HopeLives365

Mark Finley: Matthew 18 verse 15. Jesus says, "Moreover, if your brother sins against you, that is, if you have ought against your brother, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother."

Guest (Male): This is HopeLives365 with Pastor Mark Finley. Today's message: Life Changing Words, part two. Enjoy and remember you can always catch up with past messages and stay up to date with HopeLives365 and Pastor Mark by going to HopeLives365.com. And now, Pastor Mark Finley.

Mark Finley: Now our murmuring often says more about us than it does about them. There are three reasons why people tend to be critical of others, and I want you to watch them in your own life and I want to watch them in my own life. Three reasons why we tend at times to be critical of others.

Reason number one, we do not understand the depth of God's grace. When we understand the majesty of God's love, the magnitude of His forgiveness, the greatness of His goodness toward us, we will tend to be far more charitable toward others. We received grace so we can be gracious.

You remember Paul's words in Ephesians 4 when he says, "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you." When we sense how much we owe to Jesus for pardoning our sins, we will be much more forgiving toward others. We are forgiven so we can forgive. We are pardoned so we can pardon. We've been shown mercy so we can be merciful. We are loved so we can love. Christ speaks well of us so we can speak well of others.

The first reason we tend at times to be critical is because we do not understand the fullness of God's grace. The second reason we at times tend to be critical is we don't understand the nature of our own hearts. We're insecure in our own relationship with Jesus and with others. Therefore, for some strange reason, when we criticize others and knock them down, we tend to feel that we can elevate ourselves.

You see, here's an eternal truth: You never elevate yourself by pulling others down. Our assurance is in Christ. Our security is in Christ. Our worth is in Christ. And in some way, some strange way, it's hard to understand that some people feel if they criticize others, it fuels their own pride and makes them feel superior. When we criticize others, we can have this tinge of superiority. But when we're secure in Christ, we lift others up rather than pulling others down.

So the second reason we sometimes criticize others with negative words is we don't understand the nature of our own hearts. Now, there's another reason. We don't understand the situation that they're going through. The less you understand about somebody else, the more you tend to be critical of that person. We make judgments without really knowing the facts. We have a superficial knowledge of the experience that they're going through and we criticize what we do not know.

Let me give you an example of this. Early one morning in New York City, there was a man riding on a train that Monday morning. And it's a commuter train; the train's packed with people. He's riding with his three kids. One child is about five years old, one child's about six or seven, one child's about nine or ten. He's sitting down and his head is in his hands. I want you to picture this scene.

The train is absolutely full of people. Some people are reading their newspaper. Some people are listening to music on their headphones. Some people are looking at the news on their iPhone. Some people are reading a book. And as this man is sitting on the train, his head's in his hands. His kids are running up and down the aisle of the train, the commuter train. They're loud, they're jumping on the seats, and people are getting nervous. You can see the people are getting nervous. I mean, they're really nervous.

And pretty soon, one lady puts down her newspaper and looks at the guy and says, "Sir, the least you can do is take care of your kids. Your kids are some of the most undisciplined kids I've ever seen. Why don't you get them under control, mister?" He looks up, the kids are down there a ways from him, and in a quiet whisper he says, "I'm so sorry. We've just come from the hospital. My wife had a long battle with cancer and died last night. I haven't told my kids yet and I had my head in my hands. I was kind of ignoring them because I'm trying to figure out what to say when I come home."

Did that lady feel any different when she knew the story? Did she feel any different? What do you think? Did she feel any different when she knew the story? See, when she knew the story, it made all the difference. Often we criticize others because we don't know the story. We don't know what they're going through. We don't know their heartache. We don't know the pain that they've experienced.

I love what it says in Proverbs chapter 18 verse 13. Proverbs chapter 18, and you're looking there at verse 13. The book of Proverbs gives us such wisdom in human relationships, such wisdom in the way that we deal with others. Proverbs chapter 18, verse 13. The scripture says, "He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is a folly and shame to him."

Now, I like the way the English Revised Version puts this. I'm a King James person, but sometimes you get a nuance. Proverbs 18 verse 13 says, same verse, "Let people finish speaking before you try to answer them." Oh, wow. Husbands, wives, I should not dwell on this very much. Let your wife finish speaking before you try to answer her. Let your husband finish speaking his sentence before you interrupt halfway. No, I should not have gone there.

All right. "Let people finish speaking before you try to answer them. That way you will not embarrass yourself and look foolish." That's the revised standard of this. Isn't that great? Let people finish. In other words, what's it saying? Listen to others. Try to understand why they respond the way they do. Attempt to enter their world and comprehend their life experience.

Now, there's something though that we don't want to listen to. That's criticism about another person. Let's suppose that you are not the one doing the criticizing, but there's somebody that comes to you and they begin giving you this tirade about somebody else. How do you handle that? Here's our fourth principle. If we listen to criticism about a brother or sister in Christ and enjoy, now notice the word "enjoy," hearing about their failures, we are as guilty before God as if we spoke the words ourselves.

So if I entertain enjoyment about listening to other people criticize other people, I'm as guilty before God. You remember in Revelation chapter 12 verse 10? It talks about the devil, and what does it say about the devil here in Revelation chapter 12? Revelation the 12th chapter, and you'll notice there in the 12th chapter of the book of Revelation, Revelation chapter 12 and verse 10.

"And I heard a loud voice saying, 'Now salvation and strength and the kingdom of our God and the power of His Christ have come for the accuser of our brethren who accused them before God day and night has been cast down.'" What's the devil called here? He's called what? The accuser of our brethren. So if we listen to such talk, we become Satan's sympathizers. I don't want to be one of Satan's sympathizers, do you? I'm sure that you don't want to be one either.

If we join in the criticism and speak evil or negatively of others, we develop those traits in our own lives. Look, here's a marvelous statement, quite long but every sentence in it is remarkable. Gospel Workers page 479. "Cultivate." Now when you cultivate your garden, what do you have to do when you cultivate the garden? You have to work at it, right? When you cultivate something, it doesn't come naturally. "Cultivate the habit." Habits often don't come naturally.

"Cultivate the habit of speaking well of others. Dwell upon the good qualities of those with whom you associate and see as little as possible of their errors and failings. When tempted to complain what someone has said or done, praise something in that person's character. Earnest workers have no time for dwelling upon the faults of others. We cannot afford to live on the husks of others' faults and failings." Pretty plain, isn't it?

But look at how this statement goes on. "Evil speaking is a twofold curse, falling more heartily upon the speaker than upon the hearer. He who scatters the seeds of dissension and strife reaps in his own soul the deadly fruits." Now this next sentence is powerful. "The very act of looking for evil in others develops evil in those who look. By dwelling upon the faults of others, we are changed into the same image. But by beholding Jesus, talking of His love, perfection of character, we become changed into His image."

So evil speaking produces what? Evil in those that look. So what do you do when somebody comes to you and begins criticizing somebody else? You simply smile and say to them, "Have you talked to John or Mary about this? Let me pray with you that when you approach them, that you'll approach them with a humble heart and the two of you will be reconciled." See, that's when somebody comes to me and says, "Pastor, have you heard this and this and this?" I say, "You know, I'm happy to pray with you about it, but have you talked to them about it?"

Guest (Male): You're listening to HopeLives365 with Pastor Mark Finley. We'll be right back. And if you like what you're hearing, we invite you to check out our website, HopeLives365.com. There you can find many ministry resources, encouraging messages, and even a link to our HopeLives365 YouTube ministry. And of course, an opportunity to sow into this valuable ministry. Find out more by going to HopeLives365.com. That's HopeLives365.com. And now, back to Pastor Mark Finley.

Mark Finley: Conflicts can often be resolved if we follow the counsel in Matthew chapter 18 verse 15. It's amazing how you can solve conflicts. Jesus has given us wise counsel and there's a practical reason for it. I want you to look at Matthew chapter 18 and verse 15. Here's your fifth principle. We can often resolve multiple conflicts if indeed, if indeed we follow the counsel of Jesus.

Matthew 18 verse 15. Jesus says, "Moreover, if your brother sins against you, that is, if you have ought against your brother, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother." That's a powerful passage. When problems, when the problems we have with another person are shared with other people, the problem spreads and people tend to do what? They tend to take sides.

When you go to the other person, what does it do? It limits the conflict between the two of you. And why do you go? The purpose of going is reconciliation. The purpose of going is not so you can be defensive. The purpose of going is not so you can tell the other person how angry you are with them. The purpose of going is to unite heart with heart, mind with mind, spirit and spirit.

Secondly, going directly to the other person enables us to understand their point of view. We may have misunderstood something they said. We may have created an unnecessary barrier. Following the biblical counsel removes that barrier; we can understand. Thirdly, following the biblical counsel by discussing the issue privately provides the best opportunity to avoid hostility. It provides the best opportunity to keep the other person from becoming super defensive.

Approaching another when problems arise with an attitude of humility and a heart filled with forgiveness makes all the difference. The purpose of going directly to another is not to defend our point of view. It's not to argue for our position. It's to reconcile our differences. It's to create a spirit of unity so the devil can't drive a wedge between us.

Sometimes, you know, after we've spoken to another, sometimes things don't work out as we wish they would and maybe we need to bring somebody else with us to mediate, to solve conflicts. But most of all, we go in the spirit of kindness, love, humility, in the spirit of Christ to speak gracious words. The reason we go to another is to bring us together, not to create further separation.

Now, here's the sixth principle. Encouraging words, encouraging words, hopeful words can make an eternal difference in somebody's life. They can save a life. John 6 verse 63. John 6 verse 63. Jesus says to us that the words He speaks can save our life. And as we echo His words, we bring life to others. In John 6 verse 63, what does Jesus say to you?

"It's the spirit who gives life, the flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you, they are spirit and they are life." The words of Christ are life-giving. And when our words reflect the words of Jesus, they too become life-giving. I was in the major auditorium in Jamaica, actually in a large stadium there in Jamaica. We were having a satellite series that went through not only Jamaica but all of Inter-America.

Always before my meetings, I come an hour ahead of time, go over the sermon, pray about it, look out over an empty auditorium, and think about the people that are going to be there and pray for those seats. The program producer was up in the balcony and he yelled down at me, "Pastor Mark!" I yelled back up. Now we're in a large stadium. I'm getting ready to preach, I'm going over my sermon, I'm praying, I want no interruptions.

He said, "Pastor Mark!" "Yes." He said, "There's somebody on the phone. They need to talk to you." I yelled back, "Tell them to call me later after the meeting." He said that this person is insistent; it's a young woman, she's got to talk to you, she's got to talk now. All of a sudden, the Holy Spirit impresses me. Forget about your sermon, go talk to that lady. So I picked up the phone. "Hello, this is Pastor Mark Finley."

"Pastor, I just wanted to call you. You're the last person I'm going to talk to on this earth. I have the pills in my hand. I'm going to swallow them right now and commit suicide. But I want you to, I want to give you my name. My father is a prominent elder in this country and I want you to go and tell him after my death that I love him. And tell him that I had no hope."

I said, "Tell me your story. Tell me your story. Tell me why you have no hope. Tell me what's driven you to that point." "Well, Pastor, I used to go to an Adventist college, but I got involved with my friends on Friday nights where the other kids were at vespers. I was going out and partying a lot and got involved in out drinking and a lifestyle that was not in harmony. I didn't let anybody know. I kept all those things secret and, Pastor, I feel so guilt-ridden, I feel so guilt-ridden that life is not worth living. Just tell my dad I loved him."

We talked about God's mercy. We talked about His forgiveness. We talked about His love. I could tell that my words were getting through to her. And at the right moment, I said, "I want you to do something for me right now. And I want you to keep your phone so I can hear you. I want you to go to the toilet right now and take those pills in your hand and flush them down."

It was a serious moment, but usually I don't listen to people flushing the toilet. I said, "I want you to flush them down right now." She flushes them. I go there, I listen. Are they all gone? Yes. Are there any more in the bottle? No, Pastor. Now the next thing I want you to do is this. Who's your closest friend? She tells me. How far do they live from you? Oh, they're not far. I want you to go there right now.

How long is it going to take you to get there? Ten minutes. When you get there, call me, and I'll tell you something. Give me the address. She gives me the address. I'll tell you what, if you don't go there, I'm coming after you. Whether you're dead or alive, I'm coming after you. You need to know this preacher is serious. You go there and call me. She calls me. All right. I want you to live, for, talk to your friend for the next hour. After my sermon, I'm calling you again.

So I call her again. We pray and we pray and we pray. And I say, "Look, where do you live?" She gives me her address. I said, "This is amazing. I'm flying in a helicopter to an appointment to preach to thousands of people about five minutes from where you live. I'll tell you what I want you to do. I want you to come to that sermon because I'm not preaching to everybody that night; I'm preaching to you, young lady."

I preach a sermon called "The Best is Yet to Come." And I tell her, "Look, before I leave this place, you've got to come and talk to me. You've got to tell me you're going to be okay, or else I'm going to be too worried about you. And you don't want to worry an old preacher, please." I preach a sermon called "The Best is Yet to Come." The helicopter's in the field. People are greeting me, they're taking pictures. I don't care about that. All I want to know is, is this lady going to be okay?

I'm heading for the helicopter. I don't have any idea whether she's in the audience. And I see this girl about 19 break out of the crowd. She's coming running and running. I said, "That's her." She takes my hand. She says, "Pastor, you've got to know. Your words made a difference. I'm going to be okay now. Jesus has forgiven me." You may not have an experience as dramatic as that, but your words are going to mean hope to somebody. Your words are going to be life to somebody. Your words are going to encourage somebody. Your words are going to lift their spirits.

The seventh principle is this. The Christ who spoke positive, uplifting, encouraging words to those around Him will give you the words to speak to others. Isaiah 50 verse 4. Isaiah 50 verse 4. One of the most marvelous passages in all the Bible on the words we speak. Now there are four things about our text that we need to know about. Isaiah 50 verse 4.

I do not have the ability to speak the right word at the right time to people. But God can give us those words. God through His Holy Spirit can put the words in our mouth. Isaiah 50 verse 4. "The Lord has given me..." Let's read it together from the screen. You ready to read? "The Lord has given me the tongue of the learned, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him who is weary. He awakens me morning by morning. He awakens my heart to hear as the learned."

Now notice the first part of the text. The Lord God has given me the tongue of the learned. You and I are not wise enough to know who needs what word when. We're not wise enough to know that that person going by us needs a word of encouragement, a word of hope. We're not wise enough to speak the right word. But the Lord God, as we get up in the morning and say, "Jesus, give me the words to speak to people around me today. Help me be a blessing to those around me today. Lord, help me speak the right words to those around me." The Lord God's given me the tongue of the learned. The tongue of the learned, that's what I say. How to speak, that's the way I say it. A word in season to him who's weary. What's in season? What's that mean? In season? At the right time.

Guest (Male): You've been listening to HopeLives365 with Pastor Mark Finley. We hope you've enjoyed today's message and remind you that you can find more in our many ministry resources at HopeLives365.com. And you can support this ministry by going to HopeLives365.com/donate. And now, a final thought from Pastor Mark.

Mark Finley: Is what you say important? Is how you say it important? Is the right time to say it important? Can you say the right thing in the wrong way at the right time? Is the best time to bring up problems five minutes before you go to sleep? Even if you say it in the right way? Is there a right time?

The Lord God has given me what? The tongue of the learned. That I might know what? How to speak a word when? In season to him that's weary. Our prayer each morning should be, "God, help me speak encouraging, hopeful words at the right time in the right way."

Christ Object Lessons page 340. "Wherever we are, we should watch for opportunities of speaking to others of the Savior. If we follow Christ's example in doing good, hearts will open to us as they did to Him. Not abruptly, but with tact born of divine love, we can tell them of Him who is chiefest among ten thousand and the one altogether lovely. This is the very highest work in which we can employ the talent of speech. It was given to us that we might present Christ as a sin-pardoning Savior." You may wonder what talents you have. The greatest talent that God has given you is the talent of speech.