Ask Pastor Mike Live

Focal Point Ministries: She says she needs advice because, Amy, you say your husband and you should engage with your parents who are Roman Catholic. Several years going back and forth have produced feelings of frustration and anger. Most conversations are over text where your dad will send heretical excerpts and false information about God. Let's start with the divide between Roman Catholics and Protestants. It is based on understanding; it is not a misunderstanding, no matter what liberal pope might be in the office. There are clear distinctions about the Christian life, about justification, about sanctification, about forgiveness, about sin, and about a lot of things.

Is there agreement? Absolutely. There is plenty of agreement between Protestants and Catholics. We agree on the divinity of Christ and the Trinity. There are so many great things that we agree on morally in terms of the problem of abortion, although you get liberal popes in there who start saying crazy things about all kinds of moral issues that I wouldn't agree with. But the writings that are there in, let's say, the Catechism of the Catholic Church, the most recent doctrinal exposé of the Roman Catholic Vatican, yeah, there is plenty in there that I would say, as a Protestant, I wholeheartedly agree with.

There is a lot in there that I do not agree with, and a lot that I do not agree with has bearing on how one gets saved, how one understands their sin, and how one understands the Christian life. So, there is a distinction. That distinction was made very clear and sharp 500 years ago that created what we know of now as the Protestant church. You should know that the Protestant church did not start with people trying to protest. They were trying to actually do what their namesake says, and that is to try to reform the church.

Reformation theology and Reformed theology mean something different today, even though it was birthed historically out of this movement 500 years ago. But the Reformation was definitely a sincere effort to try and reform the doctrine that had deviated from scripture in the Roman Catholic Church. It failed in that sense because it didn't reform the church; it just created a whole other segment of people that called themselves Christians who were saying, "I want to be biblical. I'm not going to listen to these guys in Rome if they're telling us something the Bible doesn't say."

With the creation of the printing press, that certainly helped the propagation of scripture. The literacy of the congregations certainly helped people say, "Let's look at what the Bible says. Let's look at what the Roman Catholic cardinals and pope and the College of Cardinals say, and what my priest says. We can see the gap and the error between the practice of the church and the writings of scripture." Therefore, if you are going to move to a biblical position, you better say, "I guess I'm aligning with the Protestants."

I don't start conversations by saying I'm a Protestant in the heritage of those who tried to reform the church 500 years ago, but that is what we are. Evangelical Christians who listen to this station—maybe not all who listen, but most who broadcast, if not all, I hope—are saying, "No, we're biblical. We try to be biblical. Our sole authority is the Bible." That is Protestantism. Amy, you and your husband are talking to your Roman Catholic parents. There are so many Roman Catholics, by the way, that don't even fight with Protestants because they don't even care or they don't even know.

It sounds like your parents are hardcore Roman Catholics. As hardcore Roman Catholics, they see the gap between what you're saying and what they're saying. For that, I'll give them credit and I'll give you credit because you're not trying to blur the line; you're trying to say there is a distinction and it matters. The Reformation and the Counter-Reformation 500 years ago and 450 years ago, all of that still stands. There is no change. The Catholics may be changing on moral issues, but they're not changing on their doctrinal stance.

That may change because that's the whole problem: the church gets to decide what doctrine is. We're saying the Bible gets to decide what doctrine is. They criticize us because everyone can figure this out; shouldn't it be the priest and shouldn't it be the tradition of the church, the magisterium of the church? I understand all that and I can respond to all that, but here is your question, Amy. What do I do with my parents where there are a lot of hurt feelings? You called it frustration and anger because you're engaging them in this debate.

There's no way around telling someone we understand God, church, Christianity, and authority differently because we are Sola Scriptura—the "Bible alone" kind of Christians. In that sense, I guess we protested against the Roman Catholic Church who doesn't see it that way. Is there going to be hurt feelings? Of course. You may handle those hurt feelings better, but even in your question, there has got to be frustration there. There is no way around that. Let's just look at it this way: the moon landing or flat earth—whatever these theories are.

If you have half the people at your Thanksgiving table who believe in a flat earth or we didn't go to the moon or whatever it is, which I know are very popular these days with the birth of the internet, you're going to have some conflict. Imagine that what we are disagreeing about is so big. We're trying to look at the same things, but we have two different convictions about this. What in the world do you think the conflict is going to be if we raise that to the highest level, which is God, salvation, and eternal life?

We are discussing whether or not there is a purgatory, whether we should make Mary a co-redemptrix, or whether or not confession, penance, and Hail Marys mean anything. If we start getting to that level, this is going to be something that is going to cause a problem. Amy, I don't know that I can help you with that part. All I can say is that when the Bible tells us to give a reason for the hope that's in us, it says we're supposed to do it with gentleness and respect.

You need to remind your husband, as a loving wife and a very influential person in his life, you need to try to gently and lovingly remind him that we've got to be gentle and we've got to be respectful even though we're unyielding and unbending on our Protestant understanding of truth. It comes from scripture, not from guys sitting around in robes in Italy. That is critical. Be as respectful as you can. At some point, the Bible says this clearly: you shouldn't answer a fool according to his folly lest you be like him.

I hate to be pejorative with the word "fool," but I'm quoting scripture here. There are times when someone is intractable about their views. You could have Mormon relatives, Jehovah's Witness relatives, or even Greek Orthodox or Russian Orthodox relatives. You could have such distinctions in your theology even if they are not in the light, and it is not worth having this debate. If your dad and your mom want to keep throwing bombs over the wall, sometimes you have to decide if this is even worth responding to.

The problem with your husband in particular, I would assume, just knowing the difference usually between men and women in a marriage with in-laws or parents, is that we often think our silence, especially as men—since we are often fighters—is a capitulation to their view. Your husband wants to make it clear. There's a nice and easy way to say, "I don't agree with that, but let's talk about the Dodgers or something." I don't have a problem with silence or a short answer.

If they are absolutely implacable, not willing to listen, and not willing to discuss reasonably, I don't have a problem with you saying to your husband, "I think it's time for us probably to stop talking theology with the parents on our text threads." If the wisdom of your husband and perhaps your wisdom says you should answer these things because they keep throwing up these issues, then answer them simply, directly, respectfully, and gently. That means not with pejorative or hurtful language, and then move on with the rest of your day.

It is like someone saying the sky is green. You can say, "No, it's blue. We're convinced it's blue," and move on. That would be my simplified advice: to just be a little more brief in the responses that you have, Amy, to your parents and to try and advise your husband to do that. But here is what I would ask you to do, Amy. Maybe just have your husband give me a call. I'd love to hear his perspective on why this continues to be an issue, and that might be helpful.