Ask Pastor Mike Live

Pastor Mike: She says she needs advice because, Amy, you say you and your husband are unsure how to engage with your parents who are Roman Catholic. Several years of going back and forth have produced feelings of frustration and anger. Most conversations are over text where your dad will send heretical excerpts and false information about God.

Number one, let's start with the divide between Roman Catholics and Protestants. It's based on understanding; it's not a misunderstanding. No matter what liberal Pope might be in office, there are clear distinctions about the Christian life, justification, sanctification, forgiveness, sin, and many other things. Is there agreement? Absolutely. There is plenty of agreement between Protestants and Catholics. We agree on the divinity of Christ, the Trinity, and many great things morally, such as the problem of abortion.

However, you get liberal Popes in there who start saying crazy things about moral issues that I wouldn't agree with. The writings in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, the most recent doctrinal exposé of the Roman Catholic Vatican, contain plenty that I, as a Protestant, wholeheartedly agree with. Yet, there is also a lot that I don't agree with, specifically concerning how one gets saved, understands their sin, and understands the Christian life.

That distinction was made very clear 500 years ago, creating what we know now as the Protestant Church. You should know that the Protestant Church did not start with people trying to protest; they were trying to reform the church. While Reformation theology and Reformed theology mean something different today, the Reformation was a sincere effort to reform doctrine that had deviated from Scripture in the Roman Catholic Church. It failed to reform the original church but instead created a segment of Christians who wanted to be biblical rather than listening to Rome.

The creation of the printing press helped propagate Scripture and increase literacy. People began comparing the Bible to what the Roman Catholic cardinals, the Pope, and their priests were saying. They could see the gap between the practice of the church and the writings of Scripture. Therefore, if you move to a biblical position, you are essentially aligning with the Protestants. I don't start conversations by saying I’m a Protestant; I say I’m in the heritage of those who tried to reform the church. Evangelical Christians believe our sole authority is the Bible, which is the definition of Protestantism.

Amy, you and your husband are talking to your Roman Catholic parents. Many Roman Catholics don't fight with Protestants because they don't care or don't know the differences, but it sounds like your parents are hardcore. As such, they see the gap between your beliefs and theirs. I give them credit for that, and I give you credit for not trying to blur the line. The distinctions established during the Reformation and Counter-Reformation still stand today. While some Catholics may be changing on moral issues, they are not changing their doctrinal stance.

The core problem is that they believe the church gets to decide what doctrine is, whereas we believe the Bible decides. They criticize the Protestant view, questioning how everyone can figure it out for themselves and suggesting it should be left to the priests, church tradition, or the magisterium. I understand and can respond to all of that, but your question is about how to handle the hurt feelings, frustration, and anger caused by engaging in this debate.

There is no way around telling someone that we understand God, the church, and authority differently because we are Sola Scriptura, "Bible-alone" Christians. In that sense, we are protesting against the Roman Catholic Church's view. There will naturally be hurt feelings and frustration. Think of it like a disagreement over the moon landing or a flat earth at a Thanksgiving table. If half the people hold fundamentally different convictions, you are going to have conflict.

Imagine how much greater the conflict is when the disagreement is about God, salvation, and eternal life. We are debating issues like purgatory, Mary as a co-redemptrix, and the efficacy of confession and penance. This will inevitably cause problems. Amy, I don't know if I can help you avoid the conflict itself. However, when the Bible tells us to give a reason for the hope within us, it says to do so with gentleness and respect. You should gently remind your husband to remain gentle and respectful, even though you are unyielding in your Protestant understanding of truth.

This is critical. Be as respectful as you can. At some point, the Bible says we should not answer a fool according to his folly, lest we be like him. I don't mean to be pejorative, but I am quoting Scripture. There are times when someone is intractable about their views, whether they are Mormon, Jehovah's Witness, or Orthodox. When the differences are that deep, it might not be worth having the debate. If your parents want to keep throwing bombs over the wall, you have to decide if it is even worth a response.

Men often feel that silence is a capitulation to the other person's view, and your husband likely wants to make his position clear. However, there is an easy way to say, "I don't agree with that, but let's talk about the Dodgers." I don't have a problem with silence or a short answer. If they are absolutely implacable and unwilling to discuss things reasonably, it may be time to stop talking theology on your text threads.

If you and your husband feel you must answer the issues they raise, do so simply, directly, and respectfully. Avoid pejorative or hurtful language, and then move on. If someone says the sky is green, you can simply say, "No, it's blue; we are convinced it's blue," and then change the subject. My simplified advice is to be more brief in your responses and advise your husband to do the same. I would also suggest having your husband call me; I'd like to hear his perspective on why this continues to be such a recurring issue.