Yesterday Today Tomorrow

Inseong J Kim: Hello, this is Inseong Kim from Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow. We have a special guest, Dawn Ward: speaker, writer, Bible teacher. She is the founder of the Faith to Flourish ministry, equipping women to live transformed lives through inspiring teaching, mentoring, and biblical resources.

The ministry also offers support and encouragement to women with addicted loved ones. What an important ministry that you are doing. Thank you so much for being with us today.

Dawn Ward: Well, thank you so much for having me. I look forward to our conversation.

Inseong J Kim: Yes. Please share a little bit about yourself. I know you have a book, From Guilt to Grace. Please share that with our audiences.

Dawn Ward: Again, thank you for having me. I wasn't ever looking to get into a ministry for women whose loved ones struggle with addicted children. As a child growing up, I did grow up in a home where my father struggled with alcohol abuse. As a result of that, I really hoped I would be able to train my children, teach them in the Lord, and teach them to avoid substances and things that would lead to bondage.

Yet I got to the place where both of my sons at one point or another did struggle with a substance addiction. That was a really hard thing for me as a Christian mom. I started to really try to fix it. The first experience was with my younger son. He was in high school at the time and just got in with the wrong crowd. Interestingly enough, he did come to us.

I didn't know anything about drugs. I had seen alcohol abuse, but I had never seen drugs. It wasn't even on my radar. When he came to us and asked for help, that's when he let us know that he had gotten into some things and was having problems. We were able to get on board with him, and through faith-based counseling and Christian support, he was able to get back onto his feet. He has been leading a sober life for about 20 years now. He's doing very well and is married. That was my first experience.

My next experience was with my older son who had a surgery. At the time, they told them that those medications were not addictive. In his case, he got addicted through prescription medications, which was a whole new world for us altogether. I think that, combined with some mental health struggles that he's had, it really spiraled him into what you would understand to go hand-in-hand with addiction, which is mental health breakdowns, jail, suicide attempts, and incarcerations.

It's been much more difficult and painful because it has gone on for so long. Then, of course, there are those hope-filled moments when he's doing well and life is going pretty well for him, and then the disappointment when it goes into another relapse again. My cycle and my journey with addiction with my children has been ongoing now for almost 20 years.

When I wrote the book and started the ministry, I wasn't coming from a place of, "Hey, we had this miracle in our family, everyone is set free, everyone is doing well, and here's our story" so I could write it from more of a testimony. I really wrote the book from a place of what I went through as a mother and what I went through as a Christian woman who had to struggle with her faith in the process of trying to support her child but not enabling.

What I really came to learn, especially with my older son as this went on and on, was that I got to the place where he became an idol in my life. Fixing him and saving him took over. It wasn't until the Lord really said, "Dawn, do you trust Me? Do you trust Me with your life? Do you trust Me with the life of your son?"

I could have flippantly said, "Yes, Lord, I trust You," but when I really thought about it, I recognized that I was really being controlled by fear. The Lord was wanting to bring me to that place again of really trusting Him and having faith in Him through this process. He was also challenging me. "Dawn, if your son never gets to a better place, if he always has this struggle, are you going to let that hold you back from serving Me, from following Me, from doing the things of the calling that I have on your life?"

That was kind of where I got to that place where He started to work in my heart and life about what He was doing in me personally and what He had for me moving forward.

Inseong J Kim: Wow, what a story. Is it okay if I ask you about the timeline here? How old is your son now and what was what?

Dawn Ward: My younger son was in his last year of high school. Most of this, we were, praise the Lord, able to take care of by the time he was 17 or 18. He really was wanting help and knew he wanted to go to college. The problem and the warning that I would give parents is that these kids don't know what they're getting themselves involved in.

The drugs that are on the street are generally not what they think they're getting. They're usually laced with more addictive substances. Back in those days, 20 years ago, certain drugs like marijuana were being laced with black tar heroin. Nowadays, it's being laced with fentanyl. They're playing Russian Roulette with their lives when they start saying yes to any substances that are bought from the streets because they just don't know what they're getting exposed to.

The dealers that are targeting them are targeting them to addict them because of the big business side of things. We just have to be very aware of that. Prayerfully and gratefully, my son did all those things that he needed to do. He went into mental health and addiction counseling for a period there. Eventually, he went back and finished his master's degree and has a different career now, but he really moved forward that way.

My older son was about 25 or 26 when this first happened for him. He had had a congenital birth defect that we were unaware of. It was a stomach problem. When they found it out at the age of 25, he had experienced a lifetime of gastrointestinal issues and severe pain. I think it led to some anxiety and some different things like that as well, which often goes with people who struggle with chronic pain.

When he finally had the surgery, the surgery had a long recovery. They were just pouring liquid Vicodin and things like that into him. For that particular child, it was like mother's milk. I think it, combined with the pain relief and the anxiety relief, was something that appealed to him. It was much harder because his mindset was like, "Hey, I can function normally. I can have a job. I can do all these things. I feel so much better with this."

Isn't that like a lie of the enemy to keep people trapped? It is to believe that this thing that's bad for them and that's going to hurt them is actually good for them. Now my son is actually coming up on his 40th birthday this November. When I speak from where I'm at right now, I could write a sequel to this book already, and the book has only been out for not quite two years.

Because of what I have gone through and the intensity of the enemy's attacks and what we have gone through over these last few years with my son's mental health, my faith has had to grow and expand in the midst of deep sorrow and grief, and at the same time, hope and keeping hope alive. The benefit of talking to somebody like myself who has gone through this for a long time is that I see my son's hope increasing.

I see him starting to say, "This is not how I want to live my life." He's never really wanted to live his life this way, but he's just been besieged into believing he's got a handle on it. Then when he does think he has a handle on it and he starts to get lazy in his mindset, lazy in his habits and his practices and things, and not really depending on the Lord, he'll slip up, and then it just spirals downward.

That cycle can be exhausting for parents and families who have been going through it for years and years. I don't want to pretend at all like I have it all figured out in the sense that I'm just gliding through in this state of numbness and not feeling. If I were going through that, if I were using something to numb myself, then I wouldn't be dependent on the Lord.

I feel like sometimes when we go through these long-term trials where people have free will and choices, you as a parent have influence but only in so much that you're praying for them and encouraging them. You're also trying to allow them to have their consequences and not enable them. You're also trying to allow them to have their free will and make their decisions.

You're shifting from how you parent somebody in that position at 17 versus how you're parenting somebody at almost 40. You really have to understand as a parent or as a loved one the toll it will take on you if you can't learn how to depend on the Lord and get the support you need so that you don't take the weight of the world on your shoulders.

Then it affects your health, your physical health, your mental health, your emotional health, your spirituality, and your relationship with the Lord. That's been the whole process I've had to work through, and many of the women in my support group have had to work through. I've had that group for about eight or nine years now and I've had the opportunity to observe about 4,000 women.

I've seen the ones who have really had to go through this for a long time and the ones who have maybe lost their child to addiction. I've seen the ones who have grown through it versus the ones who have kind of floundered or maybe become bitter, angry, and unforgiving. The Lord wants us to guard our hearts. That's really the process of what He's had to take me through, especially over these last ten years.

About ten years ago was when I had my "aha" moment. The Lord was really saying to me, "Dawn, if your son never changes, you cannot be waiting for him to change. You cannot wait for him to be healthy, happy, and whole for you to grow and flourish in My purpose and My plan for you." That's been my mission and why I wrote the book from the perspective of helping the moms.

Moms tend to have a lot more guilt and self-blame. This is a child that they cared for, nurtured, and carried in their womb. Often it's very hard for moms. I'm not saying it's not hard for dads, but I'm not a dad, I'm a mom. I know the heart and I've seen their struggles. It tends to be very challenging for the moms to not take that on and take on that sense of personal responsibility. That was the heart behind the ministry and the book that the Lord had me shift to take place in me.

Inseong J Kim: What a story. My program is Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow. I always go back in the history of what is happening. I think we were in the midst of an opium war whether we recognize it or not. We paint the picture of a different way of that racial issue, or when we did the war on drugs, we have different media explanations. We tend to say whoever does the drug is categorized and stereotyping it.

But if we step back, we were targeted. Definitely targeted. This issue of drugs that we have to step out as all the moms who are listening to this program and have to be on guard and have to really understand what is going on. Your story is not just one story. I heard so many stories, whether it's children or teenagers or even grown-ups, or even elderly.

They went to the hospital and ended up heavily addicted with the prescription drugs. Philadelphia is the prime example of that, and historically the evidence is there that hospital produced the drug-addicted people. We have to know more about what is going on beyond supporting, helping, and rehabbing. We've got to go beyond that and find out what is really going on.

Dawn Ward: I couldn't agree with you more. My husband has had numerous back surgeries following a car accident. Shoulders, just different injuries that he had. He also did become dependent on these pain meds at around the same time. I don't think he had the mindset issues going on mentally, but it didn't mean that he still wasn't chemically addicted. He still was.

It was interesting because I was working at a doctor's office at the time and of course I didn't understand all the pharmacology. But my doctor that I was working for said, "Well, isn't he building up a tolerance?" I said, "Well, what do you mean?" She said, "I would think that the same dosage he was using two surgeries ago would not work for him now."

Now that I look back, I recognize that he was having to take them more quickly and he was running out of them sooner. He was going to the doctor and they were giving new prescriptions until they pulled back on it. When we finally recognized what was going on, he had the mindset to say, "Okay, enough is enough." I'm not saying it was comfortable for him, but he recognized the physical addiction and said, "I'm not going to abuse these."

He could have easily taken over his life too, had he not had that mindset shift. But with my son, I think there were just other factors that played into him continuing even though he knew these things were harmful and knew he shouldn't continue. He started to go to the streets for self-medication. He started buying illegal things off the streets.

That's where he gets everything now. He's not getting anything from doctors at this point. It drives them right to that place where they're dealing with not good people and dangerous people. It's just a very evil, intentional spiral. It funds a lot of other countries in the world. There's just a lot that goes on there that we don't understand.

I think that parents whose children are not in that situation, who are just raising children, we're trying to raise awareness, not fear. I think awareness is really having those talks with your children and really knowing who they're hanging out with. When it comes down to it, you're Mom and Dad. Trusting that your best friend's parents have the same care and hyper-vigilance of watching over their children—maybe they're not. Maybe they have a different standard.

Ultimately, Mom and Dad, trust your gut. Be very aware of your child's behaviors, their sleeping patterns, their eating patterns, and their grades. If you see those things changing, don't just assume that it's just being a teenager. Really make sure. When in doubt, take them to their doctor. When in doubt, buy a drug test and give them a drug test.

Know what's going on and just be aware, because the enemy and the people that he uses are very much active and seeking to kill and destroy. As parents, as long as we're aware and we understand the enemy and how he works and what he's seeking to do in the lives of our families, we're praying and asking God to give us awareness.

We're just trusting the Holy Spirit as He speaks to us. I'm not saying to be obsessive where you're pouring out all your fear on your child, but be very aware because the enemy is extremely cunning. I do look back on times with my sons where the Holy Spirit really spoke to me specifically, especially with my older son, and told me exactly how to go handle it, what to do, and where to find the drugs.

I could not have known that had I not been in tune to God's voice to help me through that situation. I don't doubt for one minute that there were probably times when the Lord gave me the opportunity to intervene that it could have saved my son's life.

Inseong J Kim: Research shows that during COVID, the death from the drug use surged. Probably your younger son was under the 20s, late 20s during that time. Something happened during COVID and we don't have a platform to come out and start talking about it. Main media doesn't help us.

One of the websites that was made so much money is the alcohol website during COVID. People can order the alcohol online without checking the age. That is one of the things happening during COVID, and I bet there is a lot of drug issue was also happening during those time as well.

Dawn Ward: Yes, and alcohol does hit on all the neuro-receptors. So if somebody does alcohol, then it's easy for them to get addicted to other things. One of the biggest gateway drugs out there right now is marijuana, and it is legalized in our state. It's very dangerous. The THC levels and things are really dangerous, especially to our kids whose brains are still developing.

It's so easy for people to think, "Oh, it's just marijuana." It's not the marijuana from the 60s and 70s. This is a whole another ball game now. Especially if the kids aren't going to the dispensaries, if the kids are getting it at their friends' houses and things, they could very well be buying it off the streets. I think we saw a lot of legalization of marijuana during that COVID time as well.

Inseong J Kim: We as the parents are caught in the middle. We are taught to trust the Lord and let them go and have them fall and make a mistake. But some of the mistakes are just life-damaging mistakes. So how can we as parents, especially as Christian parents, not just be involved 24/7 with the kids and trust God at the same time? How do we prevent this disconnection? This whole society is disconnecting children from the parents. That's a very dangerous place to be in a lot of ways.

Dawn Ward: You're absolutely right. That's been a big problem and that's been a very strong area of struggle for me. Growing up in an alcoholic home and being the firstborn, I had an overweighted sense of responsibility. As a mom, I see the difference in how my husband parents versus how I parent, coming from that kind of alcoholic traumatic background which the Lord did a lot of healing in me, but there's still some learned behaviors.

What I find is that we tend to generally cling too much. If anything, most parents just naturally are going to cling too much. I think it's a matter of giving them room to learn from their mistakes but also understanding where you start and stop. I know for a fact that I might be able to save my child if I'm standing over him 24/7 looking at him and I have a Narcan shot in my hand to give him.

But if I fall asleep or happen to not be there, that's when it could happen. There's a point in realizing what can I do and what is God really asking me to do versus where am I just out of fear and everything, I'm just over-attaching myself. It's a challenge to find that balance. I think we're going to make mistakes and we tend to err on the side of definitely trying to be there for our kids if at all possible. But we do want to be careful that we're not enabling the actual addiction with the money and the resources and those type of things.

Inseong J Kim: Absolutely. We're running out of time. Would you share the book title just title and website?

Dawn Ward: Yes. From Guilt to Grace: Hope and Healing for Christian Moms of Addicted Children. My website is thefaithtoflourish.com.

Inseong J Kim: Thank you so much for what you do, and thank you so much for being with us today. Thank you.

Dawn Ward: Thank you for having me.

Inseong J Kim: Thank you for listening to Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow with our special guest, Dawn Ward. This is a very important topic as a parent to be more educated and equipped to handle the issue with the children with substance abuse. Thank you for listening, and we'll be back next week. Thank you.