Are You That Unkind Person?
January 13, 2020
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What sort of term of endearment do you give a spouse who has the soul of a pterodactyl?
That’s the question Pastor Tommy Nelson used to ask. I don’t know what the answer is. I mean, some people just make you want to run and hide. Proverbs 21 says, “Better to live on the corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” Now, I need to ask you. Are you that unkind person? We all have some rough edges to our personality but some have sharp, serrated edges—that they don’t do anything about and they expect others not to mind. Come on. The call of discipleship is to take off your old self and put on the new.
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Have you ever thought that one reason kids don’t like their stepparent is because they like their stepparent?
One teenager put it to me this way. I like my stepmom. That’s the problem. I’m worried my mom will get her feelings hurt. What a bind for a kid. A child in that situation needs permission from their biological mom. Permission to get along with and maybe even love their stepmom. What the child needs from the stepmom is your permission to love their mom and a whole lot of grace when they shrink back. After all, it’s not really a rejection of you it’s just being stuck in the middle.
January 10, 2020
Just how far would you go to care for one of your children?
Recently I heard about a stepdad who plans to climb Mt. Everest to raise money to pay for his stepdaughter’s leukemia treatment. You know, despite all the negative stereotypes my more than two decades of working with stepfamilies tells me that the vast majority of stepparents would climb the highest mountain to care for their stepchildren. If that inspires you like it does me, tell the stepparents you know, “thank you.”
January 9, 2020
Ron, I thought I was going crazy, but now I know I’m not alone.
Tina had read an article online about parents who get paralyzed and don’t set boundaries for their children. She and her husband were a blended family. She worked hard at structure and expectations with the kids but her husband—well, he just let his son do whatever he wanted. You can’t have two different parenting styles in the same home without conflict. You’re both going to have adjustments to make, but if you’re the paralyzed parent there’s hope. You can move again. Let us help you.
January 8, 2020
“Okay, kids, we just gave some money to the homeless man at the last street corner. Do you give some more to the guy at this corner?”
That’s actually what I said to my kids. It wasn’t a pop quiz or anything. It was a genuine dilemma for me. We had been talking about Proverbs 21:13 and “not closing our ears to the cry of the poor.” It’s just not easy to always know what to do. Here’s the takeaway. Share your faith dilemmas out loud with your children and stepchildren. It teaches them to wrestle with life issues in light of God’s word. It invites them to see your heart and the talk strengthens your family’s faith walk.
January 7, 2020
Benjamin Franklin said, “If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail.”
Believe it or not, sometimes people plan to fail. A designer in the Netherlands has a new concept for a floating house. Designed like two puzzle pieces, the house separates so if you’re unhappy you cast your spouse adrift. Now, when your marriage drifts apart, you can detach the two units and each partner can drift apart in their own home. It’s called, “Prenuptial Housing.” What? We’re designing houses prepared for failure. Why not invest that much energy and planning into being successful?
January 6, 2020
When kids live between two homes, you can’t win every parenting battle, but some issues are a hill worth dying on.
Single parents and blended-family parents know they can’t control how the other home parents the children but what do you do when there is an unhealthy influence? Decide together with your spouse which issues are worth the battle and how you’ll proceed. This will protect your marriage and help you brace for impact. Then, use respect to engage the other home and look for things you agree on. Remember, the battle is for your child’s wellbeing, not necessarily yours.
January 3, 2020
You know that last argument you had—it was definitely the other person’s fault.
We have an uncanny ability to be selfish and deceitful all while looking in the mirror and thinking well of ourselves. Proverbs made that observation a long time ago: “the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes.” (Proverbs 12:15) The most common person we lie to is ourselves…about ourselves. We exaggerate the other person’s contribution to an argument while minimizing our own. Ask yourself, “If I was my co-worker, child, spouse, would I be frustrated interacting with me?” Stop lying to yourself.
January 2, 2020
Now here’s a resolution for you. Colossians 3 says, “Set your mind on things above.”
The way to reach your goal is to set your mind to it. God knows how we are wired and what it takes to create change in our lives. Whatever you think about is what you tend to become. If you tell a child, “Don’t spill your milk.” You just made it more likely they will spill their milk. Instead say, “Walk slowly and hold your milk with two hands.” Set their mind on what you want. The same goes for you and me. Of course, setting your mind on the things of God is always a good resolution, too.
January 1, 2020
Hey stepparents, did you know you’re the competition?
Sometimes kids feel like they're competing with you for time and attention with their parent. On occasion they need focused time with their parent without you. It brings stability in the midst of a lot of change. So, give your spouse your blessing to spend one-on-one time with their kids. Also, be involved in some family activities, but bow out of others, especially when noncustodial children come and only have a little bit of time. This diminishes competition and shows you to be a safe person.
December 31, 2019
When it comes to disagreements, a prideful person just makes things worse.
A person who thinks highly of themselves just argues with others especially if the topic is about them. Recently, one of my sons respectfully shared with my wife and I that he was feeling unfairly treated. Now, I was tempted by pride to get defensive but that would have only proven his point. Thankfully, we both acknowledged our fault and asked his forgiveness. Proverbs 13 says, “Pride only leads to arguments, but those who take advice are wise.”
December 30, 2019
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