Focus on the Family Equipping Parents Podcast

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John Fuller: We're going to hear today some very creative and interesting ways to help your kids learn about growing spiritually. I'm John Fuller with Dr. Danny Huerta, who's in charge of our parenting team. Let's go ahead and get right to it.

Here's Focus on the Family President Jim Daly, who spoke with Tim Shoemaker. Tim talked about some of the creative ways he's taught his own kids about God.

Jim Daly: Tim, thanks for coming back and extending a little bit of time with us for the folks that have come to the website to check this out. Let's just go through some of the concoctions that you've brought. You've got the mousetrap. That one's been begging for explanation. It's sitting there. I'm already afraid of mousetraps. I think I must've had my finger pinched as a kid.

Tim Shoemaker: Well, they're nasty, right? They've got a nasty kill bar on them.

Jim Daly: That just sounds nasty right there. The kill bar.

Tim Shoemaker: That's actually what gets the kids leaning forward. Whenever you're doing anything with—like here, this is actually not a mousetrap, but it's a rat trap. That's why it's so big. So you get the old-fashioned kind on the wood.

Here's what you do, especially think about when you've got a teenage son or daughter and they're pushing back a little bit. So you pick up about six or eight of these traps. Go to a narrow hallway in your home. Set these traps. Just lay them out in a little maze.

You have your son or daughter on the other end with you. You say, "Okay, shoes and socks off. Dad's going to blindfold you and I'm going to spin you around a few times. I'm going to send you down this hallway and you can't even shuffle down, I want you just to step. Would you do that?" They'd be like, "No," they're definitely not going to do that.

I say, "Well, what if you had to go through this hallway? You had to. But what if, even though you're blindfolded, you put your hands on Dad's shoulders and Dad puts his hands on your shoulders? What if I say, 'I'll walk you through and I'll keep you from these traps,' would you do it then?" Of course, they're much more likely to do it that way.

The whole point of it is this: "Kids, this is where you're at in life. You want to be free, I know it, but this corridor that you're going down right now, there are so many traps. Mom and Dad have been down this hall. We know where a lot of them are, but you've got to talk to us. You've got to be open and we'll be helping you stay out of those traps."

"Look, you're not going to have to ask for your freedom. You're not going to have to fight for your freedom. On the other end of this hallway, we're going to give it to you, but Mom and Dad want you to be able to fly. We want you to run and not be a cripple. So many teenagers these last years in their teenage years, they come out of it a cripple."

We're hitting it really quick, and of course we'd hit with scripture. Talking about those traps in life has great application.

Jim Daly: That's really good. Be sure to lock your pets up in other rooms when you do this. The dog and the cat are in trouble.

Tim Shoemaker: Yes, that's a good point. If they're really terrified of—"Gee, I just don't want to set them"—just having them there as a visual is good. But at least one time, you want to—

Jim Daly: Yeah, go for it.

Tim Shoemaker: Yeah, the snap! It's nasty, otherwise known as the death bar.

Jim Daly: Okay, now moving on, let's take another one or two here. What do you got there?

Tim Shoemaker: Well, you could work with glow sticks. There's a couple things you could do with glow sticks.

Jim Daly: Jean loves glow sticks. She buys them just for fun.

Tim Shoemaker: So you get some glow sticks for each of the kids. You go in a darkened room and you explain to them how it works. You've got this little plastic tube and you've got the chemical there and there's a glass vial inside with another chemical. In order to get it to work, you have to bend it until you break that.

Then you shake it up. Right, and then you get that great glow. Now you've got all of them with this glowing thing and then we talk to them a little bit about why bad things happen to good people. How can God allow that? Now there's different reasons that we could go into, but here's one.

We'll just go in really quick for this, but sometimes we're like this in the store. We look good. We're packaged to sell. Everything's all together. But if we stay like this, we'll never do what God made us to do. Sometimes He strips away some things and He bends us and He breaks us. He shakes up our world and then, and only then, can He shine through us like He never could before.

Fire is great. Oh my goodness. Fire is great. Let's say your kids are starting to question junior high, "Do I really have to go to church? Why do I have to go to church?" Well, there's a lot of good reasons for that. But one thing you can do is you take them to a fire pit or you get a campfire.

You want to make sure that one of the logs in there is about the thickness of your wrist so you can take it out. And you get little squirt guns, water pistols, just the light-duty ones for each of the kids. Say, "Okay, we've separated this log out of the fire. We're going to time it. Let's see how long it takes to put it out."

So they squirt it. No open flames, when it's just down to smoldering—okay, great. When I did it with one of my sons, it was 40 seconds. Okay, great, Luke, that's good. Now we went and filled up the squirt guns again. In the meantime, we'd put this back in the fire.

I said, "Okay, now we got 40 seconds. We got to put that same log out." Of course, we couldn't do it. The whole point was this: "You know what? This is like this issue of going to church. When we're off by our own, we're an easy target. The enemy can extinguish our flame, our fire for the Lord. But when we get back to church, we get reignited. We're stronger, we're bulletproof there."

"Going to church, it's not just about what we get. It's about that strengthening thing and how we're strengthening others. Because out here, eventually, he'll put us out."

Jim Daly: That's really good. No, I like the facet of that and just the teaching lesson of that. It's really—and it's memorable. Kids are going to remember that and they'll even as adults, they'll think about that when they're not going to church and their faith is dwindling.

John Fuller: So Danny, there's an element of discernment here. I learned early on that I love going deep in the scripture and I'd be telling my kids this great point that they may not have considered, this theological perspective, and they're seven and four and one and they're looking at me like, "I don't know, Dad." You're not talking mousetraps?

Danny Huerta: Well, you could, right? You don't have to.

John Fuller: Well, I had to because I was so didactic and so intellectual. There's a lot of pressure, John. There's room for us parents to grow as we lead our kids in devotions and spiritual thinking.

Danny Huerta: It is. Over time we know that our kids will get it if we are consistent in our devotional time or just talking about teachable moments in life. Their development, their circumstances will catch up with the lessons. At times we need those moments in life to catch up with the lessons we've learned.

In the moment, they truly potentially could say, "Yeah, I get it," even though they don't fully because life experience hasn't gotten there yet. The more you say it, the more that voice will click in when life catches up to that moment and they go, "Wait a minute, that's right. My dad was saying that or my mom was saying that."

At the end of a thought, a teachable moment with your kids, it's good to say, "So tell me your point of view. What do you think?" Maybe they're processing through that and you go, "Man, that's interesting you see it that way. I was thinking maybe this one other piece is missing in that. What do you think about that?"

Then you're reemphasizing a point, kind of shortening it up for that child at their developmental stage and where they're ready to receive that, just a drilling down of a bigger thought maybe you talked about during that time.

John Fuller: Yeah, so I hear you saying engage your child and don't be the professor, but be curious about what they're thinking and give them room to offer their thoughts.

Danny Huerta: Yes, that's absolutely true, John. Maybe what you can do is take turns: you teach and then they teach. We talked about that in a previous episode, that having your kids teach lessons helps them learn tremendously. Just like when you're teaching, you're learning things.

So maybe saying, "Hey, next time how about you teach the lesson? I'd love to learn through you as you're researching all this." Certain kids will get into that, certain kids won't, and you'll need to discern that as a parent and knowing that personality. You may have a child that is kind of a know-it-all and research-focused and they have a harder time taking it in.

You go, "Hey, how about you teach it next time? We'd love to take that in and then you get to ask questions." I've done role reversal things in the counseling sessions with some families just to give that child a flavor of what it's like to be with somebody that's not listening or flippantly saying things.

I let the parents do that with that child and the child begins to get frustrated, but it gives them empathy towards what their parents may be feeling when they're trying to teach some things. They'll say, "I'm just trying to do something good for you." You'll hear the kids saying that and "I'm trying to teach this so that you will know it."

Then the parents being difficult just like the child and then they get it when they have that role reversal. If you want to do that, that'd be a fun way to do it, but just know that many times life catches up to the lessons you're learning intellectually and then your heart gets it.

John Fuller: Earlier in the clip you heard Tim refer to mousetraps and light sticks and we're going to link over to the video version of that conversation Tim had with Jim Daly. You'll be able to see the mousetrap and the glow sticks because he demonstrates it right there at the table. Click the link in the notes to watch that video version of what you've heard today.

Certainly those things are in Tim Shoemaker's great book called *The Very Best Hands-On, Kinda Dangerous Family Devotions Volume 1*. We've got that here at the ministry. Get a copy when you make a donation of any amount and you can see the link for donating in the show notes.

Next time we'll be talking with Dr. Gary Chapman about a really difficult subject about adult kids and alternative lifestyles. For now, on behalf of Dr. Danny Huerta and the entire team, I'm John Fuller and thanks for listening to the Focus on the Family Equipping Parents Podcast.

Jim Daly: Live your truth. A lot of people say that, don't they? But truth isn't something we decide. God has decided it for us and it's our job as believers to share His truth with a world in need. I'll encourage you to do that through my podcast, *Refocus with Jim Daly*.

I visit with fascinating guests about important topics like gender confusion, cancel culture, and more, while helping you share God's love with others. Listen at refocuswithjimdaly.com.