A Big Hug
November 9, 2017
00:00
Parenting over the long haul is tough. Stepparenting is really tough.
Not all stepparents feel like their job is tough, but clearly, on the whole, if you listen to stepparents you’ll see they have many challenges and they also have fewer rewards. Biological parents have challenges, too, but on a regular basis they also enjoy sweet, positive moments with their kids: a sincere “thank you” or a teachable moment that brings them together. Stepparents enjoy these kinds of moments, too, but far less often. And, that’s why stepparents need a really big hug.
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Archives
Were there any rituals at your wedding?
Many modern stepfamily weddings include the Blending of the Family Sands ceremony in which each adult and child pours a vase of sand into a larger vase signifying the new family. The sand symbolizes the couple's journey into love, but it’s just the beginning for the kids and the entire family. The ceremony doesn’t create familyness…life does. Remain dedicated to the process of merging your sand while you embrace your evolving mosaic as a family. Pour yourself in and trust God with the process.
November 8, 2017
When the road gets long, just keep going.
It’s not true for all but some stepfamilies tell me they feel like Moses and the Israelites leaving Egypt for the Promised Land. They left something horrible but it's taking longer to get there than they thought. Besides, they’re carrying baggage and when children slow their progress, they wonder if they should have stayed in Egypt. So begins the grumbling and complaining. But I say, like the Israelites, God is leading your journey. In your weariness, trust Him, and He’ll see you through.
November 7, 2017
“Never satisfied are the eyes of man.”
When Proverbs 27 in the Bible says the eyes of people are never satisfied, it is warning us against being hungry for more wealth. But it’s not just wealth you’ll want more of. You’ll want your spouse to be more like your friend’s spouse. Of course, you don’t know what life is really like on the inside. This could be said about your children, your job, or your clothes. Eyes that are never satisfied are blinded by envy and jealousy. Find joy in what you have and trust God for what you really need.
November 6, 2017
Parents, what’s your role when it comes to your kids and the other parent?
Whether you’re married and raising your kids together, or you have a co-parent who lives in the other home, or maybe there’s a stepparent who lives with you; I’m wondering, are you a defender--speaking up for one side or the other or an interpreter who tries to translate and bridge the gap between the other two. You can play either one of these roles some of the time but don’t get stuck in them all of the time. And, as much as you can, stand with your spouse. Be united.
November 3, 2017
“Ron, I’m an adult, my mom is dating a guy, and I’m having a rough time with it.”
I heard from a listener who was struggling with her mom’s serious relationship. “My dad died five years ago,” she said. “Even though I’m happy for my mom, I’m not comfortable with her new relationship, but I’m trying to be supportive.” I don’t care how old you are, when a parent dates or marries, it dramatically changes your life in many unwanted ways. I appreciate her attitude. But this doesn’t necessarily make the adjustments easy. It does bring a grace to the equation and that always helps.
November 2, 2017
Do you want a good marriage? Start by doing some math.
Marital researcher John Gottman found that healthy long-term couple relationships maintain a 5 to 1 ratio of positives to negatives. In other words, they make five deposits for every one withdrawal. For every act of selfishness, there is one act of kindness and sacrifice. You know, no one puts money in your financial bank but you and if you don’t invest, you’ll have nothing for the future. The same is true for your marriage. Besides, the dividends you get in return are well worth the investment.
November 1, 2017
What do you believe about stepparenting?
True or false? When stepparents do a good job, kids don’t need to see their other biological parent? False. If you were stern with your children you should parent your stepchildren the same way? False. Loving stepparents naturally feel as much affection for their stepchildren as they do their biological children? False again. You know believing things like this can sabotage a family. Good intentions can bring heartache. So how did you do? Learn anything? Come visit us. We’d love to help.
October 31, 2017
Hell hath no fury like a woman scored. Or anyone else for that matter.
Someone “scorned” has had their love rejected and they can be vicious. Proverbs 27:3 says, “Wrath is cruel, anger is overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy”? When someone feels threatened they get jealous and cause more pain. Anything can be a threat to a relationship. It’s up to us to weed threats out. Prioritize your commitments. Stay in tune with what feels threatening to your kids, spouse, and friends. Make little decisions that honor and move you towards those you care about.
October 30, 2017
Hey, would you line-dry your underwear in front of your house?
Why would you air your dirty laundry online? I saw these on Facebook. “I resent my husband for making me care for his kids.” “My stepkids wrote me a letter of my faults and failings today.” “My stepdaughter treats me like I’m invisible.” Hey, talking poorly online about members of your home is not a good idea. It’s like squeezing toothpaste out of a tube. Once it’s out there, you can’t get it back. Yes, you need a trusted friend with whom you can commiserate. But that’s not the internet.
October 27, 2017
Parenting sure is rewarding, but tough work. So, whenever possible—get out of the way.
Whenever possible, let reality be the teacher. I recently learned you can’t park along the National Mall in Washington, D.C. after 4 p.m. How did I learn that? I got a ticket. We want to prevent our children from experiencing distress but when we protect them from the natural consequences of their choices, we steal their opportunity to learn lessons that stick. If they don’t start a school project until the last minute, it’s not your deadline to meet. Get out of the way and let life teach.
October 26, 2017
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Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.