Ephesians 5:21-6:15 Part 1
Today on Connect with Skip Heitzig, Pastor Skip helps you see how your faith is meant to shape your closest relationships—at home, in marriage, with your children, and even in the workplace.
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Skip Heitzig: The Apostle Paul in this book talks about walking with God. In chapter four, verse one, he says that we should be walking worthy of the Lord. And we explained that that means that our lives should weigh as much as our profession. We claim to be Christians; our lives should add to the weight of that claim.
So, then he describes what it means to walk worthy. He says that we should walk in humility—in his words, in lowliness of mind, preferring others. He then says that we should walk in unity because there's one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one body of Christ.
He then explains that we should walk with variety because there are many gifts in the same body. That when Jesus died on the cross, he descended into the lower parts of the earth, then he ascended, and when he ascended, he gave gifts to men. And he lists some of the gifts in the body of Christ.
Then he says that we should walk in purity, all in chapter four. Walk in purity, not as the other Gentiles walked, but we should walk completely different in the new man, as he describes it. Not like the old manner of life, but with new values, new standards.
Then he says that we should walk in charity, in love, preferring one another, loving one another. Then he says that we should walk in sanctity; we should walk in the light as he is in the light. And then he says we should walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time because the days are evil.
So we should walk circumspectly or carefully, with precision. Be very careful where you walk and how you walk. So all of those things put together give us the meaning of what he began with in chapter four, and that is a walk that is worthy. So that's chapter four and part of chapter five.
Now he's going to in chapter five—I should open my Bible actually—beginning in verse 21, that's where I left you hanging last week, we should walk domestically. That is, our spiritual walk should be shown in our relationship with our family—our wife, our husband, our children, our parents, etc.
So all of these things speak to what it is to walk worthy of the Lord. But as we were worshipping, I had a thought. And that is, we talk about what it means to have a walk with the Lord, and you and I should walk worthy and walk with him. But the great truth really before that is that God desires to walk with us.
The only reason we can have a relationship with him and walk with him is because he draws near to us and desires a relationship, a walk with his creation. Don't you love Genesis where it says God came walking in the garden in the cool of the day? And it sounds like he made a regular practice of wanting to take a walk with Adam and Eve, walk with his creation in the best part of the day when it's cool, before the sun and the humidity made everything miserable. It's cool, it's fresh; let's take a walk together.
And then I've always loved the story in Luke 24, how that Jesus came walking on the road to Emmaus with two of his disciples. And as he was walking with them and fellowshipping with them and talking with them, they didn't recognize him.
And I feel like that is my life so often. God is with me and he's walking with me and I don't recognize it. I don't recognize him. I just launch into my conversations and my life and my diatribe, and it's the Lord walking with us.
And then when Jesus left in that beautiful scene in Luke 24, the disciples turned to each other and said, "Did not our hearts burn within us as he walked with us and spoke to us along the way?" And it's my prayer that as we gather for these Bible studies, that you and I will walk away saying, "Didn't our hearts burn tonight as the Lord spoke that message, that word of encouragement, that exhortation, that warning to me?"
Now, you have a walk with the Lord. I have a walk with the Lord. And some of you, because of difficulty—I'm reading all these difficulties, all these problems, these challenges in these prayer requests—some of you are drawing near to the Lord now because of the difficulties in your life.
And that's good. That's the right move because the Bible says if you draw near to him, he will draw near to you. You make that overture and he's all over that. But now be careful. When you get relief from some of those problems and challenges and the Lord answers your prayer and life is good again, and then you think, "Well, I don't need to walk as close anymore. I don't need to fellowship as much as often." I know it's Wednesday night; there's always going to be another one. That you keep your priorities of seeking him and walking with him and drawing near to him every chance you get. We make that a priority.
Well, I sort of left you hanging, as I mentioned last week. I mentioned to you last week, I kind of gave a quote. It was the Howard Hendricks quote. Howard Hendricks, who was a great teacher at Dallas Theological Seminary, a great preacher of the word, he used to say, "If your Christianity doesn't work at home, it doesn't work. So don't export it."
So what Paul does here in the walk of the believer is he takes it into the most personal relationships: the home life—marriage, children—and then the workplace—those who are bosses with their employees, those who are employees with their bosses—and shows how the walk ought to look.
So he gets very domestic here. I mentioned to you last week that most of the books that I have read on marriage and family over the years from a biblical perspective, most of them tend, when they get to Ephesians, they tend to begin with the teaching on the family in verse 22 as Paul talks about wives and then husbands, etc. That's where they begin.
Guest (Female): You're listening to Connect with Skip Heitzig. Every day, the generosity of friends like you helps make clear verse-by-verse Bible teaching available to people searching for truth, purpose, and hope. And this month, we want to thank you with a pair of powerful resources to help you understand your identity in Christ and God's design for your life and relationships.
When you give, you'll receive the Expound Ephesians nine-CD series with digital download, along with Pastor Skip's book, Beyond the Summer of Love. Together, these resources explore the richness of the gospel, reveal your place in God's family, and show how biblical truth brings strength, restoration, and lasting hope to your relationships. We'll send both resources as our thanks when you give $50 or more to support Connect with Skip Heitzig. Call 800-922-1888 or visit connectwithskip.com/offer. Now, let's return to today's teaching.
Skip Heitzig: In my view, that's a mistake. It's a mistake contextually and linguistically, and I want to explain that. You see, I believe that this whole teaching of walking domestically in our home life does not begin in verse 22, but begins a verse before that in verse 21.
Verse 21 is a transitional verse that introduces a topic of submission, and then he gives four examples of what that submission should look like. So in verse 21, he says, "Submitting to one another in the fear of God." And we notice something: that submission is not one-sided, but it is to be mutual. Every one of us is to submit in some form with some type of role.
And why is that important? Because it says in verse 22, where again most teaching begins, most series begin: "Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord." Now, here's what I want you to know about verse 22. You see the word "submit" in verse 22? It's not in the Greek. It's not in the original. It should be italicized like all the other words that aren't in the original language. However, it is not.
And here's why: the translators believed because the verse actually just says "wives to your own husbands as to the Lord," they thought, "Well, we need to supply a verb." That is not supplied, but it obviously belongs here because down in verse 24, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in everything. That's the crux of his teaching to wives—to be subject. So they borrowed the word from verse 21 and stuck it in verse 22.
And it's the word I've told you about in the past, though I don't expect you to remember these words. I mean, we don't walk around speaking Greek to one another. But the word is *hupotassō*, and here it's *hupotassomenoi*. And the idea of subjection or submission is to one another. And then in verse 22, it is not in the original; it's only supplied by the translators.
But here's what I want you to get. He says, "Submit to one another," and then he gives four—not one, not just to wives, but four examples of submission. And I say that especially to men, because some men have only memorized as their life verse the 22nd verse of chapter five: "Wives, submit to your husbands." They know it. They quote it. They know it in several translations, cross-referenced it.
And though it does imply that wives should submit because the word "be subject to your own husbands" is there, it is only the first of four examples of submission. Yes, wives are to submit to their own husbands, but husbands, since it says "submitting to one another," have also a role of submission.
And some men take umbrage to that. "What do you mean, men? I've not heard this before. This is a new teaching." No, it's not. That's why I said linguistically and contextually it needs to begin in verse 21. That's the transitional verse.
So, wives to your own husbands, and then husbands to your wives in this capacity: "Love your wives as Christ loved the church." You say, "Well, it didn't say submit." Right, but wouldn't you agree that sacrificing your life to the point of death is pretty submissive? So, the husband is to submit in his role by loving his wife supremely, sacrificially.
Then children are to submit to their parents by obeying them. Fathers are to submit in the role by not exasperating their children, etc., etc., all the way down. There are examples of the submission that is introduced in verse 21. So wives, let's just take it as it is read, it is implied: wives, submit to your own husbands or again be subject to them, for husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, he's the savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in everything.
This does not imply slavery. When a husband is a servant leader, then she feels secure. He is serving her. She sees that. She feels that. She's secure in that, and she responds. Also, the idea of being subject to your husband does not imply that the husband is superior to the wife. And a lot of wives are going, "Well, that's true. He's not superior to me." And you are right; he's not. Though he is responsible for you.
So when it talks about the head or the headship, the husband is the head of the wife, it's not superiority, it's functionality. It's the function. Every relationship has to have certain roles for that relationship to function correctly, just like in an employer-employee relationship. Not everybody can be the boss and call the shots and set the policies. Somebody has to submit to the one who does that.
So in a marriage relationship, the function is that the husband is to be the head. Does not imply superiority, and here's the text I want to use. In 1 Corinthians chapter 11, it says the head of every woman is man, the head of man is Christ, and the head of Christ is God—that is, God the Father.
Now, would any orthodox Christian, would any evangelical Christian ever dare to say that Jesus is not on the same level as God the Father? Does that suggest by reading that text in or quoting that text in 1 Corinthians 11 that the Father is the head of Christ? Does that imply that Jesus is inferior to the Father? Not at all.
Jesus said, "My Father and I are one." Jesus himself said that he was equal with God, and the enemies of Christ knew that he was claiming to be equal with God. But for the sake of divine functionality, the Son surrendered his will to the Father. When he was in the Garden of Gethsemane and he was suffering, and he did not want to go through the pain of being beaten and crucified and death, he said, "If it's possible, let this cup pass from me. Nevertheless, not my will but thine will be done." He surrendered. He submitted to the will of the Father, though he was equal with God. And the Bible claims that he was equal with God, for the sake of function.
The Father is the head; Christ submitted to the Father. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be subject to their own husbands in everything. Now, women, if that is still bothersome to you, let this add a little bit of encouragement. If your husband does make dumb decisions, he's going to have to answer to God for it. The buck will stop with him before the Lord. So you can kind of take a little bit of relief and stand behind the fact that God is going to hold him responsible for how he superintended and servant-led the home.
So be subject to your husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives just as—now this is how steep this commandment is—just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. Whereas the wife is told to be subject to her husband once by Paul in Ephesians 5, Paul tells husbands to love their wives two times: here in verse 25, also in verse 28. "So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself."
The word in English "husband" is a word that means to till the ground or to cultivate. It's what a farmer would do. A farmer would cultivate the earth, till the ground, plant the ground, care for the ground. In John chapter 15, Jesus said, "I am the vine, and my Father is the vinedresser," but the old King James has it right: "I am the true vine, my Father is the husbandman." So the idea of a husbandman or husband is one who cultivates, tills, works that relationship is seeking to bring growth out of it.
So husbands, cultivators, tillers of the ground of marriage, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. I do believe we need Christians in all segments of society. And sometimes I hear people say, "We need Christians in politics." I agree. Or, "We need Christians in social institutions." I agree. Or, "We need Christians here or there." I agree with all of that. But we also need even more so than any of those, we need Christian men in the home. In the home, who will love the home, love their families, till the ground, cultivate the ground.
That he might sanctify, verse 26, and cleanse her. It's his responsibility with the washing of the water by the word, teaching her truth, that he might present her to himself—that is, the Lord presenting here his church—that he might present her to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Guest (Female): Thanks for joining us today on Connect with Skip Heitzig. Before we go, remember: your generosity helps share God's word with people around the world, offering truth, hope, and encouragement where it's needed most. And this month, we'd love to thank you for your gift of $50 or more by sending you the Expound Ephesians nine-CD series with digital download, along with Pastor Skip's book, Beyond the Summer of Love.
These resources will help you understand your identity in Christ and see how God's design brings strength and restoration to your relationships. Give today at connectwithskip.com/offer or call 800-922-1888. See you next time on Connect with Skip Heitzig.
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About Skip Heitzig
Skip Heitzig ministers to over 15,000 people as senior pastor of Calvary Albuquerque. He reaches out to thousands across the nation and throughout the world through his multimedia ministry. He is the author of several books including The Bible from 30,000 Feet, Defying Normal, You Can Understand the Book of Revelation, and How to Study the Bible and Enjoy It. He has also published over two dozen booklets in the Lifestyle series, covering aspects of Christian living. He serves on several boards, including Samaritan's Purse and Harvest.
Skip and his wife, Lenya, and son and daughter-in-law, Nathan and Janaé, live in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Skip and Lenya are the proud grandparents of Seth Nathaniel and Kaydence Joy.
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