Ask Pastor Mike Live

Guest (Female): Hi, Pastor Mike. My question is on encouragement and discernment. When is it more appropriate just to stop defending the gospel? To give some background to that, I always feel so discouraged by my father because he's not saved. I get it; I was once lost, so I know that only the Spirit can convict him of sin and only God can open his eyes. I'm fully aware of all that.

Almost every time I'm around him, there's always some sort of argument, mostly because he says things in front of my children who are still pretty young—they're seven, eight, 10, and 15. For example, he'll tell my kids that he's never sinned, and I'll say, "Okay, we know that's not true," or "We've already been through the law with you." It just turns into anger, disgust, and bickering. He'll say money's the most important thing, and I'll come back with a Bible verse, and then he gets really upset. It's always this back and forth.

I'm confessing to you now that I am not the most gentle and patient person. I need to work on that. I've only been saved a year and a half. I definitely have more zeal than knowledge, but almost every time, it turns into fighting. I just can't stand that he says certain things in front of my kids. When is it time to just stop, keep my mouth shut, and not say anything? I don't want to turn him away. Every time he's so disgusted, I feel like I'm actually pushing him away from Christ. I'm just looking for discernment or encouragement on that.

Focal Point Ministries: I think of a few passages that come to mind. I think of Proverbs 15:2, which talks about the mouth of fools pouring out folly, or Proverbs 13:16, "The fool flaunts his folly." If I know I'm heading towards something where there's something pouring out or something flaunting folly, I don't want to prick that. I don't want to puncture that. I don't want to let that out.

It's much like the passage I think of probably more often than not, and that's Proverbs 26:17. I don't want to grab a dog by the ear when I'm passing by it. I just don't want to do that. I don't want to involve myself in something that's going to bite me. Therefore, I will let the sleeping dogs lie. I know you care about him, but I certainly wouldn't want to do that in front of my kids when I know the folly is going to come flooding out.

I don't want to do that in front of my kids. I would definitely use restraint around my dad if I knew the folly was going to come flooding out on my children and they were going to see all that. I wouldn't want that. I want my kids to hear the good stuff. I'd rather my kids hear what's best and what's going to edify them, and this is going to do just the opposite. I think your kids know who your dad is at this point, but I don't want them to constantly be barraged by things that are foolish.

I would definitely use more restraint. I would just say less. I'd talk about sports and the weather before I start casting my pearls before swine, because I know what I'm going to get. He's going to spit those things back at me, and my kids are going to get some of that sloshed in their face. I just don't want that.

Guest (Female): That makes sense. For example, when he tells my kids, "God is not here," or "Money is the most important thing," would you advise just not saying anything in the moment and then conversing with my kids on the side? I typically would just go at him for saying that to my children, and then it's like this whole thing. Instead, should I just say nothing, walk away, and then tell my kids later on when he's not there, "You know that's not true," and things like that?

Focal Point Ministries: Here's what I would do. As a matter of fact, the preceding words of all those passages I've just talked about say that every prudent man acts with knowledge. The words of a wise man's mouth win him favor. The heart of the wise man seeks knowledge. In other words, if I was in a situation with kids that age, and we heard folly being spewed about, I would go to the car and get in the car.

This is where my kids would pay special attention to me at that age. If we got in the car, everybody got in and strapped in, and I didn't start the car, but we're all in the car and I started to say things without starting the car. My kids know me enough to know that Dad's got something to say here. That's how I would address it.

I would say something like, "Kids, tell me what you just heard. What's the truth about what Grandpa just said?" I would make a point to say the prudent thing, the knowledgeable thing, the wise thing. I would say the word of wisdom at that point to counter what they just heard. I wouldn't mind that it puts Grandpa in a bad light because what matters most is the truth. They can love Grandpa but also know that what he's saying is foolish.

Most of their life is going to have to be showing respect while knowing that the person is not saying what's true. They're going to do that for a lot of their life with bosses, managers, professors, mayors, and homeowners association presidents. This is something they need to learn now. I would put them in the car and say, "You heard some things tonight. Let me tell you, you know that's not true," and then give them the truth. Even if it's just a 20-second conversation, and then the car starts and off we go. That's what I would do. I would just set the record straight before we ever started going home.

Guest (Female): All right, thank you. That helps a lot. As I said before, I struggle with keeping my mouth shut, so that helps.

Focal Point Ministries: You've got to learn that. You have to learn just to bite your tongue. Don't respond in the moment. Respond in the quiet of the car. You'll win the more you can control your spirit. Better is someone who can control their spirit than the warrior who can go and take a city. If you can just control your spirit in those moments, you can do it.