When Stepsiblings Don’t Get Along
October 17, 2017
00:00
Fight, fight! When new siblings don’t get along.
Jessica’s daughter gets along great with her stepsister who’s about the same age, but the older stepsister wants nothing to do with her. And everyone feels the tension. Respond to sibling conflict by helping them resolve the issue, but when one sibling is holding out or mistreating the other coach them toward love. Call them up to decency and generosity and encourage leadership in older siblings. Help them see the opportunity, not the inconvenience, of being a positive influence.
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Have you ever seen a knife sharpen itself?
To sharpen a knife blade you need to rub it against what's called a whetstone sharpener. I’m fascinated by people who think they can get sharper by attending church online or going to worship with hundreds of people but never go to a class or small group where they have to actually talk to somebody. To sharpen your life, you have to have interaction. “One man sharpens another,” says Proverbs 27. Surround yourself with people who sharpen your character and you’ll be a sharper disciple of Jesus.
October 16, 2017
Okay, imagine your parents are madly in love. And then one day you see one of your parents kissing someone else. What do you feel?
Well, you probably feel a mixture of anger, confusion, disbelief, and fear. Oh, and insecurity. You feel insecure because the foundation of your life is knowing where you came from, who loves you, and where home is, right? What if that parent is divorced? Or widowed? To a large degree, a child of any age still feels the same way when they see a parent kissing someone else. It’s just hard. Dating single parents see your new relationship through the eyes of your children and then respond with compassion.
October 13, 2017
Hey, I’m not in a stepfamily. So how come you make so much sense?
I’ve become aware that many of you who listen to this daily feature don’t live in a stepfamily but you grew up in one or you’ve lost a parent or you’ve come from a divorced family. And you keep hearing aspects of your life in the things that I talk about. Sometimes that’s good but sometimes it just brings up pain. So what do you do? Well, talk to the Lord about it. Lay it at His feet. Wrestle with forgiveness or what you can do to improve the situation. Childhood pain just stays pain unless you grow through it. You know what? Maybe now’s the time.
October 12, 2017
“Ron, my teenager is boycotting dinner. Should we make her join us?”
When a teenager starts protesting something we as parents should both listen and speak. Listen to what they are angry or hurt about. In this case, the father had recently married and his 17-year-old was taking it pretty hard. But also speak to lead the child with grace. I told the dad, “Tell your daughter she doesn’t have to love her stepmother, but if she wants to eat she needs to show up for dinner with a decent attitude. Meet your daughter half-way and insist that she meet you half-way.”
October 11, 2017
But how do you cook stew when some of the ingredients aren’t in the pot?
You’ve heard me say that the best way to cook a stepfamily is with a crockpot. But what if an ingredient isn’t in the crockpot? Say, a child has limited contact or is an adult with their own life and family? Well, you can only cook ingredients when they are in the pot so lower your expectations and take advantage of the time you do have. Remain open even if they are not. It may feel distant for a while, but time has a way of softening ingredients. Just remember you’re not done cooking yet.
October 10, 2017
One way to mature as a person is to stop bragging.
Whether it’s an athlete pounding their chest or someone posting about their latest accomplishment, our world seems to love people who call attention to themselves. Ah, when a four-year-old does that we call it annoying, but for some reason our world calls it swagger. The Bible calls it immaturity. Proverbs 27 says, “Let another praise you, and not your own mouth.” Hey, if someone notices and compliments you on a job well done, great! But don’t’ call attention to yourself, just quietly be Jesus.
October 9, 2017
Mark Twain once said, “A cat that sits on a hot stove won’t sit on a hot stove again.” Then he added, “Neither will it sit on a cold stove.”
When the death of a spouse or a divorce precedes a stepfamily marriage it’s easy for spouses to fear getting burned again. The problem is the fear of being hurt makes us withhold ourselves and stop loving. Well, that’s obviously not going to help. So what is the antidote? Love as if you’ve never been burned before. That’s probably going to take some courage and a lot of prayer but think of the rewards that will come when you do unto your spouse, as you would have them do unto you.
October 6, 2017
Parents it may be time for a business meeting.
Be proactive with a planned time to discuss your parenting strategies. Call it a business meeting if you want to but you need to do it. I also recommend that co-parents do the same thing. You can address visitation schedules, report cards, discipline strategies, and spiritual development. What you don’t discuss is your personal life or old issues because this is a parenting meeting not a personal one. Drawing the line between those two things is very important but if you can do it, your kids win.
October 5, 2017
When I say the word parent, what comes to mind?
The church is a bridge between God’s truth and a fallen world. A new U.S. report reveals that one parent in nearly 20% of married couples has had a child with at least two partners. This creates a variety of complex marriage and parenting situations with half and stepsibilings that is rarely addressed by the church. If you're in ministry, make sure your family training addresses complex families, and you non-traditional parents, ask your church to provide relevant teaching.
October 4, 2017
Most of us are living with the illusion of control.
Proverbs 27 has a sobering reminder: “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.” Life can turn on a dime. But honestly, most of us think we control it. I did until my son died and I realized how small and powerless I really am. Hey, if you think you run the world that’s an illusion. People will tell you that your destiny is in your hands and you have what it takes. The Bible reminds you to stay dependent on God and humble about life. It could change in a heartbeat.
October 3, 2017
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Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.