A New Beginning

Greg Laurie: How do you resolve conflict? Because we're going to have conflict. Husbands are going to offend their wives; wives are going to offend their husbands. Friends will offend one another, maybe intentionally, maybe unintentionally, but it will happen.

Guest (Male): Today on A New Beginning, Pastor Greg Laurie helps us map out the biblical pathway to conflict resolution and do that before it happens.

Greg Laurie: The objective is to resolve, not to win the argument.

Guest (Male): In so many arguments, as one person is making her point, the other person is formulating his response. He's not really hearing her point; he's preparing his counterpoint. It's tactical gamesmanship, and they're keeping mental score.

Hopefully, that doesn't sound familiar. But if it does, today on A New Beginning, Pastor Greg Laurie helps us learn to resolve conflict by following an example we see in Scripture. Today, practical help for everyone.

Greg Laurie: Well, grab your Bibles and turn to Acts chapter 15, and the title of my message is "How to Resolve Conflict." We're going to look at a story now in the Bible as two godly men have a conflict. Two men who love the Lord have a disagreement, and they were apostles nonetheless. We're going to see some very important things from this.

But we have some troublemakers that have entered the scene. They're believers in Jesus. They're Jewish, and they have a Jewish background, and they felt that one had to be circumcised before they could become a Christian. They were placing an unnecessary barrier on these new believers.

So Paul and Barnabas are now a missionary team, and they're not happy about it. They thought we need to go back to the leaders in Jerusalem and get this resolved. So the apostles and the elders met together to resolve this issue. The apostles gave a ruling. Basically, they said, "Okay, we're not going to require circumcision."

To become a Christian, you need to believe in Jesus. Look at verse 11 of chapter 15. "We believe through the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ we shall be saved." Bottom line, it's Jesus plus nothing. It's Jesus only. You don't need anything more than Jesus.

What do you need to do to be saved and forgiven? You need to recognize you're a sinner. You need to realize Christ died on the cross for your sin. You need to repent of your sin, put your faith in Him, and receive Him into your life.

No works go along with that. It's not like, "Well, no, you have to be baptized first." You should be baptized. Every Christian should be baptized, but baptism is not necessary for salvation. Baptism should follow salvation. So this is very clear what the apostles are saying.

But sometimes we act as though we achieve salvation through our own efforts. I heard about a multimillionaire who was talking with someone, and the person said, "Can you tell me the secrets of how you became a multimillionaire?" The guy said, "Sure. When I was a very young man, I was dirt poor. They were tough times, but I was motivated and energetic. So with my last dime, I bought an apple. I spent the whole night polishing that apple, and then I took it downtown and I sold it for 50 cents.

I took that 50 cents, and I bought five more apples, and I polished them, and I sold them for $2.50. Then I bought more apples and more apples till I'd made $100. And then my wife's father died and left us $10 million.

So he didn't become a millionaire by polishing apples. He became a millionaire because he received an inheritance. And we don't become a Christian by polishing apples, so to speak—our good works. "I did this, I did that." It's all based on what Jesus did for us, not on what we do for Jesus, right?

But then once we are saved, we should want to please the Lord, honor the Lord, and obey the Lord. So that's the ruling of the apostles. Okay, so let's come back to our topic: how do we resolve conflict?

Acts 15, verse 36: "Some time later, Paul said to Barnabas, 'Let's go back and visit the believers in all the towns where we preached the word of God and see how they're doing.' Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark, with them—John Mark. Paul did not think it was a good idea or wise to take him because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work. They had such a sharp disagreement they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus; Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the believers to the grace of God, and he went through Syria and Cilicia strengthening the churches."

So here's the conflict. Two men of God see things in a different way. Mr. Encouragement, that would be Barnabas, wants to take his nephew, John Mark. Yeah, John Mark messed up. Yeah, John Mark bailed on them on an earlier trip. But hey, let's give him another chance.

Paul's reaction is, "No, we can't have that happen. We can't have someone walk away from us in the middle of one of these ministry trips we're taking." So they disagreed with it, the friction developed, and then they parted ways.

So now let's answer the question: how do you resolve conflict? If you're taking notes, here's point number one: the person you're disagreeing with, don't talk about them, talk to them. Don't talk about them, talk to them. Paul and Barnabas had this conversation face-to-face.

And by the way, this is not the only time that Paul differed with someone. He said, "I disagreed with Peter to his face." That's kind of heavy duty. Peter and Paul having an argument. What would you do if you were there? What side do you choose? Peter? Paul? It's like your parents fighting, right? You don't know how to react to it.

The battle of the titans. They had disagreements. And here's the thing: if you know someone who's a Christian and maybe they're doing something they should not be doing, and because you love them, you go to them, you're being a true friend.

Because the Bible says, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful." Open rebuke is better than secret love. Don't talk about them, talk to them. Don't post a comment on their post publicly for everyone to see. You have a relationship with them; text them directly, call them directly, better yet sit down with them. Because a true friend stabs you in the front, not in the back.

Go to them. A lot of times we won't do this; we'll just let it fester, and we'll become more angry. Now, by the way, on this particular argument, Paul was in the right, I believe. But you want to talk about these things because we'll gossip and spread information we don't even know if it's true.

Matthew 18:15 says, "If another believer sins against you, go privately, point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses, you've won that person back." So I like to go to the person. I want to get my facts straight.

How many of you are married? Raise your hand. You're married. When you're married, you're going to have conflict. Let me say a word to single people. How many of you are single? All right, listen to this. No man and no woman is going to meet every one of your needs. If you go into marriage saying, "Man, when I find that right guy riding on a white horse, he's going to change everything. One day my prince will come." Stop watching Disney movies.

Or the guy says, "Oh, I'm going to meet her one day on the beach just as the sun is setting, the golden hour. She'll come running to me on the beach in slow motion." Okay, however you meet, reality is going to kick in. And you're two imperfect people in a relationship, and you have to work through these things because conflicts are going to come.

I've had couples come to me and say, "Greg, would you perform our ceremony? Would you marry us?" "Well, let me ask you: are you both Christians?" "Oh yes." "How long have you known each other?" "Six months." "Okay, have you guys had a conflict or an argument?" "Oh no, we love each other too much." Yeah, no, go have an argument. You're going to have to learn how to resolve conflict, and that's so important.

So when you're having a conflict in your marriage, you want to learn how to listen. Listen to what your mate is saying. I know you have your counterpoint, I know you have your argument, I know you think you're in the right and they're in the wrong, but at least listen to them and hear what they're saying.

Try not to let it escalate. Don't raise your voice, don't insult them, don't call them names, don't say things like "you always" because they don't. Try to remain calm, hear what it is they're saying, and never fight in front of the kids—ever. Make that a hard rule in your house.

Now, once you've heard them, you state your point of view. Hopefully, they'll listen to you as you've listened to them. Now you need to try to find a compromise, perhaps some kind of resolution. Ephesians 4:26 says, "Don't let the sun go down on your anger." In other words, don't go to bed mad at each other. Fight to resolve, not to win. If you go into it to win, you lose even if you win. The objective is to resolve, not to win the argument.

Guest (Male): Pastor Greg Laurie will have the second half of his message in just a moment. You know, I've heard people describe a trip to Israel as seeing the Bible actually come to life.

Greg Laurie: Hey everyone, Greg Laurie. And I've been to Israel many times and I've led a lot of tours, and I have to say that's absolutely true. Listen, when you're walking on the same stones that Jesus himself walked on, that's something that's enriching to your faith. It's not just a travel experience; it actually energizes and enhances your study of the Bible.

Think of it this way: it's a vacation with a purpose. And we're going to be taking a tour of Israel April 6th to 15th, 2027. You can find out more at israel.harvest.org.

Guest (Male): Step right into biblical history. Join Pastor Greg for a tour of the Holy Land, April 6th through 15th, 2027. Get details at israel.harvest.org. Well, today Pastor Greg is helping us learn to resolve conflict biblically. His first point: when you disagree with someone, don't talk about them, talk to them. Let's continue.

Greg Laurie: Number two: forgive the person you have the conflict with. Forgive the person you have the conflict with. You say, "Well, Greg, they don't deserve my forgiveness." Listen, forgiveness, according to C.S. Lewis, does not mean excusing. So maybe they don't deserve your forgiveness, but you forgive them anyway.

I remember having a meal years ago with Cliff Barrows. Cliff Barrows was a longtime associate of Billy Graham. Cliff would lead worship and was sort of the MC of the Billy Graham events, and he was a wonderful man. And he said this to me once as we're talking. He says, "Greg, there are eight words you should be willing to say to your spouse every single day. Here they are: I'm sorry, please forgive me, and I love you."

Pretty good. I'm sorry, please forgive me, and I love you. And I would add these words as well: "It was my fault." You'll be amazed at how quickly that will diffuse a disagreement. Because they're not expecting that. They're going in, and you're listening, and they're going off, and then when they're done you say, "Wow, I'm sorry. It was my fault. Please forgive me." They're like, "Yeah, all right."

It works. I said this before, and it was put in one of my devotions. And a guy was reading the devotion; he'd never heard this before. "Okay, so just say I'm sorry, please forgive me, and I love you, and it was my fault." So he walks into the other room where his wife is. He says, "Honey, I want to tell you something." She says, "What?" He says, "I'm sorry, please forgive me, I love you, it was my fault." He says she starts crying. "Thank you for saying that to me." And then he said, "It's really not mine; Greg wrote it in some devotion." I said, "You should have never said that. You should have gone with that."

But it really can help diffuse tension because we're going to have conflict. We're going to have to learn how to forgive. Husbands are going to offend their wives; wives are going to offend their husbands. Parents will offend their children; children will offend their parents. Family members will offend one another. Friends will offend one another, maybe intentionally, maybe unintentionally, but it will happen. Dogs will offend cats; cats won't care. They don't care. They don't care about you or anything else. You cannot make peace with a cat. Anyway, so I digress.

So we need to learn how to forgive, or you're going to end up as that bitter person. And when bitterness grows, it's the end of a relationship. The Bible warns in Hebrews 12:15, we should watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up and troubles us, corrupting many.

Not only is forgiveness important for you spiritually, it's actually important for you physically. It can help you to be a healthier person. I read an article Time Magazine put it out; the cover story was "Should All Be Forgiven?"

And the article states scientists and sociologists have begun to extract forgiveness and the act of forgiving from the confines of the confessional, transforming it into the subject of quantifiable research. A number of psychologists and psychotherapists have realized that there's nothing like forgiveness for dissipating anger, mending marriages, and banishing depression. Well, how about that? They caught up with the Bible. Because the Bible says, "Be tenderhearted, forgiving one another just as God in Christ has forgiven you."

Third and last point: if possible, reconcile. If possible, reconcile. By the way, Paul ultimately reconciled with John Mark, because he wrote in 2nd Timothy 4:11 to Timothy, "Get Mark here and bring him with you because he's helpful to me in my ministry."

So in a way, we could go back to this story and say Paul was right in what he said. He was saying to John Mark, "Look, young man, you need to be responsible, you need to keep your commitments, and when you say you're going to do something, you need to do it. So you can't come on the missionary journey with us this time." But then later, through the actions of John Mark, no doubt Paul said, "You know, I like that kid. Send him over to me. He's been helpful to me." So we can learn from our mistakes. Paul did not hold a grudge; neither should we.

In the book of Genesis, we have Abraham and Lot. They had a conflict. Abraham was Lot's uncle. One day Abraham said to Lot, "Look, nephew, it's always drama with you, okay? All this tension between the people that are helping me and the people that are helping you, I think it's in our best interest that we part company. Look, I love you, but I just don't think we can travel together any longer."

And so Abraham said, "I'll tell you what, I'll give you the choice. You want to go this way, I'll go that way. Make your choice. Where do you want to go?" Well, Lot looks and sees a very beautiful spot, and he says, "Wow, I like that. It kind of reminds me of Egypt. It's lush and it's green. I want to go there. I think they call it Sodom and Gomorrah." And that's where he went, and Abraham went the other direction.

A little time passes; Lot gets himself into some trouble. He's taken as a captive. Now the news came to Abraham: "Your nephew has just been captured. He's a hostage." Abraham could have said, "Stupid kid, I warned him. You know, he deserves what he gets." No, Abraham goes and rescues his nephew.

So here's my point: there was a parting of ways, but there was a reconciliation. The reality is Lot was not nearly as godly as Abraham was, and Lot was kind of a spiritual drain. There are people like that that we meet. When you get around them, they pull you down spiritually.

They might even profess to be a Christian, but they do pull you down. And you might say, "You know, I don't want to hang around that person anymore. They're so critical, they're so negative. They're always down, they're always gossiping, they always have something bad to say about someone else. After I've been with them, I feel like I need to take a shower afterwards. I'm not going to hang around that person anymore."

But then maybe one day that person is in trouble because they follow the inevitable course that their life has taken, and nobody really cares much about them. They're isolated. When they go to a restaurant, they eat alone every time. And the people call out, "Bitter party of one."

But then something happens, and they're in trouble, and you reach back out to them and you lift them up again. So we have to make these decisions in life as well. So try to resolve as best as possible.

So let's wrap this message up and apply it to each of us personally. Before you can effectively forgive others, you yourself need to be forgiven. Do you remember the first words of Jesus as He hung on the cross? They were "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."

Forgiven people should be forgiving people. But let me ask you now: have you been forgiven of your sin? You don't have to clean your life up and come to Christ. You come to Christ, He'll clean your life up. You might say, "Well, I just need to get my life in order and start following these rules and regulations and get myself a Bible and just get a little religion." Listen, you don't need a little religion; you need a lot of Jesus.

You just come to Jesus. Come to Jesus. You come to Jesus with your addictions, you come to Jesus with your problems, you come to Jesus with your sins, and you say, "Lord, save me," and He'll forgive you and start changing you. The changes will follow the encounter with Christ.

And maybe there's somebody here that needs to just come to Jesus. You don't realize that God loves you, or you haven't realized it up to this point. You don't realize, or you haven't realized that you could come into a relationship with Him, but you can. If you want your sin forgiven, if you want Christ to come into your life, if you want to know that you will go to heaven when you die, if you're ready to say yes to Jesus, wherever you are, pray these words out loud:

Lord Jesus, I know that I'm a sinner, but I know that you're the Savior who died on the cross for me. I turn from my sin now, and I choose to follow you from this moment forward. Thank you for hearing my prayer and answering this prayer. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

Guest (Male): Such an important prayer. Today on A New Beginning, Pastor Greg Laurie has been praying with those asking the Lord to forgive their sins. And if you've just prayed that prayer and you've meant those words, your sins have been forgiven, and you're a new child of God, and we want to welcome you into God's family.

And we want to send you a valuable resource to help you get started on the pathway of faith. It's Pastor Greg's popular New Believer's Bible. So many have been helped by the scores of special features just for those who are new to the faith. We'll send it free of charge when you call us at 1-800-821-3300. We can take your call anytime, that's 1-800-821-3300. Or just go online to harvest.org and click "Know God."

You know, Pastor Greg, we hear from people all the time who tell us how these daily studies have impacted their lives. So many have found the Lord and been encouraged through this teaching. And we hope our listeners might pray about making an investment so these studies can continue.

Greg Laurie: It's really true, Dave. And even a little bit helps. You know, people need to hear the gospel so badly. They need to hear the teaching of the word of God. It changes everything because it changes us. And I'm so passionate about it, and I'm called to do it, and I'm thankful for it, but I can't do it alone. So I'm going to ask folks that are listening, if you think more people need to hear the gospel, if you believe more people need to hear the teaching of the word of God, then prayerfully consider investing in Harvest Ministries and maybe even become a Harvest Partner, which means you're someone who stands with us every month in your faithful giving, and that opens up a lot of new opportunities for us. So thanks for that.

Guest (Male): Yeah, that's right. And we really are thankful for your partnership. You can reach us anytime, day or night, at 1-800-821-3300. That's 1-800-821-3300. Or just go online to harvest.org. Well, next time, as Pastor Greg continues our revealing studies in the book of Acts, he brings us a timely message called "How to Look Up When Things Look Down." Join us here on A New Beginning with pastor and Bible teacher Greg Laurie.