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Guest (Male): Welcome to Connect with Skip Heitzig. We're so glad you've tuned in today. At Connect with Skip, our mission is to help people know God more deeply through clear, verse-by-verse Bible teaching that brings biblical truth to everyday life. When you sign up for Pastor Skip's free weekly devotional, you'll receive biblical encouragement, ministry updates, and advance information about upcoming resources, all delivered right to your inbox. Signing up is quick, easy, and completely free. Visit ConnectWithSkip.com today. That's ConnectWithSkip.com. Now, let's dive into today's teaching from Pastor Skip Heitzig.

Skip Heitzig: Song of Solomon is a very short book. It is what J. Vernon McGee called the most neglected book of the Bible. You might say it's an overlooked book, and that's the name of the series, Overlooked. We're looking at people who have usually been overlooked in reading the Bible. They're overshadowed usually by some grand character, and so we fail to notice their importance. Last week, we looked at Baruch, the scribe of Jeremiah. This week, we're looking at someone called the Shulamite bride in the book of the Song of Solomon.

It is possible to feel overlooked emotionally, relationally, not seen by somebody that is a significant person in your life. That's especially difficult if you're married and you should be noticed and seen and understood by that person. Let me begin today with a riddle. There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.

But one snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving along a winding road and noticed someone at the roadside in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along, delivering the toys.

Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated, and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. Who was the survivor? Answer: The perfect woman. She's the only one that really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there's no such thing as a perfect man. The male response to that? If there is no perfect man and no Santa, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.

Overlooked. Both of them would feel overlooked with that riddle. In the book of Ecclesiastes, the book right before the Song of Solomon, also written by Solomon, Solomon wrote these words: "Two are better than one. Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. If one falls down, his companion can pick up the other one." Two are better than one. Every couple at the altar saying their vows about to be married believes that two are better than one; otherwise, they wouldn't be doing that.

Two are better than one, but it must be said that two are also harder than one because now you have two opinions. Now you have two different ways of doing things, two philosophies of life, perhaps, that are being melded together. When I was single, I had a roommate that I didn't see that often and a cat. The cat wasn't even my cat, just showed up and I took care of it. So life was pretty easy. I could come and go, do what I pleased when I wanted to do it.

In marriage, things get a little bit different. In marriage, there are now two definitions of what clean is. I discovered that within the first couple weeks of marriage. There are two different ways to replace the toilet paper: over or under. How many think under? How many think over? It's overwhelming. Overwhelming. There are two different ways or philosophies of disciplining of children. Oftentimes, they don't mesh. Two different ways to watch TV. Two completely different definitions of what shopping is.

I said that the book of the Song of Solomon is the most neglected book in the Bible, according to J. Vernon McGee. But in more recent years, it has become popularized. Younger pastors want to go to that quickly, almost for shock value, to dig into the nitty-gritty of the details of this book. But you will notice, if you have your Bibles open to the first chapter of this book, that it is called in verse one the Song of Songs. The Song of Songs.

Do you remember that Solomon wrote 3,000 proverbs and 1,005 songs? This is the Song of Songs. Anytime you have a noun that is repeated, it speaks of the superlative. So it's the best. It's the highest. It's the apogee. You have the King of kings, the Lord of lords, the Holy of Holies, and the Song of Songs. So this is, according to Solomon, his magnum opus, his best and greatest work.

There are not many chapters in it. It is a very short book with short chapters, highly poetic, as you will discover if you haven't read it. It's mainly between two people: Solomon, also known as here the beloved, and an unnamed person called the Shulamite bride. This book covers a period of between one and two years and covers the stages of the relationship. The first part covers the engagement, the second part the marriage ceremony, and the third part the marriage itself.

To be more particular, the engagement or the betrothal is in chapter one and two, all the way to chapter three, verse five. They're dating, they're getting to know each other, they're falling in love, and they are betrothed to each other. The wedding takes place in chapter three, verse six, and goes all the way to chapter five, verse one. Then after that comes the relationship of marriage from chapter five, verse two, all the way through chapter six.

In particular, the last two chapters are about a conflict in marriage. A conflict. So they date, they get married, they fight, and they have to resolve that conflict. Both of them at that time would have felt overlooked. But I want to go back to the beginning and notice a few verses. I'd like to give you some features, noteworthy features of this Shulamite bride about her life and personality. I'm going to give them to you in statements of juxtaposition. That is, they're one thing but not another thing, or she is that way.

First, though she is unnamed, she is not unnoticed. She is unnamed, but she is not unnoticed. We call her the Shulamite because of a single verse. That is in chapter six, verse 13, where it says, "Return, return, O Shulamite; return, return." Because of that single verse, it is used throughout in the subheadings as when she speaks, she is called the Shulamite bride. Who is she? What's her name? It's not given. We don't know her name. She is unnamed in this book.

I'm going to throw up a few theories of who she might be, and I'll let you decide what you think. The first theory is that because she is called the Shulamite, she is a girl from Shulum. Seems quite obvious, right? Shulum. She's from Shulum. Here's the problem with that: Nobody knows where Shulum is. There's no record of there being any town called Shulum anywhere in the biblical narrative or in ancient archaeology. Shulum, question mark.

Because of that, some interpreters say, "Well, then she's from Shunem." Shunem. She's a Shunammite, and Shunem is a synonym for Shulum. Question mark, maybe. Okay. Theory number two: She is a girl from Salem. Salem. Not Salem, Massachusetts, but the ancient Salem, which is the original name for Jerusalem. Salem and Shulum both are linked together in their origin. So some believe that she's just a girl from Jerusalem, from Salem, from Shulum.

Third theory is that she was a dark-skinned girl from Egypt. I say dark-skinned girl because in chapter one, verse five, she says of herself, "I am dark but lovely, like the tents of Kedar, the black tents of Kedar." So some have believed that she is a dark-skinned girl from Africa, from Egypt.

The fourth guess is that this Shulamite girl is somebody named Abishag. Abishag, you may remember in the book of Kings, First Kings, Abishag served King David as a girl, one of the servant young servant girls, as David was quite old in his palace. If that's the case, Solomon would have known who she was, and that is a possibility.

The final guess is that since Shulamite is a word that means peaceful and is the feminine form of Solomon—Solomon and Shulamite are the same meaning—it is just a way to say this is Mrs. Solomon. This is the bride of Solomon, the Shulamite, the peaceful one, the Solomon-ite.

Guest (Female): This is Connect with Skip Heitzig. Your support helps reach people every day with biblical truth that brings hope, encouragement, and direction for real life. This month, we'd love to thank you with a special collection of resources designed to help you grow stronger in your faith. When you give today, you'll receive biblical wisdom for everyday life. You'll find biblical encouragement to help you deepen your prayer life, experience God's joy, embrace forgiveness, and stand firm in every season with four of Pastor Skip's lifestyle booklets: Pray This Way, Technicolor Joy, Unforgiveness: Forgiveness vs. Sweet Revenge, and Standing Firm in Unsettled Times. Your gift helps extend the reach of Connect with Skip Heitzig, connecting more people to God's word around the world. Request your collection when you give $30 or more at ConnectWithSkip.com/offer or by calling 800-922-1888. Now, here's how to pre-order an exciting resource from Pastor Skip that's coming this October.

Guest (Male): The Bible is one unified story of God's love and redemption, but sometimes it can be difficult to see how all the pieces fit together. In Soaring Above It All, Pastor Skip Heitzig takes you on a one-year devotional journey through the entire Bible, highlighting the key people, events, themes, and truths of Scripture in a way that's approachable, encouraging, and easy to follow. Pre-order your copy of Soaring Above It All today wherever you buy books.

Guest (Female): Now, here's more from Pastor Skip.

Skip Heitzig: So you have a girl that is unnamed, and we're not going to try to guess what her name is. You can take a choice of any of those five choices I put up. But we can get a little character sketch of what she was like from this book. What we discover is that she was a Cinderella kind of a figure in her family. That is, she was very beautiful but unnoticed by her family and overlooked by them.

Her brothers made her work hard out in the vineyards, and because she was working hard outside, she didn't have much time to care for her personal appearance. She makes note of that. She was busy in the fields pruning the vines and setting traps to capture the little foxes that would spoil the grapes. She also worked tending flocks of goats, which is mentioned in the book.

But then one day, a handsome stranger rolls through town by the name of Solomon. She notices him, he certainly notices her, they fall in love, and the rest is biblical history. So she is unnamed, but she is not unnoticed. In fact, let's look at how Solomon notices her in chapter one, verse eight. Chapter one, verse eight, the beloved or Solomon says, "If you do not know, O fairest among women, follow in the footsteps of the flock and feed your little goats beside the shepherds' tents. I have compared you, my love, to my filly among Pharaoh's chariots. Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, your neck with chains of gold."

Now, I need to explain that because to Western ears, that doesn't sound romantic to say to this girl that you've fallen in love with, "You remind me of my best horse." But it is actually a compliment because if you know anything about Solomon, you know that he loved horses. He collected them. In fact, it was Solomon that introduced the horse and chariot into the army of Israel. So for him to say, "You're like the best horse I've ever seen," is complimentary.

Then we go down to verse 15. Chapter one, verse 15, he continues: "Behold, you are fair" or beautiful, "you're a knockout, my love. Behold, you are fair. You have dove's eyes." Now I need to explain that because so far you're thinking this guy needs a crash course in dating protocol. "You remind me of a horse and you've got bird eyes." So here's the thing about doves: Doves can only focus on one thing at a time. It was probably Solomon's way of saying, "I realize you have eyes for me only. You are singular in your affection toward me."

Like a dove. Also, doves are very, very cautious creatures. They like to hide when life is uncertain. They will hide in crags, in crevices, and they'll stay there until they are assured there is no danger. They have to be coaxed out for them to come out. So Solomon must then have recognized that this girl is very, very cautious in this relationship. He longs to know everything he can about this beautiful girl, but he realizes that she has to be coaxed out into that.

Solomon, through the book, makes discoveries about her. He notices things about her. He makes observations about her. So though she is unnamed, she is not unnoticed. He notices not only is she beautiful, but she has a striking personality. He will comment on her being confident, self-assertive, poised, and virtuous. Now, I just want to pivot on that point for application.

In the New Testament, Peter tells men, tells husbands, "Husbands, dwell with your wives with understanding. Understand who they are. Don't overlook them. Look at them. Notice them. Study them. Become a PhD in your spouse." Dwell with your wives with understanding. Learn as much as you can. You know, that is what the dating process is supposed to be. Dating is you're discovering, and you want to discover as much as you can before you get married. Because physical beauty is temporary, personality lasts a lifetime.

So Solomon is making observations, not only about her physical beauty but about her character. I think Ben Franklin was the one who gave us some really sage advice. He said, "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half shut afterwards." I think that's good advice. Be discerning. Be open-eyed about who you're dealing with, because once you get married, you're going to have to close your eyes a little bit and accept the deficiencies that you discover later on.

Something else about this unnamed Shulamite bride: It is highly possible, even probable, that this was Solomon's first wife. I think that's important. This is his first love. Why is that important? Because this is the girl he marries before he adds the other 699 wives to his life. When sin starts complicating his life, everything goes south. So this is the first and truest love.

In fact, we should just put it this way: This reflects God's original intent. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife," singular, Solomon, not 700, Solomon, but to his wife, "and the two shall become one flesh." That's God's original intention. So she's unnamed but not unnoticed.

A second feature I want to draw your attention to is that she was passionate but not promiscuous. She had physical desire, physical longing, like all young women and men do, but she was not promiscuous. In chapter two of the book of the Song of Solomon, in verse three, the Shulamite bride says, "Like an apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved," Solomon, "among the sons. He not only notices her, she notices him and writes about it."

"I sat down in his shade with great delight; his fruit was sweet to my taste." She's attracted to him. "He brought me to his banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. Sustain me with cakes of raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am lovesick. His left hand is under my head, his right hand embraces me. I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the does of the field, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases."

Now, that last verse that we just read is going to be repeated two more times in this book by her. She says in all three times, "Do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases." In other words, though you may have a longing, a passion, you've got to curtail that passion. That is, physical expression of love has its place, but don't stimulate it prematurely.

In fact, go over to chapter four and look at a single verse there in verse 12. This is Solomon now remarking on his bride. He says, "A garden enclosed is my sister, my spouse, a spring shut up, a fountain sealed." In other words, "My bride, this girl, is closed off to the promiscuity that could happen in a relationship. Closed off to everything and everyone else. A fountain sealed." That's just a way of saying she is saving herself for the marriage. She is a virgin. The garden refers to her physical body, and he says it is sealed.

Now, let me give you sort of a bottom-line, irreducible minimum statement about marriage relationships. This is God's will for couples: Abstinence until marriage, fidelity within marriage, and then enjoyment of marriage. So you abstain until you get married, you stay faithful while you're in that marriage, but you enjoy each other fully in the context of the marriage. And that is the will of God. We're told that in First Thessalonians chapter four: "This is the will of God, even your sanctification, that you would abstain from sexual immorality."

Why is this important? Because we must acknowledge that the sexual impulse is given to us by God. You are hard-wired to be attracted physically and to be satisfied sexually in a physical manner. That is God-given. The sexual impulse is God-given, therefore must be God-guided. That which is God-given must be God-guided. When it is, it's beautiful. It's beautiful in its context. It's like mud in the garden. Mud in the garden looks great. Dark dirt in the garden looks great.

What doesn't look great is when you go out into the garden with your work boots, get the mud on your boots, and track it in on the white carpet in the house. Now it's not beautiful anymore. Now it's filthy. Now it's dirty. Now it needs to be cleaned up.

Guest (Female): We're so glad you joined us today on Connect with Skip Heitzig. Before you go, here's a reminder. When you give $30 or more this month, we'll send you biblical wisdom for everyday life as our thanks. This special collection of four lifestyle booklets from Pastor Skip Heitzig offers biblical encouragement for prayer, joy, forgiveness, and standing firm when life feels uncertain. Your support helps keep this Bible teaching ministry reaching people around the world with the life-changing truth of God's word. Give today at ConnectWithSkip.com/offer or call 800-922-1888. See you next time.

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