The Magic of Christmas
December 25, 2019
00:00
Ahhh, can you feel that? It’s the magic of Christmas!
It’s not like there’s extra grace or Holy Spirit power floating around on this day. And yet, it does seem that believers and nonbelievers alike are more selfless. Maybe it’s the giving nature of the season that softens our hearts. All family relationships get strained occasionally. Maybe this magical season is your opportunity to give the gift of forgiveness and restore a relationship. A long time ago that’s just what a little baby born in a manger did and we’re still celebrating!
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Ron, I just don’t think I was cut out to be part of a stepfamily.
I wish this exhausted stepparent had asked, “How do I keep going?” The Bible encourages us in Proverbs 13, “The lazy will not get what they want, but those who work hard will.” It’s not a matter of whether she was “cut out” to be a stepmom; it’s a matter of perseverance. She’s not lazy but sometimes the expectation that stepfamily harmony will happen quickly without much effort really is. For most, blending is not a sprint. With God’s guidance and a diligent attitude, you will finish.
December 24, 2019
We all have a God-shaped hole in our heart. And a dad-shaped hole.
When a dad fills that special place in a child’s heart with love and guidance it feels great. But when a dad is missing there’s a gap. It's easy to label him a deadbeat dad but I’ve met a lot of dads who are disconnected because their ex is blocking them or because of physical distance. And sometimes the non-custodial dad thinks it’s easier on his kids if he stays away. Well, it’s not. Hey dad, you're needed and you can do this. There’s a hole in your child’s heart waiting for you to fill.
December 23, 2019
Do you know what goes well together? Grandparents and Christmas!
Christmas is a natural time to connect the generations. Sometimes stepfamilies are still trying to figure that out. Some stepgrandparents fall into that role because someone else decided to get married. The bonding process between the generations is dependent upon the motivation of all the people. The stepgrandparent, the adult child, and the stepgrandchild. This Christmas take advantage of your opportunities. Talk. Share. Play games. There are memories to be made and a Savior to share.
December 20, 2019
Is your family walking the path of righteousness?
Proverbs 12:28 says, “In the path of righteousness there’s life.” Part of maturing as a disciple is recognizing God’s path doesn’t ruin our fun. It creates a context for healthy living and relationships, both with him and others. When parents and stepparents trust that with all their heart, they'll encourage their children to walk the righteous path. They’ll have expectations that honor truth, set boundaries to help kids walk the road, and gently discipline them to invite them back on the path.
December 19, 2019
So what’s your level of love?
French abbot Bernard of Clairvaux said there are four levels of love. First, the lowest level is to love myself solely. (That’s not love. That’s being self-absorbed.) Second, to love you for my sake. (That’s using people.) Third, to love you for your sake. (That’s more like it. Selflessness.) But the highest level of love, he said, is to love myself for your sake. Didn’t Jesus say to love your neighbor as yourself? Knowing you’re valuable so you can give yourself away sounds like Jesus to me.
December 18, 2019
Parenting a troubled child always begins with managing ourselves first.
If your child is sad, angry, or depressed you feel something, too. If you’re aggravated your response will likely be dismissive or sharp. If you’re worried you may try to fix them. Both of these responses are self-serving. Start by noticing your emotions. Then listen to your child and hear beneath their words. Sadness in a child says something is missing. Anger says “I’m hurt or frustrated;” and feeling alone reflects a desire to belong. Help your child with that and then you’re really helping.
December 17, 2019
When our kids are troubled, it troubles us.
Kids are bothered about lots of things and it's all very real for them. And parents are tempted to minimize their troubled emotions. “I’m sure she didn’t mean it.” “Don’t worry about missing the ball; it’s just a game.” Think about what’s happening here. We’re trying to talk our child out of feeling bad. Does that work with you? So here’s what you do. Calm yourself as you listen, so you can calm them. Acknowledge their concerns. Then pray and hug them to show how concerned you really are.
December 16, 2019
When someone you care about becomes unavailable to you, what do you do?
Most of us find a way to voice our hurt. We get angry or critical or pursue more attention. When a stepfamily forms kids often lose connection with their parent who is understandably invested in a new marriage. So, parents, maintain touch points with little rituals that communicate love and closeness like a special look or phrase you share. Or a bedtime story or activity that keeps you connected. When you can’t be together physically make use of technology—video chat, texting, or a phone call.
December 13, 2019
When someone is beating you down, how do you stand up?
At some point nearly all of us have to work with, live with, or live in connection with someone who is critical or condescending. Have you ever noticed that self-esteem is fragile and fleeting? I think God-esteem is much better. It says I am somebody, not because of my accomplishments, but because of what God is accomplishing in me. Through Jesus I am bought, loved, forgiven, and accepted—a child of the King. Now, that is a bottomless well of worthiness I can draw from so I can love others.
December 12, 2019
Do you have a plan for your work day or future goals? How about a parenting plan?
Here are some more stepparent do’s and don’ts. Do make sure the biological parent has your back. Without that your authority is going to fall flat. And when you have a disagreement, and you will, settle it in private. Don’t unilaterally change rules. Get together with the biological parent and make the changes together. And, finally do communicate with the biological parent. In fact, over communicate and if you’re uncertain about something talk about it together before giving the kids an answer.
December 11, 2019
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Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.