Pastor Rick's Daily Hope

Pastor Rick Warren: Everybody longs for deep, lasting love. But strong relationships don't just happen by accident. Today on Pastor Rick's Daily Hope, we're continuing our series called, "Finding and Keeping the Love of Your Life." Rick Warren will share practical biblical wisdom for building healthier, stronger, Christ-centered relationships.

So, whether you're single, dating, engaged, or married, this series will help you grow in love, communication, and lasting commitment. And now let's get to part two of a message called, "Finding the Love of Your Life."

Now, the second non-negotiable in choosing a life partner, we must have not only spiritual unity, number two, we must have life-purpose compatibility. Life-purpose compatibility. In other words, we have to be headed in the same direction for the same reason, for the same purpose in life.

Now, the Bible says this in Amos 3:3. "Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?" Well, the obvious answer is no. You can't want to walk that way and I want to walk this way and we walk together. Now, if two people can't walk together without the same purpose, how in the world do we think we're going to live together in intimacy?

It isn't going to happen. The marriage is going to fall apart. The marriage will not last. If you have a purpose for your life that's that way and I have a purpose for my life and it's that way, it's not going to last. It's going to end in disaster. You're going to have a life of conflict. Now, by the way, the implication of this is, you're not ready to marry until you know the purpose for your life.

Why did God put me on this earth? Until you know that question, don't even think of getting married. Because if you don't know what your purpose is and then you get married and you discover it later and then all of a sudden, well, tough luck. You're married somebody whose purpose is totally different.

Now God put you here for a purpose and he did three things. He shaped you, he gifted you, and he called you. Let's look at these three verses. First, he shaped you. Ephesians 2:10. "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Circle that phrase, "prepared in advance." Did you know that before you were born, God already decided your life purpose?

He prepared in advance the things he wanted you to do with your life. One day, you're going to stand before God and he's going to ask you two questions. The nice thing about God is he tells us what's on the final exam. And there are only two questions on the final exam. Since God wants you to succeed at it, he tells you the questions in advance.

One day, you're going to die. One day, your heart's going to stop. That's going to be the end of your body, but it's not going to be the end of you because you were made to last forever. You're going to live forever in one of two places. We were made for long-term relationship with God. God wants you in heaven. That's why he sent Jesus to die for you so it'd be possible.

One day, you'll stand before God and he's going to ask you first, "What did you do with my son Jesus?" I hope you know the answer to that. He's not going to ask, "Were you Catholic or Baptist or Pentecostal or Calvary Chapel or..." He's not going to ask your denomination. He's going to say, "What did you do with my son Jesus?" And then he's going to say, second question, "What did you do with what I gave you?"

You have been given certain gifts, certain abilities, certain purposes, certain shape that God wired you, spiritual gift, heart, ability, personality, experiences, that he wants you to use to fulfill your purpose. When you stand before God one day, God's not going to say, "By the way, who'd you marry?"

He's going to say, "Did you fulfill your purpose?" "Did you fulfill your purpose?" "No, sorry, Lord, I wasn't able to do that because I found a really cute guy." Wrong answer. That's not the one he wants to hear.

God called you. He said, "I designed in advance what I called, what I made you to do." He not only shaped you, he gifted you. Look at the next verse, First Peter 4. "Each of you has received a gift from God for serving others. Now you must be faithful to develop and use that gracious gift from God."

You got to be faithful to do it. Well, if you got a life partner who doesn't care two bits about that or they're going in a different direction, how are you going to fulfill your purpose? Third, God not only shaped you and gifted you, he's called you. Did you know that you're called? Every Christian is called by God.

The Bible says marriage is a partnership to fulfill your calling. Hebrews 3:1. "Brothers and sisters, you are holy partners in a heavenly calling." Now let me just tell you this, if you've got a girlfriend and you're not going to be more effective fulfilling your purpose married, you better stay unmarried.

The purpose of marriage is to make you more effective in fulfilling your purpose. If marriage keeps you from your purpose, then you missed the point of the marriage to be partners in God's calling. So here's what you need to do. You need to picture in your mind your life purpose as a circle. And you picture in your mind the life purpose of the person you're considering marrying over here and then you ask, "How much do they overlap?"

"Do they overlap at all?" More important, "Could they become one?" Because when you have that oneness, it's incredible. I married a woman like that, who had the same purpose I did. And unbelievably, it made us a powerful team that took us places around the world I never would have imagined, that gave us opportunities I never would have imagined.

When I fell in love with Kay, I had no idea what God was going to do in my life. I just knew what his purpose was, but I didn't know all of the things he was going to do in my life, and all the things he was going to do in her life. And we had gifts that had not even been discovered yet, but what we did know is we had the same purpose and our purposes matched perfectly. And as a result, that gave impact.

When you have two different purposes, you have no impact. And not only that, you have less joy. And not only that, you have more conflict. So you not only have to have spiritual unity, you have to have the same life purpose in life. God gifted you, shaped you, and called you. So, listen.

You may both be fine people, and you may both love the Lord, and you may love each other, but that doesn't mean you should get married. It does not mean. You got to ask, "Do we have the same purpose?" The Bible tells us that one of the advantages of being single is you can have a solitary purpose. You have undivided attention.

Now, I don't know if anybody's ever told you this or not, but I think you've already figured it out. A bad marriage is a thousand times worse than staying single the rest of your life. Let me say it again. A bad marriage is a thousand times worse, thousand times worse than all the downsides of staying single the rest of your life.

So do not settle for just second best. I can't tell you how many people I've talked with who've been married 10 years or 15 years or 20 years, and in the privacy of one-on-one conversation, they say, "Pastor Rick, I feel guilty." "What do you mean?" "I know what God called me to do, but I can't do it now."

"Because I married a guy, I married a girl, who didn't share that same value. And there's no way it's going to get done, and I know I am missing my purpose in life." Do you know what torture that is? To know your purpose in life and know you're missing it? Don't make that mistake. Don't make that mistake.

On the other hand, as I said, when you, when your purpose is aligned, it is enormous power. It is enormous energy, and it is enormous fulfillment to be doing the same thing, the same purpose with your husband or your wife and knowing the blessing of God is on your life. And I have felt that, and friend, there's nothing in the world like that feeling.

To know that there's somebody by my side who's the exact opposite of me in every DNA cell of her body. She's female, and I'm male, and we don't understand each other a lot of the time, but we do know this: God's called us to this and we're online together and there's enormous power when a husband and wife have the same life purpose.

Number three. Third non-negotiable. We must have spiritual unity, we must have life's purpose compatibility, number three, we must both be emotionally healthy. Yeah, I heard that one. I don't know if that was laughter of guilt, fear or what, but we all, let's all just laugh right now, okay? Now, I did not say emotionally perfect.

If you wait for the perfect wife or the perfect husband, it isn't going to happen. Because let me tell you what. We're all broken. Okay? I want you to look at the person next to you right now and say, "I'm broken and so are you." Go ahead. "I'm broken and so are you." Okay? Go ahead, I dare you, "I'm broken and so are you." All right?

Now, turn to the person and say, "But that's okay because God still loves you." "But that's okay because God still loves you." All right? Yeah. We just had 18 proposals for marriage just then. I'll be doing a cut-rate wedding service after this service, so.

Let me just tell you, read my lips. Anybody you marry will be broken. Now, you, you're going to marry a sinner. And she's going to marry a bigger one. Two imperfect people cannot make a perfect relationship. So put that one out of your mind. You're never going to have a perfect relationship. I married a sinner.

Kay married a sinner. You're going to marry a sinner. The Bible says all have sinned. Nobody's perfect. In fact, if you think you're perfect, then you better be running from that person if they think they're perfect. Okay? Because they're out of touch with reality. You know? Okay. So,

Everybody's broken, but some people are a lot more broken than others. And you need to avoid them no matter how good-looking or how much money or how well they treat you. You need to avoid them. I heard about a lady at divorce court and she was asking for a divorce and the the judge said, "But you promised to take him for better or worse." She said, "Yeah, but he was a lot worse than I took him for."

So, you got to figure out the emotional health of that guy before you go too far in a relationship. Why am I saying this? Study after study after study has shown 80% of all separations and divorce come because one or both of the partners are emotionally unhealthy.

80% of all divorces come because one or both of the people in the marriage were emotionally deficient. They were emotionally immature. They were emotionally unhealthy. Now, I'm going to give you a partial checklist of emotional health factors.

These aren't my opinion. This is what God says you need to avoid. And you need, you just need to avoid them, and you need to get out of a relationship when you, if you spot any of these, the Bible says you are asking for trouble. You don't want trouble. So, if you hear me teach this to you, and then you go marry a person that has some of these in their life, and you and things turn sour, you cannot blame God.

You walked into it full on, head knowing, I'm going to get married in spite of this these factors. Okay? Let me give you a list of factors. This is not all of them but it's a partial checklist of emotional health factors. Number one, whoever I must marry must, number one, have no uncontrolled anger.

"But I like the bad boys." Then there's a word for you, girl, fool. Fool, you're just a flat-out fool. Proverbs 22:24. "Do not," circle that, "Do not make friends." I think that would mean going out on a date. "Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man. Do not associate with one easily angered." Do you know why?

Because uncontrolled anger reveals deep insecurity and low self-worth. If I don't like me, I don't like anybody else. And when you've got a cup, let's say I'm carrying a cup of water, and if it's full to the brim, any little thing will shake that cup and it'll spill out. If there's not any water in it, nothing can come out.

If you got a guy who's filled with anger, or a woman who's filled with anger, and it's right there at the brim, anytime you bump them, it's going to come out. The best time to end wife abuse and domestic violence is don't marry them.

If you see somebody who has uncontrolled anger, friend, the Bible says, run. Do not associate. Do not associate with one easily angered. Because if they don't like themselves, I guarantee you at some point they're going to turn that anger on you. And you are going to be the brunt of it because you're going to be closest. No uncontrolled anger.

That's a non-negotiable. Number two. Whoever I marry must have no addictions. No addictions. These are non-negotiables. Proverbs 23:20. "Don't associate," there's that word again, "Don't associate with people who drink too much or stuff themselves with food."

Let's pause here for a little confession. Your pastor is in. Now only two things are mentioned here, food and alcohol, but you know there's a thousand ways to get addicted. You can get addicted to drugs. You can get addicted to pornography. You can get addicted to video games.

You can get addicted to spending money. "I just love to shop." Run! Do I need to cover this point any more? No, okay, let's go on. Number three. Whoever I marry must have no uncontrolled anger, must have no addictions, don't associate. Number three, no bitterness.

Wow. They got to deal with it before they deal with you. If your boyfriend or your girlfriend is carrying resentment from his past, now let me tell you this, as a pastor who loves you, I love you. I'm trying to save you some pain. I have sat in the counseling room with marriage after marriage after marriage after marriage and watched bitterness tear it all down.

Doesn't matter if you both have great jobs, you're both good-looking, you got great kids, you got a good car, great family, everything, but if there's bitterness there, it tears it out. Bitterness is like a poison that eats you alive. Whatever you resent, you begin to resemble. "I'm never going to be like my mother!" Oh, really?

Yeah. "I'm never going to be." No, really. Whatever you resist persists. You start pushing a nail into wood, it starts resisting, it just goes deeper and deeper into the wood. You hammer it down. And whatever you need to resist, stop resenting, you got to release it.

Now the Bible says this, Hebrews 12:15. "Make sure you all have experienced the grace of God." Now that would mean both the husband and the wife, the boyfriend and the girlfriend, everybody. "Make sure you've all experienced the grace of God, so that bitterness doesn't take root and grow, because that causes much trouble and will corrupt."

You see, if you start dating a girl or a guy who has bitterness from something in their past, and they're holding on to it, and they're not letting it go, and they're holding on, I want to guarantee you 110% that after you get married, that resentment is going to turn to you. And a girl who's had issues with her dad is going to take it out on her husband.

And ladies, you want to know what your how your husband's going to treat you? Look at how he treats his parents. You got a clear, see what kind of respect the guy gives his mom. Just look at that. I have seen this over and over and over. The Bible says, "Make sure you all experience the grace of God," so you get rid of that bitterness, "because bitterness causes much trouble." Notice how many of these verses use the word trouble.

This is a very important question is to ask, "How do they treat their parents?" "You know, well, they're not marrying their parents, they're marrying me." You're right, but they're bringing their parents into the relationship. And they're bringing, you don't marry a person, you marry a family. You may not like that, but you marry a family.

Proverbs 20:20. "If you curse your father or mother, the lamp of your life will be snuffed out." What in the world is that mean? That sounds pretty pretty, you know, strong. "The lamp of your life will be snuffed out." What does it mean? "You'll miss the life God intended."

Did you know in the 10 Commandments, like, don't murder, and don't commit adultery, and don't steal, and don't lie. Number five, the fifth one is, "Honor your father and mother." Did you know that's the only only command of the big 10 that has a promise with it? It's the only one with a promise. He said, "If you honor your father and mother, you will be given a long life." It's the only promise with a blessing in the 10 Commandments.

You say, "But my parents don't deserve to be honored." I didn't your parents may be, maybe you never even knew them. Maybe they were alcoholics, maybe they beat you, maybe you were abused. I'm sorry. But you know what? People say, "Why did God choose the parents I've got? I mean, my parents, they didn't do diddly-squat in my life. In fact, they they hurt me."

But you know what? They're your parents. And why did God choose those people to be your parents? Regardless of whether they were good, bad, or terrible parent, God chose them why? Because they had just the DNA to create you. And God was more interested in creating you than in their parenting skills.

They may have been a terrible parent, but you wouldn't be existing if it weren't for the DNA of your mom and your dad. So, I'm not saying honor their sin. The Bible doesn't say that. The Bible doesn't say honor their abuse. It doesn't Bible doesn't say honor their neglect. You don't have to. You have to honor the fact that God chose them because without them, you wouldn't exist. They had just the right sperm and egg to create you. And God was more interested in making you than he was how well a parent they were.

Pastor Rick Warren: What a special message from Pastor Rick. And now, let's hear how lives are changing through Daily Hope. Here's Rick with a letter from one of our listeners.

Hi everybody, today I want to introduce you to Allison. She recently wrote me to tell how God had saved her from a life of prostitution, and used Daily Hope to help her grow as a young Christian. Here's what she wrote: "I grew up in an atheist family, and I was taught that people who believe in God are crazy, stupid, and brainwashed. I ended up being a hardcore drug addict for 15 years, and to pay for my habit, I sold my body on the street, and I was homeless. But I found a Bible in a hotel room where I was working, and the Lord radically saved me through his word. Then an amazing church family embraced me fully and helped me to grow in the Lord. One day, Pastor Rick, I came across your TED Talk on the internet, and I was blown away. So, I looked up your website, and I downloaded the Daily Hope app, and I started listening to your sermons every single morning. I then bought the book, *A Purpose Driven Life*, on audible.com. I've enjoyed it immensely. I am so blessed to give a monthly donation so you can share your message all over the world. Your Daily Hope message has meant so much to me in the past year, and I'm just an infant in Christ. I appreciate all the encouragement that I get from listening to you. Thank you, Pastor Rick."

You know, Allison, I I just, I can't thank you enough for writing to me and sharing your story. We live to get these letters, and and it's so exciting to hear stories from people like you who have been radically touched and transformed by the message of hope through Daily Hope. And I I, of course, I appreciate you giving a a monthly donation. Thank you for your prayers for this ministry, that we can pass this good news of hope on to others. I just want you to know that I'm going to be praying that God continues to use you in the lives of other people, and to use Daily Hope to help you grow more like Jesus. God bless you, Allison. If you'd like to help support Pastor Rick's Daily Hope with convenient automated monthly giving, just go to pastorrick.com, or text the word HOPE to 70309. And when you do, we'll send you a very special welcome gift to say thanks. Again, that's pastorrick.com, or just text the word HOPE to 70309. And thank you so much for your support. Be sure to join us next time as we look into God's word for our daily hope. This program is sponsored by Pastor Rick's Daily Hope and your generous financial support.