Sibling Jealousy
February 17, 2021
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Sibling jealousy…can happen at any age. Sibling jealousy happens when an only child is dethroned by the new baby who gets all the attention. But it can also happen when adopted or foster kids are added to the home; or when stepsiblings come for a weekend visit. Because the fear of being displaced is usually at the heart of these situations, the prescription is essentially the same. Move emotionally toward the jealous child. Spend time with them, invite them to play a helpful role with the new sibling, and then foster a sense of team.
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“Ron, you should see your face.” Our boys were young and my wife was giving me parenting feedback. She said, “Ron, you’re a great dad. I love it when you discipline our kids but you should see your face. You’re intimidating and they feel rejected.” Well, that was hard to hear. But I took it to heart, and added the fruit of gentleness to my discipline. Turns out smiling when saying “no” was far more powerful. But to get there I had to take off harshness and put on gentleness. It’s your turn. Add gentleness to who you are today.
February 16, 2021
It’s time for a little stepfamily math. A family of five has about 20 relationships to manage but what about a stepfamily of five? Well, add the ex-spouses, their new partners and their children and a stepfamily of five has 210 relationships to manage. Then there is the confused identity multiplier. The stepdad has one idea of his role, his wife has a second, his stepchildren, biological child and his wife’s ex-husband have others. That calculates to 420 relationships. No wonder stepfamilies are tired. Don’t worry we’ve got your back.
February 15, 2021
How do you celebrate marital oneness when your family isn’t one? There may be many people wondering that this Valentine’s Day since this is a day to celebrate love and romance but what if there is strife in your extended family? Or maybe your blended family isn’t very blended. You two are doing great but you may have concerns for the kids. How do you enjoy a day like Valentines? Well, you may have to compartmentalize. No, not everything is hunky-dory, but thank God for your spouse and celebrate what is going well in your marriage. It’s okay to do that.
February 12, 2021
Out with the old and in with the new. But where do you start? The Bible, in Ephesians 4, calls Christians to take off the old self and put on the new. A new righteous and holy self? How do I do that? Well, be renewed in the spirit of your minds, Paul says. Make a list of attitudes and behaviors you need to take off. Then review the fruit of the Spirt in Galatians 5:22. The goal is to renew your mind. Take off the old and put on the fruit. Get started today and build your list of attitudes to take off.
February 11, 2021
When performing a parenting musical composition, it’s important for parents to know their part. The honorable “first chair” distinction is important for musicians. In a stepfamily on day one biological parents are first chair. The strength of their relationship and longevity with the child allows them to lead and play the solo moments when necessary. The stepparent on day one is second chair. Now, both are playing from the same sheet of parenting music and together their section sounds fuller and blends well when playing in harmony especially when they follow the conductor.
February 10, 2021
I know what your enemies say about you, but what does Scripture say about your worth? Self-esteem is a good thing but God-esteem is even better. In the Bible, 2 Corinthians 5-6 says that in Christ we are the righteousness of God, that God is our father and we are his sons and daughters. Ephesians 2 says we are alive in Christ; a dwelling place for the Holy Spirit. So, who are you? You are loved and forgiven, a child of the King. Worthy of respect and love. A gift, ready and able to give yourself in the service of others. Now that’s the truth. Why don’t we start living it?
February 9, 2021
How does being loved by God help you to love others? Have you noticed that loving God and being loved by God helps us to love others and vice versa. So, when I rest in my love relationship with God, I won’t idolize someone else’s love for me because I’m already loved. Conflict stings a little less. Apologies come more quickly. Forgiveness is easier to grant. And self-respect shows itself in both sacrifice and sometimes saying, “No.” In stepfamilies, resting in God’s love provides stability and gives you a sense of worth even when rejected.
February 8, 2021
You know, we really shouldn’t be surprised when our children misbehave. Why not? Well, because in the Bible Proverbs 22 says, ”Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.” This verse reminds me of the parent educator who said we spend the first 18 months of our child’s life meeting their every desire, and then spend the next 18 years trying to get that expectation out of them. But that’s the good news of this verse—moral teaching drives foolishness away. Be encouraged parents and stepparents and just stay after it.
February 5, 2021
Here’s a dilemma: How do you find permanence in a relationship without making a permanent commitment? You know what a wedding is, right? It’s the day a man and a woman draw a line in the sand and step over it together. I’ve heard some people argue that living with someone is essentially the same thing. Then I say, “Oh, so it won’t matter is you go ahead and get married then.” To which they start backpedaling pretty fast. People intuitively know that marriage is different. Paper may not make a difference, but commitment does. Do you want permanence? Choose permanence.
February 4, 2021
Family meetings. It might be worth trying. Some of you have already benefitted from my article on family meetings. This testimony from a stepdad explains why they can be so much more than just a meeting. “We started family meetings by necessity,” he told me. “We kept running into walls with the kids so we decided to get together and talk about it. At first the meetings were all problem centered. But then we realized we could get proactive. Now, looking back it did more than solve problems. We figured out how to be a family.”
February 3, 2021
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Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.