Insight for Living

Bill Meyer: Just because our sins are hidden doesn't mean they aren't real. King David discovered this truth when his secret affair with Bathsheba came crashing down on everyone he loved. Though God forgave him, David watched in agony as his children reenacted his failures in increasingly devastating ways.

Today, on Insight for Living, Chuck Swindoll reveals a sobering truth: Moral failure leaves scars that forgiveness doesn't erase. In this study, we'll discover why the choices we make in secret today will echo through our family for years to come. Chuck titled his message: Absalom, the Rebel Prince Charming.

Chuck Swindoll: There are two kinds of problems that a family can endure: trouble from without and trouble from within. And this is a case of the second. David endures with his family trouble from within. And I don't think there's any way to write in the sacred record the awful guilt that this man lived with as he looked back over the months that we're going to travel through tonight and trace the steps of the downward trend of misery because he sinned during that 12-month period of time.

When David sowed to the flesh, he reaped what the flesh produced. Moreover, he reaped the consequences of his actions, even though he had confessed his sin and been forgiven for it. In 2 Samuel chapter 12, the general prediction is the sword will never depart from your house. Now, verse 11 introduces us to the first of eight steps downward in David's misery. Marital infidelity, that is the first.

Verse 11: "Behold, I will raise up evil against you from your own household. I will even take your wives before your eyes and give them to your companion, and he shall lie with your wives in broad daylight." Chapter 16, verse 21. There will be marital unfaithfulness, and I want you to notice where it took place. Verse 20, chapter 16: "Absalom said to Ahithophel, 'Give your advice. What shall we do?'" Now, Ahithophel is a poor counselor. As a matter of fact, he is a wicked counselor.

Ahithophel said to Absalom, "Go into your father's concubines whom he has left to keep the house. Then all Israel will hear that you have made yourself odious to your father. The hands of all who are with you will also be strengthened." So, they pitched a tent for Absalom on the roof. Where is it David first fell into sin and planted the seeds? On the roof, on the roof of the palace. As if to say, we'll rub his nose in it. So, they pitched a tent on the roof of the palace, and it said, Absalom went in to his father's concubines in the sight of all Israel.

Let's go to the second one. Back to chapter 12, verse 15: the loss of the newborn baby. Not only was there marital infidelity, there was loss of the baby. Nathan went to his house. Then the Lord struck the child that Uriah's widow bore to David so that he was very sick. Verse 17: the elders of the household stood beside him. Verse 18: "Then it happened on the seventh day that the child died."

There is a third. Chapter 13, verses 1 to 14: one of David's sons rapes his sister. Now, when you read this account, you will notice that Amnon, the half-brother, is attracted to Tamar, half-sister, the blood sister of Absalom. And the reason I want to present that is because Absalom comes to her defense later on, and now you know why. She was to him very precious.

Now, verse 1: "It was after this that Absalom, the son of David, had a beautiful sister whose name was Tamar. And Amnon, the son of David, loved her." It was a wrong kind of love. It was a physical love. It was an incestuous lust. And you will notice he was so frustrated because of his sister Tamar that he made himself ill, for she was a virgin, and it seemed hard to Amnon to do anything to her.

And through a process of events, he had a friend named Jonadab who helped set up the event. Tamar was brought into this scene where the boy faked illness, and he said to her in verse 11 in a very direct proposition, "Come lie with me, my sister." And she said, "No, my brother, do not violate me, for such a thing is not done in Israel." However, verse 14, he would not listen to her. Since he was stronger than she, suggesting there was a struggle, he violated her and lay with her. Then Amnon hated her with a very great hatred. Note that. After the brother raped the sister, there was a sense of instant hate, and he put her out. And guess where she went? To her brother Absalom.

It says in verse 20, Absalom her brother said to her, "Has Amnon your brother been with you?" Now, it doesn't record an answer, but I imagine she nodded her head. I imagine that in the shame and disgrace of her experience, she simply had the strength just to nod. "Now, keep quiet, my sister. He is your brother. Do not take this matter to heart." So Tamar remained and was desolate in her brother Absalom's house. Verse 22: "But Absalom did not speak to Amnon, either good or bad, for Absalom hated Amnon because he had violated his sister Tamar." Step number four: a brother hates a brother.

Absalom and Amnon did not speak, it says, for two years. Verse 23: for two full years, it went on. And I want to ask something: Where in the world was David? Dads, we are living in the generation of the absent father. And I'll tell you, the mother is not designed to cope as both mom and dad. It is not her place. It is not her calling. It was never designed for the mother to be the sole source of discipline and authority simply because the father has become occupied 16 hours and more a day somewhere else. And when he's home, if the truth is known, he is addicted to the television set.

You know me well enough to know that I'm not for throwing out all the TVs. I'm not for getting rid of all things that happen on TV and all programs. I am saying, dads, it's amazing how little discipline we show in being unable to walk over and turn a little knob about one inch to the left to where it clicks. So much easier to sort of stick our thumb in the book and look over our glasses and say, "Now, don't do that, kids," and go right back to it than to set that aside and deal with the problem. But that's hard. And if the truth were known, we would rather say it's her job. After all, kind of money I'm making, she ought to count herself privileged to live in this kind of place I provided her. What kind of palace did David provide for his umpteen number of wives? It was a fabulous pad. But it didn't handle the problem at home. Absalom hated his brother, and he did so for two full years. He didn't even speak, whether good or bad.

And the result, verse 23: after two full years, Absalom starts his little deceptive plan. Absalom is quite a guy. Boy, he was awake a lot earlier than his dad, went to bed a lot later. Played his father for a fool, offered a plan where all of them would go down to shear sheep. And the dad said, "No, I don't think we should." Verse 24, Absalom came to the king and said, "Now, your servant has sheep shearers. Please let the king and his servants go with your servant."

King said to Absalom, "No, my son, we should not all go lest we be burdensome to you." Although he urged him, he would not go, but blessed him. Then Absalom said, "If not, then please let my brother Amnon go with us." Now, if this dad had been on target, he would have known that Absalom has not spoken to Amnon for two years. I mean, you've got to be rather thick as a father to not know that a son isn't speaking to another son for two years. And David, now look, talk about lack of discipline. Absalom urged him, verse 27, and Amnon—he let Amnon and all the king's sons go with him. He urged him, meaning what? He badgered him. He begged him. He pled. He intimidated. He used guilt. And a father that doesn't spend the right kind of priority, the right kind of time, is a victim of his guilt. And kids manipulate and intimidate, and before long, the dad's giving in. Go ahead, just leave, do it.

Now, look at what happened. You won't believe it. Verse 28: Absalom commanded his servant, saying, "See now, when Amnon's heart's merry with wine, when I say to you 'Strike him,' then put him to death. Don't fear, I have commanded you." Verse 29, that's what they did. But that's not all. The servants of Absalom did to Amnon just as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king's sons arose, each mounted his mule and fled. It was while they were on the way that the report came to David: "Absalom has struck down all the king's sons, and not one of them is left."

If you're tracing the steps down, we now have Absalom murdering Amnon. A brother murders a brother. Internal strife—the sword will never depart out of your household, David. And here he is groaning under the ache of it all. Now, if that's not bad enough, another step. Absalom, verse 33, 34: when the report came back, all the king's sons are dead. Verse 34: Absalom fled. So we have number six: rebellion and runaway. Absalom's on his way. And while he's away, by the way, he went to granddaddy's house. Verse 38: Absalom fled and had gone to Geshur. That's where his granddaddy lived, Maacah's dad, who was a king in Geshur.

He can't live at home, so we go back to Granddad while he licks his wounds and sets up his plan to rebel against his daddy. And that's precisely what he does. Step number seven: Absalom leads a conspiracy against his father. Wow. Chapter 15—well, 14:28: Absalom lived two full years in Jerusalem, did not see the king's face. And he sent for Joab, and he wouldn't come. So he sent a second time, and he still wouldn't come. And then through another chain of events, Absalom got on the king's doorstep and began to steal the hearts of the people. You read the record for yourself.

He stood at the gate of the king. And as people came to seek counsel of David, Absalom short-circuited, he intercepted them as they came. Hugged them and kissed them and won their hearts and got them on his side. Said bad things about his father, and before long, he had the majority vote. And of all things, it says in verse 14, David said to all his servants, verse 14 of chapter 15, "Arise and let us flee, otherwise none of us shall escape from Absalom." Who's in charge? The son. It happens every time.

Parents on the Run is a book written by Beecher and Beecher, a husband-wife team. And in it, they give strong advice to parents today. The adult-centered home of yesteryear made parents the masters and children their slaves. The child-centered home of today has made parents the slaves and children the master. There is no true cooperation in a master-slave relationship and, therefore, no democracy. Neither the restrictive authoritarian technique of rearing children nor the newer 'anything goes' technique develop the genius within the individual because neither trains him to be self-reliant.

Now, listen: Children raised under arbitrary rules become either spineless automatons or bitter revolutionaries who waste their lives in conflict with those around them. But children who know no law higher than their own passing fancy become trapped by their own appetite. In either case, they are slaves. That is precisely what happened to Absalom. Some number of years ago, the headlines read in this article: "Son says parents failed him, so he sues them for $350,000." In Colorado, a young man sued his parents for damages for $350,000, this 25-year-old fellow, because they didn't raise him right. Boy, don't get any ideas. All kidding aside, I wonder how many kids just ponder the thought: would they feel they have the right to sue their parents?

That's not the answer, certainly. Nor am I saying that it's always the parent's fault. I think the scapegoat of our day is always mom and dad, or often mom and dad. That's unfair. What is it going to take for the blinders to be removed, the shades to be lifted, and truth to be seen by parents in putting together a family? I'll tell you, it is devastating in our era where everything in the world comes in place of the essentials.

I counseled with a young man a number of years ago who sat in my office and with a curled lip and a grim face stared coldly at me as we talked about his home. He'd been sent to me by his parents, and I could hardly break through that thick hide. And I said to him, "Tell me about your dad." And he uttered an oath and cleared his throat and looked out the window and said, "My dad. I have one great goal. It's to kill him." He said, "I tried once, I failed, but the next time I won't." Seething with emotion. Then he began to describe time after time after time after time his dad ridiculed, embarrassed, took advantage of, beat, didn't trust, put him down, to where that boy is now an Absalom, taller than his dad. It's just a matter of time.

And I tell you, David is under the awful strain of all of this. And if that's not bad enough, the final straw is Joab murders Absalom. Chapter 18, verse 32. Here we are at the end of a whole series of things, and the sword is not departed from David's house. And here he is living in the backwash of the consequences of carnality, rueing the day he ever even looked at Bathsheba and carried on a year of deception. And finally, in the backwash of the rape of a sister, the conspiracy of a son, the rebellion of a son, the hatred, the murder, and he's sitting alone no doubt perspiring to the point of exhaustion.

And in comes the report, verse 32, 18:32: "The king said to the Cushite," this is the runner that came from the battle, "is it well with the young man Absalom?" See, he's guilty over this boy. Couldn't handle him, and now he's concerned that they somehow get it back together. The Cushite answered, "Let the enemies of my lord the king and all who rise up against you for evil be as that young man," which is a gracious way of saying that boy is dead. Now, look. The king was deeply moved. It's the most tragic parental account in all the Old Testament. Deeply moved. Look where he went. He went to the chamber over the gate, and he wept. And he said as he walked—look at him walking up and down—"Oh my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom. Would I had died instead of you, oh Absalom, my son, my son."

Be not deceived. God is not mocked. Whatever a man sows, that he will reap. If you have taken lightly the grace of God, if you have tripped through the corridors of the kingdom like a little child picking and choosing sin or righteousness at will, thinking grace covers it all, you've missed it, my friend. You've missed it. As a matter of fact, it's quite likely there has begun a process of consequences you're too thick to realize that you are harvesting the bitter blossoms of your seeds planted way back then.

What is it going to take? What is it going to take in the family of God to turn our lives in His great grace back to His beautiful plan? Well, it is going to take saying no to good things and fun things that satisfy you, dad, mom, or kids. It's going to take an honest admission of the truth, either to a friend or to the parents themselves, or to kids, whichever the relationship need is. An honest admission and declaration: this is out of whack. This has gone on time after time after time, and I cannot go on like this. Some of you this very evening are living in a compromising situation, and just by the skin of your teeth, you're just sort of skipping along or skimming along the surface, hoping it'll never catch up. But God is not mocked. It has caught up. And part of the catching up is the misery tonight that you live with. And I do not attempt to take it away. I don't lay a guilt trip on anybody. I'm saying if God brings it, it is from the Holy Spirit, and it's between you and Him.

Let's pause now. Let's bow. David is a beaten man, strung out, sobbing as if he has lost his mind. Every crutch is removed. He's at the bitter end. The wages of sin is death. But the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ. If you've never met the Lord Jesus, of course, I point you to Him. Turn to Him tonight. Turn your life to Him, broken and bruised and twisted and confused. Just lay it out before Him. Ask Him to give you the grace to face realistically and straight-on the consequences.

Our Father, in the quietness of these moments together, I ask that You would somehow put together the pieces that only You can do, I cannot. And turn our attention to Your Son, our only claim, our only hope. Oh Father, I plead with You to stop the process of sin in some lives that are here, only You know who they are. And cause us to see that our holy God is not mocked. I pray for disciplined moms and dads. I pray for that to be balanced with a very sincere and deep love that only You can bring. Give us the ability, Lord, as You forgive us, to forgive ourselves so that we have a clear mind in realizing that You will take us through and Your grace will sustain us. How serious this is tonight. I pray that there might be some dads raised up who will for a change be dads again and take the role of leadership that is theirs. The whirlwind that they are reaping, I ask that You would slow them down and bring them to their knees. I ask that for myself as well. Tonight, our Father, we wait on You to do these things. We trust You for this, in the name of Christ, Amen.

Bill Meyer: You're listening to Insight for Living and the Bible teaching of Chuck Swindoll. For the past three days, we've heard the story of Absalom, the rebel prince charming. This is message number nine in a 14-part series of biographical sketches called Fascinating Stories of Forgotten Lives. You know that feeling when you're reading through the Bible and suddenly a minor character jumps off the page? Maybe it's Absalom, who bore the impact of David's compromise, or Abigail, who deflected the wrath of David and saved her husband's life. Chuck has that rare gift of turning these brief moments into unforgettable encounters with real people who faced real struggles, just like we do.

Picture yourself on a Saturday morning with your coffee, opening one of these messages and meeting someone you've read past a dozen times. Or imagine your small group discovering together why God preserved even a single verse about someone's faithfulness. Well, the Searching the Scriptures Bible study workbook is a great resource we have to guide you. This popular spiral-bound workbook will transform your experience from listening to Chuck teach into discovery for yourself. To purchase the Searching the Scriptures Bible study workbook for Fascinating Stories of Forgotten Lives, call 800-772-8888 or go to insight.org/offer.

Before you go, we'd like to invite you to request a brand-new resource called Guided by Grace. It's a high-impact magazine designed to bring biblical encouragement directly to your mailbox. Inside its colorful pages, you'll explore characteristics that define Christlike living. One issue might focus on joy, another on generosity or authentic community. Each edition features Chuck's teaching, stories from Insight for Living pastors who are witnessing God's work around the world, and devotionals to help you apply what you're learning. It's rich content that will inspire and equip you throughout the year, and it's our gift to you. We'd love to send this valuable resource your way. So call us at 800-772-8888 or visit insight.org/guidedbygrace.

Bill Meyer: I'm Bill Meyer. Chuck Swindoll continues his powerful biographical series called Fascinating Stories of Forgotten Lives Monday on Insight for Living.

The preceding message, Absalom, the rebel prince charming, was copyrighted in 1978, 1982, 1988, 1997, 2006, 2009, 2012, 2022, and 2024, and the sound recording was copyrighted in 2024 by Charles R. Swindoll, Incorporated. All rights are reserved worldwide. Duplication of copyrighted material for commercial use is strictly prohibited.