Focus on the Family

Voiceover: The following program is sponsored by Focus on the Family and is made possible by the heartfelt support of listeners like you.

John Fuller: This is John Fuller and please remember to let us know how you're listening to these programs on a podcast, app, or website. Today Jonathan McKee shares ideas about human connection and how that's influenced by all the screens we use in our daily lives.

Jonathan McKee: Let's be honest. We haven't figured this thing out. This is a great tool for connecting people outside the room, but we're learning that it kind of interferes with our relationship with the people inside the room.

John Fuller: Welcome to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I'm John Fuller.

Jim Daly: Well, Jonathan McKee always has a lot of insight to share when it comes to media and its impact on the family, and today is no exception. Jonathan is a social researcher, a popular speaker, and an author of many books, including Parenting Generation Screen: Guiding Your Kids to Be Wise in a Digital World, published by Focus on the Family.

John Fuller: And he's also a contributor to our plugged-in entertainment reviews, so he's really part of this family, so to speak. Here now, Jonathan McKee at First Woodway Baptist Church in Woodway, Texas, on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly.

Jonathan McKee: If I were to walk into the typical American home at 7:00 p.m. on any night, it's not just young people staring at screens. Let's be honest. Dad is sitting there looking at a big screen. Mom's sitting next to him, maybe watching that screen, but also looking at a screen of her own. You go upstairs, definitely sister is looking through TikTok videos on her phone, brother is playing games on his device, toddler's flicking shapes across the screen, and the family dog is on the treadmill because no one will walk him.

This isn't a young people problem. This is a "we love our screens" issue here. The question we need to ask ourselves is, is there a chance that even with the fact that there are more screens, more screen time, more connections than anyone in history, are we more satisfied? Is there a chance that maybe less could be more? I'm being very real with you. I like my screen. This screen can be fun. It is a great device for connecting with people outside the room when it doesn't interfere with the people inside the room.

I'm just wondering if there are times that this screen is very helpful and if there are times where maybe it just belongs in the pocket. It's funny to watch how things are changing from screens. It's changing the way we enjoy moments. We used to just enjoy moments. Now we have to post about the moment. It used to be that we would just enjoy a cup of coffee, but now we have to let our followers know how good our cup of coffee was. We're all living the life of an 80s rock star. What do my followers think? I just have to think about my followers because it's all about the number of followers or friends we've got.

We live in a country right now where eight out of ten young people want to be an influencer in one way or another. This is creating a lot of pressure on us because that number now is very important. Here's what it does to us emotionally. It's an interesting thing, and not a lot of people are talking about this because this is brand new. This is new research that's just emerging. But what people have started to see is that there's this moment that everybody talks about where you post something. "Look, I'm enjoying a moment. Let me post about it."

What we aren't talking about is after that moment. After we post about it, the waiting. After we post, there's this moment where we're waiting to see if the likes come in, seeing if the traffic goes up, seeing if we get the amount of followers we should have. Some people are going to more lengths to try to get more. "If I do this, I've noticed I get a little bit more likes," or "this is when the followers start to spike if I do this." There's this moment after a post where it's affecting a lot of us because even if we've got a bunch of followers, there's always someone with more.

"How come I only got 637 likes? Taylor got 1,122 likes." It starts to affect us, and we're seeing this number in particular be something crucial. Let's try something real quick. Let's talk about this influencer thing. Let's pretend that this room right here is America. By the way, we're talking literally, when it comes to what percentage of America is online, it's pretty much everybody. You're in the very high 90s. When it comes to young people pre-COVID, it was like 97% had access online. During COVID, because of schooling, we needed to get everybody. We're at the 98 or 99% mark.

So let's just say that this room is America. If your birthday is January 1st through November 10th, stand up where you are real quick. January 1st through November 10th, go ahead and stand up. This is how many young people want to be influencers today. Go ahead and look around you. If this was America, this is how many young people want to be influencers today. Just look to your right and left real quick. Okay, sit down unless your birthday is May 3rd and you were born between 12:00 a.m. and 3:53 a.m.

Do we have anybody? We have two! Yes! Give them a hand. Look at that. Maybe even three. You may sit down. They right there represent the one in 2,252 that actually can make it as an influencer full-time. That's just what the numbers are. They represent that. We have to be careful here because we don't want to squash dreams. Honestly, those are better odds than making it in the NBA. We don't want to tell LeBron, "Hey buddy, the odds aren't good." There might be a future LeBron right here.

But the fact is there are a lot of young people out there who are trying. The question we need to start asking is what kind of effect is it having when a lot of us aren't making it or aren't quite seeing ourselves as being as popular or as liked as everybody else around us? As a guy who studies this a lot, interview after interview and study after study of people with hundreds of thousands of followers shows them saying the pressure was too much. Those who even made it to the top. This isn't just a social media thing. A lot of people who made it to the top can't handle the pressure.

In the world of screens right now, we're seeing depression spiking more than it ever has before. This research went before COVID. Pre-COVID, depression had spiked more than it ever had before. Teenage suicide among teen girls was at an all-time spike. Anxiety, everything. Of course, people are looking at screen time going up and depression going up and drawing those lines. Some people started putting blame right away. Technology companies knew about this. Reports come out naming certain social media. Comparisons on Instagram are making it really tough on young girls because there's this constant comparison going on. "How come I'm not getting as many likes? How come I don't look as good?"

My daughter and I embarked on a book. We were finishing it up last time I was here two years ago. As we wrote this book, it was fascinating to hear her perspective because as someone who loved social media and enjoyed Instagram, she was very vulnerable in this book. She said, "Every time I posted something on Instagram, in all honesty, I thought everybody else looked good in the picks and I couldn't help but compare." She said that's the one thing Instagram always does. It makes her compare. And she says comparison is the thief of joy.

Then COVID came along and hit a generation that was already pretty lonely. It's ironic: more connected but fewer intimate friends. COVID comes along and all of a sudden it's hitting us in the face, and a lonely generation got even lonelier. We started to see depression and suicide go up, but also we saw an awareness where a lot of people started to admit they like face-to-face relationships. Is there a point where maybe enough is enough? What do we do as parents and grandparents and people that care about this generation?

The question I want to focus on right now is, as a family and as a church body, is it too much? Are there possibly some unforeseen consequences to being so over-connected that we don't connect anymore? We live right now in a country where the average mom and dad spends more time on a screen than they do with each other or their kids. Is there a chance that we are so over-connected that we don't even connect anymore? What's the answer? Well, to get the answer, let's go to Luke chapter 10. Just to prove to you that I don't think screens are bad, I'm going to go on my screen right here. Honestly, it's because I can make the font really big. I got it like four: "God so loved." Okay, I can read that. Luke chapter 10, starting with verse 38.

It's amazing how this, by the way, from 2,000-something years ago, is so perfectly relevant today. I'll start in verse 38. "As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened up her home to him. She had a sister called Mary who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, 'Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me.'"

Picture this. I love that we see this story about these two sisters. We don't know exactly what went on, but it was something like this. Here are two sisters that wanted to connect with Jesus. They thought if they do the meal thing, they'll be able to connect with Jesus. Mary gets it immediately, plops at Jesus' feet, and is just soaking him in. But Martha was distracted. Let me ask you a quick question. Anything wrong with cooking? Anything wrong with the gift of hospitality? No, those are good things. There was nothing wrong with what Martha's intentions were.

She with good intentions set out to do something that would help her connect with Jesus. The problem was that she got so focused on that something that she forgot about the connecting with Jesus part. As a matter of fact, she allowed it to become a source of bitterness between her and her sister. Next thing you know, she's coming to Jesus and going, "You can do something here. Tell her to help me because I'm doing all the work here." She was so distracted by something that she set out with very good intentions to connect. That very thing that she was using to connect kept her from connecting. Kind of weird, huh? She was so distracted by what she was trying to use to connect that she forgot about connecting.

John Fuller: This is Focus on the Family and you're listening to Jonathan McKee. You'll find more insight about dealing with this high-tech world we live in in his book called Parenting Generation Screen. We'll send a copy to you when you make a generous donation of any amount to the ministry of Focus. We'll include a free audio download of Jonathan's entire presentation as well. It has additional content. You can donate and request those resources at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast or give us a call. Our number is 800-A-FAMILY, 800-232-6459. Let's return now to Jonathan McKee.

Jonathan McKee: I got an opportunity to perform a wedding for a young girl who grew up at our house all the time. She was friends with one of my daughters. When this young girl decided to get married, she asked if I would do the wedding as a minister. I said sure. As we were talking once about prepping for this wedding, I said, "Can I share something?" She said sure. I said, "I've done several weddings and here's something I've noticed." I've noticed a lot of brides, when they get to that wedding day, are so stressed out by having tried to make this day—that's supposed to be one of the greatest days on earth—so Insta-perfect. They're so stressed that literally as I'm standing in the back room with the bride beforehand, right before she is ready to walk down the aisle, she's guzzling Pepto Bismol to deal with an ulcer that she's got from trying to make this day so perfect. She wasn't able to enjoy the day.

Sometimes in life, we get so distracted with something that it distracts us from the connections and the stuff that matters. For a lot of us, when I say there's something that's distracting us, you know exactly what it is that would fill in that blank. "Sometimes I allow blank to become a distraction in my life." You know exactly what it is. So what does Jesus say? What does he tell us about these distractions in our life? Let's keep reading because his answer is amazing. Martha says, "Lord, don't you care that my sister's left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her to help me." And Jesus says, "Martha, Martha. You are worried and upset about so many things." How many of you, by the way, are right there? Worried and upset about so many things.

But indeed, few things are needed, or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her. I love this. A modern translation might be: Martha, Martha, chill, order a pizza. I love the fact that Jesus doesn't even name what the one thing is because it's so obvious. "Martha, you're so distracted by so many things." This went probably a little deeper than just prepping a meal. You're so distracted about all these things when only one thing is needed, and your sister found it.

It's interesting because when we look at this "one thing" throughout Scripture, we see it over and over. Many of us are going through life and maybe with good intentions we allow other things and other connections to become a distraction from the one connection that matters. Some of us are actually connecting with people—complete strangers—and we're hurting the relationship with the people around us, our family and our Lord who is begging us to just sit at his feet. Martha allowed her cooking to become the one thing instead of Jesus. This "one thing" is nothing new in Scripture.

One of Jesus' followers, Paul, talks about it later in his letter to the Philippians. He says, "Brothers and sisters, I don't consider myself yet to have taken hold of this, but one thing I do: forgetting what's behind, straining toward what's ahead, I press on towards the goal, which is Christ Jesus." That's the one thing. We see later in the book of Hebrews, a summarize of the heroes of faith in the Bible. It says, "Considering these cloud of witnesses, these great people of faith, let's do something here. Let's strip off all that hinders, that sin that so easily entangles, and let's do one thing: let's fix our eyes on Jesus." We keep seeing this over and over again. We have these things that so easily entangle us and we allow them to become a distraction. For a lot of us, we know that thing that's entangling us needs to go. What do you need to trim?

I love mountain biking, and I won't say I'm a great mountain biker, but I live by some great trails. I live in California at the base of the Sierra Mountains, right near Folsom. You can literally go right up the hill to one of the most beautiful places on earth. I'm not exaggerating: Lake Tahoe. The deepest, bluest lake you've ever seen, and it's set up at an elevation so high that it's surrounded by snow-capped mountains and pine trees. Gorgeous. When you look at it, the blue is entrancing. It's so majestic. I'm going on this mountain bike ride with my friends Mark and Amy who coach mountain biking. I don't coach mountain biking. I have a mountain bike and it is worth about the same amount as their back wheel.

I mention the back wheel because right before the ride, Mark says, "Okay, Jonathan, today there are lots of distractions on this ride. Listen to me if you don't want to die." I said, "You got my attention." He says, "We're going to be up on some precarious trails, we're going to be next to some edges that if you fall off, you'd probably die. So what I want you to do is I want you to focus on my back wheel. You can't take your eyes off this trail and I'm going to be in front of you, so just watch my back wheel. You're going to be tempted to look." He goes, "We can sight-see later. When we're going on this precarious trail, do not look to your right or left. Keep your eyes focused on—" and he said it, "one thing: my back wheel." I said, "Okay, back wheel, don't die. Got it."

So we start on this ride and he wasn't kidding. This was a crazy ride. We're going left, we're going right. We're on this trail and I'm just sitting there like, watch the back wheel, don't die. Pretty soon we go up and we hang this left and we're in this clearing where I see from my God-given peripheral vision this beautiful blue big something over there. But I'm thinking, watch the back wheel, don't die. Don't look right or left. Watch the back wheel. But it was blue and it was there. It was entrancing. I was just like, "Maybe I could just—oh my gosh." It was amazing. It was Lake Tahoe. It was gorgeous, surrounded by snow-capped mountains and trees.

That's why I didn't see the trail turn left. Mark turned left, and I went straight, right off the edge. As I go off, it's happening in slow motion and I'm like, "Oh darn." And there's this pine tree right there and I just grabbed it. As my body kept going, my bike is hooked to my feet and I'm just going like this. I was literally just grabbing this poor little Christmas tree. When it got all bent down like this, the Christmas tree was like, "Hey dude, you need to lay off the pizza a little bit." I'm like, "Shut up, you're a tree." Mark comes back and he goes, "You took your eyes off my back wheel, didn't you?" I was like, "But the lake is so beautiful." Is there anything wrong with looking at the lake? The fact is sometimes things become a distraction from the one thing that's important. What do you have to trim?

I'll close by telling you this. A few years ago, when one of my kids were still in the house, they were getting ready to go on a missions trip. On this missions trip, the youth pastor decided to do something kind of bold. He said, "I want to prepare our hearts for the missions trip so we're going to try something. We're going to do a media fast. We're not going to fast from food. We're going to fast from screens and music and entertainment media. Just fast for a little bit." He said we were going to fast for the month before the trip.

Everybody starts freaking out. My kids are like, "A month? I'm not going." Literally, kids were like, "I'm not going on this stupid trip." We as parents were like, "Oh come on, grow up a little bit." Then the youth pastor literally says, "And as families it'd be unfair for them to do it so we're going to do it too." Immediately the parents were like, "This is stupid, you're not going on this trip. I don't want to miss NCIS: Waco." We all were kind of rebelling a little bit. Finally, we decided to pray about it. We prayed as a family and decided to try it. I remember the first couple days it was just weird. We got in the car, I'd flip on the radio and my kids are like, "Dad, don't!" I'm like, "It was Chris Tomlin! I thought it was okay, sorry." Literally, at night my kids would finish their homework at four or five o'clock and they'd come downstairs and be like, "What are we going to do?" I'm like, "I don't know, here's a ball. Let's throw it at the dog." The dog lost 30 pounds that month.

We started hanging out as a family. We were doing anything just hanging out. When the 30 days were up, they went on the mission trip and they came back. I'll never forget. They said, "Dad, we can't go back the way it was." They weren't ready to give up screens or anything. I think we literally did a Lord of the Rings Extended Edition trilogy day where for 12 hours we were sitting on the couch needing screen time. We kind of soaked it back in right into our veins. But we talked as a family and we came up with an idea for No Tech Tuesday. It was just a taste. On Tuesdays, when we're done with homework, we just make that a night where we just sit and read by the fire because we realized that less was more.

John Fuller: And with that image of a family enjoying some quiet time together around a fireplace, we come to the end of this presentation from Jonathan McKee on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly.

Jim Daly: John, I like that picture. That's the perfect spring day here in Colorado to have a fire and just hang out together. I really appreciate the wisdom that Jonathan has shared with us today. If you'd like to try a digital fast with your family, we've got a free resource for you. Our Plugged In media team has put together an emergency kit that will help you fill all of that time that is currently spent on screens. We'll give your family ideas for a week's worth of games, reading time, and other activities that will build closer relationships in fun ways.

John Fuller: Look for the free guide called Screen Fast 2026. It's available for you at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. And if you want to go deeper, let me recommend Jonathan's book called Parenting Generation Screen: Guiding Your Kids to Be Wise in a Digital World, published by Focus on the Family. It will equip you to have important conversations with your children about social media, screen time, and entertainment. It's so important to be wise in our media choices today and help our children do the same. Listen to this note we received from a man I call Kevin who desperately needed help and had a consultation with one of our counselors. He said, "You guys do such good work. I spent years listening to very sick music and it took me a long time to clean up my mind. A friend introduced me to Focus on the Family and I'm so thankful. Your staff is so wise and they've helped me tremendously."

Jim Daly: That's really powerful. Media choices have consequences. Think how much we fill our mind with media choices. It's amazing. Parents need to be involved in those choices with their children as much as possible. I also hope you'll consider supporting Focus on the Family as we do our best to help families to thrive in Christ, which is our goal. When you make a donation of any amount, we'll send you a copy of Parenting Generation Screen as our way of saying thank you for being part of the ministry.

John Fuller: You can donate online at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast or call us. Our number is 800-A-FAMILY, 800-232-6459. Be sure to look for the free resource we have for you at our website, A Parent's Guide to Today's Technology. It really is a comprehensive look at how kids are using their mobile devices and how that impacts them physically, psychologically, emotionally, and socially. Thanks for listening to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I'm John Fuller, inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.

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