Ask Pastor Mike Live

Pastor Mike: Veronica, you're on the air with Pastor Mike. How can I help?

Veronica: Hey, Pastor Mike. How are you? Thanks for taking the call, and I've been a long time listener.

Pastor Mike: Good.

Veronica: Okay. More on the Christian life. Um my question is um more from in marriage. I've We've only been married about a year and a half. Um and before we were married, just say um there's been many issues, but before we were married um we went We watched a movie. So if we're talking about a particular movie entertainment, um didn't know going to the movie, Oppenheimer, that there was going to be so many long drawn out sexual scenes. Yeah? Um until we You know, I put my head down. He had his face covered. And you know, they just keep going on.

I didn't particularly enjoy the movie. Um he seemed not to. He didn't want to recommend it. I'm only calling here to ask because I don't know a proper response inside. I was surprised. It is kind of a little unnerving um because this isn't, you know, the first time something like this. But anyway, so then he had stated he watched it again on his own um because he travels a lot and due to his status that are my church and our whole community thing. Um I don't really have comfort in asking anybody there like what is a good response?

Is it okay? He said he just fast forward past the scenes. Um he knows when to click past the scenes but finds it to be an important movie.

Pastor Mike: Right. Well, you know, here is a help that at least the world tries to give us in giving us some advisory. I'm just looking at it right now. I looked it up. And it says if you're watching uh this movie that you've mentioned, Oppenheimer, it says um Oppenheimer, rather. Uh it says yeah, there are um It says there's warning about sexual content, mature themes uh advisable to uh look at parental guides, blah blah blah blah blah. So yeah, at least in any movie that's put out today, I mean, our culture is still giving some kind of rating as to how uh sexually charged this is or what mature themes are.

And you can always go to, you know, these parental guides or these common sense media guides and find out how bad it's going to be before you choose to watch it. Uh plenty of movies I can think about that um you know, I I wouldn't watch just because I I try to completely avoid those kinds of things, but on flights across the Atlantic or whatever, they're on a lot of times the airplane and they're all edited, and which is great, right? I guess cuz they don't want the 13 year old sitting next to you to see those scenes.

And so I've ended up watching some of these that have been been edited. And so I do think it's a good idea, especially uh if we know our weaknesses, to avoid things that are going to um you know, uh tempt us to think things we shouldn't think. So I do think that a wife can say to a husband, and I think this is absolutely legitimate. I mean, this is what marriage sometimes ends up being in so many situations is a wife saying to a husband, I'm not comfortable with you watching that anymore. And And or I'm not comfortable with us watching this, and I don't want you to watch it.

And I think that's fine. We give up our rights, as Romans chapter 14 says, even if even if his conscience was clear and he can somehow just avoid all that uh if his wife is going to say, hey, I don't want you doing it, uh we end up saying because I love you, I won't do it. And I think that's that's a completely appropriate thing to do. And we had to pull that trigger, you know, carefully and advisably and and and and on issues that matter. And sometimes uh you know, it it won't be worth it for every single mature theme cuz it might be warfare or something that we can read our Bibles or imagine or see and think, ah this isn't going to mess up my sanctification.

Uh but obviously, you know, scenes of beautiful women without their clothes on can can certainly mess up a man's sanctification. So for a wife to say if a man isn't recognizing that's not good spiritual appetite for his recreational viewing, he should realize that his wife's going to say no. And I would assume he would respond well to that. And if not, I'd say it again. And uh then he stands on his own before God. And I think God will uh deal with him appropriately because when a wife says don't do it and a guy's going to do it anyway, particularly if she says it twice, I don't think he's going to get away with it as a real Christian without some discipline from God.

So I would trust God in that and I would try to trust your husband in that in in responding rightly to your request. But you I think you have every right to request that, right? Absolutely.

Veronica: Yeah. Yeah. I I guess cuz we another pastor friend had suggested he was going to take his wife and we said, oh, probably want to pick a different movie. I had no idea. Um but then he said he went and watched it again and fast forwarded once once the parts came on and up. It just didn't make It didn't make sense. So I don't understand. But there's there's other issues going on and just didn't know where to

Pastor Mike: Yeah. Well, be be forthright.

Veronica: But yeah, I don't think the response was necessarily to to comply but more like, well, you watched a basketball movie with with with some cursing in it. So um yeah, it yeah. Okay.

Pastor Mike: Well, there's a big difference, right? Between

Veronica: I I I agree.

Pastor Mike: Right. Some of the language that we we are faced with, we can't stand You can't control him. That's true. And women should not seek to control their husbands, and husbands can't control their wives. But as Christians, we certainly can make a statement and God then I think will hold us accountable for it.

Veronica: Okay. Okay, thank you. Yeah, I didn't know where to where what do you do with the surprise inside and it's a defense instead of a hey, you know, I can see that. Okay.

Pastor Mike: Well, remember the book of the Song of Solomon and even the Proverbs say so often, your job, right? Is to make him not have any interest in anyone else. And this is your tenderness, your sweetness, your your sexuality, your your married. You're his wife. According to 1 Corinthians 7, you are to be the fulfillment of of all that he needs. And you just, you know, leaning into that certainly is helpful uh with anything he might see throughout the day on a billboard, right?

Veronica: Yes. Yes. And Yes. And he he pretty much ignores everything. So anyway, a lot deeper, not more deep.

Pastor Mike: Okay. It sounds like it may be deeper. May need a counseling appointment to work through some of the details of that.

Veronica: Yes. And yeah, we have. And that was just one particular thing that I was I didn't feel like I was, you know, should be made to feel that I was wrong on with you know, it didn't sit well. But that that's We'll just fast forward.

Pastor Mike: Mhm. Yeah. Well, and it's okay because Um Well, let me make a larger statement. And I 'm not saying there's not more steps to make, but it could be. And this is a bigger statement, and I don't want to go dark or negative, but you can have as a wife or as a husband a situation where all that is possible to be done has been done. You've prayed, you've pleaded with God, you've sought counsel, you've done all you can do, and you still find yourself in a situation saying this is not the ideal marriage. This is not what I wanted.

This is not what I thought I was signing up for. But you're in this relationship, much like Hosea and Gomer in the Old Testament, to try and glorify the Lord by your commitment. And And here's the deal. We all have a cross to bear. Some of us have physical pains or diseases, and some of us have you know, whatever it might be. And some of us may have difficult marriages. And if that's the case, right? Then God would say just like he said to Paul in 2 Corinthians chapter 13 um or chapter 12 rather, he says, my grace is sufficient for you.

I can I can buoy you up and keep you afloat and and keep you living for me faithfully even when life is difficult, even when your marriage is hard. And And it may be. It takes two to have a good marriage, really. It does. But it takes one to be able to do all things through Christ who strengthens me, whether I have a lot or a little, right? Whether I am sick or or healthy or whether I'm in a good marriage or a bad marriage. So trust in the Lord. You can get through this even if the next 60 years or 50 years or however young you are, how much time you have left as a faithful wife to a man that maybe he's not making all the decisions that he should be making, you still can thrive as a Christian and be a great blessing to him, to your kids if you have some, and to everyone that you know in your church and in the world.

That is something God can do, and he's great at taking people in less than ideal circumstances and almost every character in the Bible we find, right? The narratives tell us about how imperfect and how difficult some of these people's lives were. So hang in there. Uh don't lose heart. You need to stay. Uh you need to reread old fourth chapter of Philippians, which I think we Christians reread a lot and find yourself in those pages and say you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. Hang in there, Veronica. Okay?

Veronica: Okay. Will do.

Pastor Mike: Okay. Thank you for the call.