Knock It Off
November 29, 2017
00:00
Criticism is hard to carry.
Imagine if I walked up to you and said, “I can’t believe your mom. Someone should call the authorities on her. Clearly, she doesn’t love you.” My guess is you’d be pretty mad at me. But what if it wasn’t me talking about your mom? It was your dad. Or it was your grandma talking about your dad. Or your mom talking about your stepmom. No matter how old you are, you’d feel it, wouldn't you? I talk to kids who tell me that’s what their parents say about each other. On their behalf, “Knock it off.”
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Today, I’m on my soapbox.
There are five stages of grief, right? Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and then acceptance. But this stage model from Elizabeth Kubler-Ross applied to people who are dying not those left behind. She studied anticipatory grief and that’s it. I can’t find any empirical evidence that says these stages exist let alone that you go through them in any particular order. Grief is a journey not a destination and you can’t predict the path. Walk the journey with God and the people who love you.
November 28, 2017
When God repeats himself—pay attention!
Nearly 150 times Scripture tells us not to worry about life or be afraid. 150! God said, “Do not be afraid” to Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, the Israelites (12 times), Joshua (3 times), Gideon, Mary and Joseph, the disciples (10 times), Paul and many more. Now my friend, Ron Walters, points out that most of the time this happened God’s people faced a challenge and God knew they would be anxious. What about you? Does the unknown make you fearful? What do you do? Set aside fear and trust Him.
November 27, 2017
“I don’t know. It just doesn’t feel like home anymore.”
A 35 year-old woman said this as she reflected on her holiday family visit. She went to her childhood home but because her dad married after her mom’s death, he was preoccupied with his new wife and her family. All of that made home feel foreign. Changes to family traditions can make children and teens feel that way, too. That's why parents should keep some traditions. Also, acknowledge that change is hard. Talk about it. Remind them that what hasn’t changed is your love for them.
November 24, 2017
Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise.
The writer of Psalm 100 was not referencing today the national holiday we call Thanksgiving. He was talking about standing before the Lord with a heart of gratitude. This Thanksgiving, be sure to pause between bites of turkey and pumpkin pie, and express your deep gratitude to the Lord who is faithful to all generations. Then, tell Him how grateful you are for each member of your family. Oh, and don’t forget to tell them you’re grateful for them, too.
November 23, 2017
When it comes to insurance, which beneficiary do you want to be—primary or secondary?
Evelyn wrote to our ministry concerned about her husband’s life insurance. He had one policy for his kids and another for her and her children, and that felt odd to her. I suggested he was wise to arrange for money to be passed on to each. “And,” I said, “Don’t get caught up in ‘primary’ or ‘secondary’ language. That’s really not a measurement of your value to your husband. The question should be is he taking care of you and the kids? The good news,” I told her, “It sounds like he is.”
November 22, 2017
Never get caught in a forest fire.
In 1988, Yellowstone National Park was burned by a massive forest fire that cost $120 million to extinguish. A number of factors contributed. For a long time the forest service would quickly put out small forest fires, which resulted in a huge build-up of debris. Some people are like this. When a relational conflict arises, they quickly put it out and relationship rubble builds up. Don’t be afraid of conflict. When managed, it removes what is unhealthy and helps your forest to be free of debris.
November 21, 2017
Stories make faith come alive.
Family author Ron Rose says one way to pass the baton of faith to your kids is to tell them three types of stories. First, tell them the faith stories of Bible characters. Tell them about Abraham’s faithfulness…and doubt. David’s humility…and pride. Second, tell them your faith story. How you came to Christ and how your faith impacts every-day decisions. And third, talk about the faith journeys of your extended family. Let their lives—good or bad—be living examples of how faith connects to life.
November 20, 2017
A stepmom, Linda, sent me an e-mail. I could see her smile in her words.
She said, “I got a big payoff when my husband threw me a 50th birthday party and my stepson, drove six hours to be there.” Then she said, “I got an incredible call from my husband’s oldest daughter away at college. She called to say how much she loved me and was glad that I married her dad. And then she said, ‘Linda, I was so mean to you when I was 15. I’m so sorry. What was that about?’ Then we talked about it light heartedly and ended up having a good laugh.” Wow. Thanks for sharing, Linda.
November 17, 2017
If you want to feel close in your marriage, do things that make you close.
Healthy couples realize that it’s up to them to make day-to-day decisions to protect their time together. I’m talking about talking together. Just the two of you. No cell phones, no kids, no Instagram. Talking about your day, your parenting, your faith. And doing things together helps your closeness, too, especially for couples in stepfamilies. The vast majority of happy couples in blended families have interests that bring them together. The couple that prays and plays together stays together.
November 16, 2017
What, you mean we can eat ham and turkey at Thanksgiving?
Something old, something new, something borrowed, and something…no, I’m not talking about a wedding. I’m talking about the holidays for stepfamilies. One of the challenges for stepfamilies is combining traditions. Be flexible and keep something old, make something new, and borrow from each other till you find something that works. In other words, you might eat ham and turkey for Thanksgiving. There’s no one right answer. Be considerate of each other, talk, compromise, and ask for God’s wisdom.
November 15, 2017
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Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.