Don't Get Sucked Under
January 3, 2018
00:00
When helping a drowning person be careful not to get pulled under, too.
Brenda told me her husband’s ex-wife still cared for their 39-year-old alcoholic daughter and expected his help financially. Brenda asked, “When does co-parenting end?” Mentoring never ends, but financing an adult’s irresponsibility should have ended long ago. If your husband isn’t careful, he'll be pulled under with his drowning daughter and ex-wife and you. A skilled swimmer really can help a drowning person. Just because they are under-functioning in life doesn’t mean you should join them.
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How do you love someone different than you—I mean really different?
You’re a talker; your son isn’t. You’re a saver, your wife isn’t. You’re have to-do lists, but your dating partner can't find her keys. Why does God make us so different? I think to force us outside ourselves. Think of it this way. If you’re a flaming extrovert and your spouse an introvert, neither of you is “wrong.” But both of you have to moderate who you are in order to serve the other. I move my personality closer to yours, you toward mine, and we both lose ourselves in order to find us.
January 2, 2018
Romans 12 tells us to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. Sometimes we have to do them both at the same time.
Everyone who has experienced loss knows that special days and holidays bring a mixed bag of emotions. It definitely works that way in stepfamilies, too. If your family was fractured by divorce some might rejoice over new family members while others weep over being separated from someone they love. In order to cope you need to go with the flow and allow some people to be happy while others are sad. This holiday season rejoicing and weeping together might be the best gift you can give or receive.
January 1, 2018
Have you ever tried to force a jigsaw puzzle piece into a spot it wasn’t made to fit?
Sometimes parents want so badly for the pieces of their blended family to come together that they push and shove on a particular piece in their family. Demanding love from a child will backfire. Stop working harder at controlling people and relationships and start working smarter by getting educated about how stepfamilies come together and gain greater understanding of the dynamics in your home. If you do that the pieces will fit and the picture will come alive.
December 29, 2017
What’s more important to you—possessions or people?
Have you seen the car commercial where the husband lies to his wife so he can drive his new car? The caption is, “You’ll do anything to take it for a drive.” Really? This car is so special you’d rather betray your wife than not drive it? The assumption people value possessions more than family seems ludicrous when you say it out-loud, but what if there’s some truth to it? If someone were to document how much time and energy you put into your possessions, might they believe you cherish them more?
December 28, 2017
Here’s an idea for all parents: Smile, when you say “no.”
By his own admission, Steve was demanding as a parent. He had to be after his wife died leaving him with three teenagers to raise. Years later, when he married and became a stepdad, his authoritarian style was well set. But what worked as a parent backfired as a stepparent. I suggested he put a smile with his “no.” I explained we get more influential as parents when we are gentle, yet firm. When we’re calm while we set boundaries or handle discipline. Grace and truth is a powerful combination.
December 27, 2017
Did your mother ever tell you to save for a rainy day? So, did Solomon.
Many people struggle financially, in part because they are in debt and living paycheck to paycheck while buying cars and devices they can’t afford. Well, in Proverbs 27 Solomon encourages us to adopt a wise financial strategy. “Know the condition of your flocks,” he begins. “Give attention to managing what you have, for riches” he continued, “do not last forever.” Don’t waste what you have. Set some aside for a rainy day so when conditions deteriorate, you and your family will not be in need.
December 26, 2017
That precious Messiah baby…was born to die.
In her stepfamily devotional, Seeking a Silent Night, Laura Petherbridge notes that the image of a bloody Savior is gruesome and difficult; we much prefer the adorable, approachable baby Jesus in a manger. But that baby was born to die for you and me. And when life becomes difficult, he is the anchor. When relationships are strained or the bank account empty, he gives strength. Come kneel beside the manger. Do you see him? Do you know he came for you? It’s true. This is the miracle of Christmas.
December 25, 2017
When it comes to traditions, you need something old and something new.
Every newly married couple knows they need to honor some traditions they grew up with and build new traditions for their new marriage. Stepfamilies have the same task but it’s more complicated because a lot more people are invested in the old traditions. So, decide on a new tradition, try it, and see what happens. If it doesn’t go well you’ve learned something. If it does go well you’ve gained a new tradition and everyone contributed to the process. Hey, that sounds like a family being born.
December 22, 2017
Hmmm. Second wife, first ornaments.
For blended families, along with the good of holiday traditions, comes resurrected grief and reminders to new stepfamily members that they weren’t first. For example, what does a second wife do with ornaments that say “First Christmas” or “Mommy?” Laura Petherbridge in her stepfamily devotional, Seeking a Silent Night suggests asking your husband and stepchildren what they want to do with them or save them until they get older. By honoring their relationship with their mom, you honor them.
December 21, 2017
One voice worth listening to is the voice of experience.
We asked our social media readers in what way they underestimated how living in a stepfamily would be hard on their marriage. Nicole said, “I didn’t know how hard it would be to deal with another household.” Stepmom Brittany and her husband have struggled to unite their parenting styles. And the eight kids in Kari’s home are all grieving a deceased parent. What’s the point? As Christina said, “Rely on Jesus to sustain you.” And, then she thanked us for helping her anticipate the challenges.
December 20, 2017
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Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.