Take Off, Put On: Self-Control
March 3, 2021
00:00
Hey, man, get a hold of yourself. Many people fall prey to their own passions, desires, and emotions. But getting a hold of yourself is about taking command of your tongue, your selfish desires, and your fears. So, whether you’re a parent who doesn’t follow through on discipline because you feel guilty about something, an employee who cuts corners because everyone else does, or a teenager who back-talks a stepparent when you’re really frustrated with your mom or dad—you’re not exercising self-control. Ask God to help you.
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When it comes to parenting united you stand, but divided they fall. Parents who disagree on how to parent find that their kids are the ones who fall through the cracks or get caught in the crossfire. This is really true in blended families because you’re divided on day one as a family and you stay stuck that way. One thing that can unify you is good parenting. Read a book together or join a small group—there’s lots of parent training available. You have no excuse. Stop arguing. Getting on the same parenting page will bridge your gaps and strengthen your home.
March 2, 2021
After 34 years David’s parents got a divorce. And he began to question everything. There’s a growing trend of long-time married couples divorcing and the echoes of divorce make adult children question their own relationships. David said, “If their marriage turned out not to be strong, maybe mine’s not either." The loss of confidence is understandable. Questioning one thing makes you question a lot of things, but you can silence the echoes by renewing your trust in God and each other. Talk. Connect with your spouse and stay committed. Their life does not have to become yours.
March 1, 2021
You’ve heard of the trickle-down effect, right? Well, parents have one, too. Proverbs 29 says: “If a ruler listens to falsehood, all his officials will be wicked.” The principle is what influences the leader trickles down to those he leads. That’s true of parents, too. Perhaps that’s why Proverbs 23 says, “Apply your heart to instruction and your ear to words of knowledge. Do not withhold discipline from a child…” The order is important. First, apply your heart to instruction and knowledge, then, THEN, teach your children. What influences you trickles down to your kids.
February 26, 2021
Interrupting is disrespectful. I was 10 and I just had to tell my parent's friend, Mrs. Roush something. She held up her hand like a traffic cop, shook her head “no,” and kept talking to her friend until she finished, then I could talk. Now, all kids need to learn not to interrupt adults because it teaches a child respect. They shouldn’t interrupt parents either because whoever gets to interrupt gets to be in charge. So, in stepfamilies a biological parent can support a stepparent just by not allowing kids to interrupt.
February 25, 2021
When one partner holds all the wild cards, the other partner just folds. Mark held all the cards and still he believed his second wife should trust him. He made her sign a prenuptial agreement and then he managed their finances and determined her monthly allowance. Then seven years into their marriage, he set up a trust to provide for his kids but forced her to sign it without letting her read it first. This is not how you foster trust in a relationship. Treat each other like equal partners, shower one another with kindness and sacrifice. That is how you do it.
February 24, 2021
Those famous last words can get you in trouble. My wife taught me a great lesson once. She wanted to keep her job despite being caught in a difficult administrative situation. Before leaving the organization, she could have shared some “famous last words” but she didn’t. Then things changed and because the administrators witnessed her integrity, they invited her to stay. Apply this in your work life. Or with a spouse or even an ex-spouse. When you have choice words hold your tongue. Who knows what can be mended or how God can be glorified.
February 23, 2021
Here’s a tale of two co-parents: the fool and the wise. Proverbs 29 says when a fool and a wise person have a dispute; the fool will rant and give full vent to their anger. Now this happens in countless situations, but I see it a lot between ex-spouses who are assigned the responsibility to co-parent their children. This means godly parents are at times subjected to outrageous behavior and if that’s you, I’m sorry. Just remember this, everyone, especially children, knows exactly who the fool is and who is not. So let integrity be your guide.
February 22, 2021
I suggest you check your confirmation bias at the door. I love in marriage counseling when I can help one person who feels unloved to realize their partner really does care. Sometimes the person who feels unwanted can't see it because of their confirmation bias, that’s their tendency to only see things that support their belief that they are not loved. We all have bias in relationships. Once we form a perception about someone we interpret their behavior in a way that supports our perception. We freeze frame them. Well, now I’m part of the problem.
February 19, 2021
Are you still doing your kid’s laundry? At college orientation, they told us parents to stop doing our kid’s laundry. We haven’t done Brennan’s laundry since sixth grade, but apparently, lots of parents do it for their eighteen-year olds. So why would you do for your kids what they can do for themselves? The answer I bet has more to do with you than them. Here’s the thing, eventually your need becomes theirs when they are incompetent to do life and dependent on other people. Hey, quit doing their laundry!
February 18, 2021
Sibling jealousy…can happen at any age. Sibling jealousy happens when an only child is dethroned by the new baby who gets all the attention. But it can also happen when adopted or foster kids are added to the home; or when stepsiblings come for a weekend visit. Because the fear of being displaced is usually at the heart of these situations, the prescription is essentially the same. Move emotionally toward the jealous child. Spend time with them, invite them to play a helpful role with the new sibling, and then foster a sense of team.
February 17, 2021
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Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.