Dwelling Place

Announcer: With an admonition to husbands to love our wives, here's Pastor Al Pittman.

Al Pittman: Love your wives just like you love your own body. Many husbands, however, are unable to love their wives because they don't love themselves. Show me a man who can't love his wife, I'll show you a man who has a problem with loving himself. And many times the reason that is is because we've refused to humble ourselves under the mighty hand of God to receive his grace and love for ourselves. We can't love her until we understand that he first loved us.

Announcer: Dwelling place, dwelling place, dwelling place. You are my dwelling place, dwelling place, dwelling place.

Announcer: Welcome to the Dwelling Place, a ministry of Calvary Worship Center in Colorado Springs. We come back to Pastor Al Pittman's look at husbands and wives today as we consider Colossians 3 verses 18 and 19. Wives submitting to their husbands has been a controversial subject for as long as people have been reading these verses. The only reason there's any controversy is that people have consistently miscalculated what Paul's meaning is. Let's get to the heart of the matter of godly submission for husbands and wives. Here's Pastor Al Pittman.

Al Pittman: You are the pearl of great price. And he gave us all for us. And in the same way, we should give our all for our brides. The reason many husbands find it difficult to do this is that over time we began to devalue our wives. Because we watch television and we see commercials or we're inundated with the spirit of this world that says if she's not a supermodel or she's not this or that, you know, then then she is of no value. And we began to look at her and look at what's on television and go, well, you're not that and and that's really valuable because we've adopted the value system of the world and not of God.

And over time we begin to devalue our wives many times when the reality is like a precious treasure, she goes up in value. She's not devalued. Amen. She appreciates. She does not depreciate. Proverbs chapter 18 verse 22 says, he who has found a wife has found a good thing. That's when you really mean it. Honey, you ain't a good thing. You're a good thing. You found a wife, you found a good thing and it is always sensual and demonic wisdom which seeks to take a good thing that God has given and to make it worthless.

If she's devalued in your eyes, guys, maybe it's because you've forgotten that what you have is from God. Paul says, give yourself to her. The second way in which we can keep ourselves from being bitter and being a blessing to our brides is the Bible says in verses 26 and 27 of Ephesians 5 that we are to nurture her. Jesus nurtured the church. It says in verse 26 that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of the word water by the word. That he might present her to himself a glorious church. In the same manner, men, we are to nurture our wives, to wash them.

How do we do that? To wash them through the word of God. We wash them through the word. We're speaking the word of God to her. However, it's hard to wash someone when we're unwilling to get wet ourselves. In other words, if we're not in the word of God, then how can we wash them in the word of God? How can we quote scripture to her and say, honey, the Bible says and I read this this morning and and maybe you can use this baby and and let me tell you, honey, you you are you are a blessing to me and and and the Bible says this.

I mean, wash her in the word. Build her up in the scriptures. I've got to be willing to get wet, though. I got to be willing to spend time in the word myself. I'm the head of my household, spiritual leader of my house. And so that's not something I can delegate to my wife or my children. It's on the husband. So we are to be nurturers, to build them up through the word if indeed we want to avoid being bitter and be a blessing to them. The third thing that Paul points out and a way that what we can do in order to keep from becoming bitter and be a blessing.

The third thing as he mentions in verses 28 and 29 and that is that husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. Amen. I mean, man, they've got so many, you know, hair growth commercials on television because men love their own bodies. We're trying to get that back youthful look back, you know, you can diet, you know, you can get plugs in or whatever, you know, so you can kind of, you know, throw your hair back. I can't do that with this, but you know, some of you guys want to come out of the pool, you know, kind of do that kind of a thing, you know, hair sticking all up, you know.

But you got your hair, man. You're in that hair club for men. You're like, hey, you know, we care about how we look, guys. We've got the bellies to prove it. Amen. We love ourselves, don't we? Still trying to squeeze in those jeans that you wore in high school. You know, bellies hanging all over, you know, but still got them 32s on. Cuz we think we're cool in them, you know, we look good, you know. All right, I'll leave us alone, guys. But the Paul says that because men love themselves. We do love our flesh.

Love your wife just like you love your own body. Many husbands, however, unable to love their wives because they don't love themselves. Show me a man who can't love his wife, I'll show you a man who has a problem with loving himself. And many times the reason that is is because we've refused to humble ourselves under the mighty hand of God to receive his grace and love for ourselves. We can't love her until we understand that he first loved us. Bitterness kills. Therefore, Paul exhorts the husband do not be bitter. It was Lynn Crider Men, author of marriage partnerships, who wrote this.

She says, and I quote, the hallmark of a good marriage mirrors the most attractive aspect of the Christian faith, forgiveness. The hallmark of a good marriage mirrors the most attractive aspect of the Christian faith. Gentlemen, forgiveness. Lest we be bound up with bitterness walk it unforgettably. It it may be hidden now. It might be a root today, but it's going to spring into a weed that's going to destroy your relationship sooner or later. Bitterness is something we ought to repent of. So husbands, love your wives. Wives, submit to your husbands. What is the application? Well, let's look at some application in Ephesians chapter 5 because I want to give you five ways in which we can cultivate, I believe, whether you're married or single.

Every believer can help cultivate God-honoring relationships. Five things in a checklist for yourself and you can say, Lord, is this me? Or, Lord, do I need help in this area? As we go down the list, in Ephesians chapter 5 verses 15 to 21 because the first thing we find is the Lord says that we ought to seek to understand God's will. If we're going to have a relationship that honors God as husband and wife or as brothers and sisters in Christ, God's will has to be at the top of the list. Ephesians 5 15 Paul says, see that you walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time because the days are evil.

Therefore, do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. So in our relationship, honey, what is God's will for our relationship? Have you ever asked that question? What how does God want me to respond to my wife? How does the wife wife how does the Lord want you to respond to your husband? What is God's will, not my will, but what is his will in the matter? It was Jesus broken over his will in the garden of Gethsemane. Because he was broken over his will, we can sit here today and claim that we are the sons and daughters of God.

Because he prayed, not my will, but thy will be done. Lord, I know how I feel about the situation, but Lord, what do you want? How do you want me to respond to my spouse in this situation? And we need to understand what the will of God is and we can't understand his will unless we know his word. So important that we understand his will so that we can have unity. Two cannot walk together unless they agree. And we may disagree, have different opinions, but we will always agree over God's word. You think this, I think this, but what does the Lord say?

The second thing Paul says here, second way in which we can cultivate God-honoring relationships is to be filled with the Holy Spirit. In verse 18 Paul says, and do not be drunk with wine in which is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit. In the original Greek language, it implies being continually filled, being continually filled with the Spirit of God. In other words, in utter dependence upon the fact that, Lord, I can't be a husband, the husband I need to be without your help. And going to God and saying, God, help me today. Fill me with your presence.

Fill me with your power because, Lord, I can't submit to that guy. Uh Lord, he's just a jerk and you know it. But, Lord, help me to to submit to him, to love him because to love those who love me is is nothing but to love those who spitefully use me. Now I'm being like my father. So, God, I need your power to love like Jesus loves. We can't do it by ourselves. We need to be filled with his power, daily asking him to fill us with his Holy Spirit, recognizing that we can't make it on our own.

It's the threefold cord that is not easily broken. It's our love, but the love of God wrapped around it that keeps it bound together. As we walk in obedience to his word, so be filled with the Spirit. The third thing is our speech. Let your speech be edified. Spoken anything edifying lately to your husband and to your wife? Verse 19 speaking to one another in psalms, hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord. How do we speak words of edification? Well, we keep a melody in our heart to the Lord.

Keep a melody rather than malady or malice in your heart.

Announcer: We'll pause right here, but Pastor Al will be back in a few moments with part two of today's message in Colossians chapter 3. It brings us great joy when we hear from our listeners. So email us today at ccccs.org. And we have a brand new address to share with you for Pastor Al's podcast. It's anchor.fm/ccccs-podcast. That's anchor.fm/ccccs-podcast. If you'd like to partner with us financially, please give us a call at 844-221-3363 or again visit our website at ccccs.org. Now let's return to today's message in Colossians chapter 3. Here's Pastor Al Pittman.

Al Pittman: If you've got malice in your heart, you don't have a song. If you got malady in your heart, you don't have a song, you can't sing. Or you want to sing, but you can't. You got to repent of that that malice, that anger, that bitterness so that God can put a song in your heart and then you can speak words of kindness, words of edification to one another. Here's something that you can try, guys, this week. Ladies, you can try it too and that is when you find yourself in public with your with your spouse and you're in public right now.

You get around people and you're talking, brag on your spouse. Talk about how you built that cabinet at home and I mean the one that really was good. But the cabinet at home and how wonderful it looks, you know. You never hear Norman brag about me like that, but but there are things or something in his life, a good quality you can say, oh, he's he's so wonderful. He you know, he did this. You know, watching guys' buttons start popping off his shirt, you know. I'm the man. I can handle my mess. And guys, you get your wife out in public, just start bragging on her, boasting, oh, she looks so beautiful or or, you know, man, she cooked this great meal or or whatever it is.

Find something to just brag on her and just watch it go, oh, just quit it, you know. They just we just glow when we receive that kind of affirmation from one another. Because we're speaking words of edification, because we have a melody in our heart and we want to glorify God. We want to edify our spouse, not beat them up, not tear them down. I've seen some wives and some husbands do the same thing. Get an opportunity in public, their wife is out there just to tear them down in front of people. Man, you never you never mouth nothing, you know.

And you know what? He never will. Oh, you never do anything right. You know what? She never will. But begin to speak into their life. You see, sometimes, you know, we create the woman or the wife we got. Sometimes you've created the husband. You bring him in for counseling and we look at him and say, man, this is a monster. And you're the creator. You've created this thing, you know. And now you want the church to fix it. Amen. Well, maybe if you start speaking into his life or speaking into her life, God can use you to transform them.

And just tell him he's going to make it. Tell him he's he he's he's smart. Tell him he's bright. He'll start acting that way. You start telling her she's beautiful, she'll start walking around that way, switching a little bit, you know. She might go out and buy something nice for only your eyes. You know what I mean? Because you telling her she's beautiful. All right, I'll move on. The word tells us to speak words of edification because we've got melody in our hearts. And then it says, Paul says to give thanks. We we seek to understand God's will.

We're filled with the Holy Spirit. We our speech is edifying and we give thanks. Verse 20 he says, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Your wife or your husband is all things. Giving God thanks for the husband you have will transform the way you think about him. Giving God thanks for the wife you have will transform the way you think about her. Lord, thank you for my spouse. Oh, Lord, my husband, thank you, Lord, for Harold. He's so wonderful. Lord, thank you for for Sally.

Lord, oh, God, I wonder what I do without Lord. Thank you for my wife. Give thanks to God in all things. And thank the Lord for my bride. For 30 years I'm still saying, thank you, Lord. Thank you that I wasn't an idiot and walked away. I walked out of a marriage, Lord. I we will never have the depth and the riches richness that we have now. Thank you for the Oh, she's so precious. She's just add so much sweetness to my life cuz I'm such a you know, guys, we're so sour all the time, you know.

And our wives are there to bring the sweetness to our lives and as you get older and grow in the Lord, some of you young married folks don't know what I'm talking about, but some of you older ones know what I mean. It just she gets it just gets sweeter. And you you have a heart of thanksgiving toward God to thank you, Lord. We have something. See, you know, you've got something that the supermodel can't give you. Guys, now I can only talk from a guy's perspective. But I mean, you you look at the world standard of what a woman is, we can only we look out there and think, well, that's something that that all men desire and it and it's it's not.

What you have already is so rich and so beautiful that it just takes time we have to take time to recognize it and say, Lord, thank you. Sometimes we're out there looking for what we already got and even more we know how to do the supermodel anyway. So but we give thanks for one another. Amen. In other words, we choose to vacate the judgment seat and occupy the witness stand and bear witness to what God is doing in his or her life and say, thank you, Lord. The last thing and most importantly, I believe, is in verse 21.

Paul says, submitting to one another in the fear of the Lord. Submission is not just for the woman, it's for the man, too. And we submit in the fear the fear of God. This is why we're running out to divorce courts and Christians are acting like a fool in front of the world because we don't fear God. I don't care. You can call it, well, it was his fault or her fault. I don't want to hear it. The reality is that you don't fear the Lord because don't tell me the Bible says the afflictions of the righteous are many, but the Lord delivers them out of them all.

And so don't call God a liar in my face. You know, you need it's the reality that we don't fear God. We don't give a rip what he thinks and everything about what we think. If we will submit to one another in the fear of the Lord, God can bring healing to any marriage in any situation. But we rather run out and defile his name and call ourselves by the name of Jesus and line up in the divorce courts with the rest of the world and say somehow, you know, Jesus is my savior. No, he's not.

Why do you call me, Lord, and not do the things I ask, he said? Bible tells us in Psalm 34 verse 9, oh, fear the Lord, you his saints. There is no want to those who fear him. I'm going to go with the word of God on this one. And I think if I fear the Lord, if I if Al Pittman is walking in fear of God, God will bless my marriage. I don't care how difficult we ain't ain't nothing you've been through that Norman and I haven't been through. Many years ago and I've shared this before, we were separated and the whole deal and acting like idiots and you know, till we came back to the fear of God.

God can bring healing and restoration, but we must walk in the reverential fear before God. Here here's the conclusion. I'm going to have to wrap this thing up. But those five things I wanted to give to you to seek to understand God's will, to be filled with the Holy Spirit, to let your speech be edifying, give thanks for one another and mutual submission in fear. CS Lewis writes in Mere Christianity, he writes this because a lot of times when we look about think about marriage or in any relationship cuz every relationship when you enter into it is just wonderful, is it?

Just, you know, it's always great at first. That couple getting married yesterday, you know, they're both just just weeping and crying and it was so cute. But the tears are going to go away. As the song said a long time ago, the thrill is gone. There sometimes the the thrill leaves. Amen. And then what do we have? And some people think, well, oh, to be married is always being thrill. You know, it's not always thrilling, you know. CS Lewis says this and he puts things in perspective. He says people get from books and and I would add television the idea that if you have married the right person, you may expect to go on being in love forever.

As a result, when they find that they are not in love forever, they think this proves that they have made a mistake and are entitled to a change not realizing that when they have changed, the glamour will presently go out of the new love just as it went out of the old one. In this department of life, he goes on to say, as in every other, thrills come at the beginning and do not last. He says, let the thrill go. Let it die away. Go on through the period of death into the quieter interest and happiness that follow.

And you will find you are living in a world of new thrills all the time. My wife is not the same woman she was 30 years ago, nor am I the same man. And as we live together 30 years later, I'm still discovering new thrills. She still turns me on. And we still have a thrill and and loving one another. And it's just a tremendous blessing. The problem is many times we live up to the thrill and when the thrill leaves, that's when we leave. But we need to go beyond the superficial into the depths of true intimacy in marriage.

Amen. A marriage is hard work. Amen. Marriage is hard work. Don't let anybody fool you. But if we'll stay the course and hold fast to the word of God, we'll discover new thrills beyond the superficial. I believe if America will ever experience a revival, it will not come by way of the White House but your house. The homes we live in because husbands and wives have great influence over the children they they bring into the world, great influence over society. Revival starts in our home. The question is, do we bear or do we have the embers of revival burning in our home through submission and godly love?

Well, if we don't the fire can burn again. If we would only recommit ourselves to the transforming power of God's truth.

Announcer: Thanks for listening to the Dwelling Place with Pastor Al Pittman. If you'd like to hear today's message from Colossians again, you can get an audio CD by calling us at 844-221-3363 or listen online to an archive of Pastor Al's messages at ccccs.org. Can I ask you today to take a moment and send Pastor Al an email and let him know you're listening to the Dwelling Place? It would mean a lot to Pastor Al and all of us at this radio ministry. Send your email to amen at ccccs.org. That's amen at ccccs.org. And include a prayer request if you'd like.

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Announcer: Dwelling place, dwelling place, dwelling place. You are my dwelling place, dwelling place, dwelling place.