Pastor Rick's Daily Hope

Guest (Male): You know, none of us can earn our way into heaven because eternal life is a free gift when you accept Jesus as the Lord of your life. Hey everybody, this is Pastor Rick's Daily Hope. Today, Rick continues a series called Good News About Grace. You can't truly understand the Christian life until you understand grace. It's at the heart of your faith and your relationship with God. In this series, you're going to discover how to not only understand grace but how to experience it and the joy that it brings. All right, here's part one of a message called Liberating Grace.

Rick Warren: I want to begin with a little self-evaluation quiz this morning. Just don't raise your hand, but consider how you'd answer these questions. Do you ever feel guilty when you relax, knowing you've got a lot to do? Do you often feel dissatisfied or discontent with yourself or your situation? Do you have a tendency to see something wrong with things rather than what's right with them?

Do you ever find yourself using these phrases regularly? I have to. I must. I ought to. I should be able to. Do you ever feel frustrated or maybe even angry at God, feeling that His expectations on you are unreasonable? Does your relationship to God seem like a burden rather than a blessing? If you can answer yes to any of these questions, you're probably afflicted with perfectionism.

Perfectionism is trying to prove my worth by being perfect. It is a counterfeit of spiritual maturity. It's not the real thing: trying to prove my worth by being perfect. After years and years in ministry, it's my impression that perfectionism is the number one hang-up of dedicated believers, dedicated Christians. It happens like this. When you first become a Christian and you understand what grace is all about, you think, "This is some deal. Let me get this right. I take all my sin, give it to God, and He gives me heaven, forgiveness, and power for today. I like that deal."

And it's free. I don't earn my way into heaven. I don't work my way into heaven. I don't pay my way into heaven. I don't barter my way into heaven. It's just a free gift. When you understand grace, you go, "This is one great deal." And you start enjoying it. But inevitably what happens is as time goes by, you start thinking, "This has got to be too good to be true. Really, I ought to help God out a little bit. Surely He expects something of me. Surely I need to do something to gain His smile, to gain His approval in my life."

And you fall into one of two traps. There are two great enemies of grace. We've been in this series of grace for a number of weeks now. There are two great enemies. One of them is legalism, trying to earn God's approval through rules. The other is perfectionism, trying to prove my worth by being perfect. There's an entire book of the Bible written to combat these two enemies of grace. It's the book of Galatians. In the book of Galatians, God says when you try to earn God's smile on your life, you try to earn God's pat on the back, God's approval, He says that's dumb.

On your outline, the very first verse is Galatians chapter three, verse three. Let's read it aloud together. "You began your life in Christ by the Spirit. Now are you trying to make it complete by your own power? That is foolish." It's foolish. Today I want us to look at liberating grace: how to break out of the performance trap, how to break out of the prison of perfectionism.

If you understand this, how to relax in God's grace, you will find a new level of joy in your life. You'll find a new level of liberation, of freedom that you've probably never experienced before, except maybe when you first became a believer. So I want us to look at how do you relax in God's grace? But before we do, let me just mention two or three things that perfectionism does to us because it is very destructive. It's very detrimental to your own life. Number one, it defeats my initiative.

Have you ever had a project that you can never seem to get started on even though you know you want to start on it? It's a good thing. It's the right thing to do and you think, "One of these days I'm going to get around to it." But you never get it started. One possible reason is perfectionism because what you're in your mind you're doing is waiting for the perfect circumstance. You're waiting for the perfect timing. You're waiting for the perfect environment. You're waiting until the kids get out of school. You're waiting until a certain amount of money comes in or something. But you're waiting.

As a result, perfectionism causes procrastination because you set your standards so high. Procrastination causes paralysis and you can't get anything done. The Bible says this in Ecclesiastes 11:4, "If you wait for perfect conditions, you'll never get anything done." How many of you agree with that verse? Anybody want to give a testimony on that verse this morning?

Number two, and this is far more serious, it damages my relationships. It doesn't just defeat my initiative; it damages my relationships. Do you enjoy being around somebody who is always correcting what you do? Don't look at them. I just saw some arrows going out, some elbows. Well, we know what we're talking about on the way home today. Nobody likes to be nagged all the time, corrected all the time, perfected all the time, straightened all the time, etc. It's frustrating. It's irritating. The Bible says, "Love forgets mistakes, but nagging about them parts the best of friends."

It damages relationships. Perfectionism, this desire to always correct, damages relationships. Now perfectionism, and by the way, all of us are perfectionists to one degree or another, so don't take yourself off the hook thinking, "Boy, I'm glad my husband's here today or my wife." We're all in this bag, okay? What it does is it causes us to look at the wrong thing. Really, what happens is it's rooted in insecurity. Have you noticed that when you don't feel good about yourself, you don't want anybody else to feel good about themselves? If I don't like me, I certainly don't want you liking you.

I want us all to be miserable together. Perfectionists who are harsh and demanding on other people really are harsh and demanding on themselves. They're holding themselves to a high standard, and because they're doing that to themselves, they feel, "Well, then let's just hold everybody else to that standard." They take great pains in their own work, but they also are a pain to everybody else. And it damages relationships.

Number three, perfectionism destroys my happiness. It destroys my happiness. Now here's a verse many of you have probably never read before. It's in Ecclesiastes chapter seven, verse 16. "Do not be excessively righteous and do not be overly wise. Why should you ruin yourself?" Now that verse doesn't even sound like it should be in the Bible, does it? He's saying, "Hey, you can take this thing to an extreme." He's not talking about genuine righteousness. He's not talking about real wisdom. Solomon's talking about perfectionism. Because you can take any virtue and make a vice out of it by taking it to an extreme and ignoring the balancing parts to it.

And he says, "Why ruin yourself?" I love God's Word translation of this verse. It says, "Why make yourself miserable?" You see, in your mind, you have this picture of your ideal self. Your ideal self is what you put on the job application. That's your ideal self. It's not the real you; it's your ideal self, okay? It's what you show on the first date. That's the ideal you. Now, would you agree that there is always a gap between the ideal and the real, between what you want to be, what you'd like to be, what you think you ought to be, and what you really are? Yes, there is a major gap between the ideal and the real.

And so the ideal is always nagging the real in your mind. And there's this ongoing conversation in your mind all the time saying, "Shape up. Surely you can do better than that. Come on, get with it. Why did you do that again? Aren't you ever going to change?" And it's this little scolding going on in your mind when you're in the perfectionism mode. And you're always saying to yourself, "I'm too skinny. I'm too fat. I'm too tall. I'm too short. I'm too uncoordinated. I'm awkward. I'm always late. I'm never going to change. I'm not good at this. I'm dumb." And on and on. You've got this tape that's playing over and over between the ideal and the real, thinking that you're going to nag yourself into perfection.

Now, does nagging work? No, it doesn't work. It doesn't work at all. Nagging only makes you defensive. It makes the person you're nagging defensive. Now, your worst nag lives under your skin. If you're typical, you are your own worst critic. And since we tend to resent and even dislike people who nag us, if you're always nagging yourself, what's that saying about you? You don't like you. That's what it's saying. You don't like you.

And you think that you're not good enough, and you think by nagging yourself into what's wrong with you, that's going to motivate you to do the right thing. Well, it's not. That's called perfectionism. Perfectionism causes you to constantly criticize yourself, put yourself down, demean yourself, degrade yourself, and have this conversation. Now here's the problem. You learn perfectionism growing up. In fact, it may have been modeled for you. Now the good part is since you learned it, you can unlearn it. Right. You can unlearn it.

But what happens is many of you were perfectionists before you became believers. And then you became a Christian. You stepped across the line and you gave your life to Christ. But what you did is you took that little irritating voice that was always telling you what was wrong with you, and you took it off the conscience or you took it off your parents or you took it off whatever culture, whatever, and you just made it God's voice. And now you've got God all the time saying to you, "Come on. Can't you do any better? Why aren't you doing that? Why aren't you doing this?" Always telling you what's wrong. And you've mistaken it for the voice of God, this constant big critic in the sky.

Now, what is the antidote to that kind of perfectionism? Because we all have it to one degree or another. Well, it's not found in any therapy, and it's not found in any pill. There's only one antidote to perfectionism, folks. It's not in some tape series. It's not in some psychological pull yourself up by your bootstraps and say, "You know, this is great." There's only one antidote to perfectionism: experience the grace of God. Learn to relax in the grace of God.

Californians, particularly Southern Californians, are supposedly to be a chilled out, laid back, casual Southern California lifestyle. Now those of us who live here know that that is a big sham. The people who live in Orange County are some of the most stressed out people in the world. They are not chilled out and laid back. They are uptight, stressed out, and pushing themselves constantly, always thinking, "I need more time in my day." And if you had another hour in your day, what would you do? You'd use it to work. You wouldn't use it to relax. You'd use it to work. Okay?

So, how do you learn to relax in the grace of God? I made a little acrostic for you: R-E-L-A-X. R stands for realize nobody's perfect. Now, that's a no-brainer obviously, but you've got to start somewhere. So you realize that nobody's perfect. Look at this verse, Psalm 119:96. Let's read it aloud together. "Nothing is perfect except our pastor." Oh, it doesn't say that, does it? Oh, shoot. Nothing is perfect except what? God's word. That's why, by the way, you need to build your life on this because nothing else is perfect. What society tells you isn't perfect. What popular opinion tells you isn't perfect. What you learned growing up isn't perfect. But God's word is perfect. So you get in this book, you build your life on this foundation because this is perfect and you have a perfect foundation.

Now this would be a good verse for you to put on your refrigerator. And if you are married to a perfectionist, I give you permission to do it. Nothing is perfect except God's word. So if you spend all your time trying to attain perfection or make any project perfect, you're wasting your time. You've heard me say this before: 92 percent is still an A. You don't have the time and you don't have the money to be perfect at everything and you can't anyway.

Look at the next verse. "There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake." Do you remember a number of years ago, there was a book that came out called I'm OK, You're OK? Well, the point is folks, that's just a bunch of baloney. It is not true. I am not okay and you're really not okay. Okay? I mean, I can say that all my life: "I'm okay, you're okay." And inside I'm going, "Who am I kidding?" There are some areas of my life that are definitely not okay. There are some areas of your life that are definitely not okay.

And so all of the little affirmations in the world are not going to make you okay because you are imperfect. You are not perfect. I am not perfect. So here, the point is, really, the truth is, I'm not okay and you're not okay. But because of God's grace, that's okay. That's okay. Now really, the truth is, I'm imperfect and I've got a lot of things in my life that are not okay. And you are imperfect and you have a lot of things in your life that are not okay. But when you accept God's grace, He says, "That's okay. You don't have to be perfect." So why don't you turn to the person next to you right now and say, "I'm imperfect and you're imperfect, but that's okay." Tell it to a total stranger right now. Just go right ahead. "I'm imperfect, you're imperfect, but that's okay."

All right, that's enough. You don't have to really go into it. Some of you are going, "You're really, really, really not okay." On the other hand, I just saw an engagement proposal in the bleachers, so... I'm not okay, you're not okay, but that's okay because of God's grace. Now what does that mean? Does that mean God isn't interested in my growth? Of course He wants me to grow. Does that mean I don't have to repent? No, of course you have to repent. Does that mean God doesn't want me to change and work on areas? No, He wants you to change. Grace—when God says you're okay because of my grace—that does not mean you could keep on just being a jerk the rest of your life. No, it just means that God isn't waiting for you to change for Him to love you. God is not waiting for you to change for Him to say, "You're okay." If you accept His grace.

You realize that nobody's perfect. The E in RELAX stands for enjoy. I need to enjoy God's unconditional love. Look at this verse, 1 John 3:1. Read it with me. "See how very much our heavenly Father loves us, for He allows us to be called His children. Think of it, and we really are." Now, circle the word "children" because when you become a believer, when you become a follower of Christ, you're not just a servant of God anymore. You are a child of God. See, a lot of people think, "Well, I give my life to Christ and the rest of my life I'm going to serve Him." Well, sure you are. You're going to serve the Lord. But you're more than a servant. Oh, much, much more than a servant. You're now a child of the King. You've joined the royal family. You're one of God's family and you're a child of God.

Here's the difference. A servant is accepted and appreciated on the basis of what he does. A child is accepted and appreciated on the basis of who he is. A servant starts the day anxious and worried, wondering if his work will please his master. But a child rests in the secure love of his family. A servant is accepted because of his workmanship, but a child is accepted because of his relationship. A servant is accepted because of his productivity and performance, but a child is accepted because of his position in the family. At the end of a day, a servant has peace of mind only if he's proven his worth by his work. But the next morning the anxiety begins again. A child can be secure all day knowing that tomorrow won't change his status. When a servant fails, his whole position is at stake. In fact, he might lose his job.

But when a child fails, he's grieved because he's hurt his parents and he'll be corrected and disciplined, but he's not afraid of being thrown out of the family. And his confidence in belonging and in being loved is based not on his performance but on the stability of his position as a child of God. God says, "I want you to enjoy the unconditional love of God once you become a part of His family." Now those of you who are parents, are your kids perfect? Of course not. Do you still love them? Yes. You love them in spite of their imperfection. And when a two-year-old brings you a picture or a three-year-old and it's all messy and says, "This is a picture of a cow," and you say, "Honey, that's perfect." What you're saying is, "That's perfect for that stage of your maturity." You're not saying it's a Picasso. You're saying it's perfect for where you're at.

Now let me ask those of you who are parents. Do you love your children at every stage of their growth or are you waiting until they're mature first? And once they reach maturity then you go, "Now I love you." Some of you think God's waiting on you to grow up before He's ever going to smile on you, before He's ever going to give you the thumbs-up sign and say, "You're okay. I like you." No, God loves you at every stage of your growth because His unconditional love is unconditional. Now I want you to write this down. If you don't get anything else, write this down: I don't have to be perfect for God to love me. I don't have to be perfect for God to love me.

Guest (Male): Hey, thanks so much for joining us here on Pastor Rick's Daily Hope. I've got some exciting news to share with you today. Some generous friends of Daily Hope have offered a 10,000-dollar matching grant, and that means whatever amount you give to help share the hope of Jesus worldwide is going to be matched up to 10,000 dollars. Here's Pastor Rick to tell you more.

Rick Warren: Hi everybody, thanks so much for listening today. You know, my hope is that God uses this broadcast to help deepen your relationship with Jesus. Now these Daily Hope messages are distributed on radio stations and digital platforms all across the globe and listeners are writing and letting us know that their lives are being changed. They're telling us that they're walking with Jesus and that guilt and fear has been chased from their lives by God's love.

You know, relationships are being restored and marriages are being healed and many people are saying that they've found their life purpose. I want to say thank you to you because we're only able to carry the hope of Jesus to these people all around the world because of gifts from generous listeners like you. I just wanted to say, I am so grateful for your prayers and your financial support.

Now I understand in times like these, many of you are unable to give financial support. Hear it from me: that's okay because I never want anybody to give unless God leads them to give. That's between you and God, not between you and me, but between you and God. And your prayers are a continual and incredible contribution to this Daily Hope ministry.

Now if you do want to give a financial gift, I've got some really great news to share with you. There's a generous friend of Daily Hope broadcast who is offering to match the amount of your gift. In other words, if you give 20 dollars, then that person is going to combine it with the grant to make your gift 40 dollars. Now if you've never given a gift to Daily Hope, I want you to pray about partnering with us so that together we can continue to share the hope of Jesus throughout the whole world. I love you so much.

Guest (Male): Just go to PastorRick.com to have your gift matched up to 10,000 dollars. Please don't wait because this special matching grant offer ends in just a few days. Once again, it's PastorRick.com. Or you can text the word HOPE to 70309. That's the word HOPE to 70309. And again, all of us here at Daily Hope thank you so much for your support. Your gift helps us share the hope of Christ with people everywhere. Be sure to join us next time as we look into God's word for our daily hope. This program is sponsored by Pastor Rick's Daily Hope and your generous financial support.