A Gentle Answer (Proverbs 15)
March 20, 2020
00:00
Have you ever experienced road rage?
When someone honks their horn, scowls at you, or offers some sort of symbol of their affection, it makes you mad. You’re mad because they're mad. A harsh word stirs up anger just like Proverbs 15 says. The same thing happens in relationships. When I bring home the road rage, it escalates negativity. Unless someone compassionately responds to me. Looking past what is outside, listening to what is inside, and then hugging it. Yes, a harsh word stirs up anger. But a gentle answer turns away wrath.
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Watch out! Don’t start blendering.
Blendering is my made-up word for what couples do to force their blended family to blend. Blenders collide ingredients with intense force until they are combined. That works for making a smoothie but it's not helpful when you’re dealing with children. Like expecting deep love and affection to develop quickly. That kind of pressure usually backfires. Keep Crockpot expectations. Ingredients will warm up to one another slowly. Blendering in blended families is a blunder you don’t want to make.
March 19, 2020
Well, I’m back with another big mistake that stepfamilies make.
There is so much involved in parenting our children for life, love, and their walk with the Lord—you really can’t afford to wing it. You have to be prepared. Now stepcouples have to be prepared for even more: parenting between homes, part-time kids and having a 10-year-old, 16, or 28-year-old who is used to a set of rule and expectations. So coming together around a parenting plan is about leading well, protecting your marriage, and avoiding a big mistake.
March 18, 2020
Have you ever tried to build a home without a blueprint?
That would be a big mistake. But nearly as bad, some couples start to build their stepfamily home with a biological family blueprint. That just doesn’t make sense. The role of a stepparent is very different than a biological parent. Blended family blueprints make sense of the differences and how loss affects kids, holiday stress, between home conflicts…the list goes on and on. Yes, stepfamilies need blueprints designed for stepfamilies. Follow those plans and your home will be solid.
March 17, 2020
“Ron, it feels like we have a broken triangle.”
When single parents get married they want their children to feel connected to their stepparent but Karen wasn’t feeling it. She said, “My son and my husband don’t have a bad relationship, just a shallow one. The two of them and me feels like a broken triangle." Some stepfamily members take longer to connect. Persevere and encourage each other. You attend to your marriage and your son. Your husband and your son will figure it out. Trust that a little, over a long period of time, helps a lot.
March 16, 2020
Is your life story less-than-perfect?
In John 4 Jesus encounters a woman at Jacob’s well. She’s thirsty. Married five times and now living with someone, she’s been thirsty for more than just water. Jesus offers her Living water and it changes everything. This woman uses her messed-up life as evidence of Jesus' redeeming power. Her message to you: You can’t change your imperfect past but you can allow God to wrap your imperfect story into his perfect story of redemption. Then, share what he’s done so others can find Living water.
March 13, 2020
How would you prepare to move to a foreign country?
Well, you’d probably try to learn the language and investigate the history, traditions, and social norms of the people living there; learn something about the government, the money system, the weather, the schools…the list goes on and on. Well, when you move to the land of marriage, parenting, single parenting, or becoming a blended family there’s a lot to investigate and prepare for. It’ll take some study. Maybe even a competent guide who’s traveled there before. FamilyLife is here to help,
March 12, 2020
When it comes to stepfamilies, there’s not a one-size-fits-all estate plan.
Blended families have unique financial situations. Did you know that long after a divorce an ex-spouse will almost always be entitled to a portion of your retirement? Or if you have kids and get married, then pass away. If your widow remarries and then dies, your assets could go to their surviving spouse and not your children? Don’t leave financial matters unattended. Pray and make a plan with your spouse. Meet with an attorney and put it down on paper. Every estate plan will be different.
March 11, 2020
Do you have an attitude problem?
Parenting between homes is by nature an adversarial process so co-parenting needs to be cooperative and you need a good attitude. Remind yourself you’re on the same side—the side of the child. You’re trying to bless your child emotionally, spiritually, and behaviorally, not get your way. And, unless proven otherwise, presume the other home in competent to function without you. Respect their boundaries, give up control, and let them do things their way. Parents need good attitudes, too.
March 10, 2020
Ron, we’re struggling, and I just need a dose of encouragement.
Jon wrote, “We’ve been married for two years and have struggled with many challenges. My ex-wife's manipulation for more money, my wife’s ex-husband has anger issues, and our five kids have us chasing our tails. We pray daily and go to church but we still get tempted to divorce.” I’m not going to blow smoke. Some stepfamilies have a lot of distress and it’s hard to stay encouraged. Like Moses and the Israelites trapped between the Red Sea and Pharaoh’s army, God will provide a path. Don’t quit.
March 9, 2020
Dads, how do you do long-distance parenting?
Many fathers who are physically distant from their children want to remain emotionally engaged. But how? First, remind your kids of your presence by giving them a copy of pictures and videos to remember the good times. Second, keep your communication alive. Write a text on Monday, make a video call on Tuesday, drop an Instagram on Thursday, and show up on Friday for your visitation. When you are together get out of the house. Take a walk, play a game, run errands. Make the most of your time.
March 6, 2020
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Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.