Adventures in Odyssey

Chris: Hi, this is Chris. Welcome to Adventures in Odyssey.

John Avery Whittaker: Hi there, I'm John Avery Whittaker, but you can call me Whit. My friends and I are about to set off for a time of wonder and excitement. You want to come along? We'd love to have you join us for today's Adventure in Odyssey.

Edwin Blackard: Teach a class in acting. What? To be or not to be. That is the question. Thank you, thank you.

Shakespeare: I beg your pardon, Mr. Blackard.

Edwin Blackard: The what?

Shakespeare: I believe you drifted into a rather vivid daydream.

Edwin Blackard: Did I? Oh, yes I did. Only a daydream. It was a glorious moment. I was on stage again, basking in the glow of an enthusiastic audience. Nothing like my experience here in Odyssey. What have I done wrong, Shakespeare?

Shakespeare: Wrong, sir?

Edwin Blackard: We can't get the people to come to see the good shows we put on. And when they do come, it's to see yet another dinner theater production of Oklahoma!

Shakespeare: We must perform the crowd-pleasers to make money, sir.

Edwin Blackard: I know, I know. But did we have to set it in Alaska?

Shakespeare: You'll remember that by setting Oklahoma! in Alaska, we were able to use those costumes from our production of The Call of the Wild.

Edwin Blackard: But what next, Shakespeare? A production of South Pacific in our costumes from Romeo and Juliet?

Shakespeare: It's to save money, sir. We're barely surviving as it is.

Edwin Blackard: It's terrible.

Shakespeare: And if it doesn't improve, I'm afraid we'll go out of business.

Edwin Blackard: What do I have to do?

Shakespeare: Well, sir, there is an option. One that arrived in the mail this morning.

Edwin Blackard: I'm not entering another one of those magazine contests, Shakespeare. I've spent a fortune in postage.

Shakespeare: No, sir. If you'll be so kind as to take a look at this rather anonymous letter.

Edwin Blackard: Anonymous? Not another threat.

Shakespeare: No, sir. You'll see that it is an anonymous letter offering you a generous sum of money to teach a class in acting.

Edwin Blackard: What?

Shakespeare: The only stipulation is that you don't exclude anyone who wants to attend.

Edwin Blackard: Teach acting in Odyssey? Is this what it's come to, Shakespeare? To waste my time and talents listening to country folk butcher lines from Our Town and Arsenic and Old Lace and The Importance of Being Earnest?

Shakespeare: Yes, sir.

Edwin Blackard: I'd rather die.

Shakespeare: Fair enough, sir. I'll just make us some tea while we wait for the bank to repossess all of our furniture.

Edwin Blackard: Wait, wait, Shakespeare.

Shakespeare: Sir?

Edwin Blackard: Of course you're right. There's no point in looking a gift horse in the mouth, even if it needs dental work. It's a matter of survival.

Shakespeare: Then?

Edwin Blackard: Yes, Shakespeare. Tell the good people of Odyssey that Edwin Blackard is going to teach them how to act.

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John Avery Whittaker: Well, what do you think, Jack?

Jack Davis: Count me in, Mr. Whittaker. I'd love to study with Mr. Blackard. Connie?

Connie Kendall: I don't know. He still makes me uneasy.

John Avery Whittaker: I thought we settled that.

Connie Kendall: Well...

John Avery Whittaker: Connie, Edwin Blackard has nothing to do with his brother. Besides, I happen to know that Dr. Blackard is still overseas.

Connie Kendall: Uh-huh.

John Avery Whittaker: It would help you with your work in the Little Theater.

Connie Kendall: That's true.

Eugene Meltsner: I for one would be most gratified to expand my thespian abilities with Mr. Blackard. I thought it was highly imaginative of him to do a production of Oklahoma! set in Alaska. It's the mark of a true genius to use symbolism in that way.

John Avery Whittaker: That must be a yes.

Eugene Meltsner: Yes it is, yes. Affirmative. How about you, Charles?

Charles Thompson: Who, me?

John Avery Whittaker: Of course you. Didn't you tell me just the other day that you wished you could act?

Charles Thompson: Yeah, but that was just me talking. I do that a lot.

Connie Kendall: What do you mean? You helped out with the kids' radio program and you were great. If I'm going to take Blackard's class, then you have to too.

Charles Thompson: I do?

Connie Kendall: Yes.

Charles Thompson: Then I guess I'll take the class.

Jack Davis: What about you, Mr. Whittaker? Are you going to take the class?

John Avery Whittaker: I'd really like to, Jack, but I'm a little overcommitted right now. You can tell me how it goes and maybe I'll pick up a few pointers.

Jack Davis: Okay. When does the class begin?

John Avery Whittaker: Thursday evening.

Edwin Blackard: Very good, class. Very good. Those mouth exercises will help you to speak clearly and project your voice. Your acting will be of no use if your words are not as sweet whispers in the back row of the balcony.

Charles Thompson: Why will we be whispering in the back row of the balcony, Mr. Blackard? Shouldn't we be on the stage?

Edwin Blackard: A figure of speech, Charles. Speak so you'll be heard.

Shannon Everett: I always speak clearly, Mr. Blackard. Being a cheerleader has taught me the importance of that.

Edwin Blackard: Yes, very good, Shannon. Now...

Shannon Everett: And when I played the part of Katie Crabapple in my second grade production of...

Edwin Blackard: Yes, Shannon, we're all confident in your ability to talk loudly. Now class, our next exercise will be to help you develop another important tool of acting: the art of becoming.

Guest (Female): Becoming what?

Edwin Blackard: Precisely the question that must be asked. Becoming what? Becoming your character, of course. Since this is our first class together, we shall begin with the basics. For the next few minutes, I'd like you to think of and then become an inanimate object.

Charles Thompson: A what?

Edwin Blackard: Become something that doesn't move or talk. A rock or a tree.

Charles Thompson: Is that why we'll have to whisper to the back row?

Edwin Blackard: No, Charles.

Eugene Meltsner: Pardon me, Mr. Blackard, but technically speaking, a tree isn't inanimate. It moves as it grows and spreads its appendages.

Edwin Blackard: Pardon me, I stand corrected. I want you to become things, that's all. Things. Now, unless there are other questions, become something. Very good, class. I think that's all for today.

Well then, I suppose this is as good a time as any to announce that the ultimate goal of this class, apart from making you better actors of course, is to put together a production of some sort to be performed for the public.

Connie Kendall: Wow. You mean like get up in front of people and perform?

Edwin Blackard: Of course. A recital, if you will.

Guest (Female): What will we be performing?

Edwin Blackard: I haven't decided yet. I'll know by our next class. All right. I see by the gaggle of parents gathering at the door that we're over our time. Dismissed.

Maureen Thompson: Charles, how is it, son?

Charles Thompson: Okay, I guess. Where's Dad?

Maureen Thompson: Working late at the factory. Mr. Blackard?

Edwin Blackard: Yes?

Maureen Thompson: I'm Maureen Thompson, Charles's mom. Thank you very much for allowing him in your class.

Edwin Blackard: It was my pleasure.

Richard Everett: Blackard.

Edwin Blackard: Yes?

Richard Everett: Richard Everett here. Shannon's my daughter. How'd my little pumpkin do?

Edwin Blackard: Pumpkin? I thought she was trying to be a rose.

Richard Everett: What?

Edwin Blackard: Nothing, nothing.

Richard Everett: Talented little girl, isn't she? She'll be a star in no time at all, I'm sure.

Shannon Everett: Daddy, it'll take a little time.

Richard Everett: Not with my baby. Tell you what, sugarplum, you do a good job in this class, make your old dad proud, and there might be a small present at the end of it for you.

Shannon Everett: Oh, Daddy.

Richard Everett: Perhaps that pool you wanted in the backyard.

Shannon Everett: Olympic size?

Richard Everett: Don't push it.

Shannon Everett: Oh, thank you, Daddy.

Richard Everett: Oh, you'll have to excuse us. I'm being paged. Come on, Shannon, I can make the call from the car. Ta-ta.

Edwin Blackard: Shakespeare! What am I going to do, Shakespeare? It was horrible. I've scraped more talent out from under my fingernail than I'll ever get from that class.

Shakespeare: Patience, sir, patience. Have some lemonade.

Edwin Blackard: Oh, my soul's balm.

Miss Minion: Mr. Blackard?

Edwin Blackard: Come in, Miss Minion.

Miss Minion: I'm sorry to bother you, sir, but this envelope arrived for you.

Edwin Blackard: Who is it from?

Miss Minion: I have no idea. Someone apparently left it while I was away from my desk.

Edwin Blackard: Hand it to Shakespeare, please. And thank you.

Miss Minion: You're welcome, sir.

Shakespeare: It looks to be another anonymous note.

Edwin Blackard: Well, what is it?

Shakespeare: Dear Mr. Blackard, I wanted to thank you again for teaching the class. It went very well. Keep up the good work. Signed, your secret friend.

Edwin Blackard: Well.

Shakespeare: It looks like the same handwriting as the original anonymous note.

Edwin Blackard: Isn't that interesting? So our secret sponsor is actually in the class.

Shakespeare: Or connected with someone in the class.

Edwin Blackard: Who might it be? I don't know them well enough to guess. They all seem too poor to give me that kind of money.

Shakespeare: It could be the parents of one of your students.

Edwin Blackard: True. It's a mystery, Shakespeare. And you know how mysteries make me feel.

Shakespeare: Nervous and sweaty.

Edwin Blackard: Exactly. This means I'm going to have to be nice to everyone in the class.

Shakespeare: I beg your pardon?

Edwin Blackard: Until I can figure out who is giving me the money, I can't risk offending our secret friend. I nearly got lockjaw trying to be nice for this first class. I didn't know I would have to continue.

Shakespeare: Just remember, sir, it's for the good of our theater.

Edwin Blackard: Ah, yes. The good of our theater. All right class, let's try it again.

Connie Kendall: Mr. Blackard?

Edwin Blackard: Yes, Connie.

Connie Kendall: Have you decided what we'll be doing for our end-of-class performance yet?

Edwin Blackard: No, I'm still thinking about it.

Connie Kendall: I'd like to make a suggestion.

Edwin Blackard: Oh, would you?

Connie Kendall: Yeah. I have a little something I wrote.

Edwin Blackard: You're a playwright, are you?

Connie Kendall: Sort of. Whit's been encouraging me. Anyway, it's a play about a group of people trapped on a desert island.

Edwin Blackard: A desert island. How delightful. Well, to be perfectly honest, I must...

Shakespeare: Mr. Blackard.

Edwin Blackard: Yes, what is it, Shakespeare? I'm busy.

Shakespeare: A word, Mr. Blackard. Now.

Edwin Blackard: Yes, yes. Well, what is it?

Shakespeare: Remember, Mr. Blackard, our secret friend.

Edwin Blackard: What about it?

Shakespeare: Is it wise to offend anyone in the class? Connie, for example?

Edwin Blackard: You mean do her play? I saw one of her plays at the Little Theater and it was plainly awful.

Shakespeare: For the good of the theater, sir.

Edwin Blackard: All right, for the good of the theater. As I was saying, Connie, to be honest, I think it's a brilliant suggestion. We'll perform your play.

Connie Kendall: Wow. Thanks. Here it is.

Edwin Blackard: Thank you. Heavy, isn't it? I'll read it directly after class.

Connie Kendall: All right.

Jack Davis: Mr. Blackard?

Edwin Blackard: Yes?

Jack Davis: I was thinking about this show too, and...

Edwin Blackard: There's something you'd like to do, Jack?

Jack Davis: Well, yeah. I'd really like to play a tough detective type. I'm even trying to grow a mustache. See?

Edwin Blackard: Really? How exciting. We'll all get our magnifying glasses and have a look.

Shakespeare: Mr. Blackard.

Edwin Blackard: I think it's a wonderful idea. A detective.

Eugene Meltsner: If we're allowed to put in suggestions for our big performance, as it were, then I have one or two thoughts about characters which might suit my particular gifts.

Edwin Blackard: Really? You want to play a particular kind of turnip, Eugene?

Eugene Meltsner: Oh, no. I was thinking of a medieval troubadour type. That way I might be able to incorporate my ukulele, perhaps.

Edwin Blackard: Your ukulele? Yes, perfect for a play about a desert island. Good. You could serenade Jack's detective. And what about you, Shannon? You could be the starlet who drifted onto Connie's desert island after her Olympic-sized yacht sank.

Shannon Everett: Oh, could I?

Edwin Blackard: And Charles?

Charles Thompson: Me?

Edwin Blackard: Yes, what would you like to be?

Charles Thompson: I'd like to be a superhero.

Edwin Blackard: A superhero, of course. Why didn't I think of it? You can rescue everyone from the desert island. What a wonderful idea. I can't wait to put this on stage for everyone to see. It'll clinch my reputation in this town for high-quality theater.

Connie Kendall: Mr. Blackard, are you being serious?

Edwin Blackard: Serious, Connie? I'm being more than serious. I'm being nice, aren't I, Shakespeare?

Shakespeare: Yes, sir. Very nice.

John Avery Whittaker: Now wait a minute, Connie. Edwin Blackard wants to produce your play about the desert island?

Connie Kendall: Yeah. Why you acting so surprised?

John Avery Whittaker: I guess you've rewritten it since the last time I read it.

Connie Kendall: No, haven't touched a word.

John Avery Whittaker: Really?

Connie Kendall: Well, what's wrong?

John Avery Whittaker: Connie, you remember what I said when I read your play.

Connie Kendall: You didn't like it.

John Avery Whittaker: No, it's not that I didn't like it. It's that it wasn't a good play. Your characters were weak, your dialogue was clichéd, and you didn't have much of a story.

Connie Kendall: Yeah, but besides that?

John Avery Whittaker: If you haven't rewritten it, then why in the world would Blackard want to produce it?

Connie Kendall: Obviously he knows talent when he sees it.

John Avery Whittaker: I guess he does, but I'd like to know where he sees it in this idea.

Edwin Blackard: Shakespeare!

Shakespeare: The end of another rehearsal, sir.

Edwin Blackard: What else? I'm at the end of my rope, Shakespeare. Six weeks of painful rehearsal. Two weeks before our performance and have you seen what's going on in there?

Shakespeare: Not on purpose, sir.

Edwin Blackard: I'll be ruined. My reputation, Iago, my reputation! My career, my life.

Shakespeare: Is it so bad?

Edwin Blackard: Shakespeare, it's a play about a weedy computer hacker with an untuned ukulele, a detective with a pathetic mustache, a girl who is more of a Hamlet than a starlet (notice the italics), and a chubby little kid whose belly button keeps falling out of his superhero costume, all stranded on a desert island.

Is this theater? Is this why I'm here? I don't know how long I'll be able to hold out.

Miss Minion: Mr. Blackard?

Edwin Blackard: What is it, Miss Minion? Can't you see I'm having an overdramatic fit?

Miss Minion: Yes, sir. John Whittaker is here to see you.

Edwin Blackard: Whit? No, I'll be humiliated to see him.

Shakespeare: Then see him anyway.

John Avery Whittaker: Whit. Thank you, Miss Minion.

Shakespeare: Lemonade, sir.

John Avery Whittaker: Yes, please. Thank you. How are you, Edwin?

Edwin Blackard: Oh, you must know how I am.

John Avery Whittaker: Well, I've been hearing from Connie. She seems to think everything's going well.

Edwin Blackard: I'm sure she does.

John Avery Whittaker: You know, I know it's none of my business, but would you care to let me in on the joke?

Edwin Blackard: It's no joke, Whit.

John Avery Whittaker: Well then, what's going on?

Shakespeare: Your lemonade.

John Avery Whittaker: Thank you.

Edwin Blackard: Bless you. Whit, we're broke. We're on the verge of going out of business. But someone promised us a lot of money to do this class, and we think it's someone connected with the class, but we don't know who.

John Avery Whittaker: So you don't want to offend anyone, just in case. And that's why you're doing this program.

Edwin Blackard: Exactly.

John Avery Whittaker: Well, that certainly explains a lot. I'm glad to know that it's only a problem with judgment.

Edwin Blackard: Judgment?

John Avery Whittaker: Well, if you want my humble opinion, you've put yourself in an impossible position. Not only are you trying to please everyone in the entire class, but you've let money become the center of your thinking.

Edwin Blackard: But we're going broke, Whit. I had to do something.

John Avery Whittaker: But is this the best thing to do? I'm sure whoever gave you the money wanted you to be less concerned about offending your students than to guide and instruct them so they'd be good at acting.

Edwin Blackard: And if they aren't very good?

John Avery Whittaker: Then it's better to be truthful and help them understand that.

Edwin Blackard: Well, that's all very fine and reasonable, but it's not practical.

John Avery Whittaker: It isn't?

Edwin Blackard: Whit, I've dealt with classes like this before. The students and their parents get very nasty if you say they're anything less than wonderful.

Shakespeare: You'll remember that incident in Waldorf, Maryland, sir.

Edwin Blackard: Oh, yes. And as I said, Whit, my hands are tied. Unless...

John Avery Whittaker: Unless?

Edwin Blackard: Unless we can figure out who's giving us the money. Then we can forget the rest.

John Avery Whittaker: You can't do that, Edwin. What about their talents, their feelings?

Edwin Blackard: That's showbiz. Shakespeare! Shakespeare, wake up.

Shakespeare: Sir? What time is it?

Edwin Blackard: Oh, what does time matter?

Shakespeare: Trouble sleeping again? I'll fix you some more milk.

Edwin Blackard: Oh, forget the warm milk. I figured out who our mysterious friend is.

Shakespeare: You have, sir? Well done. Goodnight.

Edwin Blackard: Listen to me, Shakespeare. It could only be one person. Now think about it. Connie is a poor high school student who works at Whit's End. Eugene is a poor—well, whatever he is—who also works at Whit's End. Jack's just a pizza delivery boy who can barely afford to grow a mustache.

I met Charles's mother and she mentioned that his father works at a factory. So there can't be much money in that family. Which leaves us with Shannon and her Olympic-sized father with a car phone and expensive dialogue. It's her, Shakespeare.

Shakespeare: What does this mean, sir?

Edwin Blackard: It means I'm off the hook from having to cater to Connie's bad play, Eugene's ukulele, Jack's bad Bogart, and Charles's belly button. I'm free, free, free at last! Class! Now class, I have an important announcement to make.

Due to circumstances beyond our control, we're going to make some immediate changes in our program. First, we're trashing Connie's script.

Connie Kendall: What?

Edwin Blackard: I've trained dogs with better material, Connie. Eugene?

Eugene Meltsner: Yes, sir?

Edwin Blackard: I would recommend that you find a very large sledgehammer and destroy your ukulele with it.

Eugene Meltsner: I beg your pardon?

Edwin Blackard: It's out of the show. Jack?

Jack Davis: Yeah?

Edwin Blackard: Take a pair of tweezers and pluck those three hairs you call a mustache.

Jack Davis: Aw.

Edwin Blackard: Charles?

Charles Thompson: Yes?

Edwin Blackard: Turn in your cape. Your superhero days are over. Now, I've written my own play that I think will show off your individual talents even better. Shakespeare gave you the new scripts as you came in.

Connie Kendall: That's what these are? But according to the description, I'm a whiny teenager who bosses everyone around and couldn't write my way out of a paper bag.

Edwin Blackard: Is that what it says?

Connie Kendall: Yes.

Edwin Blackard: Oh, I'm sorry. That should be wet paper bag.

Eugene Meltsner: And what is this, sir? I'm a techno-geek who wants to be a musician but doesn't have the talent?

Edwin Blackard: Self-evident.

Jack Davis: And I'm Jack the pizza-delivering donkey?

Edwin Blackard: It's a costume drama.

Charles Thompson: I'm a tree.

Edwin Blackard: The less said about that, the better.

Connie Kendall: Well, wait a minute. What about me?

Edwin Blackard: Shannon, you are the star.

Connie Kendall: What?

Edwin Blackard: That's showbiz.

Connie Kendall: Eugene, what are you doing?

Eugene Meltsner: I'm peeking out to see how many people are in the audience.

Connie Kendall: Well?

Eugene Meltsner: Approximately 178, not including your mother and Whit, who are waiting near the back door for a quick exit.

Connie Kendall: Terrific.

Edwin Blackard: Make way, make way. Our star is born. Shannon, take your place. Center stage. The rest of you, take your positions. The show is about to start. Ah, Mr. Everett. I reserved your seat front and center.

Richard Everett: Thank you, Blackard. I knew investing my money in this class was a good idea.

Edwin Blackard: Ah, so it was you. I never would have guessed.

Richard Everett: I try to be discreet about where I donate my money. Good luck, pumpkin.

Shannon Everett: Thank you, Daddy.

Edwin Blackard: If you'll take your seat, Mr. Everett, we'll start the show.

Richard Everett: I can't wait.

Edwin Blackard: Neither can I. Shakespeare, the curtain!

Shakespeare: Yes, sir. Well, Shakespeare, it's finally over.

Edwin Blackard: The performance was an utter disaster. Connie and Eugene stomped around the stage like a couple of angry bulls. Jack the donkey knocked Charles the tree over three times. And Shannon butchered her way through all the lines she could remember, which weren't very many. But she was the star of the show.

Shakespeare: I hope so, sir.

John Avery Whittaker: Edwin.

Edwin Blackard: Ah, Whit. Good of you to come.

John Avery Whittaker: Thank you. I just wanted to slip back to congratulate you.

Edwin Blackard: How kind.

John Avery Whittaker: You completely compromised your integrity and honesty by showing favoritism for the sake of money.

Edwin Blackard: Thank you, thank you. But Shannon was the star. Her parents must be very pleased with us.

Richard Everett: Blackard!

Edwin Blackard: And here's our secret donor now. Get the bank deposit slip ready, Shakespeare. Yes, Mr. Everett?

Richard Everett: I'm speechless. My wife is speechless, and my daughter is in tears.

Edwin Blackard: Moved is she?

Richard Everett: Moved? Sick. How dare you let our poor little girl get on that stage and make such a fool out of herself? We never pretended that she was the most talented girl around. But for you, who should know better, to let her get up and... I'd sue you for malpractice if such a thing were possible.

Edwin Blackard: But I did it for you. The money, for the class.

Richard Everett: The money for the class? You can forget about that.

Edwin Blackard: What?

Richard Everett: The only way I'd give you a penny for your class is if I had my brain replaced by a very small cauliflower. I hope you're satisfied. I'm coming, Shannon, I'm coming.

Edwin Blackard: But Mr. Everett, I don't understand. His daughter was the star.

John Avery Whittaker: I hate to say I told you so, Edwin, but...

Edwin Blackard: Oh, what am I going to do? All these weeks of rehearsals and aggravation, and we're right back where we started.

John Avery Whittaker: Well, Edwin, that's showbiz.

Chris: Even intelligent people like Edwin Blackard need to be reminded that doing anything solely for money is usually a bad idea. We saw in today's episode the kind of mess he got himself into because he was so worried about his finances.

I think Whit had the right idea when he suggested that being honest was the best thing Blackard could do with his students. Maybe next time he'll know better. Well, thanks for listening. And remember, if you ever want to write to us, the address is: Odyssey, Colorado Springs, Colorado, 80995.

Or in Canada, write to: Box 9800, Vancouver, BC, V6B 4G3. And don't forget to ask how you can get a copy of today's episode. It's called "A Class Act." The address again is: Odyssey, Colorado Springs, Colorado, 80995.

Adventures in Odyssey is a presentation of Focus on the Family. "A Class Act" was written and directed by Paul McCusker. Our production engineer was Bob Luttrell, and Chuck Bolte is our executive producer. And I'm Chris, hoping you'll join us again next time for more Adventures in Odyssey.