Marital Look Back
October 25, 2018
00:00
Do you know what the difference is between couples who get through rough times and those who don’t?
Discouragement in marriage motivates a dedicated person to keep working on their marriage. The person who stays stuck looks back and wonders if they made a mistake. Look, you didn’t know what you didn’t know and what you didn’t know doesn’t really matter anymore because you made a commitment and commitment expresses itself in the present and the future. If your marriage is struggling ask God for help and seek out someone to provide direction and support but don’t look back. Keep looking forward.
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When two elephants fight, it’s the grass that suffers.
Kids of divorce have a few bumps and bruises but they can fare reasonably well long term if their parents put aside their differences and cooperate as co-parents. The alternative is for parents to argue and fight. The more they do the more wounded their kids become. Co-Parenting is not about you. It’s about what is best for your kids. For you to manage it well you may have to keep forgiving and set aside what you think is fair for you. For their sake you can do this. You have to do this.
October 24, 2018
Choosing what’s best sometimes comes at a price.
Luke 4 in the Bible says that once the word got out about Jesus’ power to heal the sick and cast out demons, people flocked to him and didn’t want him to leave. But he did leave so he could preach about the Kingdom of God to other cities. He said “No” to a good thing in order to say “Yes” to the best thing even if it meant disappointing others. If disappointing others paralyzes you, prepare to be enslaved. Being kingdom focused even if it upsets others and choosing what’s best is what’s best.
October 23, 2018
When daddy’s get along, things go better for kids.
Chris took his tween son on a retreat to talk about healthy sexual identity, romance, girls, etc. And Chris took his former wife’s current husband and his son. You see, Chris gets along with his former wife and his son’s stepdad. A little unusual but impressive. My book The Smart Stepdad states that children who have a good relationship with both their stepfather and their biological father have better life outcomes than kids who have good relationships with just their father. Nice job, guys.
October 22, 2018
What would you say to a stepchild who just said, “You are not my dad. I do not have to do what you say.”?
Part two of the response turns the corner and deals with the behavioral issue of the moment. “You’re right. I’m not your dad but I am the adult here right now and you still have to clean your room. Besides, if your mom were here she’d be asking you to clean your room, too. So it’s your call. You can clean it yourself or we’ll use your allowance and pay your sister to do it for you.” Then turn and walk away. You know, kids need understanding and compassion. They also need to clean their room.
October 19, 2018
What would you say if your stepdaughter just declared, “You’re not my dad; I don’t have to do what you say.”?
Recognize that on some level this teenager is telling you about her sadness. Yes, I know, she doesn’t want to clean her room but she also misses her dad. Sometimes kids defy a stepparent because they are hurting. So, respond first with genuine compassion. “You’re right. I’m not your dad and I can tell that you miss him.” This connects to her heart and shows her you’re really not all that bad. In fact, your gentleness just might earn you some respect and obedience. I'll share part two tomorrow.
October 18, 2018
Hey stepparents, do you have positional authority or relational authority?
Positional authority is what empowers a babysitter to tell the kids to pick up their toys. Relational authority is what a parent or grandparent has. They have an emotional bond with the child so the child obeys out of love and respect. Stepparents start with positional authority but can move towards relational authority over time. Work with the biological parent to decide rules and consequences but let the biological parent handle the discipline. Work together and play to your strengths.
October 17, 2018
When you establish family traditions, you put down deep roots.
Family traditions can be simple: Friday movie and pizza night or an annual camping trip. But traditions have a profound impact: they create bonds, communicate values, and foster shared experiences and memories. Researches have even found that family rituals and traditions reduce anxiety and depression in teens, and have a protective effect on their well-being. In blended families, repeated fun activities and traditions help to form family bonds and define what it means to be part of this family.
October 16, 2018
For the most part, long-term marriage really pays off.
Why does our culture think that long-term marriages are destined to be unhappy and boring? It might be spill-over from negative rhetoric about marriage in general, but let’s be clear. It’s not true. One of the country’s leading sociologists, Dr. Paul Amato said, “Contrary to what many people think, marital quality does not inevitably decline—it tends to remain high or even improve over the decades.” Marital dedication—it’s good for life.
October 15, 2018
Sometimes stepfamily relationships need a kick in the pants.
Throwing the football or exchanging text messages with your stepchildren is just not cutting it. It may be time for a radical road trip that can break through barriers and deepen relationships all while connecting you to what God really cares about. Every year my family goes to Ghana to work with rescued trafficked children. It bonds us together and it deepens our trust in God. A mission trip for your family won’t be cheap or convenient but it might just be the best therapy your family ever had.
October 12, 2018
Wise new stepparents are like hall monitors. They know what’s going on but they aren’t always a part of it.
Eager stepparents have the best of intentions but sometimes they jump into the middle of a child’s life too quickly. So here is a tip. A stepparent monitors. Monitoring means you check in with them about band practice, ask them about friends, the upcoming math test, and what they want for Christmas. But you don’t step into the child’s personal life, feelings, and concerns until they invite you in. Take a small step before you take a bigger step. You won’t just be the hall monitor forever.
October 11, 2018
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Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.