Choose Life
February 14, 2020
00:00
Relationship choices can be life or death.
On a FamilyLife Blended podcast author John Trent shared the Hebrew word for “life” carries the idea of movement. Moving toward the other person gives them and your relationship life. The Hebrew word for death means “to depart, step away.” When we emotionally move away from someone we bring a little death to the relationship. It's easy to move toward someone emotionally when you feel connected, but doing so when you feel hurt is tough. Don't add death to the equation. Instead, choose life.
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Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.
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How do you form a loving relationship with someone who isn’t motivated to love you?
That’s one blended family challenge discussed by Dr. Gary Chapman and me in our book Building Love Together in Blended Families. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes everyone in a stepfamily is equally motivated toward loving like family, but not always. Parents are generally very motivated, but kids vary. If you’re a highly motivated person you can draw inspiration from God—who loves everyone despite many being distracted or unmotivated to love him. There are no guarantees. Just keep loving.
February 13, 2020
Just imagine…being away from your children for 6 months?
Your daughter’s recital is coming up; your son is getting braces and he’s anxious about it; there’s conflict in your home…and then you get the news. Your job is sending you out of town for six months. That’s the kind of stress military personnel face all the time. The stress is compounded in military stepfamilies when the biological parent is the one deployed. The Military Ready Stepfamily comes alongside families and helps them prepare. If you know a military stepfamily, tell them about it.
February 12, 2020
When others cut down, you lift up.
1 Peter 3:9 tells us not to retaliate or have a sharp tongue, but to “bless others.” In our culture today people think their highest calling is to stand against someone publically and make them look bad. But how does criticism and judgment influence someone’s heart? Instead, move toward people in understanding and compassion; that adds life to them. This applies everywhere. We are called first to bless. Only then is there room for correction or instruction, and not until. First, be a blessing.
February 11, 2020
Believe it or not, sometimes it’s best not to love best.
The Five Love Languages taught us how to best love family and friends by knowing their primary love language. Here’s added wisdom from Dr. Gary Chapman and my book Building Love Together in Blended Families: Just because a stepparent knows a child’s primary language doesn’t mean it will be well received. Begin with Acts of Service, Gifts, and Words of Affirmation, then Quality Time and Physical Touch. Progress from the least intrusive language to the most intimate and watch love come alive.
February 10, 2020
How do you prepare your family for military deployment?
Deployment is tough on marriages and families. Stepparents may be left caring for children without the legal authority to do so; custody arrangements may be challenged while a parent is deployed, and new stepparents can be left not knowing how to parent children according to the biological parent’s wishes. So, how do you prepare? Our friends at The Military Ready Stepfamily, offer seminars and training for military stepfamilies and for chaplains. You’re defending us. And we’re defending you.
February 7, 2020
We love our kids. But we don’t always like them.
In his book, The Blessing, Dr. John Trent says it’s our job to be a blessing to others. Well, how do you give a blessing when you’re afraid it will condone a child’s misbehavior? Consider the alternative: not sharing how much you value your child is never going to encourage them to make different choices. They have to know they are loved even when you set a boundary or disapprove of their behavior. Especially when you disapprove of their behavior! Love and boundaries are best served together.
February 6, 2020
Now there’s no war zone. Not even a cold war!
In our book Building Love Together in Blended Families, Dr. Gary Chapman and I encourage couples to be determined in building love in their home because it won’t happen overnight. One man said: “Initially we had communication problems, conflict with an ex-spouse, and conflict with my children who refused to ‘blend’ our families. But God did it!” If you’re facing a few challenges today, you’re not alone. Be determined to love—and love with wisdom. It makes all the difference.
February 5, 2020
Can you turn to your church for help?
We asked blended families what their biggest challenge is. The answers were all over the place. Grief and sadness. Jealousy. Conflict with former spouses. Bonding issues. On and on they went. Here’s the takeaway: Despite having resources to address these issues and offering training to the local church, we estimate that only one-half of one percent of churches do anything to help blended families. Forty percent of families today are unsupported by the Christian community. What about your church?
February 4, 2020
Ron, I really want to get married again someday, but before I do, I want to learn as much as I can so I don’t repeat the past.
Maybe you, like this person, grew up in a blended family and, as she said, “Lived through all the wrong ways to do blended." We all carry a little residue from our family of origin. We can’t help but come out with a little bit no matter what kind of family it was. This woman wants to learn from it…to learn about healthy stepfamily living so her kids have it better than she did. Learn from your past, and by God’s grace, change the future.
February 3, 2020
Never let your parenting be held hostage.
Single parents and stepfamily parents know that their parenting is affected by how the other home parents. If they say, “Yes” to something you said, “No” to, you start rethinking your decisions. The fear of what an ex might do can paralyze you. Pray for courage to press in despite what the other home is doing. Keep your balance and practice good parenting. Trust that providing consistent boundaries and love over time will make all the difference.
January 31, 2020
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Featured Offer
Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.