Offering Forgiveness
March 9, 2018
00:00
Have you ever noticed how much easier it is to forgive a family member than somebody else?
Sometimes stepparents and stepchildren can find it more difficult to forgive each other than other family members. One teenager said it this way, “If my dad hurts my feelings, it’s a lot easier to let it go than if my stepmom does.” Easier…yes. Any less important…no. In the Bible, Colossians 3 urges us to forgive our grievances with each other, just as the Lord has forgiven us. As best I can tell, this includes stepfamily members, too.
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Have you ever noticed that in order to stay alive, you have to keep feeding yourself?
You can hardly forget because if you’re not eating your stomach will remind you, right? Relationships need to be fed, too. If you want your relationships to grow then shower people with genuine compliments and don’t stop. Words of appreciation and affirmation can build a stepfamily relationship, foster closeness in a marriage, and encourage cooperation between co-parents. Criticism can undo all of it and build walls of resentment. Don’t just keep your family alive! Feed it appreciation food.
March 8, 2018
When jumping into a river, try avoiding the rapids!
Parenting has many seasons to it. If you’ve got a kid over 20, you know what I mean. Stepparents and foster parents jump into that river mid-stream—while learning to swim at the same time. Reactions like, “my kid never acted like this.” Or, “I’ve never had a teenager before—is this normal?” are common. Hey, it’s easy to get lost in the rapids so help each other out. The biological parent can fill in a few gaps while the stepparent plays catch-up. Slow down. Get in sync. And hang on for the ride.
March 7, 2018
When it comes to kids, who you respect is who they respect.
Daniel’s stepdad was important to him. His stepdad was his dad. He loved, honored, and valued him and yet his respect was limited. You see, Daniel’s mother never allowed his stepdad to discipline him and she made it very clear that if push came to shove she would choose Daniel and walk away. As a result, his stepdad had limited authority and Daniel knew it. Here’s the take-away: Who we respect—in all aspects of life—is who our children respect. In parenting, make sure you lift one another up.
March 6, 2018
Don’t fracture a child’s heart. Put it together and let love flow freely.
Sometimes co-parents are tempted to dampen a child’s relationship with the other parent. Listen, it is every parent’s responsibility to encourage their child to keep in contact. Not just visit, but have a strong relationship. Alienators will take advantage and say, “They don’t want to go to their mom’s house, so I don’t’ make them.” No. That’s not right. We don’t let a child’s hesitation keep them from things. So, unless there is abuse, encourage the relationship and celebrate the other parent.
March 5, 2018
Good parents, respect each other.
There are parenting skills my wife is good at and I’m not. I respect her for it and she respects me for my strengths. That mutual respect helps us be a better team. Did you know heathy divorced or divided parents living in separate homes can do the same thing? There are barriers to overcome but really good co-parents find a way to respect and help each other succeed. Striving for a cooperative spirit with the other home may not be convenient for you but you know who it is good for? Your kids.
March 2, 2018
You know what I love? I love it when our family’s in the car and my wife makes a declaration, “Hey, it’s happy hour. It’s time for a Sonic run!”
Rituals are simple behaviors we repeat on a fairly regular basis. When families share a ritual it creates a connection point that over time builds memories, creates a sense of togetherness, and bonds you together as family. You can see why this is important for blended families. Be intentional to create and maintain rituals that connect. Share a favorite food, tell a joke every day before school, or play a family game after dinner. Hey, you’re in the car right now why not grab a cherry limeade?
March 1, 2018
Anger is a secondary emotion. The question, then, is what’s underneath it?
Proverbs 29:22 says, “A man of wrath stirs up strife, and one given to anger causes much transgression.” If you’ve got a temper, you’ve got problems. In general, people get angry because they are hurt, frustrated, or sad. Maybe they're going through a loss and screaming at the world. Or they feel unimportant to someone they love and the hurt comes out as anger. Or they are frustrated. Whatever it is, to keep your anger from causing sin, deal with the hurt, frustration, or sadness underneath.
February 28, 2018
When it comes to school, sometimes parents need a backpack.
The hallmark of good co-parenting between homes is cooperation. And that applies to helping kids succeed in school. So, how do you do that? If you don’t already, have regular “business meetings” to communicate about the school calendar and who’s bringing the soccer shoes to the game. If you need to pass notes between homes, take the child out of the middle by having a separate backpack the parents exchange. After all, good communication and cooperation is your responsibility, not theirs.
February 27, 2018
So, if you’re having thoughts about getting a divorce should you be concerned?
Over a fourth of people who have ever thought about divorce had good reason to question their marriage but at the end of the day, ninety percent of them are glad they stayed married. Every marriage has good days and bad days. Couples who survive work at their problems or get some counseling. Others just press in, stay committed, and persevere through the questions and doubt. Passing thoughts about divorce are fairly common; the vast majority of people are glad they never act on them.
February 26, 2018
“Ron, my ex-husband is telling our son that he can’t call his stepfather, “Dad.” But, of course, I want him to. Is there anything I can do about that?”
I wish kids could decide what labels they use for stepfamily members but sometimes insecure adults try to dictate the terms they use. To a kid choosing mom or dad’s term is like siding with one against the other. So mom should help her son decide what to do. He could call his stepfather “Dad” when at his mom’s house and then respect his father by calling him something different when at dad’s house. Whatever the boy decides take the pressure off. Tell him he matters to you not the labels.
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February 23, 2018
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Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.