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Skip Heitzig: When a husband is a servant leader, then she feels secure. He is serving her. She sees that, she feels that, she's secure in that, and she responds. Also, the idea of being subject to your husband does not imply that the husband is superior to the wife. A lot of wives are going, "Well, that's true. He's not superior to me." And you are right. He's not. Though he is responsible for you.

So when it talks about the head or the headship, the husband is the head of the wife, it's not superiority, it's functionality. It's the function. Every relationship has to have certain roles for that relationship to function correctly. Just like in an employer-employee relationship, not everybody can be the boss and call the shots and set the policies. Somebody has to submit to the one who does that.

So in a marriage relationship, the function is that the husband is to be the head. It does not imply superiority. Here's the text I want to use. In 1 Corinthians chapter 11, it says, "The head of every woman is man, the head of man is Christ, and the head of Christ is God," that is God the Father. Now, would any orthodox Christian, would any evangelical Christian ever dare to say that Jesus is not on the same level as God the Father?

Does that suggest by reading that text or quoting that text in 1 Corinthians 11 that the Father is the head of Christ, does that imply that Jesus is inferior to the Father? Not at all. Jesus said, "My Father and I are one." Jesus himself said that he was equal with God, and the enemies of Christ knew that he was claiming to be equal with God.

But for the sake of divine functionality, the Son surrendered his will to the Father. When he was in the Garden of Gethsemane and he was suffering, and he did not want to go through the pain of being beaten and crucified and death, he said, "If it's possible, let this cup pass from me. Nevertheless, not my will but thine will be done."

He surrendered. He submitted to the will of the Father, though he was equal with God and the Bible claims that he was equal with God. For the sake of function, the Father is the head, Christ submitted to the Father. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be subject to their own husbands in everything.

Now women, if that is still bothersome to you, let this add a little bit of encouragement. If your husband does make dumb decisions, he's going to have to answer to God for it. The buck will stop with him before the Lord. So you can take a little bit of relief and stand behind the fact that God is going to hold him responsible for how he superintended and servant-led the home. So be subject to your husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives just as—now this is how steep this commandment is—as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. Whereas the wife is told to be subject to her husband once by Paul in Ephesians 5, Paul tells husbands to love their wives two times. Here in verse 25, also in verse 28, "So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself."

The word in English "husband" is a word that means to till the ground or to cultivate. It's what a farmer would do. A farmer would cultivate the earth, till the ground, plant the ground, care for the ground. In John chapter 15, Jesus said, "I am the vine and my Father is the vinedresser," but the King James has it right, "I am the true vine, my Father is the husbandman." So the idea of a husbandman or husband is one who cultivates, tills, works that relationship, and is seeking to bring growth out of it.

So husbands, cultivators, tillers of the ground of marriage, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. I do believe we need Christians in all segments of society. Sometimes I hear people say we need Christians in politics. I agree. Or we need Christians in social institutions. I agree. Or we need Christians here or there. I agree with all of that, but we also need, even more so than any of those, we need Christian men in the home.

In the home, who will love the home, love their families, till the ground, cultivate the ground. That he might sanctify, verse 26, and cleanse her. It's his responsibility with the washing of the water by the word, teaching her truth, that he might present her to himself, that is the Lord presenting here his church, that he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.

So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. Remember when Adam first saw Eve? He said something that we would probably consider unromantic, but it said so much. He goes, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man." Adam was right. He saw his wife as an extension of himself because she was. The Lord formed her from him.

So likewise, our wives are an extension of us. We become one flesh. So we ought to love our own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it as the Lord does the church. We get hungry, we eat. We see a nice outfit, we'd like it for ourselves. We take care of ourselves, we take care of our needs. We work out, we go on diets and things like that because we want to take care of ourselves. Likewise, it extends to one another in the marriage.

For verse 30, "We are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife." He's quoting Genesis chapter 2. "Leave his father and mother, be joined unto his wife and the two shall become one flesh." The original says a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

Guest (Female): This is Connect with Skip Heitzig. Your support helps reach people every day with biblical truth that speaks into real life, bringing clarity, purpose, and hope. And this month, we'd love to thank you with two resources designed to help you grow in your faith and understand God's plan for your life and relationships.

When you give today, you'll receive the Expound Ephesians nine-CD series with digital download, along with Pastor Skip's book, Beyond the Summer of Love. These resources will help you discover your identity in Christ and experience the lasting hope found in God's design for life and relationships. Your gift helps extend the reach of Connect with Skip Heitzig, connecting more people to God's word. Request your resources when you give $50 or more at connectwithskip.com/offer or by calling 800-922-1888. Now, here's more from Pastor Skip.

Skip Heitzig: Leaving, cleaving, and weaving—the two shall become one flesh. That's a lifelong process, and it takes commitment, a lifelong commitment to continue to weave lives together, interests together, schedules together, date nights together. It takes that kind of fortitude and commitment. Leaving, cleaving, weaving—the two shall become one flesh. So it's a very seminal verse that Paul is pulling out of Genesis chapter 2.

But verse 32 adds a different flavor. "This," he says, "is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church." What Paul seems to indicate by this verse is that marriage is an earthly microcosm of a divine macrocosm, a horizontal microcosm of a vertical macrocosm, a vertical reality. That marriage is to be a tiny glimpse so that people can look at that and say, "Oh, that's how God loves the church. That's how Jesus loves the church, like you love your wife, like you love your husband." That kind of lifelong commitment of love is how God loves us.

That's how he says, "I speak in a mystery, I speak concerning Christ and the church." So what that means, bottom line, you know what it means—a good marriage is a good witness. So it's worth the investment, it's worth the work, it's worth resolving the conflict to get the good testimony. This I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects or reverences her husband.

Now, I'm glad there's a men's conference coming up, and it's going to be great, and I would encourage every man here to attend. And that is because we need to counteract the attack—the wholesale attack in this culture, in this society, against marriage in general, against men in particular. Ever wonder why men are under such attack? And anybody with enough sense and who can read anything and observe anything can see that men are under attack.

Well, if you want to neutralize an army, take out the commander. If you want to demoralize a nation, assassinate the president or prime minister. If you want to ruin a church, get the pastor knocked out for moral reasons or whatever. You want to ruin families? Get men uninvolved. Get men not loving their wives, loving their hobbies more, etc., etc. Not loving their children, not taking an interest in raising their children.

And so it's a perfectly logical attack. Satan has been working through the voices in our culture to attack the family, and in particular, attack men. So let's counter-attack that and not be passive men but leaders—servant leaders—in our home. Love your wife as you love yourself, and wives, learn to respect your husband.

Now he continues with this whole example of submitting to one another with children and parents. Verse 1 of chapter 6: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord." And if a kid's reading this and goes, "Why should I?" it tells you right after that, "For this is right. Honor your father and your mother, which is the first commandment with a promise." And he quotes the promise, "That it may be well with you, that you may live long on the earth."

Now you read that, "Children, obey your parents," and you might think of little kids at home who are 12 years and under. But the word for children is the word tekna, which means any child of any age still living at home under the authority of parents. And these days that could be up to 30.

But even after they leave home, you don't stop honoring your parents. I remember when I left home, I was going to say 18, I was really 17. I graduated at 17, I left home, and I thought, "You know, I'm done with my parents, I'm done with needing to honor them and obey them, I can do my own thing." Well, I did my own thing for a summer, and right in the middle of that summer, I was watching a broadcast on television with Billy Graham. I gave my life to Christ.

And the first thought, "I need to go back home. I need to tell my parents, I need to tell my brothers, I need to tell my friends what happened." So I went back, and for a period of time, I was once again living at home with my parents. And the Lord kept bringing up this verse, "Honor your parents, honor your mother and your father." And it was very tough at this point because I had left the church I was raised in, the Roman Catholic church. I'm this crazy long-haired, born-again hippie Christian that they could not figure out and did not really like.

Though they loved me, but they didn't really like me. And I had to figure out, "How am I going to honor my parents in this new paradigm?" Honoring your parents is something that is to last a lifetime, and it is for all of us. And it is in the lineup, it's in God's top ten list, it's the fifth commandment. And I told you Sunday that of all the commandments, most of them are put in the negative. Only two of them are put in the positive, really one and a half. And the one that really shines as a positive commandment is the fifth commandment.

"Honor your father and your mother," and then a promise is attached to that, "that you may dwell long in the land that the Lord your God is giving to you." Now, there's a problem in the New Testament era because the religious leaders figured out a way to take the fifth commandment and twist it so they wouldn't have to obey it. Let me read this to you. This is from the Gospel of Mark, I'm reading from chapter 7. You're free to turn there if you're quick with your fingers.

Mark chapter 7. "When they came from the marketplace," this is Mark 7 verse 4, "they do not eat unless they wash." That is the Pharisees. That didn't mean like wash the germs off, but ceremonially cleanse themselves. "And many other things which they have received and hold, like the washing of cups, pitchers, copper vessels, and couches. Then the Pharisees and the scribes asked him, 'Why do your disciples not walk according to the tradition of the elders, but they eat bread with unwashed hands?'" They don't go through the proper ritual ceremonies when they eat their hamburger.

They wouldn't eat a cheeseburger, that's not kosher. He answered and said to them, "Well did Isaiah prophesy of you hypocrites, as it is written: 'This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me, and in vain do they worship me, teaching as doctrine the commandments of men.' For laying aside the commandment of God, you hold the tradition of men—the washing of pitchers, cups, and many other things you do."

He said to them, "All too well you reject the commandment of God that you may keep your tradition. For Moses said, 'Honor your father and your mother,' and 'He who curses father or mother, let him be put to death.' But you say, 'If a man says to his father or mother, "Whatever profit you might have received from me is Corban,"' that is a gift to God, 'then you no longer let him do anything for his father and his mother.'"

They knew the commandment of God, honor your father and your mother. They knew they had a responsibility to care for their father and their mother financially, etc. But they had come up with an interesting way to twist the commandment of God to get out of honoring father and mother, caring for father and mother financially, etc. And that is this: they could, if they dedicated something they had—money or whatever property they had—and they said it is Corban, it is devoted to God, they could in turn dedicate anything and everything to the temple.

Now, as Pharisees, they were beneficiaries of the temple. They were paid by the temple. So they were able to dedicate everything to the temple, receive the financial benefit of it, but because it's dedicated to God, not honor their father and their mother. So the ironic part is they're going, "How come you don't keep our tradition?" And Jesus said, "Why do you, by your tradition, annul the commandment of God?"

When I was growing up as a Roman Catholic, I remember kids of parents who went to the priest or the Monsignor or the bishop, and a couple of them managed to get their marriage annulled. And annulment means that the church doesn't recognize your marriage as valid. Even though you may have said vows to each other, even though you went through the ceremony, if you really try hard, you could get them to annul the relationship. If the relationship is annulled, then you're free to marry anybody else you want.

And it never really sat with me, thinking, "Now, how could it not be a valid marriage if these are their children, and that is their wedding certificate, and when I go to their homes I see pictures of their wedding and wedding guests?" But they had figured out a way by their tradition to twist the commandment of God for their own profit, for their own benefit.

The Pharisees were doing that with the fifth commandment, and Jesus nailed them on that. He said, "No, you're to honor your father and your mother." Beautiful example of honoring your father and your mother is Jesus on the cross. Jesus had left home, Jesus lived with his disciples, traveled the countryside. Now he is on the cross, dying for the sins of the world, but even in his anguish, he made sure that his mother was taken care of when he said, "Son, behold your mother. Mother, behold your son." He made sure that John, his follower, would take care of her. He honored her. At his time of anguish, he honored his father and his mother.

Guest (Female): We're so glad you joined us today on Connect with Skip Heitzig. Before you go, here's a reminder. When you give $50 or more this month, we'll send you the Expound Ephesians series along with Pastor Skip's book, Beyond the Summer of Love, as our thanks. These resources offer biblical insight and encouragement to help you grow in your faith and experience God's design for your life and relationships. Your support helps keep this Bible teaching ministry on the air, connecting more people to God's word. Give today at connectwithskip.com/offer or call 800-922-1888. See you next time.

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