Possessions vs. Family
December 28, 2017
00:00
What’s more important to you—possessions or people?
Have you seen the car commercial where the husband lies to his wife so he can drive his new car? The caption is, “You’ll do anything to take it for a drive.” Really? This car is so special you’d rather betray your wife than not drive it? The assumption people value possessions more than family seems ludicrous when you say it out-loud, but what if there’s some truth to it? If someone were to document how much time and energy you put into your possessions, might they believe you cherish them more?
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Here’s an idea for all parents: Smile, when you say “no.”
By his own admission, Steve was demanding as a parent. He had to be after his wife died leaving him with three teenagers to raise. Years later, when he married and became a stepdad, his authoritarian style was well set. But what worked as a parent backfired as a stepparent. I suggested he put a smile with his “no.” I explained we get more influential as parents when we are gentle, yet firm. When we’re calm while we set boundaries or handle discipline. Grace and truth is a powerful combination.
December 27, 2017
Did your mother ever tell you to save for a rainy day? So, did Solomon.
Many people struggle financially, in part because they are in debt and living paycheck to paycheck while buying cars and devices they can’t afford. Well, in Proverbs 27 Solomon encourages us to adopt a wise financial strategy. “Know the condition of your flocks,” he begins. “Give attention to managing what you have, for riches” he continued, “do not last forever.” Don’t waste what you have. Set some aside for a rainy day so when conditions deteriorate, you and your family will not be in need.
December 26, 2017
That precious Messiah baby…was born to die.
In her stepfamily devotional, Seeking a Silent Night, Laura Petherbridge notes that the image of a bloody Savior is gruesome and difficult; we much prefer the adorable, approachable baby Jesus in a manger. But that baby was born to die for you and me. And when life becomes difficult, he is the anchor. When relationships are strained or the bank account empty, he gives strength. Come kneel beside the manger. Do you see him? Do you know he came for you? It’s true. This is the miracle of Christmas.
December 25, 2017
When it comes to traditions, you need something old and something new.
Every newly married couple knows they need to honor some traditions they grew up with and build new traditions for their new marriage. Stepfamilies have the same task but it’s more complicated because a lot more people are invested in the old traditions. So, decide on a new tradition, try it, and see what happens. If it doesn’t go well you’ve learned something. If it does go well you’ve gained a new tradition and everyone contributed to the process. Hey, that sounds like a family being born.
December 22, 2017
Hmmm. Second wife, first ornaments.
For blended families, along with the good of holiday traditions, comes resurrected grief and reminders to new stepfamily members that they weren’t first. For example, what does a second wife do with ornaments that say “First Christmas” or “Mommy?” Laura Petherbridge in her stepfamily devotional, Seeking a Silent Night suggests asking your husband and stepchildren what they want to do with them or save them until they get older. By honoring their relationship with their mom, you honor them.
December 21, 2017
One voice worth listening to is the voice of experience.
We asked our social media readers in what way they underestimated how living in a stepfamily would be hard on their marriage. Nicole said, “I didn’t know how hard it would be to deal with another household.” Stepmom Brittany and her husband have struggled to unite their parenting styles. And the eight kids in Kari’s home are all grieving a deceased parent. What’s the point? As Christina said, “Rely on Jesus to sustain you.” And, then she thanked us for helping her anticipate the challenges.
December 20, 2017
Do you know your heart?
In the Bible Proverbs 27:19 says, “…the heart of man reflects the man.” It’s the heart of a person—their mind, their passions, what they value in life—that makes it clear what someone is really about. Our world judges on the outside but God looks on the heart and so should we. Especially our own heart. We have this uncanny ability to fool ourselves and get so wrapped up in doing we forget to ask what that reveals about our passions and values. So let’s ask, “What does my heart reflect about me?”
December 19, 2017
What’s the best thing a father can do for his children?
If you believe the old adage, the answer is love their mother because together they provide a healthy environment for their children. Is that also true for stepfathers? Well, in the beginning a stepfather is, in effect, taking the mother away from the kids at least that’s the way it feels to them. But eventually, when the family has had time to bond and connect, the answer is yes. A loving marriage at first puts the kids in a jam, but eventually becomes the glue that holds the family together.
December 18, 2017
Okay, here’s an odd one. One of the ways we help children grieve well is by making them pick up their socks.
One big temptation for parents of a grieving child is to go soft on them. They have been through a lot and so have you and you ache for them. But you need to keep holding them responsible for their behavior. Ephesians 4:26 suggests we can be angry and not sin. In other words, we are still responsible to manage our behavior even when we are feeling bad. Be sympathetic for their struggles and hug their sadness but at the same time hold them accountable for their actions and expect obedience.
December 15, 2017
Did you know that sometimes anger is a window into a child’s grief?
All parents need to know that for kids sometimes mad is really sad. Young children may not have words to express their pain or loss so they throw a tantrum. In teenagers an uncooperative attitude can really just be tears. Learn to listen beneath a child’s behavior and comment with compassion. Say something like, “I can tell you are upset. I’m also wondering if you are sad about something.” You might not be able to fix the circumstances but listening to their words is hugging their heart.
December 14, 2017
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Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.