A Big Hug
November 6, 2019
00:00
Parenting over the long haul is tough. Stepparenting is really tough.
Not all stepparents feel like their job is tough, but clearly, on the whole, if you listen to stepparents you’ll see they have many challenges and they also have fewer rewards. Biological parents have challenges, too, but on a regular basis they also enjoy sweet, positive moments with their kids: a sincere “thank you” or a teachable moment that brings them together. Stepparents enjoy these kinds of moments, too, but far less often. And, that’s why stepparents need a really big hug.
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Ron, I’m an adult and my mom is dating a guy and I’m having a rough time with it.
I heard from a listener who was struggling with her mom’s serious relationship. “My dad died five years ago,” she said. “Even though I’m happy for my mom, I’m not comfortable with her new relationship, but I’m trying to be supportive.” I don’t care how old you are, when a parent dates or marries, it dramatically changes your life in many unwanted ways. I appreciate her attitude. But this doesn’t necessarily make the adjustments easy. It does bring a grace to the equation and that always helps.
November 5, 2019
Parents, what’s your role when it comes to your kids and the other parent?
Whether you’re married and raising your kids together, or you have a co-parent who lives in the other home, or maybe there’s a stepparent who lives with you; I’m wondering, are you a defender--speaking up for one side or the other or an interpreter who tries to translate and bridge the gap between the other two. You can play either one of these roles some of the time but don’t get stuck in them all of the time. And, as much as you can, stand with your spouse. Be united.
November 4, 2019
Okay, let’s face it some people are just easier to forgive than others.
The ease with which we forgive others is in part determined by the size of the offense and who it is, right? Many consider their ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, or ex-spouse an enemy. Jesus specifically told us to pray for our enemies, even more to love them. One great way to love them is to forgive them, just as the Lord has forgiven you. Maybe pray this, “Lord, in response to your forgiving mercy, give me a grateful heart, so much so, that I am able to forgive those who have hurt me.” Amen.
November 1, 2019
How do you maintain parental unity when you disagree?
Well-intentioned, good-hearted parents disagree sometimes. But what do you do if one of you has already taken action? What you don’t do is make critical comments in front of the kids about how the other handled it. Or even worse, reverse the decision. Instead have a parent meeting behind closed doors, and listen. Find out why they did what they did. Then share your thoughts about what might happen next time. Parenting is a live-and-learn experience. Just make sure you live and learn together.
October 31, 2019
Parents really must work together. So, here’s another tip for maintaining your parental unity.
There are many ways to handle parenting decisions and supporting one another is important. When in doubt call a parental meeting and get on the same page. It’s fine to say to a child, “hey, let me get back to you,” and then have a quick conversation with your spouse about how you’d like to handle it. Stepparents who are unsure of their role benefit from a quick check in too. When a mom or dad takes time to check in with them, it speaks volumes to the children about respecting the stepparent.
October 30, 2019
Now here’s another no-brainer about blended families: adding a stepparent to the parenting team is bound to change something.
When things change maintain your parental unity by letting the biological parent communicate the change in rule. Sometimes a stepparent’s authority is naturally questioned by kids. When things are changing they really need to hear from their mom or dad. Have a parent meeting to discuss what the new rule is and how you’re going to communicate it and then stand side by side as the biological parent does much of the talking. It is vitally important that you maintain a united front.
October 29, 2019
Your strength in parenting comes in part from your unity as a team.
Parenting was meant to be a team sport. Here is the first rule to maintaining your parental unity. Be proactive. Don’t wait until problems occur to discuss your expectations, punishment, and how you’ll build character in your kids. That sounds like a no-brainer, but about half of stepfamily couples are parenting on the fly never discussing their parenting strategies. You have to work hard to get on the same parenting page and it’s important that you do. United you stand, but divided they fall.
October 28, 2019
Fighting barriers in your marriage? Well, here’s another tip for reducing the cholesterol in your marital heart: Adapt to life, as needed.
Life throws us curves and when it does flexible people find a way to adapt. Cholesterol free couples get creative in handling their differences or compromise to work through a disagreement. They will change themselves in order to grow through a circumstance. But the cholesterol of rigidity and stubbornness keeps other couples stuck. They won't change or consider another point of view. Do you want a healthy blended marriage? Ask God to give you a flexible heart and be willing to adapt together.
October 25, 2019
All this week we’re talking about reducing the cholesterol in your marital heart. Today’s tip: Spend regular leisure time together.
You know everybody needs to relax. Well, healthy blended family couples make time for individual leisure activities and activities they can do together. Unhappy couples tend to just have individual interest but nothing they share. The cool thing is you get to define what's leisure to you and your spouse. It might be exercising together or reading and discussing a book or sky diving for that matter. Whatever is fun and enjoyable for you feeds your marriage.
October 24, 2019
All this week we’ve been talking about reducing the cholesterol in your marriage. Today’s tip: Deal with problems as they arise.
“Hi, I’m Ron, and I’m a natural conflict avoider.” Yes, I know this isn’t a 12-step group but if you’re like me you’d rather avoid conflict than deal with it. My research clearly shows that stepfamily couples who struggle are more likely to avoid their issues which just builds resentment. But healthy couples deal with problems as they arise by taking seriously the process of solving those problems together. All couples have conflict. The question is: is it managing you or are you managing it?
October 23, 2019
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Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.