Adventures in Odyssey

Host (Female): Hi, this is Chris. Welcome to Adventures in Odyssey.

Guest (Male): Eugene Meltsner here inviting you to join today's assemblage of characters and myself for an extended period of discovery, imagination and exhilaration, excitement that is. Welcome to Adventures in Odyssey.

Guest (Male): I have my new truck. I'm happy with my new truck.

Guest (Male): Smells more like artificially induced pine scent. Do you act?

Guest (Male): This is our candidate for Caspio.

Guest (Female): Daddy thinks so.

Guest (Male): All right, rohm rohm. You're Bollywood, here we come.

Guest (Male): What's that noise?

Guest (Male): Ladies and gentlemen, don't forget our On the Lot Blowout special. That's our only Big Bargain Bill's Used Car Barn. It's offering a previously owned.

Guest (Male): Rear defogger, rear bed accessories, destination fees of $234, taxes.

Guest (Male): All right, Eugene, everything signed, sealed and delivered.

Guest (Male): Let's go.

Guest (Male): Mr. Walton, I was just working out a few calculations.

Guest (Male): Just take a deep breath, Eugene. There's nothing like the smell of a new pickup truck. It's heaven. Smells more like artificially induced pine scent and upholstery cleaner.

Guest (Male): And it's a previously owned pickup, I might add.

Guest (Male): At 10,000 miles, it may as well be new, and it's new to me. Big Bargain Bill drove this truck himself.

Guest (Male): Listen to that baby purr.

Guest (Male): Please refresh my memory. You and Big Bargain Bill are friends from whence?

Guest (Male): Odyssey High. We graduated together. He's the first person I thought of when I knew it was time to get a new truck. I'm glad I did too. I couldn't have gotten this kind of a price on a truck in Odyssey.

Guest (Male): Yes, interesting that you should mention that. I've been doing some calculations taking into consideration your time on the road, various expenses, lodging, food, projected expenses for our return, the price you were quoted for a truck in Odyssey and so on.

Guest (Male): And working them against the remarkable discount you got on this truck after you traded in your old one and...

Guest (Male): Yeah, what about it?

Guest (Male): Well, not counting any amount for time lost from your work in Odyssey, I'd estimate that you saved $17.43, being optimistic.

Guest (Male): Did I ask?

Guest (Male): No, but I...

Guest (Male): Eugene, you're about as much fun as a root canal.

Guest (Male): I simply wanted to point out...

Guest (Male): I don't care what you wanted to point out. I have my new truck. I'm happy with my new truck, and I don't need you ruining my happiness with nickel and dime thinking.

Guest (Male): You better just sit quiet for a while before you find yourself hitchhiking back to Odyssey.

Guest (Male): Yes, sir.

Guest (Male): Are we going back to Odyssey now?

Guest (Male): Well, in a roundabout way, yes. I was thinking I'd hate to come all this way and not stop in for a peek at the city of Glitz and Glamour.

Guest (Male): But we stopped at Disneyland on the way in.

Guest (Male): No, not Disneyland. Hollywood. It's not too far out of the way for at least a look over.

Guest (Male): I didn't consider that in my estimations on the cost of your truck.

Guest (Male): Put your calculator away, Eugene, or consider being stranded on the side of the interstate in your estimations.

Guest (Male): Oh.

Guest (Male): Then it's Hollywood, here we come.

Guest (Female): Find out what's going on in other parts of Odyssey.

Guest (Male): In the new elsewhere in Odyssey comic strip.

Guest (Female): You're serious.

Guest (Male): Catch up with some long-lost characters.

Guest (Female): With fully illustrated art.

Guest (Male): What a sight. In original stories.

Guest (Female): Oh, right.

Guest (Male): For the good of the theater. They've been here in town all along.

Guest (Female): But now you can read about what they've been up to.

Guest (Male): You are not going to believe this.

Guest (Female): Plus new surprises wait around every turn.

Guest (Male): It's nice to see you again.

Guest (Female): Glassman!

Guest (Male): The Elsewhere in Odyssey comic strip, a new weekly release, only in the Adventures in Odyssey Club.

Guest (Female): [Music]

Guest (Male): LA News Radio Time is 4:43. Now for a look at the weather.

Guest (Male): Am I supposed to turn right here? Coldwater Canyon. It's difficult to tell from this map.

Guest (Male): What's wrong with it? Supposed to tell us where all the big stars live in Beverly Hills.

Guest (Male): Turn off the radio, will you?

Guest (Male): I'm turning anyway. I think it said he lives up here.

Guest (Male): Which he are you trying to find now? I thought you were looking for Shirley Jones's house.

Guest (Male): I gave up on that. I'm trying to find Hipsen's house. It's on one of these little streets.

Guest (Male): Hipsen?

Guest (Male): Oh, yes, this is the correct street. Should be the one to uh, fifth house on the left.

Guest (Male): Oh great, we found one.

Guest (Male): Who pray tell is Hipsen?

Guest (Male): You don't know Hipsen? He was only the world's best cowboy singing star when I was growing up, that's all.

Guest (Male): A singing cowboy?

Guest (Male): Hipsen and the Lone Star Tumbleweeds. Best Matinee Westerns ever made.

Guest (Male): There's a third house, fourth driveway, and fifth driveway.

Guest (Male): You mean I can't see the house? What kind of a tour is this?

Guest (Male): Perhaps the stars like their privacy.

Guest (Male): Let me see that. I didn't drive all this way for them to be private. I mean, it's not like I wanted to have dinner with them or anything. I just want to see his house. Now I'm getting mad.

Guest (Male): Where are you going?

Guest (Male): It says on this map, the house is easily seen from the street.

Guest (Male): Well, I don't see the house. The only thing that's easily seen is that tennis court. Did Hipsen live on a tennis court?

Guest (Male): Don't be glib. I'm really bugged about this.

Guest (Male): May I see the map?

Guest (Male): Yeah, go ahead. It's the right address.

Guest (Male): What kind of town is this where you drive a thousand miles to look at a tennis court?

Guest (Male): Perhaps the problem is with this map. It's copyrighted 1957.

Guest (Male): What?

Guest (Male): See the small print on the bottom? Roman numerals, 1957. I suspect that Hipsen doesn't even live here anymore.

Guest (Male): I've been cheated.

Guest (Male): I'm sure you must be disappointed.

Guest (Male): Disappointed isn't the half of it. I wonder who lives here now.

Guest (Male): Perhaps one of the tumbleweeds?

Guest (Male): Wait in the truck, Eugene.

Guest (Male): If you insist.

Guest (Male): I don't think they put names on these gates.

Guest (Male): It's possible that they don't want pesty tourists to know who they are.

Guest (Male): I am not a pesty tourist.

Guest (Male): Drivers out of control, Eugene.

Guest (Male): Watch out!

Guest (Male): Where are we going?

Guest (Female): Let's put him over there on the sofa. I feel terrible. I'll be talking to my therapist about this for weeks.

Guest (Male): I'm perfectly all right. Honest, you don't have to carry me.

Guest (Female): We don't want to take any chances.

Guest (Male): I'd like to take a chance. My shoulder is killing me. You have the world's longest driveway.

Guest (Female): Gently, sit him down gently.

Guest (Male): Gently, right.

Guest (Female): Daddy!

Guest (Male): You're being terribly concerned for nothing, I assure you. You didn't hit me.

Guest (Male): Got a little too close to my truck though.

Guest (Female): Daddy!

Guest (Male): What's wrong, Kelsey?

Guest (Female): Oh, Daddy.

Guest (Male): What happened? Who are these people?

Guest (Female): It's all my fault. Let me make that clear.

Guest (Male): It was her fault.

Guest (Male): I'm all right.

Guest (Female): I came around the corner to our driveway just a teensy bit too fast.

Guest (Male): Breaking land speed records is more like it.

Guest (Female): I lost control and this poor man had to jump out of the way.

Guest (Male): Not again.

Guest (Male): You didn't wreck the car, did you?

Guest (Female): Oh no, I got stopped in time, but he leaped in the back of a pickup truck.

Guest (Male): My new pickup truck.

Guest (Male): You didn't scratch the side of it when you jumped in, did you?

Guest (Male): No, but I bumped my head.

Guest (Female): He bumped his head.

Guest (Male): All right, Kelsey, all right. Don't worry, Angela!

Guest (Female): Yes, sir.

Guest (Male): Call Dr. Keenan and get him up here right away.

Guest (Female): Yes, sir.

Guest (Male): I don't need a doctor.

Guest (Male): I want you checked over completely by my own personal physician. I don't want to take any chances with those quacks down at the hospital. I'm Foster Smitt Hammer, by the way. You met my daughter, Kelsey.

Guest (Male): Ran into us at the bottom of the driveway, so to speak.

Guest (Male): I'm Eugene. Are you Foster Smitt Hammer of Smitt Hammer Films?

Guest (Male): Oh, you know my films, huh?

Guest (Male): Only that a lot of organizations boycott them when they come to Odyssey.

Guest (Male): That's good for publicity. Are you all right, Kelsey?

Guest (Female): Better, thanks, but I want to talk to my therapist.

Guest (Male): You know, this is a beautiful house. Did it used to be closer to the road?

Guest (Male): What?

Guest (Male): Well, the map said this is supposed to be Hipsen's house.

Guest (Male): I never heard of him.

Guest (Male): Oh.

Guest (Female): Yes, you have, Daddy. Remember the little plaque on the tennis court? It said something about Hood Hipsen or whoever.

Guest (Male): I'd like to see that. I had that removed. Angela! What about Dr. Keenan?

Guest (Female): He's on his way, sir.

Guest (Male): I don't need a doctor.

Guest (Male): Yes, you do. And I insist that you both make yourselves at home until we get this matter settled, all right?

Guest (Male): Is that a hot tub back there?

Guest (Male): Yeah. Would you like to go in while we wait for the doctor?

Guest (Male): I couldn't. I've never been in one before, but I really couldn't oppose.

Guest (Male): Just for a few minutes maybe.

Guest (Male): Angela!

Guest (Female): Yes, sir.

Guest (Male): Show Mr. What's your name?

Guest (Male): Bernard Walton. Call me Bernard.

Guest (Male): Right. Show Bernie here to the guest room so we can get in some swimming trunks for the hot tub, huh?

Guest (Female): Yes, sir. This way, please.

Guest (Male): Are you going to be all right, Eugene?

Guest (Male): Well, I suppose so, but it's a lot of bother.

Guest (Male): Great, see you later.

Guest (Female): Daddy, did you notice Eugene's profile?

Guest (Male): No, what about it?

Guest (Female): Take a look. Don't you think he has the most absolutely perfect look for...

Guest (Female): For Caspio.

Guest (Male): Hey, good thinking, baby.

Guest (Male): Caspio?

Guest (Male): Yeah, he's a character in my new movie.

Guest (Male): Is that Shakespearean?

Guest (Male): Sort of. It's called Biker Bimbos from Belleview, Go Bonkers.

Guest (Male): Obviously a philosophical work.

Guest (Male): You know, you have a great look, Eugene. Caspio is, well, he's a nerdy, corrupt accountant for the rival biker gang.

Guest (Male): Do you act?

Guest (Male): Once or twice.

Guest (Female): Daddy, we have to get him down to the studio for a screen test. We have to.

Guest (Male): Yeah. I think it's a great idea, as long as Dr. Keenan gives Eugene a clean bill of health, of course.

Guest (Male): Well, I'll want to get the results on these blood and tissue samples and the x-rays before giving him a clean bill of health.

Guest (Male): But I don't think a screen test would be harmful.

Guest (Female): Did you hear that, Eugene?

Guest (Male): I did, but I'm still wondering how he got the x-ray machine in his van.

Guest (Male): Kelsey, I have a production meeting this afternoon. How about if I call Lance at the studio, tell him to stay put until you get there with Eugene?

Guest (Female): He won't be happy about it. It's dinner time, you know.

Guest (Male): Honey, look. I pay him a lot of money to direct my films, and the occasional sacrifice is part of his job. You can stop by Shay Beverly on the way. Pick him up something to eat. He'll like that.

Guest (Female): Okay, let's go, Eugene.

Guest (Male): But what about Mr. Walton?

Guest (Male): Angela put him in the hot tub. You don't have to worry about him.

Guest (Male): But to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure I want to be in a movie about biker bimbos.

Guest (Male): Don't be ridiculous. Everybody wants to be in the movies now. You drive carefully, Kelsey.

Guest (Female): Always, Daddy.

Guest (Male): All right, rohm rohm. You're gently down. Merely, merely, merely. Life is but a dream, a dream, a dream, a dream. I could get used to this.

Guest (Female): Who are you?

Guest (Male): Where do you come from?

Guest (Female): I just got home from shopping. Who are you?

Guest (Male): I'm Bernard Walton.

Guest (Female): Do you work with my Daddy?

Guest (Male): Not exactly. Who are you?

Guest (Female): I'm Tammy. If you don't work with my Daddy, then why are you in our hot tub?

Guest (Male): Well, your sister nearly hit my...

Guest (Female): Kelsey isn't my sister.

Guest (Male): She isn't? But isn't your daddy...

Guest (Female): Yeah, but Kelsey isn't my sister. She's my stepsister by my daddy's first marriage.

Guest (Male): Oh.

Guest (Female): And I'm his daughter by his third marriage.

Guest (Male): I see. Well, Tammy, it's nice to meet you.

Guest (Female): Haven't you ever seen me before?

Guest (Male): No, I can't say that I have.

Guest (Female): Don't you watch TV?

Guest (Male): No, not much.

Guest (Female): I played Samantha on A is Something Else when I was three. When I was five, I was Jessica on House Full of Family. And then I played Rachel on Who's Side Are You On? That was when I was six and a half. And then I was Kimberly.

Guest (Male): That's a lot of television work. How old are you?

Guest (Female): Nine. What do you do?

Guest (Male): Me? I'm a window washer and all around maintenance guy.

Guest (Female): On what show?

Guest (Male): No, in real life.

Guest (Female): Oh, sorry. Sometimes I forget that people do things like that in real life.

Guest (Male): Yeah, well, if you work on TV all the time, when do you do normal things?

Guest (Female): Normal things?

Guest (Male): Oh, you know, like go to school, play with your friends, read stories.

Guest (Female): I have a tutor on the set. I don't have any friends and I don't have time to read anything but scripts.

Guest (Male): I see. You don't read stories, huh?

Guest (Female): Nope.

Guest (Male): Anybody ever tell you stories?

Guest (Female): Only my agent when he explains the script to me.

Guest (Male): Oh, well, I'm not a bad storyteller. You want to hear one?

Guest (Female): What kind of story? Was it ever a movie or a TV show?

Guest (Male): No.

Guest (Female): Then I'm not interested.

Guest (Male): Why not?

Guest (Female): Because my daddy says that if a story isn't made into a movie or a TV show, it's not worth hearing.

Guest (Male): Your daddy said that, did he?

Guest (Female): Uh-huh.

Guest (Male): Far be it from me to disagree with your daddy.

Guest (Female): Excuse me, Tammy. Mr. Walton.

Guest (Male): Yes?

Guest (Female): Dinner will be served shortly if you'd like to get ready now.

Guest (Male): Dinner?

Guest (Female): Mr. Smith Hammer made it very clear that you're to be treated like a house guest until further notice.

Guest (Male): Oh. I wonder what that means.

Guest (Female): That means until he doesn't want you around anymore.

Guest (Male): I see. Well, considering Eugene's people skills, I better eat fast.

Guest (Female): Michelle! Good to see you. What a fantastic outfit. I'd look like a tramp in it, but you look wonderful.

Guest (Female): She's on Days and Nights in Beverly Hills, as if I needed to tell you.

Guest (Male): Actually, I don't watch very much television.

Guest (Female): Oh, you're not missing anything. She's awful.

Guest (Male): Pardon me, Kelsey, but weren't we going straight to the studio?

Guest (Female): Aren't you hungry?

Guest (Male): Yes, but I got the impression that the director...

Guest (Female): Lance Lincoln. He is a sourpuss.

Guest (Male): Should we keep him waiting? Shouldn't we order his food and take it to him right away?

Guest (Female): Don't be so mega tight, Eugene. Relax. Bradley, you naughty boy. You owe me a phone call, right? Don't you forget. Bradley just signed a four-year contract with Paramount Universal. They think he'll be the next Redford. Hi, Sandy, serve up.

Guest (Male): You seem to know a lot of people.

Guest (Female): Anybody who's worth knowing.

Guest (Female): Ah.

Guest (Male): Angela, that was one of the best meals I've had in ages. I'm not just saying that because I've been traveling either. It was delicious.

Guest (Female): Thank you, sir.

Guest (Male): Bernard, not sir. Just Bernard.

Guest (Female): Thank you, Bernard.

Guest (Male): Did you like the food, Tammy?

Guest (Female): Yeah, it was okay.

Guest (Male): Well, then maybe you should thank Angela for fixing it.

Guest (Female): Why should I? We paid her. She does her job.

Guest (Male): Because it's the polite thing to do.

Guest (Female): And if I don't?

Guest (Male): Then then I won't tell you the story I was going to tell you about a great prince who disguised himself for a secret mission. It's been made into a bunch of movies.

Guest (Female): Really? Thank you, Angela. That was a wonderful meal.

Guest (Female): You're welcome, Tammy.

Guest (Female): Now, what about that story?

Guest (Male): Okay. Well, the whole thing started in a faraway country with a young girl named Mary. Now, she was a good girl, so good that an angel came to visit her.

Guest (Female): You mean like in the movie, It's a Wonderful Life?

Guest (Male): Yeah, well, sort of. Anyway, an angel from God came to visit her with some important news.

Guest (Female): A real angel? Like Carey Grant in The Bishop's Wife, or was it really a space alien like in Attack of the Body Snatchers?

Guest (Male): No, it's a real angel, but not like Carey Grant. It was like an angel. Don't you know what an angel is?

Guest (Female): No.

Guest (Male): This is going to be harder than I thought.

Guest (Female): Soundstage 17. Now it's time for your big screen test.

Guest (Male): So this is our candidate for Caspio?

Guest (Female): Daddy thinks so.

Guest (Male): Well, if your father thinks so, then I think so, of course. Why even test him? I've only been waiting for the past two hours.

Guest (Female): Oh, and I forgot your salad at Shay Beverly.

Guest (Male): Well, it was a thought that counts. Sit down in that chair, Hubert.

Guest (Male): Eugene, whatever you do, don't look at that camera over there.

Guest (Male): What camera?

Guest (Male): I said don't look at it.

Guest (Male): Sorry.

Guest (Male): This is a screen test to see how you look and sound.

Guest (Male): And if I can act?

Guest (Male): Well, it doesn't much matter for these films. Now, repeat this line. No bulldog, I didn't cheat you. I just hid the money in the pajamas for safekeeping.

Guest (Male): Okay, roll camera.

Guest (Male): Roll camera.

Guest (Male): Roll camera.

Guest (Male): What's my attitude?

Guest (Male): That you want to be in this film. Just say the line, Mr. Olivier.

Guest (Male): Eugene.

Guest (Male): Say it.

Guest (Male): No bulldog, I didn't cheat you. I just hid the money in the pajamas for safekeeping.

Guest (Male): Okay, cut.

Guest (Male): Cut.

Guest (Male): Dismiss the crew. We're going home.

Guest (Male): Everyone go home now.

Guest (Male): Everyone go home now.

Guest (Female): You were great, Eugene. I knew you would be.

Guest (Male): But that's it?

Guest (Male): That's it, baby. Like I said, if you're good enough for Foster Smith Hammer, you're good enough for me. I'll be in touch with your agent.

Guest (Male): Well, I don't have an agent.

Guest (Male): Then get one and I'll be in touch with him.

Guest (Male): But...

Guest (Male): Great stars of Hollywood. The Hollywood history of the world. Day in the life of Hollywood. Don't they have anything but books about Hollywood? Where are the classics? Anything.

Guest (Female): Mr. Walton?

Guest (Male): Oh. Please, just call me Bernard, Angela.

Guest (Female): Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot. Tammy is ready for bed and has requested that you come finish your story about the great prince.

Guest (Male): She wants me to finish it, huh?

Guest (Female): After he raised Lazarus from the grave, she was captivated. I'd like to hear the rest of the story myself.

Guest (Male): Well, Angela, you know this is a story about Jesus.

Guest (Female): Uh-huh.

Guest (Male): And you don't mind?

Guest (Female): No, I'm a Christian myself.

Guest (Male): You are? Well, then you can tell the story.

Guest (Female): Mr. Smith Hammer would fire me if I talked about Jesus to Tammy, but he can't fire you, can he?

Guest (Male): No, I guess he can't.

Guest (Female): So come in and tell us the rest of the story.

Guest (Male): I'd be happy to.

Guest (Male): Well, you're all tucked in now, Tammy.

Guest (Female): Yep, are you going to tell the rest of the story?

Guest (Male): Sure. But I want you to think of it as more than just a story, okay? I want you to think of it as if it's a story that's about you.

Guest (Female): I don't get it.

Guest (Male): Well, you have a lot of mirrors in this room. A lot of mirrors. Why do you have so many?

Guest (Female): So I can see myself and make sure that I look good before I do a show.

Guest (Male): Okay. Now these mirrors let you see what you look like on the outside. But what really counts is who you are on the inside. And there's only one mirror that can show you that.

Guest (Female): What mirror?

Guest (Male): It's the Bible. And that's where the story of the great prince comes from.

Guest (Female): It does?

Guest (Male): Yeah. See, the name of the great prince in the story is Jesus.

Guest (Female): Want to contact us about the episode you're hearing? Visit our website at adventuresinodyssey.com or talk to someone at Focus on the Family. Call 1-800-A-FAMILY with a parent's permission, of course. We always love hearing from you.

Guest (Male): Kelsey, wait a moment, please.

Guest (Female): What's wrong?

Guest (Male): Perhaps we could have a word before we zoom off into your Hollywood nightlife?

Guest (Female): Yeah.

Guest (Male): Well, everything has been moving so quickly. I feel as if I'm being swept along and I'm afraid certain erroneous impressions may be forming.

Guest (Female): Like what?

Guest (Male): For example, I'm not entirely certain that I want to be involved in your father's film.

Guest (Female): What? You're kidding. You don't want to be a movie star?

Guest (Male): Well, it's arguable that performing a bit part in Biker Bimbos will make me a movie star. The truth is, no. Actually, I don't have any interest in movie stardom.

Guest (Female): But everybody wants to be a movie star. People around here compromise, betray, even kill to be movie stars.

Guest (Male): I'm not one of those people.

Guest (Female): Why not?

Guest (Male): Perhaps it's not in my blood to borrow the colloquialism.

Guest (Female): I don't believe this. Fame and fortune are right here knocking on your door and you won't let them in? It's me, isn't it? You don't like me.

Guest (Male): It has nothing to do with you.

Guest (Female): Then what? It's got to be more than your blood type.

Guest (Male): I don't know. Perhaps I'm uncomfortable with...

Guest (Female): Say it.

Guest (Male): With all this artifice, the fakery, the make-believe. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but I get the impression that everyone in this town is acting.

Guest (Male): Acting like a friend only so long as it serves a purpose. Acting as though they care when they really don't. Acting as though the entire world revolves around what happens here without any regard to the rest of the world.

Guest (Female): You got all that from a day in Hollywood?

Guest (Male): No, Kelsey, from a day with you. Frankly, I'm not sure how you cope with such a life.

Guest (Female): You cope by doing it the same way. You cope by becoming a big star, making tons of money so you can buy whatever you need, including friends. You cope by becoming powerful enough so you can create your own world, Eugene.

Guest (Male): I think that's very sad. To be so young and so cynical. Couldn't it be argued that by creating your own world, you're actually missing out on the real world? True friendships, true feelings?

Guest (Female): You're quaint, Eugene.

Guest (Male): Philosophically speaking, Kelsey, don't you ever wonder what would remain if the artificial world you'd created suddenly collapsed? What would you have left?

Guest (Female): No, Eugene, I don't wonder. I don't want to know.

Guest (Female): So the great prince, Jesus, died on a cross because of my sins.

Guest (Male): Uh-huh. The Bible says that God shows his love for us that while we were sinners, Christ died for us.

Guest (Female): He did that for me so I could be close to the king.

Guest (Female): God?

Guest (Male): Yeah, God.

Guest (Male): He loves you that much.

Guest (Female): And he'll live in my heart if I say I'm sorry and ask him to come in.

Guest (Male): Uh-huh. Is that something you want to do?

Guest (Female): Yeah, I don't like the idea that he died for me and it was my fault.

Guest (Male): Our fault, yours, mine, and Angela's.

Guest (Female): Does Jesus live inside of Angela?

Guest (Male): Well, Angela?

Guest (Female): Yes, Tammy, he does.

Guest (Female): Then I want him to live inside of me too.

Guest (Male): Excuse me. Will you please tell me what's going on here?

Guest (Female): Oh, hi, Daddy. I was just going to ask Jesus to live inside of me.

Guest (Male): Yeah, right. Angela, will you please get her to bed, and then consider yourself fired.

Guest (Female): Mr. Smith Hammer!

Guest (Male): Bernie, I want you to leave my house right away.

Guest (Female): Eugene, I've had enough of this philosophizing. Maybe you have time to sit around and think about these things in Mayberry.

Guest (Male): Odyssey.

Guest (Female): Whatever. But here you have to keep moving. You have to play the game the way everybody else does. That's the way it is.

Guest (Male): As I said, it seems very sad.

Guest (Female): Okay. So it's sad. But I don't know any other way to live and I don't know what it'll take to make things change. All I can say is, if you don't like it, then forget about the screen test. Just go back where you belong.

Guest (Male): I suppose I should.

Guest (Female): Great, let's go.

Guest (Male): Wait a minute. What's that noise?

Guest (Female): It sounds. It sounds like an earthquake.

Guest (Male): Now, wait a minute, Foster. You can't fire Angela.

Guest (Male): I can and I will, and I want you out now.

Guest (Female): No, Daddy!

Guest (Male): Now look, I don't appreciate this proselytizing under my own roof. I've worked hard to raise my daughter as a member of a pluralistic society and I I resent the intolerance that you...

Guest (Male): What's going on?

Guest (Female): It's an earthquake! Daddy!

Guest (Male): Everybody, take cover!

Guest (Female): Daddy!

Guest (Male): No, Tammy, the broken glass. Tammy!

Guest (Female): Will Eugene and Kelsey get out of the studio safely? What's going to happen to Bernard, Angela and the rest of the Smith Hammer family? There's only one way to find out. Join us next time for the dramatic conclusion to Bernard and Eugene's adventure in Los Angeles. Well, that's it for today. If you'd like to write to us, we'd love to hear from you. Just send your letter to Odyssey, Colorado Springs, Colorado, 80995. Or in Canada, write to Box 9800, Vancouver BC, V6B 4G3. And while you're at it, don't forget to ask how you can get your own copy of today's episode. It's called The Fifth House on the Left. That address again is Odyssey, Colorado Springs, Colorado, 80995. Adventures in Odyssey is a presentation of Focus on the Family. The Fifth House on the Left was written and directed by Paul McCusker. Our production engineers were Mark Drury and Bob Luttrell, and our executive producer is Chuck Bolte. And I'm Chris, hoping you'll join us again next time for more Adventures in Odyssey.