Ask Pastor Mike Live

Focal Point Ministries: You're on the air with Mike Fabarez. How can I help?

Jeremy: Yes. Hi, Pastor Mike. Can you hear me okay?

Focal Point Ministries: I can hear you just fine.

Jeremy: Okay, yes, sir. The question I had is similar to the gentleman that called in before the previous lady that called in concerning marriage.

Focal Point Ministries: Okay. What's going on?

Jeremy: Before I got married, I was having this feeling stirring up in my spirit. This woman and I had been off and on previous, and she has children with two different men.

Before we got married, she had left to the state she's from. I was having dreams. I believe the Holy Ghost was giving me dreams, and then it ended up coming to light after we got married that she was talking to her child's father, as well as other men. I'm not sure what to do at this point.

Focal Point Ministries: Okay, so you're still married to this gal, Jeremy, right?

Jeremy: Yes, sir. I just haven't been living at home. We haven't been living together for about six months now.

Focal Point Ministries: Okay. And her conversation with these exes, is it romantic and amorous, or is it just about the children or something?

Jeremy: Yes, sir. She tried to have him pick her up from the airport and sneak around, but it fell through.

Focal Point Ministries: Okay, but you've confronted her on that?

Jeremy: Yes, exactly.

Focal Point Ministries: And did she deny it?

Jeremy: Yes. She tried to make excuses to cover it when she was caught.

Focal Point Ministries: Okay. But you're pretty sure that this is not the first time, right? I mean, this is something that seems to be part of the pattern of her character?

Jeremy: Yes, sir. As well as when we're separated, her and her child's father were engaged in a relationship. They had stopped and then she and I got back together. After we got married, all these things came to light.

Focal Point Ministries: Well, if there's a continual unfaithfulness without repentance, that's why Jesus addresses in Matthew 19 the fact that marriage is supposed to be a commitment of leaving father and mother, cleaving to your spouse, being in a one-flesh relationship, and staying that way. What God has joined together, you shouldn't separate.

They speak in this passage and ask Jesus questions. He says if you were to divorce your spouse, unless it was for sexual immorality, and married another, that would be bad. That would be like you just sleeping around. But it's not when there is marital unfaithfulness, and particularly the kind like you're describing to me, Jeremy, with your wife, who doesn't seem to be interested in stopping any of this for the sake of her marriage with you.

So I think you lay down the law, as it sounds like you may have already done. You say on the authority of Matthew 19:9, you're going to dissolve this relationship, and you're going to have to move forward. That complicates life in a lot of ways depending on how long you've been with her and all the rest. It's not fun and it's not good, but it may be necessary for a wife that's not interested in being married to you in a singular devoted way.

In that sense, you're just going to have to move forward with the pain of an amputation, because that's really what divorce is. It's an amputation of a relationship that was never supposed to be amputated. But in this case, Jesus says you're allowed to do it because you've got a wife who is unrepentant in her philandering and her adultery.

Jeremy: Yes, sir.

Focal Point Ministries: That's sad. I would say I would do everything in your power to try and get her to repent, to stop, and to be faithful to you, and be under the same household without all of this other stuff going on with these other men.

But if she's not willing to do that, then you really don't have much of a choice here other than to say if you're not going to live as my wife, you're going to have to live as my ex-wife, because I don't know what else to do. This is what marriage is supposed to be—not you living at another address and trying to make do with your life as a married guy living in two different addresses.

Jeremy: Yes, sir.

Focal Point Ministries: I think you're going to have to have one last conversation with her to make sure that she is not ready to make this completely right. Her repentance over this needs to be as notorious as her sin, even more so. She needs to be clear with you that this is never going to happen again and that she is completely devoted to you, and that you are going to be able to have the access you need to be able to police her actions because of her past.

That's just going to have to happen. If she's not willing to do that, then she's not interested in changing her ways. Then, of course, I do think you're going to have to look at Matthew 19 and say on the authority of Christ himself, I've got to move forward. If you are designed to be married, then that's what you're going to have to be and you're going to have to find a wife that's going to be faithful to you if you have an unfaithful wife.

Jeremy: Yes, sir. Thank you so much, Pastor Mike.

Focal Point Ministries: That's hard, and I bet just like I've said previously, there are a lot of people praying for you listening to this program right now.