FamilyLife Blended®

Ron L. Deal

Finding Your God-Esteem

December 13, 2018

When someone is beating you down, how do you stand up?

 

At some point nearly all of us have to work with, live with, or live in connection with someone who is critical or condescending. Have you ever noticed that self-esteem is fragile and fleeting? I think God-esteem is much better. It says I am somebody, not because of my accomplishments, but because of what God is accomplishing in me. Through Jesus I am bought, loved, forgiven, and accepted—a child of the King. Now, that is a bottomless well of worthiness I can draw from so I can love others.

Featured Offer

FamilyLife Blended® Newsletter
Receive our monthly Strengthening Stepfamilies newsletter as well as the occasional email updating you on stepfamily events and resources.

Archives

Here’s a holiday-inspired tip for parents and stepparents: when you make Christmas cookies this year, remember, there’s no cookie cutter kids.   Our family enjoys making Christmas cookies. Each cookie cutter makes cookies that all look alike. My wife pointed out to me one day that our three boys are not alike in their preferences, natural strengths, or temperament. So we shouldn’t expect to parent them the same. No, our jobs as parents is to discover their God-given uniqueness, celebrate it, and fan it into flame with everything we’ve got. Yeah, when it comes to kids—Throw away the cookie cutters for each has its own unique shape.
December 12, 2018
Ron, we get married in a couple of months…and now my son gets angry?   Six years after Vali’s first husband died, she met a man and fell in love. Her son seemed fine with the idea…until he wasn’t. Vali wanted to know if his anger was manipulation. My reply? Maybe. It’s common for major family transitions like a wedding to resurrect grief in kids so this mom should at least slow down, listen to her son and moved toward him emotionally. He needs reassurance. But is he manipulative? If he has a history than maybe. Either way, he needs a little TLC.
December 11, 2018
Ideally, kids need two good parents. But what if you only have one?   We all live somewhere between the ideal and the real. What should be ended with the fall of mankind. What is, is the life we live until Jesus comes again. We wish all kids had two good parents but many kids only have one because some parents—both outside and still inside the home—are MIA. When two good parents are not available, research confirms that one good parent who is loving and firm with discipline will often suffice. It can be a foster parent, a mentor, a biological parent or stepparent.
December 10, 2018
Holiday pictures should have everyone in the frame, right? But sometimes they don’t.   Someone is missing from the family portrait. Whether by death or by divorce the joy of the season is dampened by sadness. For many stepfamilies, someone is at the other home instead of at the dinner table. Or tension between family members reminds them that they aren’t quite the family they want to be. Be reminded this Christmas that the mercy of Christ helps us love in spite of tension. Nothing is impossible with God. Humble beginnings and impractical circumstances are not beyond Him.
December 7, 2018
The old adage is true: Rules without relationship leads to rebellion.   Where does that leave a foster parent, an adoptive parent, or stepparent? You can have authority without a bonded relationship. But it has limits. A police officer can pull you over, a boss or coach or a teacher can tell you what to do, but people don’t obey these authorities out of love. That’s why it’s critical a new stepparent know their limits. Focus on bonding with kids and work with the biological parent on setting the household rules. Stand together and you can enforce those rules.
December 6, 2018
Are you dancing the dance of want?   Remember getting a crush on someone, but you didn’t know if they were also interested so you acted coy and tried to find out if they wanted to be wanted by you. That’s the dance of want. The first date was great and you hoped for another, but do they? After dating for months, you’re thinking of marriage, but are they? This dance can make you insecure and withhold yourself. But that gets you nowhere. Love first. Give first. Sacrifice first. Live out of your want first.
December 5, 2018
No one likes to get caught in someone else’s conflict.   What if you’re at dinner with two friends and they start arguing and try to get you to take their side. You likely feel threatened. Anxious. Stuck in the middle. And to cope you might distance yourself to find safety or try to fix the situation. Now, parents and co-parents, no matter their age—that’s exactly how your children feel when you argue. Oh, and they lose respect for you, too. Contain your conflict and keep your kids out of the middle.
December 4, 2018
Doing good…is always good.   In Luke 6 Jesus heals a man’s hand on the Sabbath. Now over the years the Pharisees had created an exhaustive list of rules to define how much “work” you could do on the Sabbath. Jesus broke the rules. Essentially, they valued the list more than doing good for others and we can do the same thing. Our rules dictate appropriate dress at church, what Bible version you use, and who we let serve. We serve the rules rather than people. Let’s be like Christ. Like he said, it’s always lawful to do good.
December 3, 2018
Mom…Dad…are you holding your kids hostage?   Did you hear about the pastor whose sermon was disrupted by a would-be robber who held a gun to a woman’s head? He tackled and disarmed him. Well, a lot of Christian co-parents are holding their own kids hostage. Parents when you keep the kids at your house an extra hour or speak poorly about the other home or fail to pay your part of a bill—you are emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually holding your kids hostage. Look, this is not about you. Put the gun down and let the hostage go.
November 30, 2018
Hey Ron, what’s the best way to tell my kids I’m getting married?   What you’re really asking is, “How do I announce an engagement and ensure my kids will be happy about it?” Ah, how to sum up the entire book Dating and the Single Parent. Well, you can't guarantee their happiness. Whether young or old, how children react is up to them. What you can do is be calm and matter of fact. Tell them when, where, how, and what it means for them. Then listen to their response. Most importantly, reassure them you still love and are committed to them and always will be.  
November 29, 2018
See More Episodes
Listen to FamilyLife Blended® on
Amazon Echo
Learn How
Learn How

Featured Offer

FamilyLife Blended® Newsletter
Receive our monthly Strengthening Stepfamilies newsletter as well as the occasional email updating you on stepfamily events and resources.

About FamilyLife Blended®

FamilyLife Blended® provides  biblically-based resources that help prevent re-divorce, strengthen stepfamilies, and help break the generational cycle of divorce.

About Ron L. Deal

Ron L. Deal is the Director of blended family ministries at FamilyLife®, and is the author/coauthor of the books The Smart StepfamilyThe Smart Stepdad, The Smart Stepmom, Dating and the Single Parent, and The Remarriage Checkup. Ron voices the FamilyLife Blended short feature and is one of the most widely read authors on stepfamily living in the country. He is a licensed marriage and family therapist who frequently appears in the national media, including FamilyLife Today® and Focus on the Family, and he conducts marriage and family seminars around the countryRon and his wife, Nan, have been married since 1986 and have three boys.

Contact FamilyLife Blended® with Ron L. Deal

Mailing Address 
FamilyLife ®
100 Lake Hart Drive
Orlando FL 32832
 
Telephone Number
1-800-FL-TODAY
(1-800-358-6329)