Pastor Rick's Daily Hope

Rick Warren: Hi, this is Rick Warren, Bible teacher for the Daily Hope broadcast. Did you know that because of Easter, your past can be forgiven, you get a purpose for living, and you can have a home in heaven? That's good news. Where else can you get that kind of news? Nowhere else.

And did you know that at Easter, studies have shown people are more open to an invitation to go to church than at any other time of the year? Don't go to church by yourself. But bring somebody who doesn't know Jesus Christ—a family member, a friend, a coworker, a neighbor, a relative.

And if you bring them to that church service and they come to know Christ, you're going to be making a friend for eternity. It'll be the most important investment you can ever make in their life.

And by the way, if they come to Christ, would you let me know about it? I'd love to hear that story that you brought somebody to Easter and they found Jesus. You can write to me at rick@pastorrick.com. That's rick@pastorrick.com. I would love to hear from you. God bless you and Happy Easter.

Guest (Male): You know, none of us can earn our way into heaven because eternal life is a free gift when you accept Jesus as the Lord of your life. Hey everybody, this is Pastor Rick's Daily Hope.

And today, Rick Warren continues a series called Good News About Grace. You can't truly understand the Christian life until you understand grace. It's at the heart of your faith and your relationship with God.

In this series, you're going to discover how to not only understand grace but how to experience it and the joy that it brings. And now, here's part one of a message called Offering Grace.

Rick Warren: Today, I want us to look at offering grace because the Bible says that God didn't just intend for you to receive it. He wants you to pass it on. If you have been blessed by God, he wants you to bless others. If you have been cared for by God, he wants you to care for others. If you've been forgiven by God, he wants you to forgive others.

Jesus said it like this, there on the top of your outline in Matthew 10, verse 8. He says, "Give as freely as you have received." Whatever you've been given by God, you are to offer to others. Now this morning, I want us to think in particular about forgiveness because we've received that more than anything else. How do we give forgiveness to other people?

Now we live in a society today where this theme of forgiveness is frequently in the headlines. There's a lot of shoddy thinking today about forgiveness. There are a lot of myths, there are a lot of misconceptions. When it comes to forgiveness, some people water it down. In fact, in our society, we're seeing an epidemic of this.

It's cheap grace, it's an abuse of grace. And it's making forgiveness apply to anything and everything so much that forgiveness means nothing. It's almost as if we're afraid that somebody somewhere might feel guilty for one second. So we just go around saying, "Well, everybody's forgiven all the time anywhere and everywhere."

So today, I want us to look at what is really forgiveness? What is it? Before we do that, I want us to take a little test. So if you'll take out your outline here, here's a little quiz that I'd like for you to look at. Five questions: right or wrong, true or false.

This is not a thing you're going to be graded on, and if you get the wrong answer, I give you permission to cross out yours and put in the right answer. Nobody's going to look at your little quiz, so you just write down true or false what you believe about these statements. And don't say them aloud because you might be embarrassed.

Number one: A person should not be forgiven until he asks for it. Now I want you to circle true or false what you believe about that. A person should not be forgiven until he asks for it, true or false. Number two: Forgiveness includes minimizing the offense and minimizing the pain caused, true or false? Forgiveness includes minimizing the offense and the pain caused.

Number three: Forgiveness includes restoring trust and reuniting a relationship. Restoring trust and reuniting a relationship, true or false? Is that a part of forgiveness? Number four: You haven't really forgiven until you've forgotten the offense, true or false? You haven't really forgiven until you've forgotten the offense.

And then number five: When I see someone else hurt, it is my duty to forgive that offender. When I see someone else hurt, it's my duty to forgive that offender, true or false? Now, if you were to take the word of God and you were to particularly read through the Gospels and to read what Jesus said about forgiveness, you would come to the conclusion that all five of those statements are false.

All five of them are false. Now do I have your attention? We're going to look today at what forgiveness really is. But before we can look at that, we need to look at what it isn't. And the Bible says that there are five things that forgiveness is not. Would you write these down?

Number one: Forgiveness is not conditional. It's not conditional. In other words, based on some kind of condition. In fact, the Bible says the exact opposite. The Bible says that real forgiveness, genuine forgiveness, is unconditional. It is not something you earn. It is not something you deserve.

It is not something you buy or bargain for. It is not something that you get as part of a bargain if you promise to never do it again. It is unconditional. When you tell a person, "I will forgive you if," that's not forgiveness. You're bargaining. You're not forgiving, you're bargaining.

Genuine forgiveness is unconditional. It's offered even if it's not asked for. When Jesus hung on the cross and he prayed, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do," at that point, nobody had asked for the forgiveness. Certainly, nobody deserved it. Nobody had bargained or bartered for it. It was an unconditional offer of pardon. "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." Genuine forgiveness is unconditional.

Number two: It isn't minimizing the seriousness of the offense. Real forgiveness is not minimizing the seriousness of the offense. In other words, it's not saying, "Well, you know, it's no big deal, it really didn't hurt. Don't worry about it, it didn't hurt me that bad."

The truth is, if it's worth forgiving, it did hurt you. It did cause pain. And you don't need to minimize it because that's not a part of forgiveness. Forgiveness is saying, "Yes, it did hurt. Yes, it did cause pain in my life. But I'm going to let you go. I'm not going to hold it against you."

Yesterday in the paper, there was a story of a man who killed both his father, his mother, and his brother. Now, if I were to go to that man and I say, "I proclaim you forgiven. It's no big deal. It's not a big issue. It wasn't such a bad thing." And I minimize it. That is not forgiveness, that's insanity. It was a big deal. And so, forgiving is not saying, "Oh, it didn't really hurt" when it did or, "Oh, it's no big deal" when it was a big deal.

Now you need to understand there's a difference between being wronged and being wounded. Wounds are unintentional, wrongs are intentional. You're wounded all the time by people accidentally. Do people say things that hurt you that they didn't mean to say? Sure. Do people do things that hurt you that they didn't mean to do? Sure.

Those do not require forgiveness. What they require is acceptance. Recognizing that we live in a fallen world, imperfect environment, people are going to hurt you many times unintentionally. Forgiveness needs to be reserved for the big stuff. For the serious things. For the things that are intentionally hurtful.

People mean you harm. That's what you reserve forgiveness for. You see, for instance, let's say you don't like the way I dress. And maybe the way I dress offends your fashion sensibilities. I don't need your forgiveness, I need your acceptance. On the other hand, if someone hurts you intentionally, you've been seriously wronged.

That's what you need to forgive. Now, whenever you minimize a wrong and you say, "Oh, it's no big deal," you cheapen forgiveness. Reserve forgiveness for the serious things. Number three: Forgiveness is not resuming a relationship without change. Forgiveness is not resuming a relationship without change.

What I'm saying here is that forgiveness is not the same thing as reconciliation. They're two different issues. Forgiveness is not the same thing as rebuilding or restoring a relationship. Look up here. Forgiveness is instant, but trust has to be rebuilt over time. Does that make sense?

And there's a big difference between forgiving a person and trusting a person. Forgiveness simply takes care of the damage. It is letting the person off the hook. But it does not guarantee that the future relationship is going to be right. Those are other issues. It takes more than forgiveness for reconciliation.

It takes three other things. You might write these down. If you want to have a restored relationship with someone, first comes forgiveness. That's your part if you've been hurt. But on their part, it takes three other things: it takes repentance, demonstrating genuine repentance; number two, it takes restitution, they need to make restitution where possible and when possible; and number three, it takes rebuilding trust. And rebuilding trust takes time.

Now again, in a relationship that's been harmed or damaged. If you've been hurt, forgiveness is the part you do. But they have to show some other things to show that repentance and restoration has taken place. For instance, if you've been in a relationship where you were married to an alcoholic and abusive spouse. And they really hurt you repeatedly over and over.

That person comes home and says, "I'm sorry, will you forgive me?" You say, "Yes, I forgive you" because God commands you to forgive. Forgiveness is instant. But if they say, "Now will you let me back in the house?" You say, "No, that's a different issue. We need to have some progress here first.

You need to get some counseling. You need to sign up for Celebrate Recovery. You need to develop a track record that shows there's some genuine change because while forgiveness is based on grace, trust is earned." Big difference. Does that make sense?

If somebody offends you over and over and over and repeatedly in the same way continues to hurt you, you are called by God to repeatedly forgive them over and over and over. But you are not obligated to instantly trust them and act as if everything's fine and things need to be kept going on as they have been in the past. It isn't resuming a relationship without change.

Number four: Real forgiveness is not forgetting what happened. You see, some of you have a hard time with this. You've had a hard time forgiving because you think, "I can never forget it and if I forgive them, I'll have to start the relationship again." No, that's not true. Forgiveness is not forgetting what happened.

Now, I know you've heard this cliché because it's very popular in America and that is: forgive and forget. That's so sweet. That's so nice. Forgive and forget. Forgive and forget. There's only one problem with that, folks. You can't do it. It doesn't work. In fact, it's impossible for you to forget everything that happened.

In fact, the more painful something is, the less likely you're going to forget it. In fact, think about the logic of it. It is impossible to try to forget something. Say, "Have you forgotten it?" "Oh, I'm trying. I'm trying to forget it. I'm trying, trying, trying." The whole time you're trying, what are you focusing on? What you can't forget.

You cannot forget something by trying to forget it. It doesn't work that way. The only way you forget something is by replacing it with something else. Now, scientists have proven that your brain is like a giant warehouse filled with thousands and thousands of file cabinets and you never really forget anything.

The more important an event is in your life, the more likely you are to remember. Now, you may block some things out and trauma may cause you to erase some recall of events, but they're there. And as surgeons were able to take a probe and open up your brain and stimulate certain parts of your brain, they can bring back the color, the memories, the smells, and everything that you had in that instance.

So you don't really forget anything. It's there. Some of you think that that's the ultimate in Christian maturity. "When am I going to get to the point that I'm so grown up in Christ that I forget the painful things in my life? When am I going to be so mature that I forget the things I feel guilty over and the things that other people have done to me?"

The truth is, you may never forget them. You may never forget those things. But there's something better than forgetting. You say, "What's better than forgetting?" Remembering, but not feeling the pain. Remembering, but seeing how God worked in it anyway. Remembering and seeing how God brought good out of bad.

How you grew in character. How it made you sensitive to the hurts and needs of other people. How it changed the direction at a crucial point in your life. How things that you have today would not have happened if it hadn't been for that event. There's something far better than forgetting.

It's remembering and realizing the sovereign grace of God is working as in Romans 8:28 says, "all things together for good." That's even better. Because when I forget something, I don't thank God or praise God. But when I remember something and I remember what God has done in spite of that, then I really thank God and I praise God. So forgiveness is not forgetting because you probably never will forget it.

Then number five: Forgiveness isn't my right. You know, we talk so much about my rights today. "I have my rights." Forgiveness isn't my right when I wasn't the one who was hurt. Now, this is the exact opposite of what culture teaches. Because everything in culture today says just run around forgiving everybody, as I said, because we're afraid somebody might somewhere feel guilty.

So let's get rid of the guilt as quickly as possible by just offering a blanket forgiveness. And we offer forgiveness for things we didn't do to people we don't even know. Only a victim, only the victim can pronounce forgiveness to the person who has offended them. If you weren't hurt, it's not your place to proclaim the forgiveness.

For instance, do you remember the story of the 14-year-old boy who walked into a high school prayer meeting in Paducah, Kentucky and killed three teenage girls? Shot them dead. The next morning on that campus, the girls had not been buried, their bodies weren't even cold yet, and some students had put up signs around the campus telling the killer, "We forgive you, Mike."

Now, I know those kids meant well. And I know those kids probably thought that they were doing the Christian thing. But it wasn't their right to forgive that man. Who had been offended the most? How do you think the parents felt about that? They hadn't even worked through their grief yet.

Sure, they were going to come to forgiveness, but they hadn't even worked through their own grief yet. How about the younger brothers and sisters of those three teenage girls who were killed? It wasn't their place to pardon somebody because they weren't the one who had been sinned against.

Recently in Washington D.C., a leader held up a picture of Timothy McVeigh and said, "I have forgiven this man, and you need to too." The only problem was, he didn't have the right to do that because Timothy McVeigh had not offended him. It was the parents and the relatives of the people who were killed in the Oklahoma bomb explosion that have the place to offer forgiveness to that offender.

If I were to take all the war criminals of World War II, all the Nazis and line them up and say, "Oh, by the way, Hitler, Eichmann, all you guys, you're all forgiven. I forgive you all." Is that short-circuiting anything? It's not my place to forgive those people. It was the people who had relatives killed in the Holocaust.

If you had a daughter who was kidnapped, raped, and killed, and I went, before you even had time to grieve about it, and went to the person and said, "Oh, by the way, you're all forgiven." Somebody has short-circuited a process. You see, if anybody could just forgive anybody, there's no reason for jails, folks.

Because somebody's going to say, "Oh, you're all forgiven, so you don't need to serve any time." There's a big difference. Forgiveness is not my right when I wasn't the one hurt. See, many people don't understand that forgiveness does not remove the consequences of sin.

When Karla Faye Tucker, who had killed people with an ax, gave her life to Christ in prison and asked Jesus Christ to forgive her, I believe she was truly born again. And she even asked the people to forgive her whom she had hurt through those murders. But that did not let her out of prison. There were still consequences.

When a woman takes drugs all of her life and then she gets pregnant and she has a baby and that baby is addicted to crack cocaine, the mother may say, "Dear Jesus, would you please forgive me for my sins?" And she is instantly forgiven. But the baby's still a crack addict.

Or the person who goes out and says, "I'm going to live life anyway I want to, go to bed with anybody I want to, live a totally promiscuous life." And then they come and they find Christ and they say, "Jesus Christ, would you please forgive me and cleanse me of all my immorality?" Instantly they are forgiven. Instantly. But they still might carry a sexually transmitted disease or they still might die of AIDS.

A person who leaves his wife and children or her husband and children and has an affair and breaks up a marriage, and then later comes and says, "Oh God, please forgive me, I know that was stupid, it was selfish, I shouldn't have done it, it was wrong, please forgive me." They are instantly forgiven by Jesus Christ.

But that does not remove the scars that come from breaking up a home. The scars on the children, the scars on both spouses and all the others. There are consequences. You see, real forgiveness is not some cheap term that you just throw out and instantly everybody feels better. It is reserved for serious sins and it's reserved for the person of whom they were committed against.

Now, if that's not real forgiveness, what is real forgiveness? Well, the Bible says real forgiveness is four things. Number one: first, real forgiveness starts with remembering. Remembering how much I've been forgiven. Remembering how much I have already been forgiven.

How much grace I've already received from Christ. Ephesians 4:32, read this verse with me: "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you." Now circle the phrase "in Christ." Because you're not forgiven because you earned it.

You're not forgiven because you deserve it. You're not forgiven because you've promised to never sin again. Thank God that's not the requirement. But you're forgiven because you put your faith in Christ. Now this is the starting point for genuine forgiveness. You must feel grateful for how you've been forgiven.

You see, some of you have a hard time forgiving other people and the reason why is because you don't feel forgiven yourself. And if you don't feel forgiven, you don't want to forgive anybody else. You don't want them to feel that, that's for sure. Because if you're hard on yourself, you're going to be hard on others.

But the more grace you receive from God, the more gracious you're going to be to others. The more forgiven you feel by God, the more forgiving you're going to tend to be toward others. Jesus said this. He pointed it out.

One day a streetwalker came to Jesus and in front of a bunch of other leaders, she took a very expensive alabaster box of perfume and she broke it and she washed Jesus' feet with this very expensive perfume. His dirty feet that, you know, they wore sandals in those days. And the religious leaders were incensed by this.

They said, first, look who's doing this, the kind of woman, this woman of ill repute. Look who's doing this. And number two, they said she could have taken that box, sold the perfume for money and given the money to the poor and be a whole lot better. And Jesus rebuked the religious leaders. He said, lighten up, basically.

He said she has been forgiven much and so she's giving the most love. And he said she'll be remembered from this day forward because of her action. It was an act of worship. Because she felt so graced by Christ, she was being gracious. She was being giving herself. It starts with remembering how much I've been forgiven. And all of us have been forgiven a lot.

Guest (Male): Hey, thanks so much for being with us today and listening to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope. I hope that you were just as blessed as I was from today's broadcast. Here's Pastor Rick and his wife, Kay, to tell you about today's offer.

Rick Warren: Today on Daily Hope, we're talking about happiness. Now, I know we all have times when we think, what have I got to be happy about? And you may be looking at your life right now and you see nothing but bad.

The truth is, most people tend to see life as a series of ups and downs. You're either on top of things and everything looks great, or you're down and things are looking really bad. But I find that life is really more like a set of train tracks, so that you get the good and the bad at the same time.

They run parallel to each other. And even though something bad may be happening in your life, you can always find something good to be thankful about. The point is this: you can't wait until things are perfect to find happiness because they're never going to be perfect.

That's never going to happen. Instead, you have to choose joy. You have to choose happiness. You know, my wife, Kay, has been making a conscious decision to choose joy every single day, and it's made a big difference in her life and in our marriage. In fact, she's written a great book. It's called Choose Joy. I want you to hear from Kay.

Kay Warren: Finding joy is a challenge for me. I'm not naturally an upbeat person; I'm more of a melancholy. When I talk about joy, I'm not doing so from the perspective of a generally peppy person who never has a bad day.

In fact, it was my own inability to live with joy that led me to explore why my experiences didn't line up with scripture. My problem was my definition of joy. I thought joy meant feeling good all of the time. That's impossible. Even for those who are naturally upbeat and optimistic, it's impossible.

We have to start somewhere more realistic and close to scripture. So here's the definition for joy that I've come up with after studying the Bible: joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation.

You'll find nothing in that definition about happy feelings because as we all know, happiness is fleeting and temporary. The Bible is really a book about joy. There are more than 500 references to joy, gladness, merriment, rejoicing, delighting, and laughing in the NIV translation of the Bible.

You'd think there would be ten times as many negative references to sadness, mourning, tears, etc., but there are only 158 such references. That tells us that God's word is a book of joy.

Rick Warren: Thanks, Kay. I want you to know that I personally benefited from reading Kay's book Choose Joy. It's made a difference in my life and I know it'll make a difference in your life too. That's why I want to send it to you as you send a gift to support the ministry of Daily Hope.

You know, we can't continue broadcasting these messages without your support. We're totally listener-supported. Be sure to request your copy of Choose Joy today when you give a gift to help Daily Hope share the love of Jesus with a hurting world.

Just go to pastorrick.com to get your copy of this great resource. That's pastorrick.com, or you can just text the word Hope to 70309. Again, that's the word Hope to 70309. Be sure to join us next time as we look into God's word for our daily hope. This program is sponsored by Pastor Rick's Daily Hope and your generous financial support.