elder son Esau were reported to Rebekah, she sent and called her younger son Jacob and said to him, "You better watch out."

"Your brother Esau is consoling himself concerning you by planning to kill you. Now therefore, my son, obey my voice and arise, flee to Haran to my brother Laban. Stay with him a few days until your brother’s fury subsides, until your brother’s anger against you subsides and he forgets what you did to him." Who is she kidding? He will never forget. He will forgive—that’s the good part that comes later, and we will not try to get into that in this study—but he will never forget.

She says, "Then I shall send and get you from there. Why should I be bereaved of you both in one day?" As soon as your dad dies, he will take your life. Get out of here, Jacob. Run for your life. Now notice how she handles it with Isaac. Verse 46: And Rebekah said to Isaac, "I’m tired of living because of the daughters of Heth." Remember them?

They’re the ones that Esau married back in 26:34 and 35. She says, "I’m tired of living in the same house with these daughters of Heth. If Jacob takes a wife from the daughters of Heth like these, from the daughters of the land, what good will my life be to me?" The way she words it prompts Isaac to say to Jacob, "You better be out of here, my son."

So he calls him, verse 1 of chapter 28. He calls Jacob and blesses him and charged him and said, "You shall not take a wife from the daughters of Canaan. Arise, go to Paddan-aram to the house of Bethuel your mother’s father, and from there take to yourself a wife from the daughters of Laban, your mother’s brother. And may God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful and multiply you that you may become a company of peoples."

By the way, does it concern you as it does me that he gives his son Jacob counsel in how to marry, but he never gave Esau counsel in how to marry? It seemed as though Esau was left to find a wife as he felt best about it, and it was a wrong choice—these women. And when it comes to Jacob, he instructs him where to go, he tells him who to marry or who not to marry—don't take one of the Canaanite women.

Stay within the fold. "May God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful and multiply you that you may become a company of peoples. May he give you the blessing of Abraham to you and your descendants." Verse 5: Isaac sent Jacob away, and he went to Paddan-aram to Laban, son of Bethuel the Syrian, the brother of Rebekah, the mother of Jacob and Esau. So Jacob is on his way to find a wife. He leaves.

No extra charge for this little tip. Your children need help in knowing how to choose a mate. Even if you have made a mess of your first marriage or perhaps even your second marriage, all the more reason for you to give your children assistance in knowing how to marry, knowing what constitutes a mate, knowing what is best for them or what will hurt them, what will encourage them, what will work against them.

How to enhance the family as opposed to hurting the family. Marriage is not an independent thing; it’s a family affair. It links families together. It ties together longtime roots. And this boy needed assistance, and he got it. Esau needed it all the more. In fact, look at the next verse, you'll see why I’m saying that. Esau saw that Isaac had blessed Jacob—see, he’s watching this.

He’s longing for what Jacob had. He saw that Isaac had blessed Jacob and that Isaac had sent him away to Paddan-aram to take to himself a wife from there, and that when he blessed him, he charged him saying, "You shall not take a wife from the daughters of Canaan." You think that didn’t cut to the heart of Esau? He’s got two wives from the daughters of Canaan.

"And that Jacob had obeyed his father and his mother and had gone to Paddan-aram." So look at this: Esau saw that the daughters of Canaan displeased his father Isaac. What did he do? Well, Esau went to Ishmael and married, besides the wives that he had, Mahalath, the daughter of Ishmael, Abraham’s son, the sister of Nebaioth. It is Esau’s way thinking perhaps this will help win the favor.

Perhaps this will bring me back in good stead. Maybe I will have something I’ve never had before. Time doesn’t permit us to travel all the way to the end of the story. Esau ultimately does encounter Jacob. Jacob is scared spitless. He is convinced that Esau is going to put an end to his life. And as a matter of fact, he does not do that.

By then, time has passed and Esau will not carry out his plan to take his brother’s life. And by the way, I’m fully aware of what the New Testament says about Esau. I’m aware of the difficulty of the verse out of Romans, "Jacob have I loved, Esau have I hated," quoting from Malachi chapter 1, verses 2 and 3. I’m also aware that Hebrews 12:16 calls Esau an immoral and godless person.

I’m aware of that. Theologically, I’m aware of it. That’s another study, another subject for another day. My purpose here is more horizontal. What I want you to see is a family in conflict. What I want you to see is favoritism among parents and the tragic results that follow such a process that is never dealt with and is never faced.

Let me close with some lingering lessons that I draw from the story of the son who couldn’t win. I find three of them, as a matter of fact, that are timeless. And I think you will agree with me when I’ve given them to you. Here’s the first: instant gratification is a dangerous basis for making a major decision. Instant gratification is a dangerous basis for making a major decision.

I draw this out of the life of Esau where he settles the account by giving up his birthright for a bowl of soup. Some of you give up your loneliness in an apartment for a quick marriage, which you later horribly regret. Some of you trade off the momentary difficulties you are living with for a partnership in a business that provides instant financial relief.

The problem is you have to do business with a partner who doesn’t have a heart for God as you do. There is instant gratification, but it’s a very dangerous basis for making that major decision. When you come to major decisions in life—and you don't need to be told what they are, you know what they are—take time. Pull back. Try to be as objective as possible.

Listen to counsel that tells you what you don't want to hear. Pay attention to it. If you don't, lengthy consequences will follow, and they will dog your steps, perhaps for the rest of your life. Second: parental favoritism has a damaging effect on the whole family. Parental favoritism has a damaging effect on the whole family, and unresolved conflicts will continue to surface.

Kids do not outgrow the feelings of prejudiced parents or parents that played favorites. Let me just talk straight with you for a moment, may I? You have a family. You have several children in the family. One of them is especially easy to raise. Or one of them has a temperament that matches yours, or maybe is different from yours, and you find great delight in that oneness of heart.

It might be a precious daughter or it might be a son that was rather easy to raise. If you are not careful, unwittingly, you will add special favors. You will release discipline. You will even deceive by encouraging that favoritism. Don't think for a moment that the other members of the family miss that. I think some of the sharpest people on earth are children. They see right through us.

We were at the breakfast table I mentioned with all the grandkids. And we had little pieces of paper that they were to color. Problem is there were no crayons. And so the kids ask us half a dozen times, "Can we have some crayons?" and I looked at one of our grandchildren and I said to him, "Yes, we’re going to get crayons. Now just wait a minute."

And they didn’t come. And you know with children, if they’re not there in 30 seconds, then there’s something wrong with you. And Parker looked at me and batted those big eyes and he said, "Bubba, you promised me, and you cannot break a promise to me." I said, "I know, son. I know. I’m not going to break a promise." I mean, he was connecting with me and reminding me I gave my word.

Don't you think for a moment that though children are small, even preschool age, that they miss a promise, or that they will easily and quickly overlook something that you said would happen. If it doesn’t happen, you better have an answer. You better have an explanation, and it better be the truth. Third: unconditional acceptance is a longing in the heart of every person, and no one outgrows it.

Unconditional acceptance is a longing in the heart of every person. It begins when we are children, and the first ones we long to have that acceptance with is our parent. When was the last time you looked deeply into the eyes of your children or perhaps each one one at a time and expressed without any hidden agenda your love, your acceptance, the treasure you find in that child?

Your pleasure? They may never ask for it, but they never forget it when it’s given. It is a wonderful thing as we grow a bit older to see the dimensions of an investment grow as God raises our children to adulthood in our family and as we see the byproducts of our lives being carried out in the lives of their marriages and their children.

There is a sense of enormous satisfaction, and it makes me want to say to every young parent I encounter, it’s worth it all. Take time. Pay attention. Go to the trouble. Say your feelings. Remember you are being watched and heard. Esau saw Jacob being counseled in his marriage. Esau knew he had gotten none of that.

Esau heard that a Canaanite woman broke the heart of his mother, and he would go so far as to marry again; maybe that would win favor. That’s sort of the way we’re made, isn’t it? There’s one great fact, and that is with our Heavenly Father, there is unconditional acceptance, and you never have to earn it. It comes because of His grace.

Let’s bow for a few moments of quietness and then prayer before we leave our story. Could it be that enough has been said to prompt one or two of you to take the time before this week has passed to write a letter or to put your arms around, if your children are still with you, for you to say how very much he or she means to you?

How about a nice lunch with one of your grown children you haven’t been with for a while? Doesn’t need to be heavy the whole time, but make sure it includes a few moments where you look into those eyes and tell that now grown child of yours how very much he or she means. Maybe they’re miles away and it will mean a letter or a phone call.

Father, I thank You this moment for the truth of Your book, for the value of principles that live on beyond the stories of lives in it. I thank You for these who have listened so carefully, and I pray that as a result of what we have uncovered from the life of a man we’ve never met, from a family that we have never seen, that we might see enough here to apply it to our lives this very day.

In our hurried and busy world, it is easy for us to assume that these basic things are known by those who are brought into our family. Encourage us, Lord, to continue to be parents who are sensitive and loving, affirming and verbal in our affection. Thank You for giving us in the Scriptures true stories of people who experienced much of what we go through.

Take these things and use them in our lives and families for the good of our future and for the glory of Your name. We pray through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Bill Meyer: Parenting doesn’t end when our kids turn 18. Far from it. We often find ourselves guiding our children well into their grown-up years. But what happens when parental influence goes terribly wrong? Today on Insight for Living, Chuck Swindoll opens the fourth chapter in his biographical series called Fascinating Stories of Forgotten Lives. In Genesis 27, we meet Esau, a son who couldn’t catch a break. His story reveals the devastating impact of favoritism, the danger of impulsive decisions, and the wounds that follow families for generations. Chuck titled today’s message, Esau: The Son Who Couldn’t Win.

When you’re ready to dig deeper into this topic, we invite you to check out the variety of helpful resources available to you at insight.org/offer. There you’ll find this 14-part series and a whole lot more. For instance, Insight for Living has created the perfect toolkit for your journey. Start with the Searching the Scriptures Bible study workbook. It’s ideal for jotting down your personal thoughts or for use in your church life group.

You’ll also find Chuck’s book from the Great Lives series. It’s also called Fascinating Stories of Forgotten Lives. This companion resource is great for reading Chuck’s deepest reflections on these overlooked characters. Plus, we also have the complete sermon collection on CD, MP3, or the Insight for Living mobile app.

Finally, I’d like to share something that’s been on our hearts here at Insight for Living. The reach of Chuck Swindoll’s Bible teaching ministry in 2025 was extraordinary. But 2026 holds even greater promise, and here’s what makes it possible: faithful friends who’ve committed to stand with us month after month as monthly companions.

When you become a monthly companion, you’re doing more than supporting a radio program. You’re ensuring that Chuck Swindoll’s teaching reaches people in languages you’ve never spoken, on platforms you may never use, and in countries and places you may never visit. To become a monthly companion today, call us at 800-772-8888. That’s 800-772-8888. Or you can sign up online at insight.org/monthlycompanion.

Thanks so much for your generous support. We look forward to hearing from you. I’m Bill Meyer. Join us when Chuck Swindoll unpacks an ancient story with shocking modern relevance, Thursday on Insight for Living.