Ask Pastor Mike Fabarez

Speaker 1

Well, pull up a chair and pour yourself a cup of coffee. It's time to sit down for an informal question and answer time with Pastor Mike Fabarez. Are you closely involved with non-believers in your life? Well, don't miss this session today on Focal Point.

Welcome to Focal Point. I'm Dave Droue, your host, capping off another week with some one-on-one time with Mike Fabarez. Now, you can probably think of a few non-Christians in your life who are important to you.

Well, we have an interesting question from a listener about how to best connect with those who haven't yet put their faith in Christ. Let's join in on a conversation with Pastor Mike and our executive director, Jay Wurton, Inside the Pastor Study.

Speaker 2

Pastor Mike, I have a good one.

This listener wrote to us. I found out a close family member is living in open rebellion towards God.

Should I remove myself from family functions or should I simply spend time with this person at all? It's a tough question.

Speaker 3

Yeah.

Speaker 2

How do we deal with non Christians in our families and friends?

Speaker 3

Well, it's a tough question. I would ask, you know, does the person claim to be a Christian? That's always important, a starting point for me. No matter what on a relationship, if someone's living in open rebellion to God, I want to know, do you claim to be saved or do you not claim to be saved? You know, if you've got someone who claims Christ and lives in open rebellion to God, then the Bible is pretty clear that I got to look at that person and say, listen, you're claiming Christ, you're living in opposition to Christ. I can't endorse this behavior of yours as a professing Christian by saying, hey, yeah, let's hang out. I can't. Even according to 1 Corinthians, I can't even have a meal with you. That's a problem.

Ok, but when the person is not claiming to be a Christian, right, Paul deals with that whole issue when he writes to the Corinthians and he says, if I was telling you, you can't hang out with non-Christians, immoral people, you'd have to leave the world. In other words, I expect non-Christians to be non-Christians. And when I have some in my family, for instance, at a family gathering, I would expect non-Christians to live like non-Christians. Now, for the sake of the purity and progress in my own sanctification, I may say, listen, I can't hang out there because this is becoming a stumbling block for me. So I think it would matter what the claim is.

And if the claim is, hey, I'm just like Mike, I'm a Christian too, and then it's so clear they're living in open rebellion against God, well, then I would make the statement by saying, listen, you know, as long as this person is in at this event, you know, I don't think I can be a part of that. I think there comes a time when that may be the case. But for most family problems, I have to counsel people through, that's not the issue. It's just that someone in the family is notoriously sinful. And they say, well, should I not go to the Christmas dinner or Thanksgiving? Most of the time I'm going to say, no, you go and you're going to be there. You're going to be salt and light. You're going to stand for what's good. You're going to be a good participant in your family and hopefully have a good impact on your family.

And I may say it's a good chance to say to our listening audience, when you do have a situation that gets thorny like that, that's why your church is so important. Talk to your pastor. Call someone on the pastoral staff, even if you have a large church, and you think, I don't have a relationship with the pastor, find someone there who knows the word of God really well and is good at giving good godly counsel and pass your situation by them.

But when it comes to people living debauched and notoriously sinful lives, most of those, if they're really notoriously sinful, I don't want to be closely allied with because they end up affecting me. So I may have some obligatory family events to go to. I get that. But I'm not going to be hanging out with people that are notoriously sinful unless I'm going like Jesus to do evangelism. Right, right.

Speaker 2

Strategic times, when you're going to.

Speaker 3

Your people use that, you know, certainly teenagers, Mom, I'm going out with them. Jesus hung out with the tax collectors and sinners. That's all I'm doing.

He didn't hang out with the tax collectors and sinners. They called him a friend of gluttons and adulterers and all the rest. But he wasn't a friend with them, hanging out with them. Right. He was a savior bringing the message of repentance and faith.

And these people were coming in the middle of the meal and saying, I've sinned. I'm going to make restitution. I'm going to do what's right. And God would say then in situations like that, salvation's come to this house today.

Speaker 4

Right?

Speaker 3

Here is someone who's a child of Abraham, here's someone who has faith in me, and their lives are transformed.

So we need to realize his job in those situations. If we're going to follow that pattern, great. It's to come and bring the message of repentance.

Speaker 2

What if I look across my friend landscape and see that most of my friends are non Christian? What does that say about me and how should I go about changing that, or do I need to change it?

Speaker 3

Well, it probably means you're just responding to the statistics of your life. In other words, most of the people in the world are non-Christians, and most of the people at your job are non-Christians. So if you just do what's easiest and simplest, you may end up with all non-Christians.

But to be a Christian is to make sure that we look at what the Bible says and then seek to make that happen. The Bible says we need fellowship; we need commonality with Christians. Right? So if I get an opportunity, I want to make sure that I have purposeful relationships with Christians that I'm able to connect with and share that commitment to Jesus Christ. That's important.

As Proverbs says, "He who walks with wise men will be wise." I want my associates and allies to be Christians, not cutting out all non-Christians. But your question was, what if all my friends are non-Christians? All I'm saying is, you know, work harder at strategically making sure that the people and relationships in my life include more and purposefully pursue more Christian friendships. That's important.

Speaker 2

Certainly, as one becomes a Christian, there is going to be that tension with family members who are non-Christians and friends that are non-Christians.

How do we handle those types of situations? Because certainly, they can be painful.

And in some cases, I'm sure you have to cut ties.

Speaker 3

Yeah, but like we started, you know, it's going to be a pretty serious situation where I'm going to say to a non-Christian, certainly in a family situation, I can't have anything to do with you. There are those situations.

But I think what we need to realize is that to be Christians in a non-Christian world, certainly it's going to be difficult; it's going to be tough. So there's going to be those feelings of feeling like a fish out of water, like aliens and strangers. As Paul said, you know, we're citizens of heaven, living here on earth, and we're going to feel that sense of being out of place.

Speaker 2

I guess the next question would be, how far do we go with our non-Christian friends and family members to preach the gospel?

Should I be going to places that maybe aren't places I should be going to in order to do that?

How do I make a decision on those types of things?

Speaker 3

Well, I could paint some absurd pictures of saying, well, non-Christians are there, so I'm going to go there and win people for Christ. Some places Christians just don't belong.

But as far as our evangelism with non-Christians, we need to be always trying to bring conversations around to Christ. Now, it's two different things when you say non-Christian friends and non-Christian family.

Because non-Christian friends, I want to share Christ as much as I can until they tell me to stop. And often when they tell me to stop, it's usually in concert with, I don't want to spend any more time with you.

Speaker 2

You stop getting the invites to the, to the lunches and parties and dinners.

Speaker 3

We usually lose a lot of those relationships, but then we keep building more. Our world's full of people. We need to keep on building relationships and trying to be salt and light in those relationships. But family's a little different, right? There's that bind of biology, and we are connected. We're going to be called to the Christmas dinner and the Thanksgiving meal and all that.

Even when someone has said, "Hey, I'm tired of you talking about Christ. I don't want you to talk about it anymore," I think in some situations I don't have to bring this up at every single meal that we have here. I'll respect the fact that you are saying no, but I'm realizing that they do that to their own hurt. I also realize that people who have told me that before, even in those contexts, have something happen in their life, and they know, they feel it every time they're with me: this is the Christian, this is the guy that always wants to talk about Christ.

It's funny how that door often reopens when there's some impetus in their life, some occasion for them to go, "Man, I want to know more about God." This person seems to have a peace that surpasses understanding. And so they reach out to us afresh.

So I wouldn't, you know, certainly in that family context, say, "Hey, if you're not going to let me talk about Christ at Thanksgiving, I'm not coming." I mean, I think you should participate. But in the average family, the average Christian in a non-Christian family, go participate. You don't have to preach Christ at every family event. But be there, be a godly person, stand up for what's right. And of course, make sure people know the welcome mat is open for any conversation about Jesus. You're there, and you're willing to talk about it.

Speaker 2

Well, thank you, Pastor Mike. It just so happens in today's message we have a little bit more on this issue and it's time to listen now to three prayers. Your non Christian friends need you to pray.

Speaker 4

I grew up as a latchkey kid, or so they called it. My parents would work until, you know, five or six at night. I would come home at 3:15, walk in, and I'd often find on the kitchen table a note.

"Dear boys, take the trash out, feed the dog. Pick up after the dog. Strange endless cycle, that one. Water the plants, you know, do all these chores. We'll be home at 5:30. Love, Mom and Dad."

Now, I could do a lot of things with that note. I could wad it up and throw it away. I could hope that it's all intended for my brother. I could ponder the existence of parents. I could do a lot of things to try and get around doing it, but it was my responsibility.

And you can ask my folks; most of the time, I did what was on the list because I had to. It was my obligation. If the only reason you're out there talking to people about Christ and sharing the message of the Gospel with people is because of obligation, man, you know what? That's not the best motive. But it's good enough.

In Scripture, the Bible says in places like Luke 17:10 that if we've done everything that we're commanded, we ought to say we're unworthy slaves. We've only done that which we ought to have done. And in Matthew 28, the Great Commission lies in our Bibles. It's addressed to us, followers of Christ. If that's the only reason we can do it, if that's the motivation we get, well, fine. It's a motivation.

Speaker 3

I hope.

Speaker 4

Perhaps you'd share the Gospel, though, for a higher motivation. Perhaps you'll share the Gospel for the same reason I bought my wife a necklace for Christmas, but not because I had to. See, I wasn't going to get grounded if I didn't buy her a necklace. But it was because I know that in my heart I care about her. And if it's within my means to get it for her, I want to do it because I love my wife.

And maybe you'll get to the place where you'll recognize it's not just obligation and it's not just love for Christ. But some of you will be so captured by the importance and the issue of salvation in your own life that when you sit around in the lunchroom at work or when you see your neighbors out by the mailbox, you'll say, you know what? I can't shut up about this. This is what life's all about. God has given the solution to the human problem. And for me to be quiet about that, it's an immoral thing to do. I got to talk to you about Christ.

I hope you'll recognize I am a courier for Christ. It is the only reason I'm still on the planet, and I got to speak up for Christ. Turn in your Bibles, if you would, to Colossians, Chapter 4. As we see the apostle Paul lay out the instructions for us, the roadmap. And he says, listen, guys, here is what it's all about. There's some guidelines for us. Here's how we do it.

And it will be no surprise to you as you start in verse three and you read about Paul's heart of bringing the message to a lost world. It will not be a surprise to you that he's going to talk about prayer first. We've already seen in verse two that it ought to be the theme of the Christian life. We ought to be devoted to prayer. It ought to be the thing that's constantly and habitually happening chronically in our life, that we're constantly going to God. We see our reliance upon him for everything.

But then he turns his attention to the core task of the Christian, and he says, you know what? One thing you need to be praying about most ardently is evangelism. And here's how he puts it. Look at it with me in verse number three, he says, and pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message.

So I pray for non-Christians, like a lot of people in the Bible, the examples of scripture. I pray that people will be saved. And perhaps, like me, you've got a page in your prayer book, in your prayer list where there are names of people you know have not repented of their sins and put their trust in Christ. And you pray for them. You say, God, I want them to become Christians. Well, that's great, but it's not enough.

Paul shows us that the prayers that we need to have as couriers of Christ are much more specific than that. For instance, they need to be as specific as God. I need you to open up the opportunity. And not only that, I need to be able to successfully proclaim. Look at this next phrase that we may proclaim. The mystery of Christ. Key word, mystery of Christ. Could have chosen a lot of words. He chooses this word, the mystery of Christ.

And then he reminds us that this task of sharing the Gospel has a price tag. He says, you know what? In doing all that, you need to remember that's we.

Speaker 3

What?

Speaker 4

**Why I'm in Prison**

Paul writes this from prison. He says, "that's why I'm in chains." And then he goes on, just a preview of where we'll go. In verse four, he says, "and pray that I may proclaim it clearly, clearly as I should." He urges that our speech, our conversation, all our dialogue, be full of grace, seasoned with salt, so to speak, so that we may know how to answer everyone. Oh, he's concerned that Christians make the most of every opportunity, and it starts with praying for those opportunities. Look at verse 3: "That God may open a door for our message."

Turn with me to Second Corinthians, chapter 2. Notice in passages like this that the discussions in the Bible about open doors are a little bit different than the way we often discuss open doors. We talk about open doors often in terms of praying as a passive agent, hoping that God will show us something in some active way, that the door will swing open. Paul views it a little differently. His prayer for an open door does not come when he sits passively hoping that God will open a door for him. It comes as he's knocking, as he's pounding, as he's pushing to do what he knows he's called to do.

Look at it with me in Second Corinthians 2, verse 12. He says, "Now, when we went to Troas, the city in Asia Minor, we did it to preach the message of the Gospel of Christ." See, that's why he went. That was his purpose. He's constantly trying to do that. In the process of doing it, it says, "I found that the Lord had opened a door for me." His mentality was, "I'm constantly trying to share the Gospel." But then he runs into these people in Troas. Perhaps it was a synagogue full of Jews that said to Paul, "You know, we want to know more about this. What is this person about? Give us more information about the Gospel." And he now has an opportunity. He doesn't passively wait for an opportunity to arise; he's actively seeking opportunities.

In his seeking, God turns all of his agenda, all of his schedule into something that actually becomes profitable. Now, all of a sudden, wow, there's a door open for me. When Paul prays for an open door, he's not saying, "God, throw an evangelistic encounter in my lap." Sometimes that happens, but what he's really praying for here is, "God, as I seek to be a representative of Christ in this world, make some of it successful."

Drop down to verse 15: "For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing." Oh, some reject us, but then there are those people. The doors are opening. Those are the meetings where I know you've called me here. I try every door; I rattle every doorknob. But every now and then, God, you set up that divine appointment.

Number one on your outline: in your life, if you're a courier for Christ, you ought to be praying for divine appointments. Pray for them because they don't happen by chance. This is not happenstance. This is not just the circumstances of life. God is orchestrating your life, and he's trying to put you into situations where you will maximize the encounter, where it will be a divine appointment, where you have someone who is interested or receptive to the gospel. Pray for those encounters. Pray that on that list of people on your prayer list that you know don't know Christ, and maybe more I don't even know about, that God would create the divine appointment, put you in a situation with that person, and let this happen.

Now, this is a self-fulfilling prayer in many respects. Because when you, in the morning, get up and pray for divine appointments, guess what? You start looking for them. You start seeing them. You start wondering if maybe the reason you got stuck in this long line today is that you got to share the gospel with this person. Or maybe the reason you got put in the same class with this person that's on your prayer list that you've been praying for and you didn't know you'd be connected is because it's your divine appointment with them to share the gospel.

Maybe the delayed flight out of Orange County airport, and there you are stuck for four hours in the lobby, is not just a situation where God's trying to frustrate your life. Maybe he's putting you next to some folks to talk to them about Christ. You need to look for the divine appointments. And it starts by each morning praying for the divine appointments. Like Paul, we need to constantly be saying, "God, open up that door for me today as a courier of Christ, as a representative of you, as an ambassador. Man, put me in the path of people that need to hear the gospel."

Jot this reference down, if you would. It needs to be on the front page of your daytimer: Proverbs 16:9. Make sure you understand this truth of Scripture. Proverbs 16:9 says, "In his heart, a man plans his course." We make our plans; we schedule our days. But it says, "but Yahweh, the Lord, determines a man's steps." You can plan all you want, but in reality, what we need to be sensitive to as Christians, as followers of God, is that we need to be sensitive to those divine appointments. God is directing my course.

If my car breaks down, maybe it's because God wants me to share with a mechanic. Maybe it's because God wants me to share with the tow truck driver. See, we've got to start looking for the divine appointments. "God, help me see them and provide more of them in my life." When you see that this is your calling, man, you're going to look for them; you're going to go after them. Sometimes they just fall in our lap.

You ever been on an airplane reading the Bible? Somebody asks, "What are you reading?" Divine appointment. Have you ever had those? It's a reminder to us when they periodically are so undeniable and so obvious that God wants to use us as spokesmen for him down here on this planet. Paul says, "Listen, pray for the open door."

Secondly, I want to pray for those open doors so that we may proclaim, look what it says, "the mystery of the Gospel, the mystery of Christ." Now, he could have said a lot of things. He could have said the message of Christ. He could have said the gospel of Christ, the good news of Christ, the truth of Christ. But he says that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ.

Now, it's interesting that from time to time in the scripture, the gospel is described as the mystery of Christ. The mystery of Christ. Now, the message of Christ, it's not all that complicated. I mean, really, you explain it slowly; a third grader could understand it. The problem is you can share the message logically; you can share the message articulately with a PhD in our planet, and he won't get it. It will be a mystery. It will be shrouded in questions. He will not comprehend it.

Why is that? Let me give you some answers. Look with me at Second Corinthians, chapter 4, verse number 3. Paul says, "I know that I go out there and I share the gospel with people. And a lot of times it is just not comprehended." Well, I want you to know when our gospel is veiled, look at verse 3. He says, "Even when our Gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing." Look at the next verse: "the God," big G, small G. Which is it? Small G, the God of this age. See, Satan, the one who's out here running things amok in the world, he is blinding the eyes or the minds of unbelievers so that they cannot see the light of the gospel, of the glory of Christ who is in the image of God.

See, the problem is every time we talk to somebody about Christ, there is a spiritual battle going on. In a sense, it's like we're giving them this riddle, this mystery that they're not quite comprehending. They don't get it. Paul really elaborated on this and elucidated on this in First Corinthians. Look, as you would back at First Corinthians, chapter 2. He says the same thing and expands on the fact that the problem is it is a spiritual deficiency, a spiritual deficit. They don't get it because they don't have the spirit of God in their life.

So you need the spirit of God actively working in your mind to let you comprehend this thing. The second thing we need to pray is we need to think about proclaiming successfully the mystery of Christ. Number two on your outline: for them, we need to be praying for spiritual insight. Spiritual insight, or maybe you might want to put spiritual sight. They need to see, and they're not going to see without God in their life. So you need to recognize that when we're sharing the gospel with people, they are not going to see this. They are not going to get this.

Speaker 3

We.

Speaker 4

Unless God is involved. That's why all the presentations in the world, all the apologetics, all the rationale, all the logic, all the PowerPoint, all the gospel tracts, all the books, they're not going to work. The verses you give them are not going to work unless God opens their eyes. Pray for spiritual insight for those on your non-Christian list.

And lastly, look at this last phrase in verse three; he says, "for which I am in chains." Now that kind of puts a damper on this whole thing, okay? We're thinking, oh, getting charged up, going to pray for divine appointments. We're going to pray for spiritual sight in the lives of our non-Christian friends and family. Ah, fantastic. And then Paul says, "just want to remind you, that's what got me in jail," right? That's why I'm in stocks. I shared the gospel. Now I'm in prison. Great.

Well, you know what? He doesn't ask us for prayer here about that, but he does in many other places in his writings. Paul's often writing, "pray for us, pray for our situation. Pray for me to be able to endure this." Let me give you one example. In Second Corinthians, chapter one, he asks people, he says, "listen, you guys need to pray for me because in my course of sharing the gospel, I've incurred a lot of opposition." By the way, that often goes hand in hand. When the opportunities and the situations to share the gospel arise, there's always opposition. And Paul says, "that's just the way it works."

But realize this: the response to that is more prayer, more reliance on God. In Matthew, chapter 10, when Jesus talks to the disciples and he's sending them out for the first time to go share the gospel, he's giving them instructions about going out. He gives them this great instruction in Matthew 10. He says, "by the way, I want to tell you I'm sending you out as sheep among wolves." He says, "be on guard against men because they will deliver you over to the councils. They will have you flogged in their synagogues." Have fun sharing the gospel this week, right?

But then he says this: "But don't worry when you get arrested," he says, "and when you get thrown in prison, don't be afraid of what you're going to say because at that..."

Speaker 3

Time the spirit of your father will speak through you.

Speaker 4

An incredible combination of truths. There is going to be struggle in this world as couriers for Christ. There will be great opposition. But when you face that opposition, the great thing is call on God and.

Speaker 3

God will be there.

Speaker 4

Call on God and he will give you strength. Call on God, he will give you endurance. Number three on your outline for yourself as you become a courier for Christ: pray for supernatural strength.

Because our tendency is to try this stuff and find others' opposition. Someone at work slaps our hands, someone in the neighborhood ostracizes us, and someone starts to think we're a kook, so we withdraw. Well, you know, just live my life and maybe someone will come—a Christian. No, don't do that.

Keep at it and rely on God. Go back to your homes, get back in your closets, and pray, saying, "God, give me strength."

Speaker 1

We're looking for the divine appointment and opportunities to share Christ. An encouraging message from Pastor Mike Favarez on Focal Point today. To hear this complete message, look for three prayers. Your non-Christian friends need you to pray when you go to focalpointradio.org. When you're ready and available, you don't have to worry about bringing up your faith with others. God can orchestrate chance meetings that can lead to spiritual conversations as you go about your day. And who knows, you might even be tapped today to pave the way for someone looking for God.

Perhaps you're feeling daunted that someone might ask a question you can't answer. Maybe you hold back a bit for that very reason. Well, even when you don't have all the answers, you can help others find them with a resource we're featuring this month. It's called Nelson's Quick Reference, Chapter by Chapter Bible Commentary. The Nelson's Quick Reference Commentary is a resource you'll turn to again and again as you study the Bible and grow in your faith. It's compact, easy to understand, and has something to say about every single chapter of the Bible. Plus, the practical insights are tailor-made for sharing.

Request your copy of the Nelson's Bible Commentary when you give a financial gift online at focalpointradio.org or when you call us at 888-320-5885. That's 888-320-5885.

Now, if you have a Bible question for Pastor Mike Favarez, we'd love to hear it. Contact us online at focalpointradio.org. You can also post your question at facebook.com/pastormike or twitter.com/pastormike. I'm Dave Droueh, wishing you a restful weekend ahead. We look forward to meeting you back again on Monday when Mike Fabarez continues our Roman study on Focal Point. Today's program was produced and sponsored by Focal Point Ministries.

Speaker 3

RA.