In order to be a loving spouse sometimes you have to unlearn what you’ve learned.
Learning to live with the preferences and quirks of your spouse is just one way of becoming a great partner. But sometimes life makes you unlearn what you’ve learned. Sabrina discovered after getting remarried that her second husband didn’t like his back scratched and that quiet meant content and not unhappy like her first husband. See, if you don’t unlearn what you’ve learned you make the wrong assumption. Stop assuming and start listening. You might have a lot to unlearn.
June 29, 2017
When a parent dies who can best fill the gap for a child?
In my experience most stepparents have a really big heart. They want to step into the physical gaps that exist in a child’s life after they lose a parent. In her book, Stepparenting the Grieving Child, author Diane Fromme suggests this desire may be misguided. Children are more naturally drawn to their other biological kin—like a grandparent or uncle. A stepparent can provide new things, like a friendship, but there’s something about extended family that is better able to “fill the gaps.”
June 28, 2017
When you’re parenting a grieving child, you have some special challenges to overcome.
In her book, Stepparenting the Grieving Child, author Diane Fromme says when a child loses a parent they no longer get to witness their parent’s inadequacies instead they tend to idolize that parent which makes bonding for even the most loving, supportive stepparent harder. That’s not all. A grieving child sometimes is fearful that someone else may die. Now this isn’t to say bonding won’t occur just that the stepparent and living parent should temper their expectations and take things in stride.
June 27, 2017
When a parent dies, a child needs to stay in touch.
Children of divorce can stay in contact with both parents. When a parent dies a child can’t. In her book, Stepparenting the Grieving Child, author Diane Fromme points out the need to maintain an emotional connection to a parent does not end when a parent dies. The living parent and stepparent can help with this: acknowledge the deceased parent; write letters and look at pictures and talk about them. Help the child bring the deceased parent along with them and a healthy connection will endure.
June 26, 2017
When a 20-year-old stepson said it from the stage there was a gasp from the audience. “It’s kind of a gain for you but it’s a loss for the kids.”
I was interviewing a young man and I asked him the question, “What do you wish adults knew about being a stepchild?” He said, “It’s a gain for the adults. They have new love and a friend to share their life with but for us kids it’s a reminder that mom and dad can’t be together. And it means more family change. It’s just hard to adjust.” He’s right, which is why adults should not rush into marriage and why they need to be very patient with the children after the wedding.
June 22, 2017
Do you have a soulmate? Then you need soul love.
We have this strange idea that if we find the right person to love, our soulmate, love will be easy because of who they are. Author and Bible teacher, John Ortberg, says in his book, Soul Keeping, that to love your soulmate means giving your will, your choices, mind, thoughts, feelings, your body, behaviors, and your habits and aligning them for the good of the other person before God. We bless their soul, he says, when we love them with ours. A soulmate is more about you than it is about them.
June 21, 2017
So, what kind of stepgrandparent are you?
You might not be one but the odds are someone in your family will be. There are three kinds: long-term stepgrandparents raised a stepchild and then became a grandparent when their stepchild had a kid. Inherited stepgrandparents inherited grandchildren when their adult son or daughter became a stepparent. And later-life stepgrandparents married a grandparent and instantly got stepgrandchildren. No matter what, it’s up to all three generations to act in loving ways and build a relationship.
June 20, 2017
Do you know how to win friends and influence people? It might not be with you think.
We’ve lost the art of persuasion. We resort to loud declarations and a pushy attitude in politics, in sports and sometimes at home. Proverbs 25:15 suggests a more powerful approach. Patience can persuade a ruler, it says, and soft speech powerful enough to break a bone. No, we’re not trying to hurt someone. The point is, gentleness and kindness might not be quick but the outcome is significant. For example, a pushy stepparent is easily dismissed but a tender leader might find he has a following.
June 19, 2017
Would you like to make Father’s Day a great day for your dad? Get along!
There are times we need to work through family conflicts. But there are other occasions when we should set them aside. Friends of mine had a special occasion celebrating the dad in the family. Now, it was a blended family so when the adult children showed up they got territorial and before you know it the occasion was ruined. One of the greatest gifts you can give a parent is peace. Get along! Set aside your insecurities for a minute and celebrate dad this weekend. And let him take a nap!
June 16, 2017