Destined for Victory

Guest (Male): "Do nothing from selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves." That's Philippians 2:3 and this is Destined for Victory with Pastor Paul Sheppard.

All throughout scripture, we're told about the virtue of humility. We're called to lift God up, to lift others up, and to lower ourselves. And when it comes to lifting others up, it should start with the people closest to us.

Today's message is straight ahead, but remember you can always visit pastorpaul.net to hear any recent message on demand, including today's. That's pastorpaul.net. Now let's listen closely to Pastor Paul's Destined for Victory message, "Great Gifts to Give Your Mom."

Paul Sheppard: Assess yourself properly. Don't think you're so wonderful. You're okay, but you're not wonderful. If you don't believe me, find somebody in your inner circle who really knows you and say, "For once, please tell me the truth about myself. Am I really wonderful?" Just ask them.

No, they'll say, "You've got some nice things about you, but you have some jacked-up things about you. You have some dysfunction. You have some little quirks. You have some little things where something's loose, the connection isn't real tight."

So you start with humility, humbleness of mind. You think about yourself properly, and then it says you're going to deal with her accordingly. Humility is when I choose to put others before myself. Humility is when I choose not to push myself forward, me first.

Humility is when I'm prepared to step back. I'm prepared to stay low. And it's important to live your life that way, and you'll be a blessing by giving the gift of humility.

Now, let me say to the younger generations, folks younger than me who weren't raised like me, you've got to understand that God established the pattern of respect in the scripture. We need to learn to give respect to people not because of who they are so much as because of the role they play, the title they wear.

Y'all come from a generation, let me help some of you younger folks, the under-40 crowd. Let me speak to you real quick. Some of you think the only people who get respect are people who you think deserve it. And the fact of the matter is that is not a biblical concept.

You don't give people respect because you think they deserve it. And some of y'all have bought into the lies that respect has to be earned. Read your Bible, see if you can find that. Respect is to be given because of the role someone plays.

You don't stand in respect to a president because you like him or because you voted for him. You stand when he comes into the room because it is a demonstration of the respect for the office, if not the individual. Come on, somebody.

You ever see the State of the Union address? When he walks in, it's not like the people in the other party say, "Anyway, I wish I would stand up." No, they stand up in recognition of the office. That's the concept that this generation has to learn.

So when it comes to your parent, you give respect because of the office. God ordained parenthood, and you respect the office even when you're not always crazy about the way the individual acts. You see what I'm saying?

And y'all have to learn that just because you become an adult doesn't mean you can start treating your parent like a peer. "Well, I'm grown too." That's not the issue. The issue is the title. It is the role.

A friend of my wife and I, Dr. Claudette Anderson Copeland, was speaking, and she had in the room one of her spiritual mentors. Before she went into her message, she gave honor to this woman, and we took note of what she said.

She said, "This woman has been a mentor and a spiritual mother in the body of Christ, and especially to people like me." She said, "I'm now grown and in ministry, and God has blessed me with many open doors. If I were unwise, I could have the boldness to look across at her. But I have the wisdom to look up to her."

She said, "I do so because, as is the case with any parent, there is a distance in age between you and your parent now that is the same distance as it was when you were born." If they were 20 years older than you, if they had you when they were 20, today they're still 20 years older than you. Did you hear that?

Just because you say, "I'm 21 now, I'm 25 now, you can't do like you used to when I lived in your house and I had to live by your rules." You might not live in their house, but that's still your mother. Come on, somebody.

She still will be your mother the longest days she lives, and she will be even when she's in her grave. And so we have to learn what humility means. I don't care what kind of education you have.

My mother didn't even go to college. I got a master's degree. That just means you have more degrees, that's all. It certainly doesn't mean you're smarter. Certainly doesn't mean you're wiser. Sometimes you can have head smarts and lack wisdom. I know I'm telling the truth.

Some of you have degrees that have given you a certain level of information in your head, but when we see you live your life, you are a dumb person with a smartphone. Your parents grew up and they didn't have a smartphone, but they learned wisdom. I said they learned wisdom.

My paternal grandmother loved to say, "Boy, I'm coming back from where you're going. Don't sass me. Don't think I don't know what I'm talking about because I didn't go to school like you. I know what I'm talking about. I've been there, I'm coming back. You're on your way, thinking you know everything."

"You're going to run into some stuff up there. And if you listen to me, I can help you avoid some pitfalls." Don't ever mistake your head knowledge for wisdom. It is not. Very few of us in this generation have ever risen beyond the wisdom of our parents.

So it pays to listen to them. It pays to take note, and it pays to remain humble in your attitude toward them. Number four: give her the gift of gentleness. Gentleness. Now that word implies meekness. Here's what I love about the concept of meekness.

Meekness is not what a lot of people think. A lot of people, when they hear the term meekness, they think weakness. But when you read your Bible, when you see gentleness or meekness, it never means weakness. Here's what it means: it means strength under control.

It means I'm strong, but I don't have to show it off. I'm strong, but I don't have to make things happen the way I want them to happen. I have strength, but I have it under control. That's what gentleness means.

God knows we need to be gentle toward our parents. You who have your mother, you need to be gentle toward her. Don't treat her with disrespect. Take your attitude and bring it under control and say it a certain way, and do it a certain way.

When I'm out and see people mistreating their parents, it grieves me to see someone saying, "Oh, Mama, come on." No, no, no. That's your mother. She never deserves that tone. I said she never deserves that tone.

I don't care how she's getting on your nerves. Bring your nerves under control. Bring your attitude under control. Bring your words under control. Bring the tone with which you speak the words under control.

When we were growing up, our parents would say something like, "Take that bass out of your voice." Y'all young folk don't know nothing about that. Come on, old heads. They shaped us up. You could say something that itself wasn't disrespectful, but the tone didn't hit them right.

Sometimes they would give you that look. Every now and then they would say, "Excuse me?" Or they would just cock their head slightly to the right. They're trying to figure out if you took some drug or something that just made you lose your mind.

Treat her with gentleness. She's frail now. She's not young and strong like she used to be. She can't take a certain tone in her ear. It's irritating. Take your strength and bring it under control.

Guest (Male): Coming up next, the second half of today's Destined for Victory message featuring Pastor Paul Sheppard, so stay with us. We say it all the time, but it still never seems like we say it enough.

You, our listening friends and partners, are the reason we're able to air these messages on various media platforms. And we want you to know that you are impacting this world for Jesus Christ.

As God leads, please consider making a generous gift to Destined for Victory today. Donate by calling 855-339-5500 or give safely and securely online at our website, pastorpaul.net. That's pastorpaul.net.

Well, there are seven gifts we should be giving to those closest to us. The first four are compassion, kindness, humility, and gentleness. Stay with us now to learn about the final three and the rest of today's Destined for Victory message, "Great Gifts to Give Your Mom."

Paul Sheppard: Number five: give the gift of patience. You don't need the Greek for patience. You know what patience means. Shut up and wait. Content yourself. Stop being demanding that it has to happen right now.

Patience is the opposite of what you do in the grocery store. You go in there. First of all, you didn't have to grow the food or package the food. You're going up and down with a cart you didn't even have to make, throwing stuff in, fussing about prices.

And then when you get to checkout, God forbid if there are four people in front of you. You will loud-talk the whole management. "I know y'all better get somebody to open up one of these lines."

That's impatient. You're not in such a god-awful hurry, but you just don't want to wait. Well, that's fine at the grocery store because some of them have placated you and they say "three's a crowd," and they'll guarantee that they'll send somebody to open up a line for you.

But in life, sometimes you just have to wait. In life, sometimes you just have to know it's not coming when I want, or how I want, or the way I want, so I'm just going to have to wait. And be that way with your mother and with others in your inner circle.

Practice patience. You only get good at it if you practice it. Some of y'all are lousy at it because you never practice. You skip practice. God gives you opportunities. Haven't you noticed it?

He constantly gives you opportunities for you to cultivate the fruit of patience because stuff keeps getting on your nerves. You're having the same kind of experiences because God can't graduate you to something else until you learn. And so go practice on your mother. Practice being patient.

Number six: give her the gift of forbearance. What's forbearance mean? Forbearance means putting up with. Because you know she's going to do stuff that gets on your nerves. You know that already. She's going to say things that irritate you.

She's going to make decisions where you say, "Mama, what's the matter with you?" You know that is going to happen. So here's another opportunity to practice forbearance. Just put up with it. It's not like you can change it.

You've been fussing for God knows how long, but how much has changed? Because you know your mother's attitude is, at this point in life, "I'm not doing anything I don't want to do. You can't change me. I'm too old for that."

Sometimes you push them and you'll hear that come out of their mouth. "I'm too old for that. You're trying to get me to change. I'm good. I'm closer to heaven than I am anywhere else. I'm good."

So practice putting up with it. Teach yourself to get better and better at putting up with it so that you have less and less frustration and you just learn to roll with it. When you get where you're going in your personal growth and development, you just learn to roll with stuff.

"I don't like this," but you roll. Come on, somebody. You have to get your roll on. Just learn to roll with it. It'll be gone sooner or later. It'll be over. This isn't going to last forever. Some of y'all are still demanding change.

"I want what I want, when I want it, how I want it." You're going to be a miserable something. And here's the problem. If you had that way in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, imagine how you're going to be in your 70s and 80s. You're going to have to learn to put up better. So give her the gift of forbearance.

One more thing in the list is give her the gift of forgiveness. He said forgive. I like the way this is put. He said, "I want you to forgive," look at this, "whatever grievances you may have."

Some of y'all have had this running feud with your mother, with parents, siblings, children, whoever it is. At a certain point, somebody has to wave the white flag. It's not worth all of this confusion. It's not worth all of these arguments.

It's not worth all of this going around the same thing over and over again. Some of y'all have had the same fight for how many Thanksgivings now? How many family reunions now? At a certain point, just say, "You win."

Because if you let her hurry up and win, you win too, because it'll be over. Good, the war's over. We can sign a peace treaty. We can move on to something else.

Now, forgiveness has two dimensions. Forgiveness has the ideal dimension of a person has wronged you, they acknowledge that they've wronged you, they repent, and you extend forgiveness as a gift. That's the perfect form of it.

But in this world, it doesn't always work that way. And especially when you're dealing with a parent like a mother, she's not always going to see that she did you wrong. Sometimes she'll look at the same thing, but she reaches a different conclusion.

"I don't think I did you wrong. I think I did you right." And you hold on for life that it is wrong, and you have this grudge and you have this bitter attitude toward her. It's not going to serve either of you well.

So when you think you've been done wrong, and you say what you need to say and they don't respond the way you want them to respond, there's another dimension thankfully of forgiveness. If I can't give you forgiveness as a result of you acknowledging that you were wrong and asking for my forgiveness, then you flip the coin.

What's the other side of the coin of forgiveness? Even though you don't know you did me wrong, or even if you know but you don't care you did me wrong, I can offer forgiveness to you in my heart.

I don't have to ever walk up to you and say, "I forgive you for the wrong you did," which you won't acknowledge. Don't bother saying that. Just have the forgiveness in your heart. Let it go. That's the phrase I want you to leave here with. Let it go. It's no big deal. Let it go.

The servant had to be forgiven by the master of an incredible amount of money. It's called 10,000 talents. We don't even have an accurate estimate for what that means in today's economy because it would mean something like multiplied hundreds of millions of dollars.

I mean, it's just crazy money that Jesus gives us in that parable. The man couldn't pay it. Of course you can't pay. Who are you going to pay hundreds of millions of dollars? I want to know how you got that line of credit in the first place.

But the Bible says when he couldn't pay and begged for forgiveness, the master forgave the debt. But then read on. What does it say? It says the same guy who was just forgiven 10,000 talents, hundreds of millions of dollars, he goes and finds a dude who owed him, literally the Greek says, a few dollars.

He goes and collars somebody over a few dollars when he was just forgiven hundreds of millions. So you've got to end the feud with your mother or whoever is close to your life because you're way ahead.

Look at what it says. It says, "Forgive them as the Lord forgave you." God's forgiven you for sin past, present, and future. The last thing you need to do is be out riding around, collaring your mama over a few dollars of her doing something that you don't like or something that you consider very hurtful.

I don't want to make light of your hurt. Some of you have been abused by parents who had their own issues. Some of you have gone through some horrific things. But here's what I want you to see: I can release them now into the hands of the Lord. You know why? Because he brought me out.

Somebody abused you, but look at you. You're here now. You made it through. God's grace is on your life. You're growing, you're learning, you're loving. You can learn from their mistakes. They gave you a backhanded gift.

If they didn't hug you, that can make you convinced that you need to hug your children. If they didn't say, "I love you," that can make you assured that I'm going to always say that. You can learn from anything. You can learn from mess. You can learn from somebody's failures.

So at the end of the day, just let it go. And then he ends the passage by saying and wrap it all up in a bow of love. Imagine them as seven flowers. Take those seven flowers, wrap them up in a bow of love, and give it to your mother.

And if you do that, he says, you can live with peace in your heart. Let the peace of God just rule in your heart because you're called to that. And he ends it by saying, and be thankful.

You have so much to thank God for, even imperfect parents. Thank God for imperfect parents because they got me here. Thank God for imperfect parents because it wasn't so bad that I ended up in a disaster.

I'm still here. I'm still living. I'm still breathing. I can make better choices. I can grow even from the things I learned negatively from them. So be thankful. If you have a living mother, tell her thank you. If she's gone, you can just wish that in your spirit, and you can make sure to live thankfully by the way you interact with other people.

Guest (Male): Thanks so much for being here for today's Destined for Victory message, "Great Gifts to Give Your Mom." You know here at Destined for Victory, partnership has always been one of our core values, put in place years ago by Pastor Paul Sheppard. I once spoke with him about not only the power of partnership but the benefits of partnership. Here's part of that conversation.

Paul Sheppard: You're absolutely right. I think that we do need to underscore that it is a win-win situation when a person is not only a faithful prayer warrior to undergird us with prayer, but when they are faithful in supporting our ministry financially.

There is a real benefit to them because when you think about it, Jesus said in Matthew 6, "Don't store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth corrupts and things get eroded and all that." He says, "You need to store up treasures in heaven."

And if people say, "Well, how in the world do you do that while you're still living on earth?" The answer is you support things that make a difference not only for time but for eternity. And ministries like ours are making that kind of difference.

So you get to directly benefit as a supporter because Jesus is saying in essence you share in the victory, you share in the fruitfulness of the ministries you support. And I know that to be true.

God has blessed me over the years because of faithful listeners who stand with us every month. I can count on the fact that part of what they do is they sow into this ministry so that we can continue to preach timeless truths in a timely way that's making a difference for people both in this life and preparing them for the life to come.

And there is no Pastor Paul or any of the other ministers that God is using without those who faithfully support them. To you, I say thank you so much. To others, I'm saying please prayerfully consider becoming part of that support team.

Guest (Male): We say it all the time: without you, there would be no us. And when you decide to partner with us for as little as $20 a month, you will receive a few thank-you gifts, including one of our most popular resources, Pastor Paul's CD, "The Best of Let My People Smile."

It's a compilation of some of his best and funniest moments, something the entire family can enjoy. So call 855-339-5500 or mail your gift. And when you do, please let us know you'd like to become our partner.

The address is Destined for Victory, Post Office Box 1767, Fremont, California 94538. You can also sign up by selecting "Become a Partner" at the top of the pastorpaul.net homepage. That's pastorpaul.net.

Now, if you can't become a monthly partner but would like to send a generous gift to the ministry today, we'd love to send you our latest booklet, "Clothed in Love: Seven Gifts for the Ones Who Matter Most." For more information on this outstanding resource, please stop by pastorpaul.net.

Paul Sheppard: I want to ask you to realize that in your life God is up to more than you think he is. I want to ask you to realize that God has given you a calling that will sometimes challenge your prejudices and your presuppositions. And you and I have to be prepared for that.

Guest (Male): And that's tomorrow in our message, "When Growth Requires Change." Until then, remember, he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion in Christ. You are destined for victory.