Boycotting Dinner
October 11, 2017
00:00
“Ron, my teenager is boycotting dinner. Should we make her join us?”
When a teenager starts protesting something we as parents should both listen and speak. Listen to what they are angry or hurt about. In this case, the father had recently married and his 17-year-old was taking it pretty hard. But also speak to lead the child with grace. I told the dad, “Tell your daughter she doesn’t have to love her stepmother, but if she wants to eat she needs to show up for dinner with a decent attitude. Meet your daughter half-way and insist that she meet you half-way.”
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But how do you cook stew when some of the ingredients aren’t in the pot?
You’ve heard me say that the best way to cook a stepfamily is with a crockpot. But what if an ingredient isn’t in the crockpot? Say, a child has limited contact or is an adult with their own life and family? Well, you can only cook ingredients when they are in the pot so lower your expectations and take advantage of the time you do have. Remain open even if they are not. It may feel distant for a while, but time has a way of softening ingredients. Just remember you’re not done cooking yet.
October 10, 2017
One way to mature as a person is to stop bragging.
Whether it’s an athlete pounding their chest or someone posting about their latest accomplishment, our world seems to love people who call attention to themselves. Ah, when a four-year-old does that we call it annoying, but for some reason our world calls it swagger. The Bible calls it immaturity. Proverbs 27 says, “Let another praise you, and not your own mouth.” Hey, if someone notices and compliments you on a job well done, great! But don’t’ call attention to yourself, just quietly be Jesus.
October 9, 2017
Mark Twain once said, “A cat that sits on a hot stove won’t sit on a hot stove again.” Then he added, “Neither will it sit on a cold stove.”
When the death of a spouse or a divorce precedes a stepfamily marriage it’s easy for spouses to fear getting burned again. The problem is the fear of being hurt makes us withhold ourselves and stop loving. Well, that’s obviously not going to help. So what is the antidote? Love as if you’ve never been burned before. That’s probably going to take some courage and a lot of prayer but think of the rewards that will come when you do unto your spouse, as you would have them do unto you.
October 6, 2017
Parents it may be time for a business meeting.
Be proactive with a planned time to discuss your parenting strategies. Call it a business meeting if you want to but you need to do it. I also recommend that co-parents do the same thing. You can address visitation schedules, report cards, discipline strategies, and spiritual development. What you don’t discuss is your personal life or old issues because this is a parenting meeting not a personal one. Drawing the line between those two things is very important but if you can do it, your kids win.
October 5, 2017
When I say the word parent, what comes to mind?
The church is a bridge between God’s truth and a fallen world. A new U.S. report reveals that one parent in nearly 20% of married couples has had a child with at least two partners. This creates a variety of complex marriage and parenting situations with half and stepsibilings that is rarely addressed by the church. If you're in ministry, make sure your family training addresses complex families, and you non-traditional parents, ask your church to provide relevant teaching.
October 4, 2017
Most of us are living with the illusion of control.
Proverbs 27 has a sobering reminder: “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.” Life can turn on a dime. But honestly, most of us think we control it. I did until my son died and I realized how small and powerless I really am. Hey, if you think you run the world that’s an illusion. People will tell you that your destiny is in your hands and you have what it takes. The Bible reminds you to stay dependent on God and humble about life. It could change in a heartbeat.
October 3, 2017
One of my goals…connecting you to your child’s heart.
I heard from a dad who had listened to a podcast I was on talking about kids, the challenges of divorce, and blended families and it got him wondering if his daughter could relate. So, he asked her. Sure enough, she did. She didn’t really have words for what she was feeling and he helped her put words on her experience when they talked about it. The conversation and her dad’s empathy made her feel close to him, not alone. Supported, not isolated. Loved, not forgotten.
October 2, 2017
Have you ever tried to give advice to someone blinded by their own desire? Yeah, it’s pretty much pointless.
When we really want something we get blind. Others can see plainly, what we cannot. They try to help but we can’t see it. Proverbs 12:15 says, "A wise man listens to advice, but a fool follows his own way." Even good things if held on too tightly can turn us into fools. Do you know what makes you foolish to the wisdom of others or scripture? Is it love, or selfishness, or the desire to be liked? What is your blind spot? To avoid foolishness and regret it might be worth a second look.
September 29, 2017
Billy Graham said that prayer is a two-way conversation between you and God.
I strongly encourage you to pray for your family each day. When you do add this, “God, may the hearts of our blended family be open to receiving one another. Just as you have adopted us as your children, may the members of our stepfamily adopt one another as family.” Scripture confirms in Romans 8 that those who are led by the Spirit have been adopted as sons and daughters of God. It’s awesome to be adopted by God and to adopt one another in love.
September 28, 2017
To be included, or not to be included. That is the question.
A stepmom asked if she should make her stepdaughter include the girl’s deceased mother in pictures, she drew at school. That’s a great question, but I don’t know if she should or not. Kids have their reasons so you need to ask her. “Would you like to include your mom in the picture? We know she has a special place in your heart and in our family, so you can decide. Either way is fine.” Stepmom let me add this. “Bless you” for being mindful of her grief. She is blessed to have you in her life.
September 27, 2017
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Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.