Becoming a Bonus Parent
May 7, 2021
00:00
Stepparents, have a bonus parent mentality. At our Summit on Stepfamily Ministry, author and stepdad, Steve Arterburn shared ideas on becoming a bonus parent. He said, "If you’re still dating, don’t hang around the kids a lot unless you know the relationship with their parent is going somewhere. Once you become their stepparent, act like a benevolent uncle or aunt. Create fun experiences for the family and remember to love their parent in obvious ways. Initially kids are more invested in their parent’s well-being, not necessarily in you”.
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Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.
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Technology is great but it can keep our together families apart. Have you ever seen a family driving by and they each have their own headphones on? Or in a restaurant, parents are looking at their phones and ignoring their kids. Hey, it’s okay if you have a little media entertainment time, but keep all things in balance. Parents, we need to orchestrate moments where people put away their devices and engage each other. Life is about relationship, not being entertained 24/7. Technology is great. But make sure family time and love stay central in your home.
May 6, 2021
Are you blindly repeating the patterns of the past? As I get older I’m more aware of the patterns in my family and how deep they are in me. We say we become more like our parents as we age but maybe we become more aware we’ve always been like our parents. By the way, your spouse and friends have tried to tell you that but you didn’t have ears to hear. Whether it’s a generational family pattern or a behavior you’ve carried from relationship to relationship, stop focusing on and blaming others. Look in the mirror and decide, keep it or change it.
May 5, 2021
Are you becoming the spouse you need to be? Gail wrote expressing appreciation for our training and then she said, “Clearly, divorce is not part of God’s design for marriage, but when you have divorced and are remarried, that’s all the more reason to make sure you now become the spouse you need to be.” Gail doesn’t want to repeat the past so she moved herself towards being the spouse she needs to be. Not what others are called to be, but specifically who and what she needs to be in her marriage, for her husband, in this blended family.
May 4, 2021
Did we just make our kids part of a blended family? Widowed after 40 years of marriage, Jerry married a woman who had been widowed and it dawned on him. “Did we just make our adult children part of a blended family?” Yep, you did. And their spouses and the grandkids. But your adult children may not consider themselves part of a stepfamily. That's common but know that you are a generational blended family. Don’t fight over this; just know it touches every relationship. The more you know about healthy stepfamily living, the stronger you become.
May 3, 2021
Be careful parents. You might disintegrate your child.
In a sci-fi movie, a disintegration gun makes someone disappear. If parents aren’t careful, they can make their child disappear. Mark had two stepdaughters, 38 and 42 years old, who still relied on their mother for financial assistance. He hoped to retire, but his wife wouldn’t let him because the girls needed money. Here’s the deal: A good way to make a child dysfunctional is to over function in their space. Don’t do that. Let them carry their own load or you’ll pay for it and so will they.
April 30, 2021
You know what? Well-intended bad advice…is still bad advice.
Six years ago, our pastor told my husband to take over the discipline of my two kids since he was now the "man of the house." All we did was mess things up. Yep, you got bad advice. Your pastor had good intentions, but he didn’t understand stepfamilies. If you’re a helper, ministry leader, even a therapist, get informed about stepfamily living. Attend our two-day summit that equips leaders, go online, or read a book. Misguided good intentions can harm a family. Get wisdom and give good advice.
April 29, 2021
Okay, it’s a bit hypocritical, but here goes: Saying “stupid” to your kids is stupid.
Jackie’s husband corrects her 14-year-old’s behavior like if he forgets to bring home an assignment from school by calling it stupid. Jackie’s concerned that her son will hear, “You are stupid.” I think she’s right. That’s likely what her son will hear, especially if her husband repeats that type of thing over and over. Hey, kids internalize criticism. So, compliment their character and avoid labeling their behavior. You didn’t like it when I called you stupid; don’t label them stupid.
April 28, 2021
When things look hopeless, seek the Lord continually.
That encouragement came from Sue, a mother who had done that on behalf of her blended family and she saw a dramatic change. Her blended family started with her daughter saying, “I hate you” to her stepdad, but now she says, “When can we get together?” Sue joked, “I think she likes her stepdad more than me now.” How long did it take? It took ten years to get to better. Until then, she prayed Psalm 105:4—“Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually!”
April 27, 2021
We just had to stay committed to getting through those early years.
That was Jay's comment and he’s right. One quality of blended families, who do well, is stubborn persistence through those early rough years. His wife, Laurie, shared another. “I quit trying to fix my stepkids,” she said. She was too focused on getting Mom-like respect and love rather than building a strong relationship. Both Jay and Laurie adjusted their expectations and lead their family through. Now, 15 years later, they talk about how much their eight kids love each other.
April 26, 2021
One decision can make all the difference.
Jemma's husband left her and their daughter and married a woman and was expecting a child. Jemma’s pain and bitterness was overwhelming so she planned to take her daughter away from her father. But Jemma’s mother told her to stop and think and respond in grace. She stayed and she’s so glad she did. Today, her daughter and half-sister are very close and Jemma has a healthy co-parenting relationship with the other home that blesses both kids. Bitterness doesn’t lead us toward love. Grace does.
April 23, 2021
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Featured Offer
Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.