Thick Skin
May 29, 2018
00:00
All right people. It’s time to put on your thick skin.
Tammy worked really hard to make everyone in her stepfamily feel like they belonged. But after two years, she still complained that when their six adult children came over for dinner she would “lose her husband” to his kids. Look, it’s common for parents to feel pulled between their kids and their spouse—and someone usually feels left out. But it helps if you put on your thick skin and not be so sensitive. Making every moment a test of loyalty likely means you feel like your family is failing.
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Archives
To be a successful stepmom, do what successful stepmoms do.
Karen called to tell me that her relationship with her stepdaughter had gotten much better after several years. “What did you do to get there?” I asked. Her advice was gold: Remember that kids have a different perspective than you, so don’t take everything personally, she said. Never talk negatively about their biological mom and know your place. You’re not the parent so don’t try to push your way in. Be their friend first and it will grow from there. Bottom line: Just love them as best you can.
May 28, 2018
Could it be true that Cinderella was right and stepmothers really are wicked?
Of course, we wouldn't say that. Did you know that the original version of Cinderella portrayed a mother as the wicked parent? Apparently, people had a hard time believing that a mother could do that so the Brothers Grimm later changed the story to a wicked stepmother. I think it’s time we change the story again. The next time you hear someone throw a stepmom under the bus let them know that you are grateful for the millions of stepmothers who are loving and caring for children not their own.
May 25, 2018
Ever since Adam and Eve people have been playing it—the blame game.
You know how to play it, right? Something’s not right in your world so you find someone to blame. When there is conflict in a relationship, you blame the other person for their part, completely ignoring your part. Blended families do this, too. May I suggest you look in the mirror. Focusing on your part astronomically improves the odds that you can change the situation. You know, Jesus told us what to do. “First, take the log out of your own eye.”
May 24, 2018
Man, we sure are fickle about commitment.
Did you hear? Couples can now buy commitment rings—not as a symbol of marital commitment—but to keep your partner from cheating on you…on Netflix. Yeah, I’m serious. These rings sync with the streaming service so you can’t watch unless both rings are together. The irony, of course, is that many cohabiting couples will insist on this new approach to Hulu fidelity, but not a wedding ring. Let me ask you, in a world of fickle values about commitment, who are you listening to?
May 23, 2018
You know, sometimes it’s the little things that count.
Have you ever had someone surprise you with an unexpected gift or act of service? Judy, a chaplain at a production plant, said one of her co-workers visited a new church. After that visit, a children’s ministry leader, who talked with the parents when they dropped off their children, sent them blended family resources. As it turns out, the family needed encouragement. It’s impressive the ministry leader was equipped but more importantly, that simple gesture made a big impression.
May 22, 2018
Have you ever prayed for poverty? Well, neither should you pray for riches.
Twice before I left home I was encouraged by the news to play the Mega Ball Jackpot. Get rich quick! But maybe wealth is not a good idea. The writer of Proverbs 30 insightfully prays that he not live in poverty or riches. “Being poor might lead to stealing,” he says; “being rich to being self-sufficient and not needing God. Just give me the food I need,” he says. Put away the fantasy of being rich and focus on trusting God as your provider—giving what is needed—what you probably already have.
May 21, 2018
When it comes to parenting, sometimes adults should be…well…stubborn!
Whether it is the “terrible two’s” or the adolescent years, sometimes kids are just tough to parent. Stepparenting can be challenging, too, but what helps move both child and adult through the season is a stepparent who persistently pursues relationship with the child and resolution of their issues. You know what God is to us? A stubborn loving Presence who declares, “Never will I leave you or forsake you.” Be that for your kids.
May 18, 2018
What happens when your system of money management is paired with pain? Well, nothing good that’s what.
I know a guy who insisted on a prenuptial agreement with his second wife. His first wife had an affair, divorced him, and took everything he had. He didn’t want to go through that again. Pain was dictating his behavior and that’s never a good approach to life. The challenge for many stepfamily couples is deciding whether fair will be defined through the lens of pain or hope. Maybe the answer is in how God loves and provides for you: does he do that sparingly or with overflowing abundance?
May 17, 2018
Please, don’t misunderstand me.
If you’re in a difficult first marriage and you hear me talking about healthy stepfamilies, please don’t take that as permission to turn your back on your marriage vows or think divorce isn’t hard on kids. Leila Miller says children of divorce often have ongoing pain, difficulty trusting others, and have lost their sense of home. My point is this: As far as it depends on you, honor your vows. Don’t take divorce lightly.
May 16, 2018
What do you do when stuck between your spouse and your children?
This dynamic happens in all families, but blended families are particularly susceptible. Linda wisely said, “If there’s disagreement between me and my husband, we discuss it without the kids present and come to a consensus.” This couple values their unity so they’re willing to manage how they negotiate a decision. Kids are not allowed in the discussion. If the child is there, it changes everything. Finding agreement is difficult enough. Manage the process so the process doesn’t manage you.
May 15, 2018
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Featured Offer
Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.