Pastor Rick's Daily Hope

Pastor Rick Warren: Hey everybody, thanks for joining us today on Pastor Rick's Daily Hope. This is the Bible teaching ministry of Rick Warren, and today we're starting a series called The Habits of Happiness. In this series, Rick dives into the book of Philippians and helps you discover God's path to true and lasting happiness. Well, I can't wait to get started. Here's part one of a message called Grow Healthy Relationships.

Somebody wrote me this on Facebook. Pastor Rick, I've walked down many roads searching for happiness, but nothing is ever as good as it promises to be. I'm frustrated. I just want to be happy. Can you help me? And I would say to that person, absolutely, I can help you.

I want to start this series by giving you what I call Five Laws of Happiness. And I apologize that I didn't put space in your outline for this. So you're just going to have to write on the sides, up, down the edge because it's not on your outline. I added this after I wrote the outline, but I thought it would be a good introduction to this series that we're going to begin this week.

Five Laws of Happiness. When somebody says, "I, I've been searching for happiness. I've been looking for happiness. I want to find happiness." This is what I tell them. Number one: Don't look for happiness. Create it. Happiness is not something you look for. Happiness is something you create. And it's your choice. You're as happy as you choose to be.

Actually, it's quite easy to create it and we're going to be looking at it in this series. Number two: Happiness is not a goal. It's actually the result of right thinking, right living, right acting. It's the byproduct. If you make happiness the goal of your life, you're going to live a very self-centered life. And that's going to end up making you miserable. Making happiness the goal of your life will guarantee that you're never going to be happy.

Happiness is never the goal. It is always the result. It's always the byproduct of something else. And so if you make it your goal, you're going to be miserable. Number three: My habits create my happiness. My habits create my happiness. Happiness is a choice. We shape our habits and then they shape us. And we're going to look at this in detail in this new series, how we shape our habits and then our habits shape us. And you can create the habits of happiness in your life.

Number four, fourth law: Happiness based on happenings is temporary. But happiness built on habits is long-lasting. I'll say it again. Happiness that is built on happenings is temporary. I go to Disneyland, I'm happy. I come out, realize how much money I spent, I'm not happy. I have the happiness of going to see a movie, everybody's telling me it's great. It's not so great. I come out, not happy, disappointed.

Anything where you base your happiness on a happening, on a circumstance, on an occasion, as soon as the occasion's over, you lose your happiness. So you don't want that. Happiness based on happenings is short-term. It's temporary. Happiness based on habits is long-term. You'll be happy the rest of your life.

Number five, fifth law is this: Happy habits are as addicting as bad habits, but they're a whole lot more rewarding. There aren't the negatives that are given to bad habits. Now, bad habits take some time to develop. You don't develop them overnight. And the same thing with good habits. You don't develop them overnight. But happiness and the habits of happiness can be developed so that they become habitual in your life.

Now, this weekend, we're beginning this new series, I'm calling The Habits of Happiness. And what we're going to do is we're going to go through the book of Philippians, verse by verse through the books, through the chapters of, of Philippians. Now, Philippians is, is a great book. It's the happiest book in the Bible. The word joy, the word glad, the word enjoy, the word rejoice, the word happy, happiness, these words, they are used in various forms, 17 times in a very short book. It's the happiest book in the Bible.

It was written by Paul. And what's amazing is that this happiest book in the Bible was written by Paul while he's in prison in Rome, which means your happiness isn't based on your happenings or your happenstances. And actually, what this book is, it's a thank you note. Paul is writing to the church in Philippi, which is a city in Greece, that he started, he planted. He's now in prison in Rome, and he's writing to thank them. He's thanking them for financial gifts that they've given to him. He's thanking them for their prayers, for their support, for their love, all these things. And it's, it's actually the most personal book in the Bible.

And we're going to look at it together for the next 12 weeks as we go verse by verse through the book of Philippians. Now, I want to encourage you to bring your Bible with you because you can mark it up as we go straight through the chapters, like we do this. If you want to be happy, where do you start? I mean, really, what would you start with? Money, sex, time? What, what would you start with? You say, we need to learn how to be really happy in life. Paul starts with relationships.

With relationships. It is impossible to be happy while your relationships are unhappy. Everybody agree with that? I mean, you can meet all kinds of people, they've got all kinds of money, they've got all kinds of fame, they've got every kind of pleasure you can imagine. But if they're in the middle of a divorce, they're not happy. If your relationships are unhappy, your life is going to be unhappy.

So Paul, when he starts talking about, uh, and modeling the habits of happiness, he begins right off the bat, the first 11 verses of Philippians chapter 1, talking about how do you have happy relationships? How do you have healthy relationships? So we've got to start here before we can go anywhere else in the habits of happiness. Now, in the first 11 verses, Paul makes his description of his relationship. He describes his relationship to the people of Philippi, and he gives us four statements. And we're going to come back and look at these as habits you can develop to have healthier, happier relationships.

Let me read it to you. Philippians chapter 1. This letter is from Paul and Timothy, slaves of Jesus Christ. It's written to all of God's people in Philippi, who believe in Jesus Christ, and the elders and the deacons of the church. May God our Father and Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace. That's his introduction. Now he gets into his first subject. He says, "Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God. I always pray for you, and I make my request with a heart full of joy because you've been my partners in spreading the good news about Christ from the time you first heard it until now.

And I am confident that God, who began this good work within you, will continue his work until it's finally finished on the day when Jesus Christ comes back again. Now, it's right that I should feel as I do about all of you, for you have a very special place in my heart. We've shared together the blessings of God, both when I was in prison, when I was out defending the truth and telling others the good news. And God knows how much I love you, and how I long for you." Can't you see the personal nature of this book? "How much I love you and long for you with the tender compassion of Christ Jesus.

And I pray that your love for each other will overflow more and more. And I pray that you will keep on growing in your knowledge and understanding, for I want you to understand what really matters. So that you may live pure and blameless lives until Christ returns. And may you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation, those good things that are produced in your life by Jesus Christ, for this will bring much glory and praise to God."

Now, in that passage, just those few 11 verses, Paul tells us four things about his relationship with the Philippians, and he tells us that they're models in his life. Now, in the first 11 verses of Philippians, Paul models four relational habits, that if you will just practice these things, your relationships will be more enjoyable, and your happiness will be greater. They are easy to explain, they are simple to understand, but they are incredibly hard to do.

Because when I tell you these, you go, "Oh yeah, I know this, I know this," but you don't do it. And so although it's easy for me to teach them, it's very hard for all of us to practice them. But if you will do these four relational habits, and you'll build them in your life, your, your relationships will be transformed and you'll be happy. All right, let's look at it.

First, number one, to be happy, the first thing Paul says is this: "I must be grateful for the people in my life. I must be grateful for the people in my life." Study after study after study after study link gratitude to happiness. It's been proven over and over by psychologists, sociologists and others that the more grateful you are, the more happy you are. The more ungrateful you are, the more unhappy you are. And if you want to have good relationships, you start with the attitude of gratitude. You will be far happier, you will enjoy your relationships more, if you will develop the habit of being grateful for the people in your life. The habit of being grateful for the people in your life.

Philippians chapter 1, verse 3, Paul starts off with this, his very first thing. "Every time I think of you," remember, he's in Rome, they're in a city called Philippi. "Every time I think of you, I give thanks. I give thanks to my God." Paul says, "You know what? I remember the good things about you, and I focus on the good times we've had." Friends, that simple truth right there is the source of good relationships. And when marriages stop doing this, they crumble.

When you stop remembering why you got married in the first place, what attracted you to that person, when you stop remembering the good times, when you stop being grateful for your mate, your marriage is already on a long slide into oblivion. Paul says, "Every time I think of you, I give thanks to God for you." Let me ask you, just be real honest. When you think of the people in your life, do you automatically, is your first thought gratitude? No, it's not. No. It's, what do they need to do for me? Are they late? Are they in a hurry? Uh, what's not right? What have we had a problem with? What have we got to get done? Your first thought is not gratitude.

Paul says, "When I think of you, the first thing I do is I think of gratitude. I'm grateful for who you are, I'm grateful for what you've done." Now, here's the problem with this. There are the problem with this is, the longer you know someone, number one, you take them, the more you take them for granted. Isn't that true? The longer you know someone, the more you take them for granted. The more you focus on their faults, and the easier it is to remember bad times. I don't know why it is, but it's easier to remember bad times than it is happy times.

Paul says, "Every time I think of you, I give thanks." If you would just develop this habit that whenever you think of the people in your life, your friends, your neighbors, your husband, your wife, your kids, your relatives, whatever, that the first thought is gratitude, it's going to change your relationship. Now, that's a habit you have to develop. It does not come natural. We are not by nature grateful people. We are by nature discontented people. We are by nature always wanting more, wanting things to be different.

Philippians chapter 1, verse 5, Paul says it again. "I thank God. I thank God for the help that you gave me." Now, if you know the story of, of this church that he started there, there was a woman named Lydia, who was a businesswoman, who opened up her home. And he says, "From the very first day, you, you welcomed us." And you helped us from the very first day. And then, as I said, several times in Paul's travels, the Philippian church was funding Paul's missionary journeys. And in this particular instance, they had sent a man named Epaphroditus all the way to Rome to bring him a financial gift because Rome, Paul was in Rome by himself, in prison. And Epaphroditus had nearly died on the way. We'll get to that later in the book.

And now Paul is sending him back with this thank you note to the, to the people in Philippi. And he says, "I thank God for the help you gave me." I just wonder, what is it that you have forgotten that other people have done for you? Again, the longer you know someone, the more you take them for granted, the more you look for their faults, and the more it's easier to remember the bad things than the good things. See, the truth is about Paul and Philippi? He didn't have a good time in Philippi.

In fact, it was one of his roughest churches getting started. But you don't get any of that in this letter. The fact is when Paul went to this city to start a church, he was beaten, he was whipped, he was humiliated, he was falsely arrested, he was thrown in a prison, he went through an earthquake, and then he was politely asked by the city leaders to leave town. "When I thank God for you, I, I think of you, I thank God for you." What is he doing? He is choosing selective memory.

This was not a happy place all the time. It wasn't all sunshine and lollipops and roses and rainbows and my little pony. It was a lot of bad stuff that happened. But Paul chose not to dwell on painful memories. Are you still living some painful memories with some people in your life, you've never let him off the hook? And you can't enjoy a relationship because you're still holding on to the past. Would you write this down? Memories are a choice.

Memories are a choice. I remember hearing a story one time about two women talking and, uh, uh, one of the wives said to the other wife, "Don't you remember that time when your husband did da da da da da da?" And she said, "I distinctly remember forgetting that." That's a choice. Your memories are a choice. Now, if you want to hold on to your painful memories, go right ahead, but you're not going to be happy.

Paul had a lot of reasons to have painful memories in Philippi. It was not a happy time for everything that happened there. As I said, beaten, maligned, and all these things. But he says, "Every time I think of you, I thank God for you." He's choosing to be grateful for the people in his life. Now, in this series, I'm going to give you what I call happiness hints. And I'm going to put a little HH next to the, uh, next to these happiness hints. And here's the first one I want to give you in the whole series. Remember the best and forget the rest.

If you want to be happy, remember the best and forget the rest. Develop selective memory. By the way, September 21 is World Gratitude Day. Did you know that? It's World Gratitude Day, according to the United Nations. I want you to go home, make a list of the people in your life, and write down five or ten things you can say, "I'm really grateful for these things in their lives."

It's the first habit. The attitude of gratitude will transform your relationship. If you're not grateful, you're going to have all kinds of complaining, worrying, all kinds of other things. I've got to be grateful for the people in my life. Number two: The second habit of happiness, in relational happiness, is this: I need to not only be grateful for the people in my life, I need to pray with joy for the people in my life. I need to pray joyfully, I need to pray with joy for the people in my life.

Now, Paul is praying, as we just read this passage, praying for these people. How would you like to have the Apostle Paul praying for you? You think that would help? The guy who wrote much of the New Testament. Wouldn't you like, don't you know those Philippians thought, hey, this is pretty cool, Paul is praying for us. Doesn't it encourage you to know when, when somebody is praying for you? Yes, yes, it does. It encourages you.

In fact, the thing that keeps me going is your prayers. And when people say, "I'm praying for you, Pastor Rick," I take that serious because it's what I move on. It is that power that I move on. Paul says in verse 4, he says this, "I always pray for you." Now, that's part of it, but notice the rest of the verse. "And I make my request," when he's praying for you, he says, "with a heart full of joy."

Now I want you to just imagine, think of somebody who irritates you. Don't look at them, just think of them. Okay? Maybe somebody you've got a strained relationship with or they just kind of rub you the wrong way. I have two questions for you. Number one, do you pray for them? Okay, do, do you pray for them? Or do you just complain and grumble and nag and nitpick?

If you prayed more, you'd have a lot less to grumble, complain, nag, and nitpick about. So you can decide. Does nagging work? No. Does prayer work? Yes. So why do you do more of the thing that doesn't work than does? Paul says, "I pray for you." And you need to pray for the people in your life, but then he says, "I pray for you, making requests with a heart full of joy." When you do pray, do you pray with joy?

Now let me give you a little secret here. There are things with in people's lives around you you'd like to change. You don't want to change yourself, you want them to change. If she would just do this, if she would just do that, if he would just do this. And, and we always want to change other people. You can't. You can't change anybody. You cannot change anybody. They can only change themselves and you can only change yourself. So all of that trying to change your, your change program doesn't work. But you can pray. And God can change people.

Guest (Male): Thank you for listening to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope. Hey, did you know that most people look for happiness in all the wrong places? You won't find it through money, fame, or power. You'll only find real lasting happiness by following God's commands. And that's why Rick created The Habits of Happiness Bible study. Here's Rick to tell you more.

Pastor Rick Warren: If you'd like to learn more about The Habits of Happiness, I've got a new resource to help you. It's called The Habits of Happiness Guided Experience Book. In this resource, you're going to learn how seeing things from God's perspective will help you develop the biblical habits of happiness. And you're going to discover how happiness runs deeper than any circumstance or any feeling or any relationship. Now, I'm excited because this book is filled with biblical truth, practical lessons, application exercises, and a lot of space for you to write down your responses to what God is teaching you. It's a really powerful workbook, and it's a comprehensive study tool I believe is going to help you grow to your next level of spiritual maturity.

Guest (Male): This Bible study is only available on Daily Hope, and quantities are limited. So be sure to request The Habits of Happiness Bible study today when you give a gift to help Daily Hope take the hope of Jesus to a hurting world. It's our way of saying thanks. Just go to pastorrick.com to get your copy of this great resource. That's pastorrick.com or you can just text the word Hope to 70309. Again, that's the word Hope to 70309. And thank you so much for your support. Your gift to Daily Hope helps us share the hope of Christ with people everywhere. Be sure to join us next time as we look into God's word for our daily hope. This program is sponsored by Pastor Rick's Daily Hope and your generous financial support.