Friendly Fire
December 4, 2018
00:00
No one likes to get caught in someone else’s conflict.
What if you’re at dinner with two friends and they start arguing and try to get you to take their side. You likely feel threatened. Anxious. Stuck in the middle. And to cope you might distance yourself to find safety or try to fix the situation. Now, parents and co-parents, no matter their age—that’s exactly how your children feel when you argue. Oh, and they lose respect for you, too. Contain your conflict and keep your kids out of the middle.
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Archives
Doing good…is always good.
In Luke 6 Jesus heals a man’s hand on the Sabbath. Now over the years the Pharisees had created an exhaustive list of rules to define how much “work” you could do on the Sabbath. Jesus broke the rules. Essentially, they valued the list more than doing good for others and we can do the same thing. Our rules dictate appropriate dress at church, what Bible version you use, and who we let serve. We serve the rules rather than people. Let’s be like Christ. Like he said, it’s always lawful to do good.
December 3, 2018
Mom…Dad…are you holding your kids hostage?
Did you hear about the pastor whose sermon was disrupted by a would-be robber who held a gun to a woman’s head? He tackled and disarmed him. Well, a lot of Christian co-parents are holding their own kids hostage. Parents when you keep the kids at your house an extra hour or speak poorly about the other home or fail to pay your part of a bill—you are emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually holding your kids hostage. Look, this is not about you. Put the gun down and let the hostage go.
November 30, 2018
Hey Ron, what’s the best way to tell my kids I’m getting married?
What you’re really asking is, “How do I announce an engagement and ensure my kids will be happy about it?” Ah, how to sum up the entire book Dating and the Single Parent. Well, you can't guarantee their happiness. Whether young or old, how children react is up to them. What you can do is be calm and matter of fact. Tell them when, where, how, and what it means for them. Then listen to their response. Most importantly, reassure them you still love and are committed to them and always will be.
November 29, 2018
You know, sometimes members of a stepfamily are confused about what to call each other.
When you marry into a family you have to figure out what to call extended family members. Sometimes you call your mother-in-law Mom, and sometimes you don’t. Well, the same is true for blended families. The trick is figuring it out together. Ask things like, “How would you like to be introduced in public or with friends?” And, “At home, what term is most comfortable for you?” These questions will help you honor one another’s preferences which ultimately makes you feel more like family.
November 28, 2018
He who has authority to heal, has authority to rule.
Do you remember the story in Luke 5 about the guy who was paralyzed and Jesus said, “Your sins are forgiven,” and the critical Pharisees said, “Who can forgive sins but God?” So Jesus proved he could forgive by healing him and the man walked. Well, the witnesses glorified God and we are reminded that he who has the authority to heal and to forgive sin also has the authority of Lord. We often run to Jesus when we need healing or forgiveness. Don’t forget to give him authority over your life.
November 27, 2018
No, don’t assume. Ask the stepmom.
Being a stepmom is different from being a Mom. So I tell stepmoms, slow your roll and adjust your expectations. But dads need to adjust their expectations, too. If a dad assumes his kids will embrace her as Mom, he expects too much and that leads to conflict. So dad, cherish her as your wife and give her Mom-like respect in front of your kids. Ask her if she’s comfortable with a particular role or parenting task. Don’t assume and play to her strengths so everyone wins.
November 26, 2018
Yeah, kids are sometimes hesitant to warm up to their stepparent. But what do you do when it’s the stepparent who won’t warm up?
Lisa’s new husband went from open and engaging with her 21-year-old to standoffish and uninterested leaving everyone feeling uncomfortable. It’s hard to guess what’s holding your husband back. Maybe he feels guilty being close to your daughter when his own daughter lives far away. I’m not sure. But the wisdom here is to be full of grace, not condemnation. Be patient or he’ll never explain and you’ll never learn what will open him up. Hopefully, eventually, he’ll reach out to your daughter.
November 23, 2018
Thanksgiving! No, I mean, thanks for giving.
Did you know there’s a cycle of gratitude? When you’re grateful for all God has done it changes how you act towards others. A little of your thankfulness can’t help but spill over to others. Then as 2 Corinthians 9 tells us, your generosity results in them giving thanks to God. Men will “praise God” because of your obedience and the grace of God evident within you. So, your thankfulness to God produces kindness toward others which produces in them gratitude towards God. Nice. Happy Thanksgiving!
November 22, 2018
The Bible says, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear.” What? Speak up! I can’t hear you!
When I was 35 I started losing my hearing in one ear. Then, after wearing a hearing aid for over a decade, surgery restored my hearing. On many occasions Jesus said, “If anyone has ears to hear, let him hear.” Most people heard what he said, but they didn’t understand. After surgery I discovered many things I never heard before. What about you? What is really preventing you from hearing Jesus? Maybe surgery is in order: “God humble my heart to what I have not been hearing. Give me ears to hear.”
November 21, 2018
Yes, you’re part of a blended family.
Sometimes it’s hard to recognize reality when it’s all you know. I meet lots of people who are part of a blended family or stepfamily, but to them, it’s just family. One woman had two stepdads, a stepmom and many stepsibilings, and then married a man who isn’t the father of her child, and she never realized she was part of a blended family. Hey, 62% of couples under 55 have a stepparent or stepchild. You may be one of them. It’s okay. And, yes, you’re part of a blended family.
November 20, 2018
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Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.