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Skip Heitzig: Turn in your Bibles to Matthew chapter 18, please. Matthew chapter 18. When I first became a believer, I was brand new, born again, so excited, couldn't wait to find out what's next. I started reading the Gospel of Matthew because I had a New Testament, Good News for Modern Man.

I went through the birth of Jesus, John the Baptist, started reading the Sermon on the Mount, Matthew chapter five. All was good until I get to the very last verse of chapter five of Matthew, where Jesus said, "Therefore be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect." I remember thinking, "I'm going to need a lot of help in this Christian walk."

Well, that's what this series is all about, called Help. There are certain areas that we all struggle with, and of course, we're not going to cover all of the areas, but we are going to look at several of them as we have already. This is a message called, I'm a Christian, but it's hard to forgive. I'm a Christian, but it's hard to forgive.

There was once a boxing champion from Ireland who was very well known. He converted to Christ, joined the ministry, and he was going from town to town, setting up a tent, sharing the gospel. He was in one town and he was setting up his tent, and a couple of thugs walked in in the afternoon while he was getting prepared for the evening service.

They did not recognize who the preacher was, the former boxing champion. So they started mouthing off and getting closer to him and trying to stir up trouble. The preacher-boxer said nothing. The guys got a little bit closer, a little bit closer, and they looked like they wanted to get into a fight.

The boxer-preacher just stood there, and one of the thugs hauled off and slugged the preacher in the face on the right cheek. It took him back. He got up, dusted himself off, stuck his chin out, and one of the thugs hit him on the other side. So he had turned the other cheek, right and left.

Then he took his jacket off, rolled up his sleeves and said, "The Lord has given me no further instructions." And he hauled off and he put them on the ground. Well, the thing is, the Lord has given us further instructions, and it's called forgiveness. Forgiveness. It's something a lot of us struggle with.

Some of us have been carrying around envy and bitterness and a refusal to forgive for quite some time. I came across something this week from the Fetzer Institute called a Survey of Love and Forgiveness. I'd never heard of it. A Survey of Love and Forgiveness. This institute did a survey and they discovered 58 percent of Americans agree that there are instances where people should never be forgiven.

58 percent of Americans say there are certain times, certain instances, certain crimes committed where people should never be forgiven. Then Barna Research Group, which usually gives values and polls about what Christians do and believe, Barna Research Group noted one in four practicing Christians struggle to forgive someone.

Out of about a thousand people polled, they discovered 23 percent has a person in their life they say they just can't forgive. The head researcher who put this poll together noted, "Forgiveness is essential to Christianity. It's what distinguishes it from any other religious faith. If Christians struggle to extend forgiveness, not only do their relationships suffer, but the church's witness is marred."

You need to know that forgiveness is not an elective in God's curriculum. It's a required subject. You see, Jesus keeps bringing up this topic of forgiveness in His entire earthly ministry. If you were to look at the Gospels, peppered through His teachings is this subject of forgiveness.

A couple of examples: Sermon on the Mount, "Blessed are the merciful." He taught in the Sermon on the Mount the disciples to pray, "Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors." When He was asked what is the most important law, what's the most important commandment, His answer implies forgiveness.

He said, "Love God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength and love your neighbor as yourself." Then He told His disciples, "Bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you." Then here in Matthew chapter 18, we're going to look in verse 21, but back in verse 15, Jesus said, "If your brother sins against you, go to him, tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you've gained a brother."

And now again, He launches into a parable, a story about forgiveness. So evidently, forgiveness is a big deal to Jesus because He keeps bringing it up. And it's important enough that when He teaches His disciples to pray, He includes this phrase about forgiveness. So the Lord has given us further instructions, and that is forgiveness.

Now, why is it so important? Why is it such a big deal? Because not only does it set Christians apart from every other religious system, but if you don't find a way to deal with your past, your future is going to be hindered. It's hard to go forward if you don't make a choice about your past. You can't change your past. It's over. But you can choose to forgive. And that will alter everything in your future. You will be unencumbered if you learn how to forgive.

Now, we're going to look, as I said, in Matthew 18, beginning in verse 21. It says, "Peter came to him and said, 'Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? How many times? How often? Give me a number. Up to seven times?'" Let's just stop there. We're going to eventually make it all the way down to verse 35, but I want to give you a few facts about forgiveness. Just a few facts you can jot these down.

Number one, forgiveness is difficult. We've sort of already established that a lot of people hold grudges. One in four can't forgive people. Forgiveness is difficult. So when Peter asks this question, notice what Jesus says in verse 22. He said to him, "I do not say to you up to seven times, but up to 70 times seven."

First of all, can I just say on Peter's behalf, I'm really glad that Peter personalized the truth that he heard. Jesus just said, "If your brother sins against you, go to him, tell him his fault. If he listens to you, you've gained a brother." Evidently, that really moved something in Peter because that's all he can think about.

So when he has an open audience with Jesus, he wants to bring this up. It got his attention. I don't know what Peter's dealing with, but I'm guessing that Peter is dealing with something going on with the other disciples. Maybe he's mad at James and John for saying we want to sit at your right hand and your left hand in the kingdom.

Remember, all of the disciples didn't like that. Maybe Thomas snores at night. Maybe Judas has bad breath. Something has gotten Peter's attention enough to bring up the idea of forgiveness to Jesus. And I just want to say that because a lot of people criticize Peter.

And what I love about Peter is if he doesn't get it, he asks questions. If he doesn't understand something, he's going to go to Jesus and say, "Okay, I want you to clear this up for me." So what this tells me is that forgiveness was hard for Peter. And I think what you need to understand is this, forgiveness was hard for Peter because forgiveness is hard for anyone.

Why is it hard? It's hard because it involves confronting painful emotions. Maybe a betrayal by somebody in your past. Maybe abuse. Maybe somebody lied to you. Maybe somebody's gossiping about you. So forgiveness involves confronting painful emotions.

Another reason it's hard is it feels like if you forgive, you are letting go of your right to see justice done. "I'm going to forgive him? What about accountability? That person should never do that again. He has to be accountable. He has to be held accountable."

And then another reason forgiveness is hard is because you are risking getting hurt all over again. You're putting yourself at risk. So it's better, you think, to develop a tough skin over your heart. "I'm just going to learn how to repel those people who try to get so close to me. I'm going to have a tough exterior." That's what you think.

Guest (Female): You're listening to Connect with Skip Heitzig. Every day, the generosity of friends like you helps make clear, practical Bible teaching available to families who are searching for hope, healing, and God's truth. And this month, we want to thank you with a powerful resource focused on restoring God's design for family.

When you give, you'll receive Reconnecting with Family, Pastor Skip's new book drawn from more than 30 years of biblical teaching and pastoral wisdom. It speaks honestly to the real challenges families face: financial stress, emotional distance, discouragement, and temptation while pointing you back to God's timeless plan for healthy, God-honoring relationships.

We'll send Reconnecting with Family as our thanks when you give $50 or more to support the ministry of Connect with Skip Heitzig. Call 800-922-1888 or visit connectwithskip.com/offer. Now, let's return to today's teaching from Pastor Skip Heitzig.

Skip Heitzig: Is that true? Is it better to live that way with a tough exterior? It's not. C.S. Lewis, if you ever get a hold of his book The Four Loves, it's worth a read. He writes this, "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal.

Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries. Avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken. It will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The only place outside heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of love is hell."

Back to this conversation. Does forgiveness have a limit? That's what Peter wants to know. How many times? I mean, it's understandable if Thomas snores once, but he does it every night. Or it's okay if somebody does this to me once, but they can't keep doing it. So how many times?

So Peter suggests a number in verse 21. "Seven times. Up to seven times?" And I'm guessing when Peter said that, he stood up straight, a little bit of a smile, because he thought Jesus was going to commend him. He thought Jesus really going to like this. He's so generous, this Jesus. So I'm going to go out of the norm and say seven times.

Peter is expecting another "Blessed are you, Simon bar Jonah, flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father in heaven," kind of a moment that happened a couple chapters before this. That's what he's expecting. He feels so generous, and here's why. The going rate for forgiveness was three times.

That's what the rabbis taught. Forgiveness is like baseball. Three strikes, you're out. You forgive three times, you're done. Peter doubles it and adds 15 percent as a tip. Seven times. One rabbi named Yosi ben Hanina wrote, "He who begs forgiveness from his neighbor must not do so more than three times."

That's what people believed. Another rabbi, Yosi ben Yehuda, said, "If a man commits an offense once, they forgive him. If he commits an offense a second time, they forgive him. If he commits an offense a third time, they forgive him. But if he commits an offense a fourth time, they do not forgive him."

So Peter thought Jesus would be impressed. Instead, Jesus said, "I do not say to you up to seven times, but up to 70 times seven." Peter was deflated immediately. He did not expect to hear that. Now, what did Jesus mean when he said up to 70 times seven?

Some translations say what he really said is up to 77 times. My translation says up to 70 times seven. I think what it really is saying is stop counting. That's the idea. This is not a quota. It's not like, "Okay, give him 490 times. But 491, that's it. It's over. You can deck him."

1 Corinthians 13 says, "Love keeps no record of wrongs." See, if you forgive that many times, it's because you've stopped counting. On another occasion, Jesus tells his disciples, this is Luke 17, "If your brother sins against you, rebuke him." Just flat out say, "That was offensive. I didn't like that. That's wrong. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him. And if he repents, forgive him.

And if he sins, you ready to hear this? And if he sins against you seven times in a day, a day, and seven times in a day returns to you and says, 'I repent,' you shall forgive him." And the apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith." Yeah, I'd be saying that too. If he just laid that on me, I would say, "Man, I don't have enough faith for that. That's hard." And that's the point.

Forgiveness is difficult. That's the first fact. Forgiveness is difficult. That's why we need help. Second fact, forgiveness is divine. God loves to forgive. So we launch now into the story Jesus gives. "Therefore," verse 23, "the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servant.

And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him 10,000 talents. But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold with his wife and children and all that he had and payment be made. The servant therefore fell down before him saying, 'Master, have patience with me and I will pay you all.' Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.

But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat saying, 'Pay me what you owe.'" Now, before we keep going on, it's pretty easy to figure this out what he is getting at. He is dealing with two areas: vertical forgiveness and horizontal forgiveness.

Vertical forgiveness: God, the king, forgives us a debt that we can't pay. Horizontal forgiveness: how we deal with others. In fact, it is the first that makes the second possible. Because God forgives you, he enables you to forgive others. In fact, because God forgives you, it is required that you forgive others.

But let's deal with this first one. The king forgives him how much? How many talents? 10,000 talents. That represents an unpayable debt. It is a vast, almost uncountable number. The word that is used here in the original language is the word murion, where we get the word myriads.

He owed him myriads. We would say he owed him bazillions, right? Just a lot of money. The number is given: 10,000 talents. The reason I say it's hard to figure that out is because Galilee, the region of Galilee, the whole district of Galilee with all of its towns, their total annual revenue for the entire region was 300 talents.

This guy owes a master 10,000 talents. One talent is worth 20 years' wage. So I'm going to throw a number at this. I'm going to go all Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos on you. He owed him like $60 billion. That's a safe estimate. $60 billion he owed him. And what does he do?

He throws himself completely at the king's mercy. He admits his guilt. He offers no excuse. He offers no defense. But he does say, "I will repay you everything." Really? You owe $60 billion? Tell me how you're going to figure that out. "I'll pay you all."

But it's impossible, but he's begging for his life. We've all said things in extreme situations. We've promised God that, "God, if you get me out of this, I promise." It's one of those kind of deals. So this guy who is being forgiven this unpayable debt, he is, as Jesus described in the Sermon on the Mount, poor in spirit. "Blessed are the poor in spirit."

"I'm broke. I'm poverty-stricken before you spiritually." And then Jesus said, "Blessed are those who mourn." He's doing that. He's mourning. He's begging. He is like the tax collector in Luke chapter 18 who beat his breast and said, "God, be merciful to me, the sinner," and he was forgiven.

So again, I say it's easy to figure this parable out. This incalculable, unpayable debt represents our debt of what? Sin. Our debt of sin before God. There's a song that came out, I think in 1977, "I had a debt I could not pay, He paid the debt He did not owe, I needed someone to wash my sins away."

Martin Luther said, "We are all beggars before God and we cannot hope to pay." This is why when Jesus hung on a cross, the first words from His lips, you remember what they were? "Father, forgive them. They don't know what they're doing." Why would that be the first thing from His lips? I wouldn't have prayed that on the cross. I would have said, "Father, recompense them, smite them."

He said, "Father, forgive them." Those were his first words because that is mankind's greatest need: to be forgiven. Forgiveness is divine. And the king extends forgiveness to this servant who could not pay the $60 billion. Now, the Lord's Prayer. Remember the Lord's Prayer?

"Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our debts." What is he referring to when he says forgive us our debts? Is this our debt with other people? No.

I mean, if you owe the bank, you haven't made like six car payments, you just go home and fold your hands and go, "Oh Lord, forgive us our debts." It doesn't work that way. You got to pay those things off. It's not your debt with other people he's talking about. It is your debt before God. "Forgive us our debts." That is vertical forgiveness.

Guest (Female): Thanks for joining us today on Connect with Skip Heitzig. Before we go, remember: your generosity helps share God's Word with families around the world, offering truth, hope, and encouragement where it's needed most. And this month, we'd love to thank you for your gift of $50 or more by sending you Reconnecting with Family, Pastor Skip's new book focused on restoring God's design for family and relationships.

It's filled with biblical insight and practical encouragement to help families grow stronger, even in challenging seasons. Give today at connectwithskip.com/offer or call 800-922-1888. See you next time on Connect with Skip Heitzig.