FamilyLife Today®

Dave and Ann Wilson

When My Family Is Toxic

December 13, 2019

When the people in your family hurt you the most, what do you do? Gary Thomas, author of "When to Walk Away," explains that if a family member enjoys tearing you down and destroying the relationship, then it may be time to walk away. You can't fix your family of origin, but you do have the perfect opportunity to build a new legacy and a new family. We need to protect our family members from evil, and if that means limiting our time with those who are destructive, even at holidays, then so be it. Don't let a toxic person distract you from what God has called you to do. 

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Is your spouse mentally and emotionally draining you? Author Gary Thomas explains that when a spouse is controlling or has a murderous spirit, it might be necessary, in some circumstances, to walk away. Thomas reminds us that a person who is anti-God eventually becomes anti-us. If a man or woman is intentionally destroying those around them but wants to stay in the relationship, it might be because they want to preserve their platform for abuse. Sometimes separation or divorce can be a tool to remove the abusive behavior. Thomas contrasts a toxic marriage from a difficult marriage. 
December 12, 2019
Sometimes it's best to just walk away. That's what best-selling author and pastor Gary Thomas wants you to know when facing toxic people. Thomas remembers learning this lesson after a particular blog post he wrote became popular. One woman made it her mission to discredit him and his family, any chance she could. After trying his best to appease the disgruntled woman, a friend of Gary's suggested he read the book of Luke and count how many times Jesus walked away. To Gary's amazement, Jesus walked away from people 41 times in the gospels. Thomas defines what a toxic person does, and explains the best way to deal with them.
December 11, 2019
Who says family devotions can't be fun? Tim Shoemaker, author of "The Very Best, Hands-on, Kinda Dangerous Family Devotions," tells families how to fully engage with the truths of Scripture while also having a good time. Shoemaker realizes that kids are really good at pretending to pay attention. That's why he encourages parents to change things up and try something more active, like shooting a potato gun or instantly freezing a hot dog. By engaging all their senses, you'll have more opportunity to share spiritual truth. 
December 10, 2019
Does the idea of family devotions seem boring to you? Author Tim Shoemaker wants you to know that while family devotions may take a little effort on your part, they definitely don't have to be boring! Shoemaker has been volunteering as a youth leader for 25 years, and he's learned a thing or two about capturing the attention of kids. Today, Tim is excited to share ideas and object lessons--like his coin trick, toilet paper race, and lit pickle trick--that will teach your kids about God and His principles. 
December 9, 2019
Does your childhood, or previous relationships, ever creep into your current ones? If you've ever noticed that certain themes tend to repeat in your relationships, you are not alone. Ron Deal is talking with USA Today best-selling author Tricia Goyer on this topic.
December 6, 2019
Do you desperately want to tell your spouse how you feel, but don't because of how they'll respond? Dave and Ann Wilson tackle a listener's question about healthy communication in marriage. Dave admits that it took years for him to learn to sit and listen to Ann tell him hard truths, and Ann also had to learn to express her frustration and observations in a way that wasn't threatening to Dave. Together they tell of the lightbulb "moment" that finally changed their approach to communicating and describe how affirmation has improved their marriage.
December 5, 2019
Julie Plagens spent years estranged from her family of origin. However, after much prayer and counseling, Julie began to see that the real enemy wasn't her parents, but Satan. She committed to do whatever it would take to restore her relationship with her family, with God's help. She chose to forgive them, and followed that with fasting and prayer, asking God to reach out. Julie's prayers were answered. Later in the year, Julie's mother invited her over for dinner. Julie shares a word of wisdom to those experiencing brokenness in their family. 
December 4, 2019
All of us have an extension cord tied to our family of origin. Author Julie Plagens explains what life was like after she cut ties with her family. While her health issues did improve, Julie admits that avoiding her parents and siblings was still difficult. Julie tells how prayer and Scripture became a lifeline and helped her heal mentally. She realized that by severing her family ties, she just traded one set of problems for another. After her father suffered a heart attack, Julie began to realize how unforgiveness had taken root and prayed for God to change her.  
December 3, 2019
Julie Plagens, author of the book "Estranged," remembers growing up as the lonely daughter of a highly successful nightclub and restaurant owner. After ten years of running a booming business, Julie's father came to faith in Christ which led him to take a job as a janitor at a local church, and eventually he became a pastor. Julie shares how living under the shadow of her pastor father led her to stuff her anger and bitterness, which adversely affected her health. Realizing her life was on the line due to her resentment towards her parents, Julie tells how she made the decision to cut ties with her family for good. 
December 2, 2019
When Sarah Mae became pregnant as a teen, she chose abortion when encouraged by both her grandmothers. But through the shame and sadness, God’s love still pursued Sarah.
November 29, 2019
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About FamilyLife Today®

FamilyLife Today® is a weekday podcast featuring fun, engaging conversations that help families grow together with Jesus while pursuing the relationships that matter most.

About Dave and Ann Wilson

Dave and Ann Wilson are co-hosts of FamilyLife Today©, FamilyLife’s nationally-syndicated radio program.

Dave and Ann have been married for more than 40 years and have spent the last 35 teaching and mentoring couples and parents across the country. They have been featured speakers at FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember® since 1993, and have also hosted their own marriage conferences across the country.

Dave and Ann helped plant Kensington Community Church in Detroit, Michigan where they served together in ministry for more than three decades, wrapping up their time at Kensington in 2020.

The Wilsons are the creative force behind DVD teaching series Rock Your Marriage and The Survival Guide To Parenting, as well as authors of the recently released books Vertical Marriage (Zondervan, 2019) and No Perfect Parents (Zondervan, 2021).

Dave is a graduate of the International School of Theology, where he received a Master of Divinity degree. A Ball State University Hall of Fame Quarterback, Dave served the Detroit Lions as Chaplain for thirty-three years. Ann attended the University of Kentucky. She has been active with Dave in ministry as a speaker, writer, small group leader, and mentor to countless women.

The Wilsons live in the Detroit area. They have three grown sons, CJ, Austin, and Cody, three daughters-in-law, and a growing number of grandchildren.

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