Destined for Victory

Paul Sheppard: I’m glad because if you’re like me, you’ve got some challenges and you’ve got some broken relationships to deal with. And Paul gives us a hint as to how you can believe God to give you a new attitude when it comes to those things. Be not conformed to the image of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. That’s Romans 12:2 and this is Destined for Victory with Pastor Paul Sheppard.

Well, if you live long enough, someone you care about will hurt you. They may even abandon you with no intention of coming back. In times like these, you need to be transformed and empowered by the Holy Spirit to adopt a new attitude. That’s what today’s message is all about: learning how God wants us to handle the pain of broken relationships.

Before we get started, let me invite you to stop by pastorpaul.net when you have some time. That’s where you can listen to any of our recent messages on demand, including today’s. pastorpaul.net. Today’s message is called "I’ve Got a New Attitude," and it starts right now.

Romans chapter 12, verses 1 and 2. Paul says, "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God. This is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

We’re talking about having a new attitude. Since the Word of God says that we are to no longer be conformed to the pattern of this world—J.B. Phillips said, "Don't let the world squeeze you into its mold"—but rather, Paul said, "Be transformed by the renewing of your mind." As we launched the series, we looked at the fact that God means for us, as his people, to literally experience transformation.

It’s not just a cute concept, but God says, "I want you to believe me to do a work in your life that makes you truly a new creation." God wants you to be so new in some areas of your life until you hardly recognize yourself in that area of your life, and people who know you know that God has done a great thing as he has transformed your life.

But being the practical teacher of the word that I am, this begs a question: how does this transformation take place? In what areas of our life can we really look to God and believe him for transformation? We’re currently looking at the fact that one of the areas where we need to believe God for transformation is where our relationships—challenged and broken relationships—are concerned.

So in the last message in the series, we began looking at the fact that God wants us to believe him for transformation in the area of how you deal with your broken and challenged relationships. So I want to go again to 2nd Timothy, chapter 4. The Apostle Paul’s final written words before he laid down his life for the sake of the gospel.

If you don't know it, Paul was one of several apostles who died the death of martyrs. Most of the apostles who gave us God’s word in the New Testament and who led the early church and established it in the things of God, most of them did not get to live a long, full life and die of natural causes as they went home to be with the Lord. Most of them laid down their lives and sealed their testimony, as it were, with their own blood.

Paul was one of them. He was beheaded for the gospel. But before they took his head, he wrote one final letter in 2nd Timothy. In the last chapter of the letter, he gives us some wonderful statements. He talks about the importance of Timothy following his footsteps as a bold preacher. Told him to preach the word in season and out of season, reprove, rebuke, exhort with all long-suffering and doctrine, and all of that good stuff.

And he gave us those wonderful verses we often look to that says, "I’ve fought a good fight, I’ve finished the course, I’ve kept the faith. Henceforth, there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will give me, and not only to me but all who love his appearing." We love it when it’s up there high, but then he gets down in the very practical points as he gives his closing personal remarks.

And there, you will actually discover that Paul’s victory wasn't just theoretical and pie-in-the-sky. Paul was a man who experienced victory despite some very challenged relationships. I’m glad because if you’re like me, you’ve got some challenges and you’ve got some broken relationships to deal with. And Paul gives us a hint as to how you can believe God to give you a new attitude when it comes to those things.

So let’s look again at 2nd Timothy chapter 4, and let’s begin at verse 9. He says, "Do your best," talking to his spiritual son Timothy, "Do your best to come to me quickly, for Demas, because he loved this world, has deserted me and has gone to Thessalonica." Now pause right there. Many of us have to deal with some broken relationships in our lives, and they come in a number of contexts.

In Philippians chapter 4, you see two ladies in the church that Paul wrote and he said, "Listen, I want you to tell those sisters, Euodia and Syntyche, I want you to tell them to get their business straight, to resolve their differences." Sometimes we have little petty arguments and running feuds with folk, and we just need to ask God to give us the grace to get over it, put our weapons down, and settle it.

If you want to be a happier person, you’ve just got to say, "Lord, this has gone on long enough. This foolishness I have going on with this man, this woman, whether they in your family, whether they in your church, whether they in your small group, on your job, at a certain point, you have to say life is too short for this." And we talked about the fact that some of us just need to say, "Lord, I’m going to let it go and I’m going to trust you."

Quit arguing with folk because some of it’s just not worth it. The energy it takes to argue with some people is not worth it. And so some of us have to learn the lesson of Philippians 4 and just quit it, just stop it, just end it. Let them get the last word. Let them think they’re right. It’s okay. No big deal. Okay, fine, you win.

And I’ll tell you what, if you take that attitude about many of your challenges, you will live a sweeter, richer life than getting all upset every time you have to deal with a certain person. But some relationships are more challenged than that. You can't just simply drop some things. So here, we have another group of folk you have to deal with. I call them deserters.

Deserters. You have some people who have just flat-out done you wrong. And the way these folk do you wrong is they desert you. When you are counting on them, when you’re looking to them, when you really need them, they are nowhere to be found. Have you lived long enough to run into some deserters? If you haven't, my grandmother said, "Keep on living."

You will find that some people will not stay, will not remain dependable, will not remain focused on you, will not be true to their commitment to you. They will let you down. Some folks will abandon you, will desert you. Paul knows what that’s like. He said, "Son, I want you to come to me quickly. I’m here in jail. I don't know when these folk are going to execute me. I want you to come quickly."

He said, "I’m here and I need you to come bring me some things." And he wasn't so holy that he didn't realize some brother who he’d been able to count on in earlier times in his ministry has flat-out abandoned and deserted him. He said, "Demas, because he loved this present world, has deserted me." What do you do when people desert you? What do you do when people forsake you?

Let me give you a couple of practical points I want you to jot down or hold firmly in your mind and in your heart. The first thing I want to encourage you to do is face it. I want to encourage you to face it. When people desert you, I want you to face it. Paul said squarely, look squarely at the truth, and he said, "Demas has forsaken me."

I want to tell you that you cannot be transformed as long as you’re living in denial. Some of us have been hurt, some of us are dealing or grappling with the hurt of desertion, of abandonment. And the fact of the matter is you’re only dealing with pain, but you can't begin to move toward healing because you refuse to face it head-on. And you cannot continue to live in denial.

You’ll stay bound and you’ll stay broken until you’re willing to face it. You see, you cannot overcome and you cannot heal from what you will not face. God wants to bring healing and transformation into your life. And the only way that’s going to happen is that process begins by you following Paul’s example here and saying, "Yes, it is bad, yes, it hurts me to even acknowledge it, but they deserted me."

Guest (Male): Still ahead, the second half of today’s Destined for Victory message with Pastor Paul Sheppard, so please stay with us. In the meantime, I want to remind you to download the Destined for Victory mobile app. That way, you’ll be able to listen to these messages on your schedule wherever you go. Search Destined for Victory at the App Store today, or visit our website pastorpaul.net to get details about how to listen on your favorite demand platform.

Are you holding onto old wounds today? Are you allowing the pain and bitterness to fester? If you want to change the way you live, you have to change the way you think. Find out how in the rest of today’s Destined for Victory message, "I’ve Got a New Attitude."

Paul Sheppard: I once heard a speaker say at a conference, in order to heal from some atrocity, from some trauma, from some abuse, one must learn to speak the unspeakable. One must describe the indescribable. Healing cannot occur unless that which you most want to forget, you remember. And that which you’re reluctant to say out loud is spoken.

We must face our challenges head-on. Listen, let me tell you something: you have got to be willing to say what you don't want to hear yourself say because you wish it weren't true. But the fact of the matter is, God says, "You can trust me, I’m going to transform you, I’m going to do something in your life. I refuse to let somebody who deserted you define you."

God refuses to let somebody who you were counting on be the end of your life. And so what you’ve got to do is decide, "Yes, I can admit this happened because there is healing on the other side, there is transformation on the other side. God has begun a good work in me. He’s promised he will bring it to completion." And he didn't say, "This joker is going to mess it up."

Bible doesn't say, "I began a good work in you and I’ll complete it as long as folk don't desert you." No, no, he took desertion possibilities into account when he promised you, "I’m going to finish what I started in your life." So you can afford to say, "I have been deserted, I have been abandoned." I want to encourage you to be willing to face it.

I want to encourage you to be willing to look it square in the face and call it what it is because your God is bigger than your deserter. He is bigger. He’s going to do a work in you that is wonderful, and he’s not going to give you amnesia. He will get you to a point where you can eventually look at what happened, but the pain, the terror, the paralysis that characterizes you now as you deal with that issue will no longer be there.

You will be able to say, "Yes, this is what happened, but God was able to take me to another place." That’s what happened with Joseph in the Old Testament. But listen, let me tell you something: the only way you can get there is you’ve got to be willing to face it. And so I want someone listening to this message to have the courage to quit ignoring it and to face it and say, "Yes, they deserted me."

Could be a spouse, could be a child, a parent. Could be someone you really were tied to for a while, thought you could depend on, and for a while you could. And now you look around and they have deserted you. And I want to let you know that facing it is not calling yourself defeated. Facing it is the beginning of the victory and transformation God wants to bring into your life. I want somebody to face it. Paul said, "Demas has deserted me."

Now, listen, there’s a second thing you need to do, and that is, if necessary, grieve it. It’s one thing to face it, but you know, a lot of us who are believers, a lot of us who are people who walk with Jesus Christ, we have not been properly discipled by some folk, or we haven't grasped some truths of the Word of God. And the result is many of us do not give ourselves permission to grieve.

I know believers who think you’re supposed to be spiritual enough to not grieve, to not have pain, and if you have pain, to not give voice to the pain. I heard a preacher one time talking about getting to a place in faith where you don't even cry at the funeral of loved ones. Preaching on the TV! And I sat and I talked back to the TV. And I said, "Oh yeah, there’s a Greek word for that: baloney!"

There is no level of faith that’ll cause you to not have pain when somebody you loved and who loved you is taken out of your life. There is no level of faith that will overcome that. You have got to believe God that he is able to honor the fact that he made you body, soul, and spirit. If God gave you tear ducts, that’s because you’re supposed to use them.

You have a soul. You have intellect, you have a will, and you also have emotions. And God is not trying to transform you by making you all spiritual and no emotion. I’m scared of folk who don't show emotion. Those are the people that you read about! Got folk chopped up all in the backyard somewhere. No, no, God’s not trying to make you so weird that you can't cry, you can't shed your emotion.

You’re supposed to feel. God made us feeling people. You’re supposed to feel. You are not supposed to be dictated to by your feelings. Your feelings aren't to run your life, but they are a feature in your life. People of faith throughout biblical history mourned the loss of those they loved. The Bible says they would weep, they would have times of mourning when Moses died, Israel grieved and mourned as they should.

The Bible says they took weeks and just mourned and cried and grieved the loss of their wonderful leader. God did not allow Moses to go over and possess the promised land with them because God had told him earlier when he had dishonored the Lord at one point while leading the people, and the folk made him so mad he dishonored God. I’m here to tell you folk can make you that mad sometimes!

And the Lord had told him, "Because of that, I am not going to allow you to possess the promised land." But God and Moses had such a relationship that when the Lord was about to take him home, the Lord walked him up on the mountain. It’s a wonderful thing when you read that last chapter of Deuteronomy. The Lord himself walked him up on the mountain and said, "I want you to look out and see what all of the years that you’ve allowed me to use you to lead my people have brought you to."

"That is the land I’m about to give them." And Moses was able to stand there and see that God was about to do a wonderful thing in the life of his people Israel. And he looked out and the Lord let him see. And he said, "You can't go over, but I do want you to see it." And he had the joy of seeing what the saints would experience under the leadership of Joshua. And then the Bible says the Lord buried Moses.

Man, you are a bad boy when God preaches your funeral! When God... well, who did the eulogy? God. You bad when God preaches your funeral. The Lord took him, the Lord eulogized him, the Lord said "earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust," and buried him. And the people of God mourned. They mourned. You’re supposed to mourn.

Somebody... I’ve told y’all for years, when you hear one day the Lord has taken me home, all this praying and working and trying to lead this church I’ve done, preached some of y’all out of sin, discipling you, trying to get you right and all that, when y’all hear I’m gone, don't be casual. Not trying to have that. I worked too hard for that. Put in too many years laboring, crying, praying, travailing until Christ be born in many of you.

I don't want folk... "Pastor what? Pastor Paul gone? This morning he went? Really? Oh well, well what y’all want to eat?" Uh-uh. No, I’m telling y’all now I’m not trying to hear that. I know I’ll be gone, but I want to know that when I’m leaving, I want to know that when the news hits the fan, some of y’all who know I have labored to help you get in God the way you are, I want some of y’all to wail and mourn, and there are a few of you I want you to flat-out pass out!

Just straight up pass out. I want some of y’all to say, "What? Pastor gone? Whoa!" Listen, God gave you emotion. We are emotional creatures. When something is felt deeply, when a relationship has meant a lot, do not try to be so spooky and spiritual until you dismiss it unemotionally. And some of you, if necessary, in order to deal properly with your deserters, you have got to sometimes grieve. Sometimes you’ve got to give yourself permission to cry, have a good old wailing cry.

Guest (Male): If you’ve been abandoned by someone you loved, here’s your prescription for peace: face the issue, grieve the issue. Only then will you be able with God’s help to forgive the one who left you. Well, the last thing Jesus told us to do was to go out into the world and make disciples of all nations, and to get that job done, it takes all of us working together.

So right now we’re asking all of our listening friends and partners to prayerfully consider making a generous donation to Destined for Victory. When you do, we’d love to send you our latest booklet, Truth, Temper and Treasure. Have you ever wondered what it means to put off the old self and put on the new? Do you have a complete understanding of what this new life in Christ should look like?

In this new resource from Destined for Victory, Pastor Paul Sheppard walks you through three important areas of our life in which God wants to help us grow: being open and honest, handling anger without letting it fester, and managing money God’s way. This is essential information not only for a new believer in Christ, but also for those who might need to revisit a few of the fundamentals of the Christian faith.

That’s Truth, Temper and Treasure, a gift we’d love to share with you this month as our thanks for your generous donation to the Destined for Victory media ministry. You can give that gift by phone by calling 855-339-5500. That’s 855-339-5500. Or visit pastorpaul.net to make a safe and secure donation online. You can also mail your gift to Destined for Victory, Post Office Box 1767, Fremont, California 94538.

Paul Sheppard: What do you do when you have a deserter? I can't reconcile with them, they left my life. They up and left me. Reconciliation is not possible. Here’s the good news: God says, "I will give you the gift of being able to release them in your heart." And that’s next time in our message, "I’ve Got a New Attitude." Until then, though, remember: He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion. In Christ, you are destined for victory.