Do you know your heart?
In the Bible Proverbs 27:19 says, “…the heart of man reflects the man.” It’s the heart of a person—their mind, their passions, what they value in life—that makes it clear what someone is really about. Our world judges on the outside but God looks on the heart and so should we. Especially our own heart. We have this uncanny ability to fool ourselves and get so wrapped up in doing we forget to ask what that reveals about our passions and values. So let’s ask, “What does my heart reflect about me?”
December 19, 2017
What’s the best thing a father can do for his children?
If you believe the old adage, the answer is love their mother because together they provide a healthy environment for their children. Is that also true for stepfathers? Well, in the beginning a stepfather is, in effect, taking the mother away from the kids at least that’s the way it feels to them. But eventually, when the family has had time to bond and connect, the answer is yes. A loving marriage at first puts the kids in a jam, but eventually becomes the glue that holds the family together.
December 18, 2017
Okay, here’s an odd one. One of the ways we help children grieve well is by making them pick up their socks.
One big temptation for parents of a grieving child is to go soft on them. They have been through a lot and so have you and you ache for them. But you need to keep holding them responsible for their behavior. Ephesians 4:26 suggests we can be angry and not sin. In other words, we are still responsible to manage our behavior even when we are feeling bad. Be sympathetic for their struggles and hug their sadness but at the same time hold them accountable for their actions and expect obedience.
December 15, 2017
Did you know that sometimes anger is a window into a child’s grief?
All parents need to know that for kids sometimes mad is really sad. Young children may not have words to express their pain or loss so they throw a tantrum. In teenagers an uncooperative attitude can really just be tears. Learn to listen beneath a child’s behavior and comment with compassion. Say something like, “I can tell you are upset. I’m also wondering if you are sad about something.” You might not be able to fix the circumstances but listening to their words is hugging their heart.
December 14, 2017
You know if you are grieving, you know grieving is hard. So how do you help a child grieve?
When we experience a loss we need relational, psychological, and spiritual anchors to hold us steady. One anchor for children is the consistent presence of people they trust to help them deal with the loss. They also need spiritual perspective on things like how a good God could allow bad things to happen even though he loves us. As a parent in a blended family or a stepparent make sure the kids have these anchors because grieving the past has everything to do with accepting you in the present.
December 13, 2017
If you are a parent, you might just also be a grief counselor.
It’s funny. Grief is an emotion that will not be denied but in our culture we try hard to deny it. We expect sad people to get over it in just a few weeks. We think faith and a quick sermon from Romans 8:28 will make sadness go away. But it doesn’t. In single parent families and blended families kids need you to be authentic with your sadness, to give permission to their sadness, and to listen to their stories. Grief is a journey not a destination and it is best that children not travel alone
December 11, 2017
Okay, so you are a mom in a blended family. Have you ever heard this one before? You love him more than you love us.
You know lots of moms or dads have heard that accusation from their kids. It usually comes when the kids are feeling insecure. So what do you do? What is the priority in your life? Well, here is what you say. “My spouse is the most important adult in my life. You kids are the most important kids in my life. I love you both very much. God has given me more than enough love for all of you. I will always be here for you.” One antidote to a child’s insecurity is your reassurance and a big hug.
December 8, 2017
I once asked a seven-year-old what it felt like when her mom married her stepfather. She said, “Well, it’s kind of like when a friend pushes you down on the playground and runs off and leaves you.” Ouch.
The problem here is that mom threw all of her time and energy into the new relationship and it came at the neglect of her child. If you are a single parent I suggest a good balance in dating. Spend time with your kids. Spend time with the person you are dating. If you are already married in a blended family, keep a fresh connection with each child. Ironically, this will make it easier for your kids to embrace their stepparent and stepsiblings because they are not competing with them for you.
December 7, 2017
Healthy co-parenting is hard. So, is it worth all the hard work?
Co-parenting is increasingly common these days. When we get it right, there are a lot of benefits. It reduces loyalty conflicts in children. It decreases resentment between homes, making it emotionally safer for kids to move back and forth. It improves the psychological well-being of children. It fosters cooperative parenting, which means kids can’t play one home against the other. And it reduces stress in a couple’s relationship, strengthening their marriage. I’d say it’s well worth it.
December 6, 2017