Holding All the Cards
February 19, 2018
00:00
When one partner holds all the wild cards, the other partner just folds.
Mark held all the cards and still he believed his second wife should trust him. He made her sign a prenuptial agreement and then he managed their finances and determined her monthly allowance. Then seven years into their marriage, he set up a trust to provide for his kids but forced her to sign it without letting her read it first. This is not how you foster trust in a relationship. Treat each other like equal partners, shower one another with kindness and sacrifice. That is how you do it.
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Friends. Some of us have a lot of them and some of us have only a few. But do you love them all the same?
Well, no, of course you don’t love all your friends the same. To be honest, family members are kind of like that. You may have a lot of siblings but there is one that you are closer to than others. Or maybe you know one set of grandparents much better than the other. Sometimes I hear members of blended families admit they feel closer to some family members than others. But they feel guilty about it. I’m not sure why. We all have family that we love to differing degrees but they are still family.
February 16, 2018
“Ron, I’m concerned. My children now have a stepparent in the other home and I’m afraid I’m going to lose them. What do I do?”
I appreciate this mom’s struggle. Her children now have a stepmother and she’s concerned that it will take away from her relationship with them. Well, I have good news. I don’t care how fond your child becomes of a stepparent you will never lose your significance in their heart. Your bond cannot be replaced. Give them permission and encouragement to like, love, and obey the stepparent. It takes nothing away from you but it blesses them. They have more than enough love for everybody. So do you.
February 15, 2018
…for better, for worse, till death do us part.
I’ve decided every married couple should attend a wedding occasionally. It reminds you of what you promised and the heart that you had for your mate when you said, “I do.” Life has a way of discoloring and diluting that day but a wedding takes you back to your vow to protect and honor one another. To sustain, like your wedding ring, a never-ending commitment. To make your marriage a statement about how God loves, desires, and pursues us and to make oneness a top priority, till death do you part.
February 14, 2018
Those famous last words can get you in trouble.
My wife taught me a great lesson once. She wanted to keep her job despite being caught in a difficult administrative situation. Before leaving the organization, she could have shared some “famous last words” but she didn’t. Then things changed and because the administrators witnessed her integrity, they invited her to stay. Apply this in your work life. Or with a spouse or even an ex-spouse. When you have choice words hold your tongue. Who knows what can be mended or how God can be glorified.
February 13, 2018
Here’s a tale of two co-parents: the fool and the wise.
Proverbs 29 says when a fool and a wise person have a dispute; the fool will rant and give full vent to their anger. Now this happens in countless situations, but I see it a lot between ex-spouses who are assigned the responsibility to co-parent their children. This means godly parents are at times subjected to outrageous behavior and if that’s you, I’m sorry. Just remember this, everyone, especially children, knows exactly who the fool is and who is not. So let integrity be your guide.
February 12, 2018
Loving a child who has been hurt can be really tough. Persevering in love is how you win them over.
Many parents today are attempting to love foster children, adopted children, and stepchildren who have been hurt by others. But despite the parent’s good intentions sometimes the child puts up a wall. So here’s a thought. Don’t try to break down their wall. Just hang out as close to their life as you can. Ask about their day, support their interests, and try to share a smile when they will let you. Take what they give you and love them with the same stubborn love that Jesus loves you with.
February 9, 2018
Want to win the favor of your family? Try love and faithfulness.
Proverbs says one way to win friends and influence people is to let love and faithfulness never leave you. Act in loving ways and be worthy of the trust of those around you. Practically speaking husbands and wives in love can make small sacrifices for each other and stepparents can tell their stepchildren how grateful they are for them and in faithfulness, family members can keep their promise to respect one another. When your family thinks like that, you’re well on your way to a healthy family.
February 8, 2018
I suggest you check your confirmation bias at the door.
I love in marriage counseling when I can help one person who feels unloved to realize their partner really does care. Sometimes the person who feels unwanted can't see it because of their confirmation bias, that’s their tendency to only see things that support their belief that they are not loved. We all have bias in relationships. Once we form a perception about someone, we interpret their behavior in a way that supports our perception. We freeze frame them. Well, now I’m part of the problem.
February 7, 2018
Are you still doing your kid’s laundry?
At college orientation, they told us parents to stop doing our kid’s laundry. We haven’t done Brennan’s laundry since sixth grade, but apparently, lots of parents do it for their eighteen year olds. So why would you do for your kids what they can do for themselves? The answer I bet has more to do with you than them. Here’s the thing, eventually your need becomes theirs when they are incompetent to do life and dependent on other people. Hey, quit doing their laundry!
February 6, 2018
Sibling jealousy…can happen at any age.
Sibling jealousy happens when an only child is dethroned by the new baby who gets all the attention. But it can also happen when adopted or foster kids are added to the home; or when stepsiblings come for a weekend visit. Because the fear of being displaced is usually at the heart of these situations, the prescription is essentially the same. Move emotionally toward the jealous child. Spend time with them, invite them to play a helpful role with the new sibling, and then foster a sense of team.
February 5, 2018
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Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.