Separate Accounts?
March 31, 2021
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In marriage, is “separate” ever okay? A consumer magazine offered this financial advice. “Consider separate accounts for your expenses that are all your own.” They were talking to blended family couples and encouraging separate bank accounts. But that creates a trust issue doesn’t it? One man said, “I thought the point of marriage was oneness. How can couples become one if they keep their money separate?” Stepfamily finances are tricky. Consider all the factors, consult with a financial planner, and make a decision together.
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You’ve heard me say it before, “As parents united you stand, but divided they fall.” Parents who are united in their parenting approach provide more stability and consistency in their home. But, practically, how do you get on the same page if you have different parenting styles? Well, go to a class. Read a book. What has influenced you as a parent? What are your thoughts about discipline, punishment, and encouragement? Write it down so you can be clear. Then share that with your spouse and merge your ideas from there. It’ll take some work, but your kids are worth it.
March 30, 2021
Sometimes in parenting, one parent is a lot more serious about godliness than the other. When parents agree to live by and teach God’s statues for godliness, children see a consistent message. But sometimes parents don’t see eye to eye and kids get confused. This can happen with a married couple or to parents living in separate homes. Either way, the task for the parent with the higher standard is to be intentional about what you teach and model because both the child and the other parent are watching. Trust God to convict their hearts while you let your light shine brightly.
March 29, 2021
Do you know why kids have middle names? So, they’ll know when to behave. Words are empty without action. Proverbs 29:19 nails it: “By mere words a servant is not disciplined, for though he understands, he will not respond.” Kids understand what you want but as long as you argue with them, they don’t have to do it. Stop talking and do something. One of my kids slammed his door in my face. Without a word, I took it off the hinges for three days. No, we can’t control our kids, but we are in charge of their environment. Do something.
March 26, 2021
Hey, don’t text and drive. And don’t text and parent. Kids have a new rivalry in their lives: their parents’ devices. I know kids are glued to their screens; too, but how will they learn moderation if we don’t model it for them? Back in 2009, a study found that for every hour a TV is on in the home parents speak 500 to 1000 less words per day to their child. Imagine what it is today. So, to avoid distraction, set your phone down. Be intentional about being available. We tell them not to text and drive. Don’t text and parent.
March 25, 2021
Godly people try to make friends out of enemies. Maybe you saw the viral video of the mom who took a birthday gift to her daughter’s dad…and stepmom. Of course, everybody wanted to know why because moms and stepmoms are supposed to be enemies, right? Just because it is often like that doesn’t mean it should be. See, this Mom had been going through a tough time and her ex and the stepmom had been supportive. To say “thank you” she took them a gift. The whole world and her daughter got to watch and be inspired. Now that’s how you co-parent.
March 24, 2021
Have you ever thought, “Maybe I’m being too negative”? I regularly talk on the radio about the blessings and challenges of blended family living. Why? Because no one else is and there’s a huge population of people living in stepfamilies. Because there are predictable challenges the first decade I want to help prepare you. But my fear is that talking about the challenges makes you think there are few rewards. That’s just not true. When you’re climbing the mountain, you can’t always see the vista. Trust me, it’s there. Just keep climbing.
March 23, 2021
When it comes to time with your kids, backing out is backing down. Some segments of society view men as peripheral to the family. Both sides buy the lie—some moms would prefer he step back, and he is willing to back out. A divorced man said to me once, “If my kids don’t want to come over I don’t make them.” I said, “Why? Why would you do that? Do you let them decide not to eat their vegetables or do their homework? I sure hope not.” Kids don’t always know what they need. That’s why God gave them parents. Don’t back out. Keep your time. Your love matters.
March 22, 2021
When jumping into a river, try avoiding the rapids! Parenting has many seasons to it. If you’ve got a kid over 20, you know what I mean. Stepparents and foster parents jump into that river mid-stream—while learning to swim at the same time. Reactions like, “my kid never acted like this.” Or, “I’ve never had a teenager before—is this normal?” are common. Hey, it’s easy to get lost in the rapids so help each other out. The biological parent can fill in a few gaps while the stepparent plays catch-up. Slow down. Get in sync. And hang on for the ride.
March 19, 2021
When it comes to kids, who you respect is who they respect. Daniel’s stepdad was important to him. His stepdad was his dad. He loved, honored, and valued him and yet his respect was limited. You see, Daniel’s mother never allowed his stepdad to discipline him and she made it very clear that if push came to shove she would choose Daniel and walk away. As a result, his stepdad had limited authority and Daniel knew it. Here’s the take-away: Who we respect—in all aspects of life—is who our children respect. In parenting, make sure you lift one another up.
March 18, 2021
Don’t fracture a child’s heart. Put it together and let love flow freely. Sometimes co-parents are tempted to dampen a child’s relationship with the other parent. Listen, it is every parent’s responsibility to encourage their child to keep in contact. Not just visit, but have a strong relationship. Alienators will take advantage and say, “They don’t want to go to their mom’s house, so I don’t make them.” No. That’s not right. We don’t let a child’s hesitation keep them from things. So, unless there is abuse, encourage the relationship and celebrate the other parent.
March 17, 2021
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Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.